Understanding a person, how to learn to understand another person

How to understand what a person wants

You can understand what motivates another person if you put yourself in the other person’s place, look at what is happening through his eyes, try to imagine the situation and describe it from his point of view.
This is the easiest way to find words to peacefully resolve any controversial situation. By putting yourself mentally in the other person's shoes, you will be able to understand why he acted this way. You can find out what worries him, what he lives, is interested in, and is guided by when making decisions by studying his page on the social network. If it is not there, then he is very secretive and will not open up to anyone just like that. Pay attention to what a person is talking about, this will tell you what he strives for, what he dreams about, what interests him in the first place. A person most often talks about what worries him most

That's what he cares about. Thus, he tries to understand himself, what to do, how best to act. If there is nothing that bothers him or worries him, he listens to others more.

Don't teach anyone how to live. Otherwise you will never know what they want. Trying to convince someone that you are right immediately turns you into an opponent for them, or even into a person who wants to stop them. It is unlikely that anyone will want to share their dreams and hopes with such a person. But you definitely won’t be able to find out his real dreams on your own.
Don't try to give advice when no one asks for it. After all, it means that you are showing distrust of the person, which also does not encourage frankness. Giving advice in general is a rather thankless task, because some people use it for good if they themselves asked for it, while others, which happens most often, will blame them for the failures that befell them or attribute all their achievements to themselves.
Do not ask tactless questions so as not to put your interlocutor in an uncomfortable position. Your desire to understand others is wonderful, but this does not mean that now you can ask everyone questions, much less expect to receive answers, especially sincere ones.

It is easy to understand what another person wants if you become a good friend, a good acquaintance. Don’t criticize him, no matter what he does, but support, approve, be there when it’s hard. And then he will be happy to share the most intimate and personal with you.
It should be remembered that it is impossible to understand others if you constantly think about your own problems, difficulties, and experiences. Of course, you always bear your own troubles more difficult than those of others. Because they directly affect the quality of life, well-being, the implementation of plans, the state of mind, and often become the cause of a deterioration in general well-being. But if you want to get to know others, you will have to move them aside and take a closer look in order to understand, see and hear what worries others, what experiences and events in their lives make them act one way or another. Those who listen to others and put themselves in their place are able to understand what they can do, what they will agree to, and what they will refuse at a given moment in time.

Photo: how to understand another person

In order to avoid a lot of problems in life that arise because of others, it is important to be able to understand them. This will allow you to find those with whom you are on the same path, make it easier to endure misunderstandings, and accept the fact that everyone has the right to their own view of what is happening, regardless of what others are trying to impose on them

Then you will definitely avoid misunderstandings and worries when trying to answer the question of why he or she did this to me.

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How can you tell by your face?

First of all, when communicating with another person, you pay attention to the face. It is from this that you can very quickly understand the emotional state of your interlocutor. The face can be completely different: funny, smart, insightful, cunning.

There is an opinion that only the face is considered the most accurate source for reading information. In fact, this is not entirely true, since it is easy to control the condition of the face if desired. Only professionals are able to thoroughly read a person’s emotions by micromovements of the eyes, lips, and so on.

If another person has a need to hide his feelings, then he will do it, and nothing will be clear from his face. Still, it is better to know the recommendations of psychology on how to better understand people by their facial expressions. Sometimes it’s not possible to determine true feelings, but it’s easy to determine whether someone is lying or not. There is a branch of science called “psychology of lies.” How to understand that a person is lying, knowing the subtleties of facial movements? This is how this direction works, but often people meet two-faced people; how to recognize them, read the publication: https://www.syl.ru/article/378829/kak-ponyat-chto-chelovek-dvulichnyiy-i-kak-im-ne -stat.

How to move on

Think about what relationships you would like to improve (if you haven't already decided). Perhaps you still have not been able to figure out how the other person perceives a beach ball, or you have not been able to convey to him how the ball appears from your side. Then it's time to stop doing things the same way and start a new strategy.

I offer you some practical advice. Of course, some ideas depend on the context of the conversation.

Don't even try to talk if both you and your interlocutor are in a bad mood. At such a moment, both of you are thinking primitively, and the “discussion” will most likely develop into a quarrel. At least one of you must be a rational thinker. Try very hard to listen carefully to the interlocutor and let him understand this using body language. Look into the eyes, do not be distracted (even if the computer or TV is on), give the interlocutor your full attention

It is very important for him to understand whether you are listening to him or not. Don't interrupt the person or change the topic of conversation. Let him finish. Don't finish someone else's sentences. It may seem like you are rushing him.

Moreover, sometimes you are wrong. Try very hard to understand his point of view. Throw away all preconceptions about his worldview. While you listen, think about what you agree with rather than focusing on what you don't agree with. When the person finishes speaking, be sure to ask him a question: “Perhaps you have something else to tell?” The interlocutor will have the opportunity to highlight the most important points and highlight the problem that worries him. Before sharing your opinion, ask clarifying questions: “When did you say... Can you explain in more detail?” or “Please give me an example.” This is not so that the person begins to make excuses, but to better understand his views.

Now it's your turn to share your ideas. Make sure that the other person behaves in a conversation as tactfully as you do (do not allow yourself to be interrupted or change the topic of conversation).

Non-judgmental perception

Learn to perceive other people's reactions without specific assessments. When you listen to a person, do not criticize, even mentally, and do not try to draw conclusions.

Moreover, you must refuse to divide emotions into good and bad. Perceiving a feeling as negative, a person strives to get rid of it as soon as possible or ignore it. To develop emotional intelligence, it is better to try to accept what you are experiencing at the moment, to find the reasons for your reaction.

Keeping a diary is a good practice. In it you should write down all your feelings and the situations that provoked them.

How to understand your loved one

First, let’s dispel the illusions of many women about the ideality of relationships. Most ladies dream of a prince on a white horse who will come rushing in and everything will work out for them like in a fairy tale. This is extremely rare in life; it is likely that both the guy and the girl will have a difficult character, bad habits and diametrically opposed points of view on some aspects of life. You are confident that you are doing everything possible for the relationship, trying your best, but you come across a wall of misunderstanding. Try to look at the situation with different eyes; most likely, your significant other has a completely different opinion.

