Selfishness is a natural property of a living organism.
For example, animals are absolutely selfish. And, no matter what pet lovers say (and there is undoubtedly sincerity in their misconceptions on this score), this is indeed the case, and even in cases where, for example, a dog protects its owner, it does so solely for selfish reasons , because instinct pushes her to automatic behavior, and the owner is the leader or member of the pack who must be protected.
What about people? Being biologically animals, consciously or not, many people build their life strategies on the same principles. What can we do, our personal world is always self-centered, and the principle of survival is always based on that same animal absolute egoism that forces us to live only for ourselves. Or more precisely, for the sake of one thing - the psychological well-being of our Self.
Whatever we do in life, whatever ideas we are guided by, the basis of all our aspirations is our internal psychological well-being, which each of us strives to achieve and extend over time. Perhaps someone who agrees with this will say that we are talking about a person’s desire for happiness. And they will not be entirely right, since the situation with well-being is somewhat more complicated than it seems at first glance.
The whole ambiguity of psychological well-being lies in the fact that it is always based on our personal, subjective assessment of internal reality. For example, some people claim that they are quite prosperous and happy, without at all connecting this concept with happiness or with any emotions at all.
There is nothing to be done about this, because this is the nature of our consciousness, and it is always ultimately assessed from within. And if someone tries to impose on us their understanding of well-being or happiness, their assessment will always remain subjective.
But does this mean that any socially approved act, which is caring for another person, is always based on selfishness and the search for well-being for oneself?
Providing selfless help to others, lack of stinginess
He carried his friendship with this church, which began in childhood, throughout his life, showing great generosity and reverence, so great that at the end of his life his trust in it was second only to his feeling for God, and he entrusted himself and his body to it. and his soul, with such devotion and generosity that if it had been possible, he would have remained there as a monk.
People usually see the generosity of the world in material goods, in some manifested physical forms, but the generosity of the Universe is also unmanifested, secret, mystical, transcendental!
He clearly knew that the Teacher’s heart was inclined towards philanthropy, and that he who pleases Him most is the one who forgives the sins of his neighbors the most and does not punish them strictly; in order to please the Lawgiver, he says: “Is it up to seven times?” And then, so that you know what man is and what God is, and how man’s generosity, no matter how far it extends, in comparison with the abundance (mercy) of God, is poorer than any poverty, and that our kindness in relation to His indescribable love for mankind is the same like a drop in relation to the boundless sea - listen to what Christ says when Peter said: “up to seven times,” and thought to himself that he had shown great zeal and generosity: “I do not say to you: up to seven times, but up to seven times seventy times."
...we value in people HONESTY, COURAGE, PERSISTENCE, GENEROSITY and HUMILITY. Take a look at this list..., the ability to strive for goals, spiritual generosity, modesty and courage. And all this together...
Only generosity can bring the taste of nectar into a relationship, only generosity makes family life fulfilling and interesting.
Whether we act through the body, whether we actually perform the physical act of generosity as giving or participate in a ritual practice that involves generosity, all of this will serve to support the development of our generosity as a state of mind.
It should also be noted that pretense does not mean a complete absence of the qualities it portrays: it is true that when it is generated by hypocrisy, it is closely related to deception; however, where its source is vanity, it becomes more akin to arrogance: for example, the feigned generosity of a vain person is clearly distinguishable from the feigned generosity of a miser; let a vain person not be what he appears to be, let him not have the virtue that he pretends to be so that they think that it is characteristic of him; however, the outfit does not fit as awkwardly on him as on a miser, who is exactly the opposite of what he wants to appear to be.
But if a superficial interest in art and culture is considered sufficient evidence of generosity, then Tullio was generosity itself.
The ending of the book from a legal point of view also looks quite reliable: thanks to the “generosity” of the aunt (personally, I prefer to think that it was not generosity, but foresight), who covered the expenses of her former companions associated with the search, their chances of challenging Nika’s rights to the treasures found are reduced to zero.
Thus, if a person has the virtue of generosity, then he is inclined to show generosity towards worthy people and under appropriate circumstances.
Is caring for others selfish?
People who openly live for themselves invariably like to insist on such an approach, and do not hesitate to say on occasion that there is nothing wrong with their selfishness, for it is natural and inherent in any living creature on the planet.
“Deep down, you are all the same as me” - this is a typical statement of an egoist, which he broadcasts to society, being absolutely sure that the whole world consists of people like him.
