Probably, in every guy’s life, the thought has arisen about “how to get your ex-girlfriend back?” if she fell out of love and her feelings completely disappeared. When a beloved girl leaves a guy, it is always a sad and very sad event that drives inexperienced guys into deep prostration and melancholy, painful for the soul.
You, like almost all other guys, immediately after a non-mutual breakup with your significant other began to wonder: “Why did she act so callously with me?” And really, how could she act so ruthlessly, because everything in your relationship was perfect, stable and harmonious.
It seemed that with her, the one and only, it was already possible to make grandiose plans for the future, to get married and have children, but suddenly something changed in her head, and she decided to leave you to the mercy of fate and go to her new lover.
The feeling is terribly very unpleasant and painful, you realize that your beloved has left you, and she has a new guy with whom she constantly walks, kisses for Instagram and, probably the most painful thing for you, passionately has sex with him and he tells all his girlfriends about this.
You, as an ex-boyfriend, having learned about this information, begin to go crazy and begin to shed your tears into the pillow on which you once lay with your girlfriend.
It seems to you that you are doomed for the rest of your life and you will never be able to return your beloved. All those who think so are mistaken, since it is possible to return your soulmate.
Even if your girlfriend has lost trust in you, you have every chance to reawaken her feelings and interest in you. Now try to pull yourself together and follow the instructions that will be outlined below.
Stay home
If you have already noticed the first symptoms - fever in the evening, general weakness, cough, runny nose - stay home and get treatment. Many will argue that it’s not so easy to take one day off from work, you have to work, you’re stuck, etc. But believe me, it’s better to lose life for one day than to go on sick leave for at least a week and struggle with residual symptoms for a long time.
Read also: 7 best ways to boost your immunity
Great secret
Surprisingly, God often provides the feelings we need in those moments when we act before we feel. I experienced the reality of what Lewis beautifully describes in the following sentence:
Once we do this, we discover one of the great secrets. When you act like you love someone, you will soon love them. If you hurt someone you don't like, you will find that you dislike them even more.
It is true that your actions often stem from your feelings, but it is also true that your feelings stem from your actions. Not acting in the name of “true love” actually blocks the flow of feelings that could flow if you acted.
I have good friends that I couldn't stand at first. But as the Lord worked on me, He gave me the opportunity to act as if I loved them before I actually loved them - and real love soon followed. The more I invested my energy, time and thoughts into these people, the more my heart became convinced that I truly loved them.
Love is a gift from God, often given when we act before we feel.
Give yourself a break
Many people, especially women, feeling that they are starting to get sick with a cold, actually stay at home, but at the same time they begin to do all those things that they have not gotten around to. The very fact of going outside into the cold is not as important for health as giving the body a rest and maintaining strength to fight the disease. Therefore, there is no need to rush around the house with a rag and start general cleaning - lie down and relax. If you can’t do anything at all, it’s better to read a book or watch your favorite TV series. Don't waste the energy you need to defeat the disease.
How to understand what you feel?
This site talks a lot about feelings. For example, there is already an article “How to understand your feelings?”, which provides basic concepts. And in the article: “What are the signs of hidden depression?” Under the heading: “Methodology for identifying pain points,” a visual image is offered to identify feelings. However, despite such an abundance of materials, the topic has not been fully covered. And it is very important to explain to the reader how to understand what you feel?
Our feelings are at the forefront of everything. It is from them that perception arises, coloring events in any possible color. They are the ones who control actions, and therefore destiny.
However, the main question remains unclear: how to understand what you feel? Despite its apparent simplicity, feelings are not always possible to immediately identify. To identify incomprehensible feelings in psychology, there are such areas as art therapy, fairy tale therapy and others.
What might feelings look like?
In fact, at the beginning, feelings are often not clear! At the time of clarification, their owner can only know for certain that they exist, and they are strong. The power of their influence extends to all areas of life. By the way, it is on this property that psychological techniques are based, designed to answer the question: how to determine feelings? – During the session they will give you pictures – from them you will choose exactly what worries you. They will tell you to draw - you will draw something that reflects known experiences. Even if you decide not to talk about it, you will still mention the forbidden, through secondary signs. In this way, a painful, painful experience makes itself known. It has taken over your whole life. And it looks like this:
My husband’s bewilderment about identifying feelings: “How can you identify figures from the fog?!”