Practical tips for achieving understanding:

Try talking to your loved one about how you first met, first dates and their details. It may turn out that he remembers those nuances that you forgot about. Analyze different situations together more often, find out his opinion and note where exactly you disagree. There is nothing wrong with this, you are a couple, but still completely different people and take for granted the differences in the perception of the world. When you show concern for your man, often ask yourself why you are doing this. Perhaps, having advised not to communicate with one of your friends, you are not worried about him, but about yourself. Try to accept your loved one’s right to their own point of view and personal territory. Don't make fun of your spouse's hobbies, even if they seem useless and funny to you. Once you understand that your lover’s hobby brings him true satisfaction, you will find many advantages in it. Constant criticism of your loved one will only lead to a permanent state of cold war. In disputes, sometimes it is better to force yourself to close your mouth and not try to convince or impose an opinion. Wait until the man himself makes a decision; if the problem is resolved in a positive way, find the strength to admit that he is right. Whatever you do, always ask yourself what these actions are aimed at - to worsen or improve the relationship? Then everything will fall into place. No matter how offensive it may be, watch your speech and do not make harsh statements or insults towards your opponent

You will achieve your goal and touch a nerve, and this greatly undermines trust in a couple. Do not torment your spouse with jealousy and mistrust, because you may be wrong about this, thereby hurting your loved one. Do not be too intrusive; remember that you live with an adult who is able to take responsibility for himself.

Pantomime

Is it possible to learn to understand people by their gestures? Easily. This requires some effort on your part, but nothing is impossible. Does it ever happen to you that you feel what your friend is thinking without further ado? Or do you understand by their eyes what your loved one wants to say?

Often our body communicates much more information to others than our speech. When you look at a speaker, by what signs do you understand that he is worried or nervous? Or an unconscious feeling that your interlocutor is lying to you. Where does it come from?

To begin with, I suggest you read the article “How to understand a person by gestures and facial expressions.” In it you will find basic poses, learn to distinguish nervousness from shyness, and become better at understanding a person’s sincere goodwill.

Watch yourself and your gestures. Sometimes self-analysis is a great help in understanding other people. Notice in what situations you take closed poses. Try mirroring. The interlocutor feels great sympathy for the person who sits in the same position as him. Only this should be unobtrusive and unnoticed.

When you learn to understand a little about gestures and facial expressions, then the book “A New Body Language” by Alan and Barbara Pease will come in handy. In it you will find a huge number of examples, explanations and clarifications.

Remember that it is not always possible to correctly understand a person just by one gesture. Try to look at the situation as a whole, look for additional little things that will help you find all the puzzles of a person’s image.

How to become aware of your own desires

It is very difficult to break stereotypes acquired in childhood. Sometimes it is impossible to cope with this task without the help of a psychotherapist. However, it is quite possible to try.

What should be done? Psychologists advise freeing the day from all affairs and worries, staying alone, picking up a notebook or notebook and writing down those desires that have not come true, starting from early childhood. The list should be completed only when not a single desire is remembered within 10-15 minutes.

After this, the list should be carefully reread and highlight the simplest things in it, what can be easily implemented. For example, a child’s dream about a particular toy is quite feasible for an adult. This is what needs to be done.

The next step is to read the list again. However, the emotions will be different, not the same as when viewing it for the first time. The purpose of the second reading is to cross out those dreams that are no longer relevant.

It is important to be honest with yourself and listen only to your intuition, and not to think about the content of your desires. There were extra items on the list because a person who does not realize his own dreams involuntarily begins to want “everything around”

As soon as one wish is fulfilled, the view of the list immediately changes.

The remaining points should be divided into paragraphs, for example, like this:

house;
Job;
leisure;
hobby;
family;
personal.

There can be as many paragraphs as you like.

After this, you need to look at the desires again and determine which of them is most important. There is no need to read and be guided by generally accepted standards when choosing

If a person wants to buy a new bowl for a dog more than gifts for relatives, then this is his priority. At this moment you cannot take into account what someone will think, or reflect on what is good and what is bad.

Which paragraph contained your most important desire? Its name is the most important thing of all that a person wants from life. The remaining paragraphs are other, less important, but still significant, wishes

A general list of paragraph titles is a complete list of what a person really wants.

Having sorted out their desires and priorities, people begin to understand themselves, and, accordingly, others too.

Check.

Vladimir Vysotsky knew how to understand a person. He offered to take a friend to the mountains to test his stamina, endurance, friendship, and human qualities. After all, the best way to get to know another is to find yourself in an unexpected or difficult situation with him, to spend a long time on the road, or to encounter some kind of force majeure.

The ancient sages, to whom brides and grooms turned for opinions about their chosen ones, recommended going on a long journey with their loved ones. They said that if the relationship remained warm after him, it was worth getting married. And if a quarrel follows a quarrel, then it is better not to rush into marriage.

You can find out what kind of person a person really is if:

Seeing how he communicates with the staff - intelligent people control themselves, selfish people and those who have complexes, shows arrogance.
Lending him money is the definition of punctuality.
Throw a cup of coffee on him and he will be surprised to show his real self.
Gossip about his friends - if he supports the gossip in order to please him, then it is possible that you will be the next object of discussion.
Telling a secret - as you know, the ability to keep secrets is more valuable than gold.

Sometimes you can, after living with a person for ten years, realize that we don’t understand him at all. What then? Break up because they turned out to be strangers? Moving away without trying to change anything? Or still find out how to understand a person you have known for 100 years? We will tell you how to maintain a warm relationship, and you can always have time to break pots.

What does it mean to understand a person?

Understanding is the most important category in the relationships between people, cultures, and even entire countries. In philosophy, this concept is interpreted as the ability to present and perceive information and messages; this can also include general information about the subject, the surrounding and internal world. Therefore, if you really want to understand your loved ones, first of all, learn how to correctly present, perceive and interpret information.

Any success, whether at home or at work, is based on establishing contact between two individuals, and since all people have different personalities and temperaments, this is sometimes difficult to do. Of course, at the level of intuition, we feel when it is worth remaining silent or supporting with advice. It is this quality of personality that allows one to achieve understanding, that is, to pass through the motives, actions and behavior of another person, to draw the right conclusion and act appropriately. Psychologists have developed several special techniques, once mastered, you will learn to understand others.

The ability to understand is influenced by many factors, first of all, the emotional background, in other words, the mood. To achieve harmony in relationships with both adults and children, you need to treat everyone with kindness and respect, then this will evoke reciprocal feelings, because understanding is what is valued most in the family or communicating with colleagues, all parties are interested in establishing connections.

Why are true desires not realized?

The replacement of real desires with false ones is formed in early childhood. As soon as a child begins to explain the difference between bad and good, good and evil, restrictions immediately arise. The baby does not want to wish for something that will not attract the approval of his parents. This is how the first protective psychological barrier appears.