Of course, such statements always raise legitimate questions among those who are more than selfishly accustomed to believing in the innate altruism of Homo sapiens. How can we answer, for example, the following question: is there a difference between a person working as a volunteer in a hospital and a businessman, whose measure of well-being has long been power and money?
Whenever we talk about a difference, we talk about the boundary that we draw between concepts. But in order to draw this line, we must determine: firstly, what is care, and secondly, how does it differ from selfishness?
So, the definition: care is an action aimed at another and designed to bring well-being to that other.
This is the classic definition of the term, and it seems to follow from it that caring is, of course, an act of altruism.
But, not everything is so simple and the problem is that care can bring well-being in different ways, or rather, in several different ways - to the one being cared for, to the one who is caring, or (sometimes) to both parties at once. And we will try to use this reasoning to find the boundary that would separate true concern for others from selfishness.
Let's start with selfishness. Of the three listed options, the second ideally fits the definition of selfishness, and, I must say, it occurs in our lives much more often than we would like.
Everyone is familiar with the situation when one close person shows “attention” and “care” towards another, without being particularly interested in the latter’s opinion. This phenomenon often occurs in families when parents “take care” of children based solely on their own understanding of this action. Needless to say, in such families no one ever asks the child’s opinion; it is believed that the parents already understand what exactly their offspring needs.
This state of affairs is the norm rather than the exception, and in the majority of, at first glance, quite prosperous families, such “care” is taken for granted, to such an extent that if you talk about it with your parents, many will not even understand what problem and what you want to tell them.
But society begins with childhood and with upbringing, and people raised in a certain way, upon becoming adults, often begin to behave exactly the same as their parents.
Take care of others and be happy
Home / Family / Take care of others and be happy /
Stop focusing on your own happiness and start serving others
Girls, young women, women dream of marriage. We look into the windows of wedding salons and watch with interest the weddings of our friends.
And at a certain age we begin to focus on marriage. This is understandable, because family is very important to a woman, without it she cannot become completely happy. Such is female nature.
But obsession with this leads to disastrous results. When your mother, grandmother, and friends seem to go crazy and begin to put pressure on you - when will you get married? You are already 20, 25, 30, 35…. And you're still a girl! All my friends are married, most have children. And you are alone. And it eats away from the inside. Well, where can we get this prince so that this search can finally end?
It’s difficult to withstand such pressure. And then there is a temptation to marry the first one who offers. Or drag someone who doesn’t offer to the registry office. There is another option that has been frequently encountered lately - getting pregnant. But will it give you the happiness you need? And will such a family be strong?
In nature everything is harmonious. There are no birds without a partner. There are no lionesses who do not have a lion. When we live according to nature, our soul mate comes into our lives. Because a woman always needs a man, and a man also desperately needs a woman.
The nature of a woman is service. And therefore it is recommended to start serving others. Unselfishly. Help friends, relatives, do charity work.
Oleg Gennadyevich Torsunov jokes on this topic that there are 150 grandmothers on the road to marriage who need help. And after the 150th grandmother, a man will come into life.
This joke is only part of the joke. When we begin to selflessly care about other people, God sends us those people who selflessly care about us. One of these grandmothers may have a good grandson or nephew. Or maybe this grandmother’s neighbor will notice you, seeing how you look after her.
When a woman has the sun inside, it is impossible not to warm herself in its rays. And it’s impossible not to admire such a woman. She becomes beautiful simply because she glows from within.
When we help others, we ignite this sun within ourselves. Its light attracts you. He can't help but attract. We are distracted from our own problem and begin to see the suffering of other people. We develop compassion and the heart opens. Love fills every cell of our body. It is this love that attracts.
And even if after this you don’t get married (fate varies), you will still be happy. And this is the transition to the third step.
Become a worthy woman
In fact, completing these two steps is already enough for candidates to appear for your hand and heart. Moreover, the applicants will most likely also be worthy.
We very often think that there is a prince somewhere and he will make us happy. And this is a mistake. The prince can ride on his horse only to the princess. It was only in “Cinderella” that he ran all over the city and looked for her among ordinary ladies.
We always get exactly what we deserve. We are attracted to people and circumstances according to our past actions. If those who are attracted to us are more like flies, then we need to think, what am I filled with now that I attract just such people?
In order to live next to a wonderful Man, you need to become a wonderful Woman. You need to reveal your feminine nature, learn feminine arts, find your feminine dignity (not arrogance). And then the woman becomes honey. To which only bees flock.
