Your whole life is an attempt to convince someone of something.
Convince the beauty that it is worth sleeping with you.
Convince your boss that he should pay you more.
Convince the client that you should give money.
Convince the teacher to give you a test. And so on and so forth.
Tell me any area where you want to succeed and I will tell you that you will need the art of persuasion in it.
This is one of the most important skills you can develop.
I recently read the best book on how to persuade people.
And no, this is not Robert Cialdini.
This is a widely known author in narrow circles, whose books have not been translated into Russian and will never be translated.
Almost no one knows about his books, and no one knows that the art of persuasion is a simple thing.
If you know these prohibited ways of influencing people during communication, then it will be easier for you to succeed.
Why are they “forbidden”?
Because the author of the book, Blair Warren, researched the methods used to lure people into cults.
Do you want to master the methods of psychological influence of real sectarians?
These are the methods used by charismatic leaders to build totalitarian empires and by crazy gurus to force people to commit mass suicide.
The book is called Forbidden Keys to Persuasion.
Blair Warren says we all have hidden addictions.
These are desires that haunt a person throughout his life. He wants to satisfy these desires no matter what.
Cults and dictators used these methods to ingratiate themselves and control people.
The author says that we, in fact, all use these methods, albeit unconsciously.
And if we are not aware of them, then we leave ourselves at the mercy of fate and those people who are ready to take advantage of them.
Warren said that every person has seven hidden addictions. And a person will do anything to satisfy these addictions.
Most of this article is written as a translation. I tried to translate this masterpiece as accurately as possible.
So if you want to know how to convince people to do what you want, here are seven forbidden ways...
People need to feel needed
The cult leader, standing in front of future adherents, senses that one woman is not ready to join the sect.
He instantly stops talking to the entire group and turns his full attention to the woman. He praises her intellectual abilities and skill in making connections in society.
“These are truly rare abilities,” he assures her, and tells her how much the group needs the help of people with such outstanding qualities.
The woman smiles and, blushing, thanks the leader for the compliment. She soon becomes a fully involved cult member.
Give the person the feeling that they are truly needed. Not because you are desperate, but because he is special and you will give him one of the greatest gifts on earth.
One former cult member put it this way: “I was fed worship; food of the gods."
How to use this method:
- Explain the situation as a whole. What's at stake? What is the problem?
- Explain the specific role that person may play in the situation.
- Emphasize the importance of the role
- Note why the person is uniquely suited to the role.
- Openly admit that your request will require sacrifice (effort) on his part.
- Ask if you can count on him
Read above for an example of such a psychological belief.
Keep in mind that the request you are asking to be fulfilled should not be significant.
It just has to seem significant to another person.
What is the difference between persuasion and suggestion
Belief is a term with two psychological interpretations. This is both an element of a person’s worldview that encourages her to act in a certain way (for example, not to enter into an intimate relationship with a guy on the first date, because that’s how a good girl behaves), and the process of transferring an element of her worldview to another person (for example, convincing a friend that on the first on a date - no sex, and only this is correct).
This transfer of information or life attitude to the recipient also occurs in the process of education, when parents or teachers teach children to act honestly, come to the aid of those who need it and be useful members of society. In scientific disputes, the truth is also born due to the opponent’s conviction of the veracity of the put forward theory. As a rule, the speaker argues his own point of view, and the listener comprehends it and decides whether to agree with what was said or not. That is, it is a conscious process of perceiving information and accepting it as one’s own attitude. In the process of persuasion, a person thus develops a new belief of his own.
Suggestion is a different process. This is an aggressive psychological impact. Bypassing a person’s consciousness and critical thinking, they impose on him an instruction that he must fulfill. Suggestion occurs through the subconscious, and the suggestible can only “blindly” assimilate the information. Suggestion occurs using hypnosis, pressure or emotional-volitional influence. It is believed that something can be suggested to a person mentally.
The conclusions from the above are as follows: persuasion is a person’s conscious perception of information, implying its comprehension, and suggestion is a bypass of critical thinking and an impact on the subconscious. Persuasion requires the person who wants to convey thoughts and attitudes to spend a lot of time and effort, while suggestion occurs faster and easier. Of course, you need to have the skills and abilities to perform psychological influences of this kind.
When people are stuck, they will do anything to get a feeling of hope.