Subsequently, the mechanism of replacing true desires with other, false ones is reinforced by forced compromise. For example, a child wants a specific toy. But parents do not buy it, offering in return another one, which, in their opinion, is better. The baby may be left with nothing or agree with the parents’ choice. In order not to be upset, the child convinces himself that he also wants this toy, he just didn’t notice it on the shelf right away.

The more such compromises there are, the stronger the psychological barriers will be. And having matured, a person will unconsciously continue to accept other people’s desires as his own.

Herzberg's Motivation Factors

This theory can help in communicating with colleagues or friends. How to understand a person? Psychology will always tell you, even if the behavior is strange and inexplicable. The theory is that satisfaction and dissatisfaction from an activity are not the ends of one straight line. She argues that job dissatisfaction has many causes. These include:

features of company management and policy;
working conditions;
control;
interpersonal interactions in a team;
salary amount;
safety;
status of a person in the workplace.

It turns out that if they are not there, then there is dissatisfaction. But this does not mean that if they are present there will be satisfaction. Most often, satisfaction does not depend on them, but on another group of reasons, which are called “motivation”. These include:

confession;
success and career growth;
achievements;
the work itself and the workflow;
opportunities for self-realization.

From such a theory it follows that you can work in a prestigious, highly paid job, but at the same time feel very bad because of relationships in the team, your low importance, and lack of responsibility. And sometimes a person occupies a position with a small salary, but at the same time he is in demand, his work is valued, and he is incredibly happy about it. He is excited to go to work every morning.

First of all, this will be useful for heads of departments and companies to understand the psychological state of the team. This will help people who want to leave a high-paying job, because they often hear: “You’re crazy, what else do you need with that salary?” This will help you understand the person. How does psychology interpret such a command? She calls not to judge for an act that is alien to oneself.

Top books on behavioral psychology

This collection can help you find answers to questions and learn to analyze the behavior of those around you. To better understand the topic, you can familiarize yourself with this list of works - they are quite popular in their genre:

“Psychology of influence. Convince. Make an impact. Defend yourself." In his book, social psychologist Robert Cialdini examines 6 fundamental principles of behavior. The bestseller, translated into thirty languages, was written by a university professor in Arizona.
"Make yourself. Advice for those who want to leave their mark." A handbook for aspiring entrepreneurs, where Tina Seelig, a professor at Stanford University, argues that the problem should be the motivation to move forward.
“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” is a guide from an American leadership consultant on how to learn to manage your life. The book discusses 7 principles of behavior that are necessary to master.
"Games People Play. People Who Play Games" - the work was conceived by David Myers as a book "Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy", but can be perceived separately as a manual for studying the psychology of human behavior.
“Mental Traps at Work” is an original book in that it was written by a psychologist-trainer for FBI negotiators. The manual contains information about what psychological traps of the subconscious are and how to eliminate them in the process of communication.

Body language is a kind of science, the study of which is devoted to many different books, thanks to which access to knowledge is open to everyone. Knowledge of the psychology of behavior is the key to understanding the interlocutor, and also helps to hide emotions by controlling one’s own behavior. Ideas about the psychology of lying also make it possible to calculate insincerity without succumbing to the manipulation of the interlocutor, which is an important quality of a modern person.

Motivating people

Every human action is driven by certain motives, knowing which you can understand about a person:

Wealth. Such people are only interested in material values; they look for profit in everything. Talking about money and earnings is their favorite topic.
Public acceptance. For such people, the main thing is to attract attention by any means.
Getting pleasure from your activities. The person is not interested in money, but is busy only with his own business, which he is very passionate about. Such people often achieve success in their field and easily make contact.
Feelings of envy. In front of envious people, it is better not to brag or discuss other people. Try to praise them more and talk about their successes.
Fear and shame. People who are constantly afraid of disgrace or other situations, as a rule, are not of interest to others. They will constantly be in their experiences.
Laziness. Lazy people strive for stability and try to waste their energy as little as possible. Their choice is friends who do not need help. Such a person may be pleasant to talk to, but you should not count on him in difficult times.
Be different from those around you. Such people usually communicate with original and non-standard personalities, like themselves. You can make friends with them by talking about something interesting, trendy, or unusual.
Self-development. Communication with people who are engaged in self-development is not difficult. They are ready to listen to their interlocutor and share their accumulated knowledge. At the same time, they will stop making contact if you become uninteresting.

All of the listed personality characteristics are basic, but far from exhaustive. To better understand other people, you need to study psychology in more detail.

Artificial intelligence

In fact, the ability to try on a particular situation has nothing to do with predicting the behavior of another person in such circumstances. After all, each person has his own consciousness, which can be very different from ours. Therefore, today psychologists are increasingly relying on the capabilities of artificial intelligence, which may turn out to be more accurate in predictions.

Experts from the University of Westminster have already developed automated software and analyzed almost 8 thousand email addresses. The program was supposed to distinguish fake addresses from real ones, and its predictions turned out to be accurate in 70% of cases. In the future, there are plans to use the software to identify fraudulent visa applications or check marriage forms.

And scientists from Vanderbilt University, using artificial intelligence, were able to predict a suicide attempt. They collected data from more than 5,000 patients with physical signs of self-harm and, based on a study of their medical history, gender, age and place of residence, the program was able to identify a subsequent suicide attempt with an 80-90% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt within the next two years, and with a 92% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt. within the next two weeks.

Nature of the phenomenon

Glossolalia can have a very different style; it is influenced by the speaker’s usual speech and the number of languages he speaks.

The first theorists who studied this phenomenon were convinced that glossolalia had nothing to do with real language. She cannot perform any of the functions of speech. In addition, such “sentences” are quite often immediately forgotten by the speakers themselves.

Moreover, it is also impossible to transform glossolalia into some language that is close and understandable to us; it is simply an imitation of ordinary speech and nothing more.

Such speech behavior can be easily mastered if desired; you just need to relax and improvise. You can also train the pronunciation of such pseudowords. So, during one of the scientific experiments, people were given recordings of very emotional expressions, and against this background, many of the participants themselves were able to glossola. That is, in this state a person is aware of what he is saying and can easily control himself, but still more often glossolalia is associated with special emotional experiences. For the same reason, it cannot be classified as a symptom of any mental disorder.

But still, some mental disorders - schizophrenia - can be accompanied by schizophasia and glossolalia. Incoherent speech may be the only way autistic people can communicate.