And you have to answer the question: how to understand what you feel?
Possibly interesting: Feeling empty
Method for determining feelings
Since a very strong experience has taken over your entire life, it is impossible to single it out! It is your life now. What can you do about it? How to understand what you feel if the feeling has taken over everything?
Firstly, as has already become clear, a psychologist can help. There will be no problem in finding known experiences. Problems can arise when the experience is not characterized mainly by what is written in the textbook, but it is special, not defined, its own. Under the heading: “An Advanced Way to Identify Feelings,” the article “How to Understand Your Feelings” gives an example of feelings that do not fit into the spectrum known to every psychologist. It is precisely this case, the classical “undetectability” that we are talking about here. Although, the proposed method can be used in “ordinary” situations.
In order to identify feelings, you need to isolate your feeling from your whole life. And clearly define its boundaries, I would even say encapsulate it, so that you can then consciously live through what needs to be overcome. You need to know your “enemy” by sight. An example of conscious living is described in the article entitled “How to overcome hunger.”
Since painful experiences fill your entire life and cannot be isolated from it, the only way left to free yourself from the feeling of the rest of your life is meditation. How not to think is described in detail in books on Zen Buddhism. Thus,
- Meditation is the first thing you need to do to determine your feeling.
- The second thing you need to do without interrupting meditation is to observe yourself. Of course, all this requires calmness - even where it seems impossible to achieve it.
As a result of continuous and calm practice of the voiced methods, one day (not when you want, but when the time comes) you will receive an answer to your question from within. The feeling will become apparent immediately. Or it will make itself felt in the form of a hint - a dream. I have already written an article about how to solve dreams.
Perhaps interesting: Who has the right to freedom?
Thus, you have to determine your boundaries of experience. Your task is to encapsulate your feeling, that is, to push it into an understandable, visible framework. It might look like this:
For feelings, you need to set boundaries (bottle). And then identify it every time it appears - according to the identification marks that are now known. And manage it (live it, or throw it away, or just don’t think about it).
Encapsulation allows you to control a feeling. You remove from the pain everything that depends on other people, determine your own responsibility and your own experience, and only after that can you pull yourself together. Until this moment, your feeling will rage uncontrollably and force you to do emotional actions in which there is no solution to the main problem, but only a reaction to pain and resentment.
I won't say it will bring relief. But it will give understanding, make working with this feeling understandable and conscious. And working with it involves experiencing the absence of what this feeling needs.
The topic of encapsulation does not end with this article. The article on how to identify your enemy provides methods for identifying everything that happens under the influence of a harmful feeling.
The topic is continued in the article about how to recognize an enemy by sight.
You can also read this article:
Stages of experiencing feelings
Share link:
Read other articles on this topic:
How can you be prepared to live through your very strong feelings?
Part 4 of “People in the Closet” entitled “Karma” has been published
How to solve your problem? - Start with feelings!
Drink more fluids
The myth that water helps treat colds and flu is just that, a myth. However, the body suffers from dehydration during the period of illness, and even at the initial stage of the disease it is important to maintain the correct water balance. Try to drink clean water rather than coffee, tea or carbonated drinks. You can add a piece of ginger root, honey or lemon to the water, and also buy a bottle of medicinal mineral water.
Read also: How to learn to wake up early, even if you are a night owl
Fake it 'til you make it
These men and women who felt the tension in Lewis's principle were rightfully irritated, because our feelings should ideally precede our actions of love for God and neighbor. But you will probably agree with me – it often doesn’t work out that way. Our feelings are immature - they tend to sulk, squeal and remain silent. And, unfortunately, they are often angry with those they love the most.
So, given that our fallen feelings are not fully redeemed, what should we do in situations where we do not feel loving? What I suggest is this: fake the feeling until He makes it real.
The naysayers were right about fighting “fake it 'til you make it” love, because we ourselves don't do anything that lasts. We may feign temporary sympathy and compassion for people, but a deep change of heart toward others (that glorifies the Lord and actually loves them) comes from God himself (Galatians 5:22-23). Indeed, this is only possible after God gives us a new heart.