What kind of woman is worthy:
The one who has dignity (not arrogance!)
The one who accepts her Feminine nature and follows it
The one who fulfills her feminine duties (or at least strives for this)
The one who can inspire a man
The one who respects men
The one who is able to believe in her man
The one who remains faithful to him not only in body, but also in soul
She who studies the feminine arts and does not try to master the masculine ones
The one who loves and knows how to selflessly serve
And the closer we become to this ideal, the more worthy gentlemen ask for our hand and heart. All that remains is to choose! And we will learn to choose next time 
I got married when I didn't expect it. At that time I was actively taking care of myself. I grew my hair, fell in love with pink things and feminine skirts. I spent a lot of time at trainings and seminars, including women’s ones.
I also actively helped those around me. I organized meetings of like-minded people, helped people change and come to trainings. I shared my optimism and joy with everyone.
It was at this moment that my future husband came into my life. And at that moment I had something to attract him.
The most important thing we need to understand is that marriage is not an escape from unhappiness. We think that by getting married, we will finally become happy.
But the secret is that marriage is a magnifying glass. Whatever you put under it, you will get enlarged. If an unhappy woman enters into marriage, then she becomes even more unhappy in it. And vice versa. A happy woman in the family becomes even happier.
The only person we can change or make happy is ourselves. We can influence all other people only by our own example.
Children will be interested in Knowledge if they see that this makes their mother happy.
The husband will begin to change if he sees his wife actively changing for the better.
Parents change their attitude towards us when we change our attitude towards them.
And so on.
We have a long way ahead. We do not know our feminine nature. We don't know how to build relationships. We do not master women's arts.
But this is not a reason to give up on yourself. On the contrary, this means that all the most interesting things are ahead of us! We learn so many new things by understanding ourselves and God! We have such an exciting journey to our own Femininity that it will take your breath away!
Olga Valyaeva.
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Why do people care about others?
Now let's look at what motives might motivate people who care about others in this way.
That concern for one's neighbor, which we previously called “selfish,” may have several reasons. We will not consider reasons of an exclusively material nature, when the “caregiver” does this for the sake of material reward, but we will try to look at it from a psychological point of view.
A person, as a rule, is not aware of the true reasons why he cares about others in this way; he prefers to think and demonstrate to others that his actions are based on the best intentions, the most sincere and altruistic motives.
Such people often like to show their care demonstratively, and they will never miss an opportunity to tell their loved ones, friends, and acquaintances about it, and they will definitely make it clear to the object of their care.
Of course, this doesn't always happen. It happens that care is not made public, but then it certainly becomes a source of pride and significance for the person who cares.
As is easy to understand, in both cases, care for a person is a reward in the form of approval of his actions either from society or from himself personally. In other words, the person who cares receives a certain benefit for the sake of which he tries to perform his actions.
Such benefits are most often based on satisfaction from social or personal approval of “right actions” (I live and act as I should). Digging a little deeper, we find here a feeling of guilt (I am not what I should be), and the desire to get rid of the feeling of guilt pushes a person to actions that look “right” (atonement through caring).
In addition to guilt, there are several other reasons, for example, the desire to feel your own importance through caring or to eliminate feelings of anxiety or fear through the control of your ward.
So, we can conclude that the basis of one-sided (selfish) care is the desire to solve one’s psychological problems at the expense of the person being cared for.
But is the problem really being solved? Of course not, because the temporary satisfaction obtained in this way in no way affects the source of the problem.
In addition, the situation is aggravated by the fact that a temporary solution is achieved by using another person, who is often not given even a small opportunity to avoid such care.
Is there such a thing as selfless caring?
If the desire to care for other people is so often based on feelings of guilt, fear or the desire for self-affirmation, then what about altruism? Is it even possible for a person to care about another completely unselfishly?
Most often they talk about unselfishness when a person does something without receiving material reward for it. However, if we take into account everything we just talked about, we will have to admit that true altruism simply does not exist, because in everything we do for others there is always our personal interest.
Of course, there is a huge difference between the care that is imposed on another and that which is truly necessary for a person. But what is the difference if all our actions are initially selfish?
Such questions always stem from the habit of measuring everything in terms of moral stereotypes, because we often proceed from their self-evident value. But by themselves, apart from people’s interests, moral norms do not make the slightest sense.
