How to start a new life and change yourself: 10 tips from a psychologist

How to start making changes

The very first stage is awareness of the problem. You need to admit to yourself that this order of things does not suit you, and also decide which elements of everyday life bring the greatest discomfort, and what you want to leave. It is very important here not to confuse what to remove and what to take into a changed life, because people often tend to dramatize or make mistakes, idealizing what needs to be gotten rid of. This can be the case with a man - you can love him, think that happiness is hidden in him, but in fact it turns out that he is the root of the problems.

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Reasons to start living from scratch

The reason for change can be one of two sequences of events - an abrupt situation that turns life upside down, or a gradual, monotonous deterioration of the condition. We have compiled a list of common problematic issues that, taken together or individually, can lead to a desire to change:

Employment in an unloved place: a distant field of activity, an unpleasant team or frequent mistakes, reprimands.
Exhausted relationships: last, but do not bring joy, inspiration, have no future.
Long absence of a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, spouse.
The presence of bad habits leads to apathy, depression, self-doubt, loss of purposefulness or a substitution of goals (instead of sports achievements, drink beer near the TV).
Medical complications - injuries, physical or mental illnesses.
Having excess weight or an unfit figure - problems with appearance often trigger a general wave of dissatisfaction with oneself.

If you feel one of the reasons presented, you need to try to cope with it or think about how to start life from scratch.

Why start living in a new way?

Everyone knows the hackneyed phrase: “I’ll start on Monday...!”, “I’ll definitely start from the New Year...!” And each person has his own idea of what to start and why to start it. Everyone has the need to become better, to be recognized and loved, to one degree or another. Every person one day comes to the decision to change something in his life, because it cannot continue like this.

Serious changes in our lives come after we realize we are in a dead end, be it a relationship with a guy, terrible working conditions, living in a hated area, constant conflicts, etc.

It is in these crisis situations (and a person goes through several such crises in his life) that a desire arises to change everything for the better, to start life from scratch.

And that's great! But where to start? How to determine what exactly needs to be removed from your life? If it’s difficult to figure it out on your own, specialists – healers of human souls – are ready to help. But you can help yourself, you just have to listen to yourself and decide to change your life.

Reasons to say goodbye to the past

An urgent break with events, places, people and memories is necessary if:

Depression, apathy have appeared, you don’t want to get up in the morning.
Things fall out of hand, you can’t do your usual things.
Close people are “pulled to the bottom” - emotionally and physically, for example, by attracting them to bad habits and idleness.
You feel tired, weak, you start getting sick more often, your immunity has become worse.
Nothing makes you happy - neither the taste of ice cream, nor a conversation with your significant other.

These symptoms may tell you that something needs to be done.

How to awaken your desire to change

It is necessary to understand your problems and the reasons that lead to their formation. Then you will have a list of unwanted people, situations, opinions, circumstances that need to be corrected. Now evaluate how harmful their impact is, what could happen in the absence of this factor.

Let's give an example. A woman is married, unhappy in her marriage, 5 years old, cannot have a child, although she is physically healthy. She secretly suffers from mutual love for her colleague, but cannot leave her unloved husband because of feelings of pity and guilt. If she changes the situation and leaves her husband, she gets a healthy relationship, family happiness, and possibly the birth of a long-awaited child.

The desire for change can be easily stimulated by embracing a brighter future.

How to let go of the past and start life over

We become attached to the familiar - to everyday life, to acquaintances, even to the same bus. This gives a feeling of stability, success, calmness, and prosperity. The most difficult step is the first, preparatory step. It suggests a break with previous years. It could be:

Psychologist Daria Milai

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Leaving the family. Are you 30 and living with a mom who controls every action? You can only get rid of control, evaluation, condemnation and suppression of potential by moving away. Personal space not only makes it possible to stay awake at night and throw things around, but also to realize self-realization.
Divorce or separation from a young man. Difficult relationships that lead to nowhere, betrayals, quarrels, resentments - this wears you out emotionally and prevents you from being happy. Assess the situation - do you need to fight for the relationship or will nothing else save it? In the second case, it is necessary to separate.
Quitting a job you don't like. Identify interests and skills, find a position that bridges the two fields.

The rule of care applies to everything - stop reading a book you don’t like, watching an uninteresting movie, eating something that tastes bad, doing things that are familiar but unnecessary. When you leave, don’t look back - by giving yourself a chance to return, you reduce responsibility for decisions and confidence in action.