Ventilate the room
If you don’t do this, your apartment will soon turn into a breeding ground for your own germs and bacteria. And this not only prevents the body from fighting the disease, but also increases the risk of infecting your household members. Of course, ventilate the room when leaving it so as not to worsen your condition due to low temperatures - especially when it is frosty outside.
He's already done it
The more I try to apply this principle in my life, the more opportunities I discover for its application.
- Are you tempted to fear a person? How would you act if you didn't have this ungodly fear? Act by asking God to give you the liberating fear of Him, not of man (Isaiah 8:12-13).
- Are you tempted by anxiety? What would it look like to trust in the Lord with all your heart in this situation (Proverbs 3:5)? Take action and ask God to give you His peace (John 14:27).
- Are you tempted by lust? What would honoring God look like toward that girl, guy, or computer screen? Take action and ask God to kill the lusts still growing in your heart.
As a result, we “fake it until we make it” because, in fact, He has already made it - He has already done it. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the ancient has passed away, now everything is new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17). We don't pretend to be someone we're not; we “put on” who we already are, even though we don’t feel like we live up to it (Colossians 3:1-17).
As Christians, we fake love not to escape reality, but to live it more fully.
By Greg Morse / © 2020 Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org Translation – Natalia Nakaznyuk for
Latest: 25.09 (Ukraine). Thank you!
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Treat symptoms
Everyone is well aware that it is not recommended to lower the temperature to 38 degrees so that the body can fight the infection. However, this does not apply to other symptoms. If you don't get rid of your runny nose, you will start breathing through your mouth and most likely your throat will hurt. And in principle there is no need to endure a sore throat and cough. Buy nasal drops, lozenges or cough syrup, or use folk remedies.
Read also: Menstruation – debunking old myths
If your ear hurts
The ear is generally a very dangerous thing. If it hurts, you should see a doctor, especially if you have a fever. If it just hurts, you can try an option such as turundas with ear drops. You need to twist cotton wool and insert it into the ear, and then drip drops with an anesthetic effect, but not antibiotics (only a doctor can prescribe them). This turunda lasts 20 minutes, because I wouldn’t recommend it without a doctor’s prescription. You can put it on three or four times a day. In principle, the pain should go away in 3-5 days, a maximum of a week. If the pain continues, intensifies, and even the temperature rises, you should contact a specialist. Also, you should urgently go to the doctor if there is acute pain: it cannot be tolerated for 3-5 days.
It is quite possible to call a doctor. And it's better than going to the hospital on your own. If the symptoms do not bother you too much, we treat it ourselves, as usual. If the situation worsens, is accompanied by a high temperature for a long time, there is a cough, or the ear hurts severely, you should not delay: you need to call a specialist. Otherwise, there is a high risk of complications: sinusitis, purulent otitis, severe sore throat or an abscess when pus accumulates behind the tonsil.
Why don't we leave if there are no feelings and Why do people leave
Why do people leave or Why don’t we leave? Why do people leave or Why don’t we leave if there are no feelings and nothing holds. Why do loved ones leave, maybe it’s better this way?
Why don’t we leave those we don’t love or should we still decide and take a step?
Many people who continue to live together without feelings for each other, and do not even have children. It’s just that many people are afraid of loneliness and the unknown of how everything will be in the future. They think, well, I’ll leave her (him), and then what, it’s not yet known who I’ll find. Maybe I’ll be left alone, or I’ll find one and it’ll turn out even worse.
Moreover, you may have to change a lot of things altogether - your lifestyle, perhaps even your work, your environment, and even quite likely the loss of friends, and this is not an easy decision to make. And so you live, you suffer somewhere, but still there is some kind of stability.
Women are somehow more afraid of this. They are afraid to be left alone - they are more frightened by loneliness and the unknown, although of course not everyone. And we just think less about it. But if we really think about it, then what’s more confusing is that there will be no one to take care of it in terms of cooking, washing, cleaning, etc.
However, the inability or unwillingness to solve everyday problems on their own is characteristic of both men and women. This already depends on the psychology of the person.
The psychology of a dependent , or whatever else you can call it, when it is more profitable for a person to remain silent and endure just to push his worries onto his partner. Psychology, when it does not have its own independence, is more like a parasite or a polyp. Suck it up and live for yourself, at least with someone, as long as there is no responsibility. If you are such a person, then you are doing everything right - endure, live and suck.