Help by deed
Helping unselfishly is easy if in this activity you find something you like, something that touches your soul and gives inner satisfaction.
First, decide what is most acceptable to you: working with children, animals, the elderly - these are the categories that most need help. You can select several people, for example, lonely old people who need help around the house, buying groceries, cleaning the apartment, and just general communication. You can also care for the elderly in hospitals, nursing homes, and hospices. Or you can help a specific orphanage or animal shelter - cleaning the area, playing with children or walking pets. For children, you can bring old toys, arrange games or mini-performances, show theater, especially if you have a team of young people as assistants. For a shelter with animals, it is important to bring old things there, insulate the premises for the winter, walk pets, clean cages, buy medicine and food. All this does not cost that much money, but if the shelter is not funded, the animals may be on the verge of extermination.
Blood donation can be an important part of selfless help to other people, especially now when blood donors have stopped paying even small amounts of money in public hospitals, and there is a catastrophic shortage of blood.
Volunteering can be combined with travel. There are a huge number of international organizations that invite young people to work as volunteers around the world for periods ranging from several weeks to a year. You can work with lions in Kenya, help sea turtles in New Zealand, babysit children at a camp in Greece and much more. Volunteers are not paid for their work, but they are provided with housing, food and the opportunity to travel around the host country in their free time. In addition, this is a huge chance to learn a foreign language, make friends around the world and learn the culture of other countries.
What is the real meaning of caring for others?
This question takes on a completely different context if we consider it from the perspective of psychological well-being - both of the caregiver and the one being cared for.
And here we come close to the option when care becomes a mutually beneficial exchange, when both people acquire a sense of psychological well-being as a result of care.
For example, if a person cares for another with love, and he or she sincerely accepts it, then the true reward for both will be the same feeling as a result. Or, to put it another way, a high level of psychological well-being.
Without a doubt, someone will be able to see in this mutual egoism and the principle “you give me, I give you”, however, most likely this will be a person who is not familiar with the feeling of love, as well as the sincere desire for help that stems from it, which can be with every right to call it selfless. And anyone who is familiar with this feeling will easily understand that this is not just a mutually beneficial transaction between two people exchanging one thing for another, but the actual giving of a feeling of love to each other, which is based on no conditions and no bargaining.
Thus, here we can conclude that only care based on love and compassion can be called true.
After we have actually defined the criterion of true care, let's look at the signs by which we can distinguish the actions of those who are accustomed to manipulating other people under the slogan of care and attention.
Signs of Selfish Caring.
- A person who cares about another does it demonstratively, for show.
- He tirelessly emphasizes the fact (to others or to himself) that he makes a sacrifice to care for another.
“He demonstratively abandons his interests in favor of his ward. He takes a position that can be characterized as follows: “My interests are not important, or are deeply secondary, the main thing is you.”
It is precisely such people who most often believe that any pursuit of their own interests is a manifestation of selfishness, and in every possible way condemn this manner of behavior in others. Outwardly, they always behave in an emphatically altruistic manner, however, such behavior is dictated by the desire to get rid of feelings of guilt, and the basis of their actions and assessments of other people is the sanctimonious position of following previously learned social stereotypes. It is precisely this type of people who actually ignore the true interests of their wards, because in fact, consciously or not, they pursue only their own interests.
— A person shows his concern without taking into account the interests of the other party; he is almost never interested in whether such care is actually needed.
- The caring person manipulates his wards, trying to impose the need for his “services”. He constantly strives to convince others of the necessity of his actions and, first of all, the object of his attention.
- Violent care. When the aspirations of the “victim of care” are not taken into account, and the process of care continues, even despite protests and requests to stop. At the same time, you can often hear the words: “I know better what you need.”
- Treating the ward as a person unable to take care of himself, dependent, dependent.
At the same time, it often happens that the carer seeks to assume responsibility for the actions or inaction of the object of care. Such manipulation can cause incredible harm, accustoming the ward to the idea that any of his problems and questions are solved without his participation. This situation is not uncommon in families where a position of overprotection has been adopted towards children. In this way, dependent relationships are built between parents and children, which then persist throughout life.
Signs of sincere and fruitful caring.
— The main sign of sincere care for another is attention to the aspirations of the ward; in this case, the carer always follows these aspirations in his actions, without imposing anything on himself.
- Attention to the feelings of the ward. As a result of caring, he should not feel like a second-class person, defective, unable to take responsibility for his actions and his life.