And glossolalia sometimes resembles baby babble - that is, it can be considered as a type of pre-speech behavior consisting of individual sounds and syllables. Babbling is a kind of training for a child who in the future will learn to pronounce words and link them into sentences. And babies often accompany their “conversations” with rhythmic movements of their arms and legs; speech therapists say that coordinated actions are a very important stage in speech formation.

Some forms of glossolalia can often be found in art. For example, singing without words (vocalism) or the work of poets of certain movements (futurists, symbolists).

Louise Deacon “Psychology. How to understand yourself and other people"

Chapter 6

How and why people betray, deceive, cheat and swear

In part, we are psychologically inclined to cooperate. We help each other and have a strong desire for harmony. But besides this, we compete with each other, so another way to benefit from living in social groups is to use other people for your own purposes. There are many situations in life when it is better to “exploit” others than to cooperate. So part of our psychology is aimed at resolving conflicts.

Life is full of tension: should we cooperate peacefully with each other and give up the benefits that can be gained by using people for our own benefit? Or is it better to get ahead by deceiving and exploiting people? This tension is at the core of our lives as social beings. And often life turns into an endless attempt to solve this dilemma.

It's dangerous to always trust people

Imagine two people commit a crime. They were both arrested and put in different cells. But there is no irrefutable evidence against them, and it is necessary that one of them testify against the other. Suspects have the following options:

• If they both remain silent, each will receive only one month in prison.

• If only one testifies against the other, he will be released and the other will get one year.

• If they both testify against each other, they will both get six months.

What would you do? This famous Prisoner's Dilemma illustrates the clash between the two concepts of cooperation and conflict and is one of many examples in game theory. Game theory is used in psychology to analyze the decision-making process. Many situations in life can be modeled as a game with certain rules, goals and strategies. By studying how people make decisions in these games, it is possible to predict their behavior in real life.

In a prisoner's dilemma, most people choose the safest option - testifying against their partner. If you think your partner will talk, then you better not be silent either, and then you will get six months in prison instead of a year. If you think your partner will remain silent, it is still better to testify and go free instead of spending a month in jail. The rational decision for each of these two is to betray the other. However, the best option for both is to cooperate with each other and remain silent, if, of course, they can completely trust each other.

If we blindly trust people, we risk being used by those who lie, cheat, steal, betray and harm. So instead of taking that risk, we attack first. The tragedy is that often people are forced to harm each other out of fear that they will harm them.

When was the last time you lied?

Most people lie at least once a day. Typically, these are white lies that act as a lubricant in the relationship. The vast majority of people lie to maintain harmonious relationships. You tell a friend that he is not fat at all, when in fact he is overweight, you tell your family that you liked their gift, although in fact you returned it to the store.

Apart from these “harmless” lies, everyone advocates honesty. In opinion polls, honesty is typically one of the top five characteristics people look for in friends, loved ones or leaders. But aren't these just empty dreams? People lie because it works - lying can give you an advantage and is probably part of human nature. Lying is common even in the animal kingdom.

Example

Shameless frogs

Green frogs croak loudly to scare away rivals, and the larger the frog, the lower and more powerful the sound. Such croaking terrifies others. That's why little frogs cheat: they lower their voices to croak more impressively.

With superior intellect, imagination, and language abilities, we humans make deception an art.

Psychologist Paul Ekman, who has conducted extensive research on lying, believes that the most common reason for lying is the desire to avoid punishment for a mistake.

The second most common reason is to receive a reward that cannot be won honestly. Let us list other motives:

• protect someone;

• avoid the risk of physical harm, for example, telling the person who attacked you that you have already called the police;

• achieve admiration;

• get out of an awkward situation, for example, say you are busy so as not to go to a boring party;

• avoid humiliation and embarrassment;

• do not disclose personal information;

• show your power over other people by hiding information from them.

Can you tell when a person is lying?

Although many people believe that they can easily tell when a person is lying, in fact, this is not the case. Research on this topic has shown that most people are just guessing. Even professionals such as judges, police officers and forensic psychiatrists often make mistakes. Experienced liars will deceive anyone. A famous example: Hitler lied to British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, convincing him that he had no hostile intentions. In the letter, Chamberlain admitted: “I had the impression that this man could be relied upon since he had given his word.”

There is no one universal sign of dishonesty in behavior or speech. Many people believe that certain cues indicate lying, such as avoiding eye contact, but this is not true. Some people deliberately look you in the eye when they lie to appear honest, because they know that people believe this myth. Signals such as darting eyes or fidgeting in the chair can be confusing - perhaps they indicate that the person is afraid of appearing dishonest, rather than being afraid of being caught in a lie.

Paul Ekman discovered some behavioral factors that can be used together to detect lies. Using these methods, he found that he could distinguish truth from lies 80–90% of the time. Let's list some signs of lying.

False facial expressions

When people lie, they sometimes have to hide their emotions. Most people find it difficult to completely suppress emotions, and they “leak out” through facial expressions or behavior. Ekman calls this "emotional drain." Emotions reveal themselves through “microfacial expressions.” Some emotions are accompanied by a characteristic facial expression that may slip through for a moment. Such “leaks” are difficult to track; most people don't notice them without special training.

Ekman discovered microfacial expressions while studying videotaped behavior of a depressed woman (in a psychiatric hospital) who lied about being better, intending to leave the hospital to kill herself. After spending hours analyzing this recording, Ekman noticed that at some point she showed a subtle sign of despair on her face, which she quickly hid behind a smile.

Frequent contradictions

In order to lie, you need a good memory. Although people who tell the truth sometimes contradict themselves, liars do so much more often.

Fewer gestures

When people are sincere, they unconsciously illustrate their speech with gestures that Ekman calls "illustrators." But when a person lies, he has much fewer such gestures or none at all. Like other behavioral factors, this does not always indicate deception; There are also fewer “illustrators” when a person gets bored.

Detached tongue

Such language implies emotional detachment from the topic of conversation. For example, a person may use the word “I” less often and use words that reduce the impact of the behavior, for example, when denying cheating on his spouse, he will not say “I didn’t have sex”, but will say something like “There is nothing between us except friendship.” "

False emotions

Liars sometimes pretend to have emotions they don't actually feel. False emotions appear and disappear too abruptly or appear inappropriately. In addition, some facial features are difficult or simply impossible to fake. A sincere smile affects the muscles around the eyes and raises the cheekbones; it is also called a Duchenne smile. A fake smile only affects the muscles around the mouth.

Sincere sadness and grief activate the frontal muscles - the inner corners of the eyebrows rise upward, forming characteristic wrinkles. And when we are scared, our eyebrows rise and stretch towards each other in the same way, and wrinkles appear on our forehead, which are also difficult to fake.

