How many of us can boast of a life without offensive words addressed to us or uncomfortable situations? Most often, all this discomfort is provoked by a lack of tact. A sense of tact in communication - sometimes so necessary, so simple and so complex - could every time neutralize people’s grievances and inconveniences. But for this to happen, tact must become commonplace and habitual.
How to make tactfulness in communicating with people habitual? If each of us at least once a day remembers the feeling of tact and, in communicating with others, catches himself in its manifestation or non-manifestation, then this will be a step forward. It is important in any situation to remember your sense of tact and adjust your behavior. It would seem that everything is simple. All that remains is to try.
Definition
What is tact? This word can characterize such a property of a person as the ability to behave in accordance with the etiquette and ethical canons accepted in society. However, this concept implies not only mechanical adherence to behavioral guidelines, but also the ability to feel and understand the internal state of the interlocutor so much as to avoid awkward and unpleasant situations, both for him and for others.
In other words, tact is when a person can behave in such a way as not to touch any “sore spot” of another person, not to offend or humiliate him. And this is usually done intuitively. But, unfortunately, not everyone has such intuition, and some people are not even aware of tact. They tell the truth and believe that they are doing the right thing, and at the same time they are sincerely surprised that they are offended.
What is tact?
Tactfulness is a series of moral qualities that must be strived for. The manifestation of these facets of human personality concerns all areas of life, and especially those related to relationships and communication.
Every well-mannered individual knows well what tact is. The owner of this quality is extremely delicate and never allows himself to have a bad attitude towards anyone. A tactful person is able to cope with his negative emotions, therefore, when in society, he will never offend or point out their shortcomings to those present. Moreover, he will not discuss anyone with others behind their back. Tactfulness always goes hand in hand with restraint and a sense of proportion, which are manifested in everything.
When the truth borders on rudeness
Of course, such “love of truth,” which causes mental trauma to the interlocutor, is inappropriate and extremely undesirable; it is already close to manifestation of rudeness. Hence the conclusion: if there is no urgent need to “open the eyes” of your counterpart to any juicy details concerning himself or his loved ones, it is better not to do this. Moreover, they are unlikely to thank you for it.
There is no need to point out to a person any physical defects for no apparent reason, because they cannot be corrected, so such criticism is prohibited. But if these are shortcomings in clothing, then you can pay attention to them if, for example, they compromise a person, and he himself will be glad to correct them. If you do this unobtrusively and not in an offensive manner, this will be a manifestation of tact.
There are situations when a friend or girlfriend shares with you the joy of purchasing a new thing, but it seems to you that it is not worth such enthusiasm. But since the purchase has already been made, and nothing will change because of your criticism, in this case, to be tactful is to support your loved one, albeit somewhat dishonestly, to praise his choice, and not to ruin his mood.
Tactfulness and politeness in dealing with people.
We all live in society, we all exist and are formed in communication. Be it direct reality or virtual. It is usually customary to be polite. Politeness and tact are very close concepts. Sometimes these concepts are even perceived as one whole. However, politeness can be both tactless and evil, which can never be said about tact.
Tactfulness is when it is not offensive or humiliating. Tactfulness is when you guess how to behave in a certain situation, it is when you accurately select the appropriate words. Politeness is usually a standard phrase in everyday communication. Having said a polite phrase, we can turn away and make a grimace. The sense of tact always comes from within. And, turning away, we do not grimace, because tact gives deep confidence in the correctness of actions and words.
Politeness is often a mask, tactfulness is the face. Politeness is an external manifestation, tactfulness is always an internal manifestation. And if suddenly all polite people stopped being polite and began to show only a sense of tact in its purest form when communicating with other people, the world would become more sincere and gentle.
Don't get into your soul
It is always better to avoid situations where questions are raised that touch on the intimate aspects of the interlocutor’s life. This concerns questions about salary, general financial condition, family relationships, relationships between men and women, and religion. For example, if a girl is not married, you don’t need to ask her every time you meet how she’s doing “on the personal front.” A childless couple does not need to be asked about the reason for their childlessness. In the presence of relatives of a person suffering from alcoholism, the topic of drunkenness should not be broached. In such cases, tactfulness means, knowing the vulnerabilities, being able to get around sharp corners.
If the partner himself brings up the topic, expressing his opinion, you need to be careful in your expressions and not make harsh judgments. But what if the person you are communicating with is not well known to you, and you do not know about his vulnerabilities? Then you need to delve into his words and try to understand what might offend him.
It would also be tactless to publicly discuss your personal problems in the presence of strangers, for example, when you are talking on the phone, especially in transport, on the street or at work.