Where to start a new life

I will give you 10 recommendations that can be taken as a guide to action in the first stages. To start:

Finish the things you started and cut off these ends - you should not be burdened by an unfinished obligation. Give your report, call your ex and dot the i's, write a letter of resignation and talk to your boss.
Clean up - sort out all the old trash that reminds you of your routine. Some items can be thrown away as unnecessary, the rest can be sold on one of the sites. The most valuable things should be left behind.
Forget the past. Let's give an example in relationships: throw out old photos together, hide (sell, give away) gifts, do not go to a page on social networks, do not re-read correspondence.
Live for tomorrow - plan, dream, set goals. It's pleasant and productive.
Draw a tree of tasks - in the center there are one or two large ones, below that there are smaller steps, gradually strive to complete them. For example, a big goal is buying a car, smaller ones are getting a driver’s license and approval for a car loan, raising funds for a down payment.
Come up with a motivation system. When you make the right steps and decisions, reward yourself. Incentives vary depending on specific circumstances. For example, for an overweight girl, the motive may be to lose weight, and the result may be a downward arrow on the scale.
Don’t give up, stay positive, always look on the bright side of the situation.
Visualize your “plan” by dividing the page into two columns: “leave in the past”, “implement in the future”.
Imagine the material result of where to start living in a new way - a private house instead of a one-room apartment, a magnificent wedding for 100 people, or the office of a company director. A visual picture will help you not to deviate from your intended goal.
Believe in yourself, then those around you will believe too!

You have a new job

You got a new job. What will it be like? How to behave in a new job? A new job is the beginning of a new life: unfamiliar people, surroundings, conditions and rules. Most often, a new job causes an emotional uplift, a surge of energy, and new hopes. A person gets a chance to start his life again. Indeed, now you can express yourself differently. You come to a new place as an unknown person; you were previously considered indecisive, but now you finally have the opportunity to appear energetic, active, and confident.

The opportunity to be different is one of the most valuable assets in any new job. Make the most of this opportunity. Consider creating a new image. It's scary to change your style to a more youthful one, wear trousers or a short skirt, if you've been seen wearing age-appropriate blouses and classic skirts for years. All this is easily done when moving to a new job, where you can come in more modern and bold clothes, with a new hairstyle, without thinking about how your co-workers will appreciate such changes.

When you start a new job, you must first discuss your responsibilities with your boss, even if you are a highly qualified specialist. Since the new boss may have completely different requirements, his own vision of what and how you should do.

When communicating with employees, it is best to use the active listening method, that is, give preference to listening rather than speaking.

Show your interest in what your colleague is saying by looking carefully into his eyes, reacting to his speech with facial expressions, facial expressions, nodding your head, expressing interest and empathy for what was said. This gives the impression of joining what is being said to you, but allows you to collect information rather than express your point of view.

Ask as many questions as possible, show your interest in the structure, organization, and traditions of the team. Don’t try to bring your own working methods, your own style, if you think that you do it better, more professionally - change stereotypes gradually, without causing irritation, enlist the support of your bosses and employees.

It is very important to prove yourself from the first days. Use every opportunity for this. While you are a new person at work and don’t know many people, maintain a fair chain of command - a distance between the boss and junior staff. Without knowing the style of relationships in the team, it is better to play it safe and not get on short terms with the service staff, and especially not to become familiar with the boss.

Relations with everyone - from the janitor to the director - must be extremely polite and friendly. Do not neglect the kind attitude towards you; it is better to be a favorite and a pleasant person in the eyes of all employees than to arouse envy and hostility in someone. Create your own favorable regime.

Take the trouble to remember the employees' names or write them down so you address them correctly.

Do not burden others with your problems, complaints about life, do not rush to talk about troubles in the family, about a harmful mother-in-law or an irresponsible husband, moderate your complaints about lack of money and high prices. Don't become a victim in the eyes of all your colleagues. People don't like victims. Keep in mind that everyone is tired of constant problems and tension. By playing the victim in your new job, you are hindering your growth and advancement. The victim is trusted little, little is expected of her; while suffering, you show yourself to be a small, defenseless person, on whom nothing in this world depends - is it any wonder that after this you will be treated that way. Try to be optimistic, talk more often about your successes and joyful events and you will see how well people will accept you.

Support people, show care and attention towards them and receive support and love in return. The more we give, the more we receive. Become the creator of new relationships at work.

Try to emphasize the importance, competence and success of other people, give compliments and thank them for their help - this is a good way to create friendly relationships.

In a word, gradually create what seems right to you, and do not participate in what does not correspond to your principles and morals. Maybe it’s customary here to gossip and judge behind your back. Don't take part in this if you think it's dishonest. And this can be done calmly, without conflicts. When such conversations begin, just say one day: “I don’t like to judge behind my eyes!” Accept the new rules, but do not allow yourself to fall below your moral principles.

A new job means a new life. And not only at work. Changes will occur in your family too. Whether you change, your schedule or responsibilities change, these changes resonate with your loved ones. They will also have to readjust, break their stereotypes towards you, and get used to changes. Be tolerant. After all, everything that is done is for the better.

New job means new opportunities. Make the most of them.

Good luck with your new job!