Too much overthinking

A possible sign of deception is too many pauses or errors in speech, indicating that the person is carefully considering an answer that does not require excessive thought. Lying requires more cognitive effort than telling the truth.

Action

How to distinguish lies from truth

A person should relax and not wait for a catch. Do not show suspicion and do not throw accusations, otherwise the interlocutor will “close down”. It should be a completely normal conversation simply for the purpose of obtaining information. The more your interlocutor talks, the more likely he is to give himself away.
Don't focus on any one specific aspect of a person's behavior - you need to look for as many signs as possible. People who know how to distinguish lies from truth do not rely on one sign, but collect as much information as possible.
Study the person's unique style - sometimes people have their own, individual signs of lying.
Ask for as many details as possible, then change the topic, and then come back to the same details, but with different questions. A liar has a hard time remembering information he makes up, so he may be inconsistent in small things.
Be especially careful when a person tells his version of events for the first time. There is a much greater chance of catching a person in a lie if he has not told it before. As with any behavior, the opportunity to practice improves the liar's "performance."

But Ekman emphasizes that it is impossible to reliably detect lies in everyday life. To achieve an accuracy of 80–90%, you need to study video recordings for many hours.

Socionics: us and information

The essence of socionics is as follows. People differ in how they perceive information, process it, and produce results. According to this theory, all people are divided into 16 sociotypes (and the type does not change throughout life). Each type has certain unique features that distinguish it from others. Therefore, knowing the type of person, you can say, if not everything, then a lot about him. Skeptics usually say: “So, it turns out that every 16th person is your copy?” Of course not. A sociotype is the backbone, but the “meat” can be different. For example, upbringing, education, intelligence, creative abilities form a personality based on a certain type. And, of course, as individuals we are all unique.

The sociotype, in turn, shows what our strengths and weaknesses are, what the direction of our psyche is and what motives drive us.

In short, the type is obtained as follows. There are 4 pairs of characteristics that form a type:

How we perceive information: sensory (based on the 5 senses) or intuitively (based on the same 5 senses, but primarily on the 6th – intuition);
How we process information: using logic (analysis, calculation, structure) or using ethics (emotions, relationships);
How do we produce the result: rationally (plans, predictability, reliability) or irrationally (spontaneity, inspiration, inspiration, unpredictability);
How the psyche is aimed at interacting with the world: extroverted (openness, contact, expansion) or introverted (closedness, minimal contact, deepening).

We are designed in such a way that everything is mixed in us at once, but from each presented pair of signs, one thing always (!) predominates. For example, you cannot be 50% logical and 50% ethical; something is inherent in nature.

Combining with each other, these characteristics make up 16 sociotypes. For example, from the first pair, sensory is dominant in a person, from the second – logic, from the third – irrationality, from the fourth – extraversion. So we got one of 16 types. He is called a sensory-logical extrovert. By studying the characteristics of this type, we can learn a lot about this person.

What prevents you from understanding yourself

A peculiar defense mechanism prevents a person from understanding himself. What it is? A process in thinking that allows you to move away from the awareness of unpleasant or painful, problematic facts.

In other words, the human psyche is protected from negative experiences and from the need to do anything, make an effort, change.

What does this mean? The fact that the human mind is inclined to replace one phenomenon with another. For example, most people do not want to recognize their own weakness, worthlessness or inadequacy

Protecting themselves from awareness of these facts, people demonstrate inflated self-esteem and talk about their importance, exclusivity and importance.

Accordingly, at the heart of all the factors that prevent us from understanding ourselves is the fear of inconvenient truth. The human mind carefully protects the personality, forming a false image of itself. But it is a smoke screen, that is, every person deep down understands that he is not what he seems to be, but does not want to admit this fact.

The use of speech without meaning

Glossolalia is a universal human phenomenon, therefore it is often found in a variety of countries and cultures. But it still does not arise so often, since in ordinary life situations rarely arise for its logical application. But you definitely shouldn’t underestimate the potential of this phenomenon.

Both baby babble, vocalization, and glossolalia have in common that they all give vent to strong and real emotions when a person does not restrain or control himself in any way. In this way, the baby simply enjoys life, and as he grows up, we explain to him that he needs to speak when there is something to say. That is, we teach children to restrain themselves. Meanwhile, scientists have proven that screaming and free speech significantly increase the level of testosterone in the blood, which makes men and women more active and sexually attractive.

And the opportunity to “let go” of your voice is a good psychological release that can help you understand yourself better. And inventing words and improvising is a good way to develop creative and language skills. But still, glossolalia requires certain conditions and it’s not worth practicing it just like that. After all, there are other ways to express your linguistic expression.

Crycotherapy

Screaming along with crying is one of the practices that is actively used in body-oriented therapy. Adherents are convinced that this helps a person get rid of numerous “tightness” in the muscles and tongue. There are not many psychologists working using this method, but if you wish, you can easily find them on social networks.

Screaming alone

If you don't like doing this in a group, you can always scream in private. You will feel complete freedom and do what you really want

But for this it is important to choose the right place. Ideally a forest or river bank

It’s better to scream in a car, parked away from prying eyes, and in an apartment to the sound of water.

Nanny

Some languages contain specific particles that do not carry much meaning. For example, in Japanese there is a pseudonym “nya”, which is often used in anime cartoons.

There are no such particles in Russian, but firstly, you can come up with them yourself, and secondly, borrow them from other languages. Most often, such communication is established in a narrow circle, where people are close and trust each other. It has been proven that such communication can even have a certain therapeutic effect, because you do not need to specifically construct phrases and select words, you can simply speak in short and meaningless sounds.

Making noises when playing sports or during sex

Thoughts and intentions

But despite all the contradictions that concern the existing “theory of mind,” it is quite difficult to make a person believe that he is not able to get into another person’s head.

A simple example. During one of her lectures, Rebecca Sachs showed the audience two photographs and asked them to talk about the emotions of the people in them. In the first photo, the mother was looking at her small child, and in the second, the teenager was about to jump from a high cliff.

Looking at a photo of a mother and child, one immediately imagines a combination of the brightest feelings: love, tenderness, care, etc. But, you must admit, these are the emotions that came to your mind only because they are typical for most mothers. Typical means universal and applicable to everyone. But at the same time, it is very, very difficult to understand what this particular woman in the photograph is thinking about. Perhaps she's worried about a fight with her husband this morning or wondering what to make for dinner for her baby. And in this case, your universal judgment may be very far from the thoughts and feelings of a particular person at the moment.