It doesn't matter whether you know how to help and solve a person's problem.
All sorts of gurus provide a sense of hope without necessarily fulfilling their promises.
You can see this in business courses.
They say: “You will create a business in 3 days on our course.”
And I honestly don’t know a single person who would do this.
But they provide hope that a person will be free from slave work and boss, and therefore they are swimming in money.
They use phrases that persuade.
The same is true with fortune tellers, mediums, astrologers, and psychics.
They do not change absolutely anything in a person’s life, but they give him hope.
Think for a second how much of our lives we spend searching for answers to our problems.
Go to a bookstore and look at the “How to [make friends/influence people/make money]” section and the “self-help” section.
In moments when there is no hope, we are vulnerable to anyone who can give us this most important element of our lives.
To master this method of persuasion, we must stop and ask ourselves: “What are other people's problems? What circumstances do they want to get out of? How can agreeing with my proposal rekindle their hope?
Scammers give people hope for financial freedom. Cults offer adherents a solution to all their problems.
What sense of hope can you offer to those you want to persuade?
Methods of persuasion: the influence of external factors on a person
Every day we are faced with conviction. For example, food manufacturers want us to buy their butter and cheese, and film studios want us to attend the premieres of their films in cinemas.
Since methods of persuasion are the main component of our lives, we often cannot always notice how we came under their influence and the influence of external factors. This science has been studied since ancient times, its ultimate goal was to force another person to calmly assimilate a certain argument and accept a new judgment of the elements of his worldview system.
People need a scapegoat
Nobel Prize winner Elias Canetti, in his book Crowds and Power, says that one of the surest ways to keep a certain group alive is to focus their attention on another group of people whom they see as their enemies.
In other words, the crowd needs a scapegoat.
You might have seen how federal television is trying to focus attention on the “bad Americans.”
This is just one of the methods of psychological influence.
When we feel that something is wrong with us, we immediately start looking for a solution. Why?
Because this “wrong” threatens our psychological stability.
And there is no faster way to restore stability and a sense of security than to learn that the cause of our problem lies outside of us.
Our problems lie in the scapegoat.
How to use this idea ethically? Very simple.
We must understand that the scapegoat should not be a person or a group of people.
The scapegoat must be an opposing force to be effective.
For example, it could be an idea, a philosophy, or an unfortunate set of circumstances that cannot be controlled.
One landscape designer said that when he first meets potential clients, they are often embarrassed by the condition of their property.
He tells them that drought and poor soil conditions are to blame.
That is, he found a scapegoat. It’s not people’s fault that their land is in this condition!
And when he began to shift the blame from the owners to poor conditions, the number of customers increased.
Find a way to shift responsibility - and the person will be more receptive to your proposal.
People need to know things others don't know/things they shouldn't know
Do you want to know the secret? You're not alone.
The idea of learning something that few people know, or learning something you shouldn't know, is extraordinarily tempting.
Many cult leaders claim to have secret knowledge.
They say they have connections with mystical sources of knowledge. They can summon spirits, communicate with aliens, and they have solved the mystery of human cloning.
The power of mystery is all around us, waiting for us to use it.
What is there in your product, service or idea that has shades of secrecy or mystery?
When you discover this, you will have another powerful resource for persuasion.
Suggestion: characteristics of the method
Suggestion underlies the appeal to the emotional-unconscious sphere of a person. It is verbal in nature, which means it is carried out using words.
The information that is intended for suggestion should be very short, but with maximum meaning and richness. And also use the moment of expression so that the person instantly believes in what he is being told. In addition, the influencing person should not be in an emotional trance, but must be of sound mind and feel confident, since the authority of the source of information is the basis of suggestion. If the influencer (suggestor) does not have authority for the perceiver (suggested), then the session will not end successfully.
It is important to remember that the effectiveness of suggestion may depend on the intonation of a person's voice. It should show confidence, authority and importance of words.
People need to feel they are right
How to convince a person to do what you want?
Let him feel that he is right.
Abraham Lincoln asked his son, “If you call a tail a leg, how many legs will a dog have?”
The answer, according to President Lincoln, was not five, but four, since calling a tail a leg does not make it one.
At the same time, such logic is the last thing needed in interpersonal relationships.
