How to change a man's attitude towards himself
Hi all! June is with you. And I want to confidently declare that a woman’s fate depends on her self-respect! Especially when it comes to guys. Today I will tell you how to change a man’s attitude towards himself and achieve the best for himself.
In my articles, I often touch on the topic of self-esteem, dignity and respect, which are formed in early childhood. But today I will not dwell on the reasons in detail, but will tell you how to become loved .
For this, beautiful girls, understand the simple mechanism of how the attitude of others depends on ourselves .
Change the situation or attitude towards it?
What does it mean to change your attitude? Resign yourself, surrender, accept defeat? The deceit lies in the lack of specifics.
Does your husband beat you? Nowhere to go? Humble yourself, he loves it that way. The boss is harassing you, but there is no new job? Change your attitude to the situation, he is not harassing, but caring - give in. Are you being beaten and humiliated by your peers, can’t stand up for yourself? Change your attitude towards the situation, it’s just fate - to be a victim.
Is it always impossible to change the situation? It’s so easy to say to yourself “what can I do?”, then begin to creatively change your attitude towards the situation. The main thing here is not to lie to yourself; often “I don’t want” is hidden behind “I can’t.”
At first a person does not want to change anything, then he feels like a victim of circumstances and comes to terms with his position as a victim. And to make it easier to accept defeat, certain wisdom can help.
When a person really wants something, he can move mountains. Another question is whether this is always necessary, appropriate, correct. But it is useful to remember that there is an opportunity if there is a desire to change the situation.
Of course, there are plenty of options when nothing can be changed. For example, when earth is thrown onto the lid of a coffin, it is already over for that person. For everyone else, there is an opportunity to at least not give up right away.
Everyone is right - you are not. Adjust!
Many are already accustomed to pathologically blaming themselves for everything. The boss can’t be bad, the team is always right, they pay what they deserve, and that’s fair.
Accept the situation as it is, change the perception of the situation, because it’s not about them, it’s about you. You can only humbly ask and repent if you are wrong. Maybe it's simple...
• There is no need to blame yourself if everything around you is crooked.
There is no need to blame yourself for everything. There are many people willing to do this for you.
Why is it beneficial to instill a guilt complex? As soon as a person begins to feel guilty and wrong, it becomes easy to control him. He will not try to change the crooked situation, he will change his attitude towards it until he is blue in the face and sort out his difficult feelings.
Such a person in the context of business is not a competitor, in the family he is a “workhorse”, in friendship he “cannot refuse”, the situation is constantly not in his favor. Or does he allow it to be folded like that? After which all that remains is to find the right attitude to the situation so that life is not so sickening.
I'll share my experience. Like any person, I have had very different life circumstances. The reaction sequence is as follows:
1. What can be done to change the situation. Here you need to list specific real actions, and all possible ones. It is important to understand how much you will have to pay.
You have to pay for everything, for example: money, time, nerves, energy. If it’s very expensive, then you just need to be aware that correcting the situation is more expensive than leaving it as is.
2. There is no point in blaming yourself. It’s not possible to go back and change everything, everything is unchanged, you have to look forward. Possible future solution. Will guilt help?
Well, in case it helps someone, worry about your health. I don’t, so I won’t.
3. Only when it becomes completely clear that the situation cannot be changed or it will be very expensive, then you can change your attitude towards it. That is, after taking specific actions or accurately calculating the consequences.
This order seems reasonable to me.
Tags: psychological difficulties, self-education, working on oneself, problem solving, situations, perception of the situation, attitude to the situation
Men are a mirror
The principle of mirroring is not new, but if you've never wondered why some people treat you the way they do, then it's time to do so. Unless, of course, you plan to spend your life on a desert island.
So, how it works: you were born with a certain temperament, which was layered with social upbringing. As a result, you have developed your own perception of yourself. Everything you feel about yourself, you project into the world . Accordingly, the world sees you as you demonstrate yourself to it.
Also, if you do not respect yourself and value yourself low, then the man treats you accordingly, subconsciously believing that this is exactly what you need. Yes, that's exactly what happens. Therefore, the only way to change the attitude of the stronger sex for the better is to change yourself . Do you want to be cared for, loved, respected and appreciated? So, take care, love and value yourself.
There will be no miracles, there will be hard work ahead, because the most difficult thing about this is that you are accustomed to your behavior and it is difficult for you to adequately assess your manners, gestures, where you are obsequious, helpful, overly soft or aggressive. But this is only at first. Everything is quite realistic and achievable.
TOP 5 rules that will help you change it. Secrets of mutual understanding between men and women
Let him decide. If you tell a man: “You are a fool,” he is unlikely to want to move mountains. He won't earn a million and throw it all at your feet. Try to convince the man that he is in charge. A lot in your relationship depends on him, show him that you trust him. Believe me, depreciation will not lead to good.