Others may think this - sex seems to always be around, but it won’t be like that - look where, who, with whom and how, not everyone can easily meet and make contacts. In general, the same stability and fear of starting a new life, alone or alone, stops many.
The opinion of others, what the people we encounter in life, at work, grannies at the entrance just dreaming of scratching their tongues about someone or something might think about us - this can also be a reason for inaction. In this case, you need to learn to be independent.
Another decisive option is property, money , one of the common reasons. Even if there are no children, and the person is completely tired, worse than a bitter radish, money and a comfortable life are a good incentive to continue living together, there’s no other way to call it. It’s easier if the property is shared, but even here it’s not so simple.
At the previous place where I lived before, such an example was always before my eyes. One guy lived with a very old woman (she was good enough for him to be his mother) and only because he didn’t have a stake or a yard, and he didn’t want to do anything at all. And there are quite a few women who live comfortably - they don’t care about the man, the main thing is the feeder .
Habit , somewhere attachment to a person , is also one of the reasons why people, between whom there have been no feelings for a long time, continue to live together. The simplest habit is the fear of change, the fear that things will suddenly get worse. We get used to a person and already, somewhere, we can’t imagine how it will be without him...
We all have many different habits, good and bad. This habit is very bad. It turns out that a person has long ceased to be interesting to us, there is nothing left except indifference and hostility, but when you don’t see him for some time, a subconscious feeling arises that something is missing.
It’s funny to hear when the question is, “So, why don’t you quit then?” “, - follows the answer - “Ah, yes, I’m already used to it.” One gets the impression that the person does not believe in himself, that he deserves the best, and that he will have the best if he puts an end to these outdated relationships. The position - “let at least someone be nearby, at least someone in bed, as long as it’s not alone” - is even somehow humiliating . I think it’s better to be alone than with old cowards.
And sometimes a person tolerates another out of pity . This works for us at work. True, he has a mistress, but he won’t leave his former acquaintance. Moreover, there are no children. Yes, we lived together for a long time and there were feelings, but everything is long ago in the past.
The question is, why don’t you completely break off this relationship, because now everything is fine with your new partner. The answer is: - “It’s a pity, after all, there are so many
we lived together, and it will be difficult for her alone, she is not very adapted to life,” - well, what can one say to such a thing, it’s his choice. A person simply feels a feeling of pity and sometimes even guilt.
And perhaps somewhere a sense of self-worth is also possible. Such feelings are characteristic of both men and women. Perhaps even more so for a woman, because a woman also has such a feeling as motherhood.
Why did I even write this article? Moreover, I believe that each of us can and should live , and not exist. After all, we only live once and we have only one youth. And so as not to regret in the future that you were afraid or for some reason did not want to change your life. Will we then be confident in how we acted now, and will we not bitterly regret it?
It is not necessary to endure and torment yourself and the other person when you can put an end to it and start all over again.
This article can give people who have been abandoned by a dear person the answer to the question, “ loved ones leave ?” - you, of course, love a person, but love, unfortunately, is not always mutual, especially if you did not have common interests and views on things .
Lastly, I would like to note that joint affairs, understanding, respect and commonality of views, emotional and sexual compatibility - all this together can reliably connect people even without any high feelings of love. In addition, it is possible that these feelings may come later. And such an alliance between people may turn out to be the strongest. The decision is yours.
Everything is boring, but why don’t we leave the people who bother us? Probably because it’s scary to start a new life. And if you are not a rich woman or man, or you are not free, or you have children and you have nowhere to go. tired of living in wealth, but without love, or tired of living in poverty and also without love, think, maybe it’s really time to leave everything, including the annoying person, and try to start a new life, a life without insurance and guarantees, but your own...
No person can become more of a stranger than the one you loved in the past.
Erich Maria Remarch
You can regret it all your life, not love a person and continue the chosen path out of habit or because of material wealth, it is important that you realize this and so that you don’t regret your decision later, it should only be your conscious and informed decision.
Maybe God wants us to meet the wrong people before meeting that one person, when that happens we are ready and grateful
Well, for those who don’t want to wonder why people leave, I recommend the article on how to save relationships - read the link.
Sincerely, Andrey Russkikh
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Some music for dessert