With a teenager it's even more difficult. Is he afraid? Does he want to do this to spite someone or is he just testing himself? Or maybe this is a habitual activity for him and he’s not worried at all? There may be even more options than in the first case.

In 2020, a team of neuroscientists from the Medical University of South Carolina studied the brain activity of two veteran rock climbers. The athletes were connected to an MRI machine and shown 200 very scary and negative images. Against this background, one of the climbers showed very high arousal in the amygdala (this area is responsible for fear and anxiety), while the second remained completely calm. Scientists have concluded that he simply does not have a sense of fear, although he himself admitted that he does not consider himself such. It happens that the fear of one person is not at all similar to the fear of another, and what frightens one will not cause absolutely any emotions in another.

This again confirms how difficult it is to reason about what is going on in another person's head. Our brain easily recognizes patterns of behavior in a given situation and often we are right in expecting the same reaction from a person (at a funeral everyone cries, but at a birthday party they rejoice).

Learning to understand people

Let's consider different psychological aspects.

Emotions

To characterize a person in detail, it is necessary to determine the expression of his emotions, which of them are dominant and which are absent altogether.

Emotionality and over-emotionality

It is quite easy to communicate with emotional personalities. They themselves will share their positive and negative emotions and experiences: joy, sadness, anger, tenderness, etc.

This behavior irritates and tires many people, because a person does not calm down until he splashes out his emotions on his interlocutor, whose permission no one asks.

You can listen to such people, but not attach too much importance to the words. If the conversation has become tiresome, interrupt them in a polite manner without offending the other person.

Lack of emotions

An unemotional person has virtually no emotions unless he finds himself in an unusual or extreme situation. Everything that is in his soul remains a secret to those around him.

The expression of the feelings of such people occurs not through emotions, but through thoughts. They are distinguished by their developed intelligence and perfectly analyze any situation.

Of course, at first it’s not very comfortable to be around an unemotional person, but you can improve your relationship with him. Start a dialogue first, push for conversation, ask for advice. Don’t demand any expression of emotion; in the future you will appreciate his well-thought-out and reasoned conclusions.

Read further: Human development as an individual

Positive and negative emotions

Of course, a positive-minded person is an excellent conversationalist who shares his mood with everyone around him. Constantly encourage such people, maintain their positivity, then you will spend the whole day in a good mood.

The presence of negative emotions is repulsive. At the same time, you should not avoid the person. Even if he does not share his experiences, help him unobtrusively, show sympathy and ordinary humanity.

Sthenics and asthenics

Sthenics are more susceptible to active emotions: joy, anger, malice, etc. The expression of their emotions contributes to excitement and tension.

Asthenics are characterized by emotions that lead to the suppression of vigorous activity and a decrease in the energy potential of those around them. These include: melancholy, dejection, melancholy.

Usually, communication between a sthenic and an asthenic causes difficulty.

When communicating with Sthenics, you must be prepared for the active manifestation of their emotions and not interfere with this.

Asthenics should also be treated with tolerance and simply adapt to this character trait.

Mood

It is easy to communicate with people who are always in a good mood. It should be noted that they are not inclined to talk about sad and sorrowful things and will not sincerely sympathize if you encounter difficulties in life.

Don’t try to cheer people up and make them smile. This character trait cannot be adjusted; you just need to get used to it.

It is more difficult to communicate with individuals who are subject to constant mood swings. Try to maintain a leading position in the conversation in order to anticipate the interlocutor’s reaction to what was said.

Explosive character

Emotional outbursts can be both positive and negative. In such situations, the person loses control over emotions.

You shouldn’t be afraid of such people, hide, avoid, and, especially, fawn over them. There is no need to argue, especially with your boss, but only defend your opinion with reason.

Stress

A person who finds himself in a stressful situation and is not coping well with his condition should be tried to calm down.

How to communicate with toxic people

There is a certain category of negative personalities with whom you need to be as careful as possible:

“Energy vampires”, after communicating with whom a person feels broken and empty. Try to promptly identify such people in your environment and not succumb to manipulation.
Parasites who try to use others for their own selfish purposes. You can communicate with them, but you should not help, because there is no gratitude or payment for their work.
People with an unbalanced psyche. Constant disruptions that no one expects should raise alarm bells. Talk to the person about his behavior. If such conversations do not lead to the desired results, only a doctor can help.
Aggressive personalities. It is better to stay away from such people, because they are prone to fights and physical violence.
Manipulators. It is better to immediately tell the manipulator that you know about his character trait or try not to succumb to manipulation.
Immoral individuals for whom there are no social and legal norms. Try to minimize communication with them.
Weak personalities are characterized by shyness, touchiness, vulnerability, timidity, and anxiety. You should not indulge their weaknesses, so as not to become a “wish granter.” You need to compensate for your refusals by helping a person solve his problems independently.
Egoists love only their own person. You can communicate with them in two ways: tell the truth or constantly flatter.

The main thing is to know that there are people in your environment who pose a certain danger. Then it becomes possible to minimize their negative impact.

We are looking for an approach: about the rules of communicating with people systematically

An accurate method of understanding the psyche is “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. It examines the differences in the human psyche according to vectors - sets of innate properties, abilities and desires that determine his thinking, life values and aspirations. There are eight such vectors. A person can be the owner of from one to eight, more often three or four vectors.

When you understand a person’s vectors, you know everything about the characteristics of his psyche and the reasons for his reactions, and this greatly facilitates communication.

To determine the vector set of your interlocutor, it is worth observing his behavior, listening to the words and spoken meanings; sometimes it is enough to take a closer look at his gestures and appearance.

As an example, we will show small sketches.

Emotional people

Are there any particularly impressionable people around you? Any little thing can cause a storm of emotions in them - from enchanting delight to deep sadness, from immense love for all living things to unbearable hysteria. “Ah!”, “Oh!”, “How beautiful!”, “What a nightmare!” - we hear from their lips.

They can rejoice with a luminous gaze like a child or shed tears uncontrollably. They can take a seemingly mere trifle to the scale of a global event. Such people stand out clearly from the rest with their emotionality. These are the owners of the visual vector.

Difficulties in communication

It’s not easy if you become an object on which negative emotions are poured out. A representative of the visual vector can throw a hysteria if he is in a bad mental state, namely fears: from literal fear for his life to numerous phobias and anxieties. Accusations of lack of attention and indifference, emotional blackmail and manipulation are used. A person in visual fears unconsciously demands: “Love me! I feel bad, I’m afraid - protect me!”