If a friend, girlfriend, or anyone else calls the tail a leg, then a sure way to lose favor is to say that the person is wrong.
Often we will get nothing out of it and the person will not suffer for his mistake, but we still feel a burning desire to correct him.
Why?
Because our need to feel that we are right comes into force.
How to apply this in life?
How do you get a person to change their mind, but still allow the person to be right?
Here are two simple but absolutely effective strategies.
First, put aside the issue being raised without showing that you are doing so.
I once heard a three-hour radio show with a guru who was attacked by almost every caller. “You’re a swindler,” they said. "Your philosophy does more harm than good."
The Guru fought off their attacks with magical words. These are the words:
“Your point of view is justified. I understand your position. You have raised an important point. I'm glad you asked this question."
He used these and similar expressions before he began to speak about his position.
If you look closely at these phrases, you will notice two things:
- Phrases do not say that a person is wrong
Many of us would say things like, “It’s a pity you think that way, but you’re wrong,” or “That’s completely wrong.”
You said you were right and the other person was wrong. Now it's a fight between two egos and someone has to lose. Both often lose.
- Phrases express agreement with a person
“Your point of view is justified” - what does that even mean?! Nothing. But it sounds like agreement.
The same goes for “I understand your position.” This doesn't mean I accept it, just that I understand it.
Callers' defenses dropped and persuasion became possible.
What is the result?
Almost every caller calmed down, and some even apologized for the misunderstanding.
This is the first way - to express agreement and put the conflict aside.
The second way is to use a scapegoat.
When you simply need to correct a person, show him that it is not he who is to blame for his mistake, but the scapegoat.
This way you won't make the person wrong.
You will make the other person wrong. The one from whom he received the information initially.
It is always easier to admit that someone else is wrong than to accept that we ourselves are wrong.
How to convince your interlocutor
To know how to psychologically influence a person during a conversation, you need to spend a little time getting to know the rules and much more on training. A theoretical basis is not enough; you need to have such qualities as freedom, artistry, perseverance, and the ability to control your voice. However, you can start with the following techniques:
✔️ When communicating with a person, ask him a couple of questions that he can only answer positively. After this, you can ask your question, to which you also need a positive answer. There is a high probability that the interlocutor will say: “Yes.” This happens because by responding positively, we receive a hormonal response from our body - we experience pleasure, although we are aware of it. Having said “Yes” twice, a person relaxes and tunes in to a friendly wave, and the third time he will repeat the same answer out of inertia.
✔️ Eliminate from communication even a hint of an arrogant attitude or disdain for your interlocutor. This only causes a negative reaction, and you need to create a friendly and welcoming atmosphere. Put your opponent at ease, try to evoke sympathy with a smile, a soulful, insinuating voice and compliments addressed to him. It is much more pleasant to agree with a pleasant counterpart than with someone who subconsciously causes a negative reaction.
✔️ Try to arouse the interest of your interlocutor. If you can convince him that you are acting in his interests, it will be easier to win him over to your side.
As you can see, the techniques for influencing a person psychologically are quite simple; they are based on knowledge of human nature and the psychology of behavior. After spending some time practicing, you will notice that your arguments have become more convincing, and the people around you have become more accommodating.
Recommendations from a psychologist on how to convince your interlocutor in 1 minute
To use psychological tricks in communicating with people you need to have courage and self-confidence. A timid and insecure person is unlikely to be able to master the technique of persuasion.
People need to feel empowered
People don't resist change. They resist being changed.
At the heart of this resistance is the need for one's own power.
When this feeling is threatened, we often resist new ideas and proposals that we would otherwise welcome.
So the question is: how can we strike a balance between providing a person with a sense of power and still convincing the person that we are right?
Here's how sects and cults deal with it:
Instead of denying the other person's sense of power, they emphasize it.
They say that a person is always free to make his own decision, and that they do not take away this right from him.
To join or not to join, to participate or not to participate is his and only his decision.
Thus, when an adept doubts his allegiance to the sect, a simple reminder that he joined voluntarily often makes all doubts evaporate.
This is a risky method.
When you emphasize a person's voluntary choice, you seem to be inviting him to reconsider, and he may refuse.
But while this is risky for the persuader, it is often more effective than alternative methods.
The ability to choose not only gives a person a sense of power, but also increases the sense of obligation to make a perfect choice.