Practice noticing the good. Do you think men often say “thank you”? If you don't believe me, ask your friends. I'm sure they will say that praise towards a man is rather rare. 90% of women pay attention to some mistakes and only 10% can praise a man.
Picked up a girl in a car? Well, OK. Did you bring a gorgeous bouquet? Place it in a vase in the hallway. You will be smart if you start noticing such things and complimenting a man when he really tried.
Show that he is free in his decisions. Who wants to date a commander in a skirt? Who likes to march in formation? No one. You wouldn’t like it either, so don’t behave like that with a man if you want a normal relationship. Respect his personality and his opinion.
Tell him you love him. Did it smell like vanilla? So maybe it was the buns that were browning in your oven? Because I'm speaking completely seriously now. There is nothing wrong with such confessions.
The simple words “I love you” give so much strength and energy. They have everything you need - trust, care, acceptance. Do not forget about it. And even if you then talk about socks, which so prevent you from living with their presence under the bed, it will sound completely different.
Do not worry.
In the end, I want to tell you the most important thing: all this magic doesn’t work if your man doesn’t want to change. If he doesn't care that some things drive you crazy. He must want to change himself. Then everything will definitely work out.
But remember, there are things that you cannot cure: indifference, alcoholism, chronic lovers, tank addiction and other illnesses. So, before you get down to business and start changing it, answer yourself the most philosophical question on Earth: “Do I need it?”
You may be interested in: My man is my hero: what is relationship devaluation and why does it happen to you
How to become confident
Start by accepting your current state of affairs and setting a goal to change . Imagine exactly what you want to be. You can take an example to follow.
Often, when girls are asked if they love themselves, they usually answer automatically that, of course, they do. Because our cunning consciousness rejects any unpleasant information . But if you listen to yourself, you can hear a tiny voice somewhere in the distance, in the background of your thoughts, how you really feel about yourself.
This voice is very important to hear, because it is the one that tells you the truth . Healing truth that will help you change. Imagine exactly what you want to be and set a goal to achieve this result.
The desire for independence
And let those around you not yet suspect that you have begun to change and may, out of habit, alienate something. But you know that deep within you, massive changes have begun and you are on the path to success.
Don't seek approval. As soon as you catch yourself thinking that someone’s opinion is important to you, immediately and abruptly stop yourself. Switch your attention to something else. But take compliments with gratitude and a sense of pride in yourself! Under no circumstances say anything refuting. You deserve them!
I am the most charming and attractive
Next action:
- Focus on your attractiveness: external and internal. Realize your individuality. Previously, you pushed it as far as possible, now emphasize it. Take care of yourself, take care of and cherish your body, take care of your health. Let the world see you! He will see your style, your way of thinking, your views.
Men do not love a pretty picture, but a real, sensual, unique woman. Why is Monica Bellucci so popular? Her beauty may not be to everyone’s taste, but in her gaze, manners, poses, movements, everything shows: I am a woman and I am unique.
- Develop yourself, expand your horizons , become interested in different topics and learn to speak on these topics. Form your own point of view on everything. They love not powerful women or gray mice, but smart women who subtly understand reality. Read about what to do if your relationship is at an impasse.
- Increase your self-esteem. Make a list of your achievements, remember how well you studied at university or how you received a promotion at work, how you passed a difficult project or gave a brilliant presentation. And the most important thing is how hard you work on yourself, because this will be the most serious achievement for you.
How does a family function?
For example, you can travel with your family in the summer. It is a time full of joy, laughter, silliness, irritation, frustration, despair and everything else that makes people human. As wonderful as this time is, every year a part of you is a little surprised that your whole family comes home as a whole, on the same plane or the same car, and no one leaves early, everyone continues to talk to each other, most of the time time, even friendly, ready to continue to make this great experiment called family function. Although the examples that were given at the beginning are quite light-hearted and intended to entertain you, the truth is that family offers people the most satisfying, deep and rewarding elements of human existence, but also some of the most difficult and painful elements.
Useful tips
Another important rule:
- Create helpful boundaries. These are your internal guards who do not allow intruders to enter your home, your inner world. You yourself control who to offer slippers to and whose dirty boots should not be there. Determine what is allowed to be done to you and what is not. If you allow rudeness, aggression and disrespect, then get ready for the world to obligingly provide you with plenty of it.
- Find support . And it’s better not from those you know, since they and you have already developed certain stereotypes and patterns of perception. Go to courses, trainings, meetings of people who have the same goal as you. Do not spare money, it will bring colossal energy. Learn to get along with your colleagues at work.
- Start planning your time . Feel the value of your time. Don't agree to someone's requests or meetings if you don't like them in some way or interfere with your plans. You need to learn to refuse, even if it is difficult to do.
Well, do you feel your wings spreading inside? Catch this feeling and hold on to it when you communicate with someone, in any situation!
As my mentor said: if you blurt out, then blurt out confidently!