— A sincere desire to fulfill human needs, not one’s own. Such a caring person is always interested in what exactly his ward needs, and at the same time does not impose anything on him. The motto is that my mentee always knows better than me what exactly he needs. Even if he refuses help altogether, it does not change anything.
— The caregiver shows respect for the feelings and opinions of the ward and accepts him as an equal.
- The person who cares proceeds in his actions from a real feeling of love and compassion, and not from an imitation of these feelings. The presence of such motivation is a necessary basis for true care; we can say that this is the main necessary condition that distinguishes true care from selfishness.
Your Selfless Help is needed Everywhere!
My beloved, it’s time to change your world, it’s time to help everyone around, it’s time to take care of your little brothers, about animals, to help nature, people... to help everyone who is having a hard time.
You, my beloved Fireflies, have learned to receive high Divine energy, you have learned to ignite the inner Light in yourself, to reveal Love within yourself, and you cannot keep this powerful transformative force inside yourself without giving it to the world.
If you receive an abundance of magical transformative energy from Heaven and use it only for your own development, then you will upset your energy balance.
Understand me, my dears, they are now transferring so much energy to you that it many times exceeds your vital needs. You, Fireflies, who have learned to absorb divine Light and Love, are filled as much as possible.
And you feel this vibration inside yourself, it charges your bodies, giving you a lot of strength, a lot of vital energy, which is difficult to spend in ordinary human life, in everyday life, and you often suffer from its excess, because you don’t understand what to spend it on. , where to apply and to whom to transfer.
Sometimes you suffer from insomnia from the influx of this powerful stream of Light, your heart is full of Love and your Soul is eager to share this Light, but you don’t know with whom.
My beloved, each of you is a true Firefly of this world and you are everything, they expect real help from you in transforming the world right here on Earth. They expect you to really help nature, people, animals, the planet...
Many of you have learned to balance your internal energy through energetic assistance on the subtle plane, and you are participating in various meditations and practices to harmonize the energies of the planet and humanity.
Many found their spiritual purpose, felt their mission and their path, working from the material world on the subtle planes of the planet. And we are proud of these Bright Souls who found themselves and took the true path.
But many of you, Fireflies, have not yet seen your purpose, have not determined the direction of your glow, have not been able to understand: who needs their Light and Love.
My beloved, you live in the world of matter and a lot of Light and Love are needed here. It is the world around you that wants to absorb your pure divine Light, it is the physical plane that dreams of your Love.
Look around, your help is needed everywhere! You can direct your high energy to any good purpose. You can choose what your Soul “lies” to, choose the type of help that makes your Heart even more happy and filled with Love.
Homeless animals need help, nature is polluted and poisoned by waste, lonely people need help, children from low-income families need help, street children and orphans need help...
Your help is needed Everywhere!
The more Love you give to this world, the faster you will see its changes, the faster it will be filled with pure Light and transformed, revealing a new consciousness of people, a new way of life and principles of existence.
Everyone needs an example! And you, my dears, can become this example.
It is you, through your actions, who can launch a transformative process that in the future will spread throughout the planet. Don't be afraid to give, my beloved, because the more you give, the more you receive in return.
At the same time, do not look for globality, but keep the purity of your thoughts!
Remember the main condition for the mutual exchange of high energies, Light and Love - your help must be Selfless.
Don’t expect a response to the help you provide, to your gift to others, to the Love you give... Within you, your Divine Selflessness should always be in the very first place.
But do not confuse, my beloved, pure Divine Selflessness with freely provided help, since free help may contain low hidden energy of self-interest.
You can share your Light and Love with the world, help people, animals and the planet, but inside you have a hidden desire to receive something in return, even simple gratitude, and this is the low energy of self-interest.
It is your inner purity of Spiritual Service !
Everything else may exist in your world, but stand in a different, less important place. You can joyfully receive the gifts of the Universe, the help of other people, their Divine loving and bright energy, gratitude, financial support, but this should not be a priority, but only energetic balancing, returning back the high energy that you gave.
The world obeys the Universal Law of Energy Balance: the more you can provide pure, selfless help to others, bestowing your high energy, the more you will receive it in return: love and happiness, real gifts of fate, reciprocal help and support, transforming your life and the world around you.
Fly, my beloved Fireflies, and give your Light and your Love to all spheres of life, helping both on the subtle planes of the planet and on the physical level.
With love to you,
your Mother of God.
Accepted by Magda, 01/17/2017