Such a person vitally needs emotional connections with other people. Potentially, the owners of the visual vector are kind, sympathetic, and sensitive. They are able to realize all their sensory resources in art, raising children, and caring for those in need. But when a person with a visual vector is not able to build emotional intimacy, does not reveal his sensuality with others, then he himself becomes a victim of his unspent emotions.

The ability to communicate with people who have a visual vector lies precisely in the ability to establish an emotional connection with them, to help them reveal their sensory potential. Share your experiences with them, tell them a heart-warming story, discuss a book or movie with a touching plot - and see how they are transformed.

Silent people “not of this world”

Have you met people who seem to be here, but at the same time somewhere far away? An absent look, self-absorption, the whole appearance speaks of coldness, alienation and indifference. You call out to them, and in response: “Huh? What? Are you talking to me? Representatives of the sound vector often behave this way.

Difficulties in communication

During communication, it is difficult to get rid of the feeling that the interlocutor does not care about you: he looks somewhere through you, or, rather, inside himself, speaks quietly, sometimes understated, as if he had already thought it up for himself, and sees no point in explaining it to you. It is unpleasant to feel like an empty place when communicating with such egocentrics. They may easily not answer at all if the subject of the conversation does not seem worth their attention to them. Or even show hostility and arrogance.

The bottom line is that the owner of the sound vector is of little interest in everyday topics. His mind is focused on revealing global abstract questions: “What is the meaning of life?”, “Who am I and what is my purpose?”, “Where did we come from and where are we going?” In the course of his eternal search, these questions are modified and take on a particular form, which is manifested, for example, in the study of exact sciences, inventive research, writing, philosophical or religious research. In the modern world, the main interests of sound engineers are Internet technologies and psychology.

Such a person needs concentration and silence. Therefore, he appears aloof, indifferent and silent. An endless stream of thoughts in search of the meaning of existence removes him from petty, pressing conversations. His dislike of noise and loud voices is due to his particularly sensitive hearing. Remember: sometimes he needs to be alone with his ideas.

The rules for communicating with people of this type include limiting conversations “about nothing.” Get to the heart of the issue that needs to be resolved without being distracted by empty talk.

Touchy but fair people

We often come across people like this: they speak and do everything slowly, thoroughly, efficiently, even pedantically, and are very erudite. They like to talk about the past: “Where is the world going? Nowadays…” Also frequent topics of conversation are family, home, making something with your own hands, justice. In general, they give the impression of honest, decent, open people, maybe a little simple-minded, but endearing. All these are qualities characteristic of the anal vector.

Difficulties in communication

Owners of the anal vector are stubborn debaters, straightforward, ready to cut the truth without caring about the feelings of their opponent. Some may harass you with lectures or criticism. And if they are offended, they are unlikely to forget about it: they will not fail to remind you on occasion or even take revenge.

Owners of this vector gravitate towards justice and equality - everything should be smooth for them. And in relationships it’s like this: good things will be repaid, bad things will not be tolerated. If they themselves treat someone unfairly, they will feel guilty. When they were not treated as they should be, they feel offended.

If such a person is offended by you, apologize, apologize - he will forgive, because in this case his internal balance will be restored. During a conversation, you should not rush him or interrupt him - it is useless, otherwise he will start again. If you want to please him, ask for his advice and competent opinion.

The ability to understand a person with an anal vector should not be superficial. It is also necessary to distinguish his condition - this can change everything. Who is in front of you: the best husband and father or a potential sadist? All the subtleties of the anal vector can be learned at the free online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.

Secretive people

There must be a lot of people around you who are of a different type: they speak briefly, succinctly, and generally don’t like to be frank about themselves - they would prefer to get information from you. The subject of their conversations is, one way or another, profit, benefit, their ambitions. For them, time is money. They can be very resourceful and adapt to changing conditions. These are representatives of the skin vector.

Difficulties in communication

If the owner of the skin vector is developed psychologically and is not in a stressful state, then he is organized, collected, and gives the impression of a real manager. Otherwise, not having sufficient self-discipline, but not losing the desire to limit others, he may throw in inadequate prohibitions: “No! You can’t!”, and when you encounter resistance, you can even make a row. He is no longer distinguished by composure and precision, but by flickering. The natural desire to save and optimize when the properties of the vector are underdeveloped or unrealized manifests itself in greed and pettiness, the pursuit of discounts and freebies.

If you were a victim of someone's deception or fraud, then the offender was most likely a representative of the skin vector in poor conditions. However, these same people are potentially born legislators and servants of order.

When communicating with owners of this vector, you should not go into details: they value their time. Topics for conversation include career, financial well-being, healthy lifestyle, sports, technical innovations, etc. Learning to understand people of this type will not be such a difficult task if you systematically know what motivates them.

Method 2. With friends

Play a guessing game with a friend.

1. Invite a friend to participate in the experiment.

2. Place a chair next to his chair so that you are facing the same direction. A bench or sofa will also work.

3. Ask a friend to sit quietly for a while (15–20 seconds is enough).

4. Imagine that you are him. You can reproduce his pose and try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.

5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the state in the first person. For example: “I’m calm and I like this game” or “I’m feeling a little irritated because you pestered me with this game and I didn’t finish my coffee.”

6. The task of the person being duplicated is to repeat only that part of the message that was guessed. You can’t say “no” or “wrong”. If not a single word of the “understudy” is suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his condition in his own words.

The dialogue might look like this:

Understudy (D):

I'm a little tired, so much work has accumulated.

Subject (I):

I'm tired because I didn't get enough sleep today.

If I got more sleep, I would feel more alert.

AND:

I would feel more energetic if this exhausting renovation was over.

I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension.

AND:

I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension

The exercise lasts on average 2-3 minutes. If you wish, you can switch roles.

How to use

In its pure form, technology is not used in communication. But if you practice it regularly, you will be able to come much closer to understanding the feelings and thoughts of other people than before. This will help you build good relationships and resolve conflicts more easily.

Anton Vorobyov is a clinical psychologist, business coach, psychodrama specialist. On June 10 and 11 he conducts master classes “Work for joy or play at work” and “Guitar Light” at the Moscow Psychodrama Conference. See website for details

Shared experiences with loved ones

An experiment conducted in 2020 at Montreal's McGill University found that our ability to empathize influences our negative experiences. People were asked to put their hands in ice water in the presence of strangers doing the same, and then in the presence of loved ones.