Tactfulness: synonyms
The object we are considering has quite a lot of them, for example, these are the following words:
- Politeness.
- Subtlety.
- Courtesy.
- Respectfulness.
- Delicacy.
- Care.
- Flexibility.
- Courtesy.
- Gallantry.
- Correctness.
- Courtesy.
- Courtesy.
- Good manners.
- Sensitivity.
- Responsiveness.
- Understanding.
- Sensitivity.
- Tolerance.
- Caution.
A few more rules
Here are a few more rules to help you stay tactful:
- Behavior in which, in the presence of a person not privy to the essence of the issue, one speaks in hints, whispers, exchanges glances, demonstrating one’s “knowledge of the secret” is considered tactless. Secrets need to be discussed without witnesses, who may feel unnecessary.
- It would be tactless to show idle curiosity, demonstrate interest in someone else's life - eavesdropping on conversations, reading other people's letters, telephone messages not addressed to you, looking closely at a person, especially with physical disabilities, looking into his mouth while eating.
- Friendliness and courtesy should not cross the boundaries, turning into importunity. Showing restraint in expressing your feelings is also evidence of tact.
- If you see a person in an awkward situation, it is better to pretend that you did not recognize or did not notice him at all, and if this did not work out, then try to forget about the trouble and never remind him of it.
From all that has been said, we can conclude that, unlike politeness, which is characterized by knowledge of certain rules and their observance, tactfulness is a manifestation of special attention to the interlocutor, concern for his feelings.
Rules of tact
Ease and tact are the main qualities of a pleasant and ethical person. Such people are not inclined to insult others, will never put their interlocutor in an awkward position, or offend with a negative statement. In addition, tactful and educated people:
- do not interfere in the affairs of others without a third-party request;
- do not diminish the dignity of those around them;
- do not interrupt the interlocutor when he is speaking;
- are distinguished by delicacy, balance, and complaisance;
- thanks to being well-read and educated, they can constructively support any conversation;
- stand out from their environment with their speech, manners, and behavior;
- arouse interest and sympathy in the social circle.
What should you pay attention to in order to show your best side, so that your behavior in society does not cause rejection and irritation among others?
Correct speech
It is recommended to speak calmly, measuredly and not too loudly. The more calmly a person expresses his thoughts, the more importance society attaches to them. Speech control is the main rule of behavior in society.
At the same time, it is recommended to make your speech more meaningful and understandable, get rid of parasitic words, excessive gestures and emotionality.
There should be a pause between your speeches. Interrupting your interlocutor is extremely unethical and rude. It is better if in a conversation you take the position of a listener rather than a speaker. Listening is an art that is valued in any society.
At the same time, it is highly recommended not to talk about your own problems, openly complain about your life, about difficulties, or discuss the troubles of other people.
Politeness and respect
A polite person is distinguished by the abundance of “magic” words in his speech. Such words could be “Thank you”, “Please”, “Sorry”, etc.
Excessive familiarity, addressing everyone as “YOU” is extremely undesirable for building respectful and polite communication. Successful behavior in society implies respect for the interlocutor, his problems and difficulties. Even if you have a high social status (you are the boss), you cannot show disdain for people.
Any touching of the opponent during a conversation is undesirable. Don't jerk the person, slap them, or poke your finger.
Similarly, talking “with your mouth full” looks ugly and unethical. Even if you are having lunch, put food aside while you talk. People who constantly chew and swallow something do not arouse sympathy among their interlocutors.
Acceptable conversation topics
When communicating with unfamiliar people, it is better to avoid any sensitive, controversial, or personal topics. Delicate moments are good to discuss only with your best friends, but not in public.
It is especially not recommended to insist on the conversation or your point of view when the interlocutor avoids communication in every possible way, tries to change the subject, or gets distracted. In this case, an obvious lack of interest can be a disservice to you. And any attempts to show off your intelligence, to amaze with your intellect, will negatively affect your relationships with people.
Mood
Competent behavior in society implies that people do not show their hostility, negative attitude, or bad mood. If you are torn by irritability and indignation, overwhelmed by worries and problems, it is better to remove yourself from society, being left alone. In a conversation, all the above qualities will have to be hidden.
If you find yourself in a social environment of your own free will, please show joy, greeting, goodwill and tact.
People don't like overly noisy people. Anecdotes and funny stories are also good in moderation; they should not offend or hint at other people. It’s better to hold off on witticisms and teasing here. If you are perceived as a buffoon, then there is no question of seriousness and respect.
Try not to tell people bad news so that your personality is less associated with problems, difficulties, and troubles.