When friends were nearby, the experiment participants rated their discomfort from the water as greater. It turned out that when we experience negative situations near loved ones, we feel their pain.

However, it only took 15 minutes of playing video games together to form an empathic connection with strangers. Even after such a short time, the subjects began to project the pain of another person onto themselves.

How to understand that a person is lying

It is quite difficult to immediately understand whether a person is telling the truth or not. He can lie selflessly and quite convincingly, but his gestures, facial expressions and manner of speech will sooner or later give him away. Knowing about some psychological techniques and methods, you can easily expose a liar.

Take a close look at the interlocutor; his eyes can tell about his sincerity. Psychologists believe that if a person looks up while talking to you, it means he is remembering something, that is, he is turning to visual memory. But moving the gaze to the right and down indicates an internal monologue and careful selection of words. Body language is very important here, twitching a shoulder or leg, taking a step back, lifting your chin - all this is also an alarming signal.
It is possible to expose a deceiver by observing his gestures. A person can tell something with interest and gesticulate, trying to captivate you, and at the same time shake his head from side to side, as if disagreeing with himself. Other signs of lying include regularly touching the lips, neck and nose, clasping one's fingers, or stroking one hand with the other (a gesture of self-soothing).
Trying to mislead, the interlocutor often deviates from the main topic and talks about all sorts of nonsense, stretching out time and wondering whether to tell the truth. Ask him a direct question, most likely he will become confused and admit to deception.
To find out the information you need, do not warn the person that the conversation will take place. Go beyond the standard script, ask the same unexpected questions, change their wording periodically.
Never post everything you know at once, use leading questions; when there is enough information, you can compare it with the information you know.

Ability to identify personality types

Understanding a person is not at all difficult if you know what type of personality he belongs to. There are a huge number of theories about personality types that have been based on scientific research. If you are guided by this information, you can quickly determine the pronounced traits of your interlocutor’s temperament and use this information for your own purposes.

To do this, you need to listen to the person’s words, actions and body language. It is very important to recognize body language when speaking. For example, if the interlocutor looks tense, it means that the conversation is not the most pleasant for him. By gradually collecting such information, you can create a complete psychological portrait of the person of interest. Personality type is considered the main guide to understanding people. However, one must not forget about the situation in which communication takes place, the person’s mood, as well as one’s own intuition, which often suggests the correct answer despite the facts.

Determining your opinion about your partner

And so you meet one of these strangers, approach him, start a conversation, and after five minutes of conversation you have already formed some kind of opinion about him.

You can already say something to yourself, like: “You know, I don’t trust him, there’s something repulsive about him” or “He’s cool, I’d love to talk to him”, or “I think he’s very He’s smart, I’d like to work with him.”

But in fact, a couple of minutes have passed, you haven’t looked at him or his resume and you don’t know much about him, everything that this person told you may or may not be true. Everything you might have noticed is just subtle hints. Therefore, if you train yourself to notice these hints, you will be able to identify for yourself what relates to what.

Step 2

Focus on the interlocutor (see where the person’s attention is directed). First of all, you need to focus their attention

Attention is what is easiest to identify. Many of us do things intuitively, but if we highlight some points, the first one is visual contact. You understand that if a person listens to you or says something and at the same time looks around or at the clock, it means that he wants to leave

The first thing you need to do is focus their attention. Attention is what is easiest to identify

Many of us do things intuitively, but if we highlight some points, the first one is visual contact. You understand that if a person listens to you or says something and at the same time looks around or at the clock, it means that he wants to leave.

You understand this intuitively. Another thing that people find difficult to control is body position. If you are tempted to leave, then your body itself changes direction: “Yes, yes, great, see you tomorrow!” and the person leaves. By the same principle, if you are in a room where there is a person with whom you want to communicate, but you are talking to another person, then your body will involuntarily begin to turn.

Where your hips are pointing, your legs are pointing, your torso is pointing, basically where different parts of your body are pointing are indicators of where your attention is going. And the last thing that can be attributed to attention is the person who is talking to you or with whom you are talking, and how you are involved in the conversation, what questions you ask

The main tasks when contacting a stranger are:

engage the person in conversation; keep his attention.

If you are not involved in the conversation, then you will react to the conversation like: “Yes, yes, great,” “Yeah, very interesting” - this is abstraction. A person’s involvement in a conversation is indicated by questions on the topic – addition. In this case there doesn't have to be a question. An action can simply be a comment that relates to the topic of the conversation. It is an excellent indicator of whether you have interested a person, which is the first step to forming a contact.

The second step is to understand whether you are holding this attention to yourself. Will your interlocutors be interested or vice versa?

And how can one recognize whether a person is interested in what is happening in front of him? Here we turn to emotions.

Hanlon's razor

This is a quote from Robert Hanlon, a joke book author from Pennsylvania, and it goes like this:

Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.

In Hanlon's razor, instead of the word "stupidity" you can put "ignorance", that is, a lack of information before making a decision or taking any action. And here's how it works: when you think someone is treating you badly or doing something out of spite, first dig deeper and find out if it's due to a simple misunderstanding.

For example, if you receive an email from an employee in which he strongly opposes your idea, he may simply not understand the essence of it. And his indignation was not directed at you, he only opposed a proposal that seemed stupid or dangerous to him.

In addition, it often happens that acquaintances try to help a person using their own methods, but he perceives this as vile intrigues. Humans are not naturally evil creatures, so behind every perceived harm there may be good intentions, just awkwardly expressed.

Personality assessment without assumptions

Many people like to rate their interlocutor without even trying to understand his personal qualities. Such a habit will not only not help you learn to understand people, but will also do harm, since value judgments are rarely correct. A person who is unfriendly at first glance may turn out to be shy and timid, while an angry person may be secretive or sad. In order not to be biased, you need to learn to correctly assess the nature of human actions.

First of all, you should think about why a person shows his negative qualities. Rudeness can signal simple frustration or fatigue.
You also need to feel free to ask direct questions in order to learn in more detail about what is in a person’s soul.
You need to ask your interlocutor about the motives of his words and actions. By analyzing cause-and-effect relationships, you can form a more accurate picture of a person.

The value of differences between people

When thinking about how to understand people, we must not forget that they are all completely different. And this is the main value of each individual. There is no need to expect complete understanding and agreement from them in everything. People's actions, as well as their thoughts and actions, may differ and this is the norm. A person who does not understand other people will believe that everyone should think the way he thinks. This will never lead him to the art of understanding their psychology. To develop, you need to constantly meet new people, get to know them, appreciate their differences among themselves, and also stay away from stereotypes.