Fundamentals of female psychology. Guide for men

Women are emotional.

Girls live by emotions, this is very important. And they get emotions from everything that happens around them.

A woman recharges herself not from an expensive establishment or car, but from her sense of self there. From how she feels. And how her mood changes from this place.

Understand that she won't remember where you went with her. But she won’t forget how you hugged her goodbye. This is more important for girls.

They cannot be convinced by facts, but emotions overwhelm them for any reason.

Women often change their mood.

She can enjoy sex that same evening with a stranger and be on top. And an hour later, go home in a taxi and cry that she is a fool and a whore.

Accept that many female representatives (especially during PMS) simply need to be accepted and forgiven. And hug.

They want to immediately grab some ice cream, cry and kill.

They even paint their nails to suit their mood. Understand?

Today she is sweet and gentle, and tomorrow she is cold and unapproachable. The girl will be greatly influenced by her mood and all sorts of external factors. You don't have to conform. Just keep in mind that women are very changeable themselves.

Scientists have figured out what a woman wants. But she has already changed her mind.

Women are sensitive.

They are all mothers, so they are sensitive and vulnerable. I am sure that you have more than once found yourself in a situation where you said something stupid and seriously hurt her.

A girl may be offended for a week because you forgot a date. And she doesn't play, you really offended her with this. She cares about all the little things that are significant to her, but may not be important to you.

No need to exaggerate. Don’t be afraid to offend her, joke, have fun. But also remember about women's pain points. Try not to touch them and not to provoke conflicts. It is important for her not to know, but to feel all your love, care, affection. Remember this. You won't convince her with arguments, you need actions.

What about in your personal life?

If a woman is in a relationship in which her partner provides support, motivates her to achieve new heights, treats failures and difficulties with understanding, and strives to realize her potential, then perhaps we have an ideal couple. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen. Some life partners do not like such activity of their other halves. In an attempt to push their point of view on the role of a woman in the family, loved ones can resort to various types and forms of manipulative behavior, aggression, imposing feelings of guilt, blackmail, threats, and so on, forcing women to make difficult choices, which may subsequently result in disappointment for them. not only in family life, but also in ourselves: for missed opportunities, for unfulfilled dreams.

but on the other hand

There is another side to the coin: “I’m already over 30, but I don’t have a family. I can’t say that I’m unhappy because of this, I live an interesting life, I have many friends and acquaintances, I really love my job, I’m self-sufficient and independent. But sometimes I feel anxious and afraid. The years go by... What if I don’t meet a worthy man? I won't have children? It became unpleasant for me to come to visit my parents on Sundays. Every time the same question, right from the door: “Well, what, when will you get married? Will we wait for grandchildren? Look, your brother already has two, and he’s younger than you!”

“Men are afraid of me. They see what I was able to achieve on my own, and they understand that I am not a simpleton who can be bought with an expensive gift or a demonstration of my own material well-being. It's no use shaking an expensive watch in front of me! Mine are more expensive!”

“There are no worthy men! They are all already married. There were only those left whom even the most desperate did not want to take! There’s no one to choose from!”

“We were married for five years, we dated for a year and a half before the wedding. After graduating from university, I went to work for a large company. I have always been interested in my work; for me it was a chance to realize myself. My boss noticed my talent and desire to grow. He gave me support and helped me move forward. I began to earn more than my husband, and then several times more. The better things went for me, the worse our life together became. The last months before the divorce we constantly quarreled. He blamed me for not giving him the opportunity to be successful! This is complete nonsense! Is it my fault that he never worked anywhere for more than six months?! All he did was play his “tank games” and all sorts of other nonsense in the evenings! His laziness and envy are what prevented him from being successful, not me! Now I only regret one thing - that I didn’t have time to give birth... Now it will take a lot of time to build new relationships, but I really wanted a child.”

They love to beat themselves up.

It's not a secret. They really love it very much. For any reason, she comes up with whole stories, analyzes them herself and becomes depressed.

For example, you said that you are late at work, but she does not wish you a good evening. She will imagine what the likelihood is that you deceived her and are now sleeping with someone else. Or drinking at a strip club. Or that you are Batman.

A woman never hears exactly what you tell her. She always comes up with ideas. And he tries to guess what you really meant, besides what you already said.

Features of female psychology

Lecture 2.1.

Features of female psychology

It is well known that between a man and a woman there are differences not only physiological, but also psychological.

Each of us has our own ideas about what qualities are inherent in a man and what qualities are inherent in a woman. Ideas about femininity are most often associated with the purpose of being a mother, giving life and raising children. In the historical development of society, both in Western and Eastern cultures, for centuries, motherhood has been proclaimed as the highest value and main duty of a woman. Nowadays, women not only perform maternal duties, but also occupy an increasingly important position both socially and professionally.

To substantiate and concretize some aspects of female psychology, we present comparative data from numerous studies concerning the differences between men and women: features of perception, logic and intuition, the nervous system, observation, adaptability, relationships with others, interests, physical parameters, perception of work and much more. .

We are talking about some “typical” man and woman. The diversity of both is such that there are women who have more masculine traits than another man. There will also be men who have greater “feminine” qualities than a certain woman. But these are exceptions, which, as they say, only confirm the existence of the rule. Therefore, throughout the following, by the word “man” or “woman” we will understand a certain “typical” representative of one’s gender. More developed:

Peculiarities of perception

In a man’s perception, the main place is occupied by what he sees. For a woman, most of the impressions are related to the perception of speech. It is no coincidence that the statement that “a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with her ears.”

In terms of speed of perception and mental mobility, a woman is noticeably superior to a man. Women, for example, read faster than men and present what they read better and with greater detail. They usually count faster than men and remember better.

A man grasps and evaluates the situation as a whole, a woman, rather, fixes her attention on the little things. Women's increased attention to detail sometimes leads to the fact that, being carried away by the little things, she does not notice the main thing.

Great observation is characteristic of a woman in an ordinary situation. In a situation of stress and danger, a woman is more likely to “lose her head,” and with it her powers of observation. In men, in a situation of danger, observation becomes more acute.

Intuition

It is interesting to observe how, for example, men and women decide on purchasing a book. Men (mostly) will definitely look at the table of contents. Women, as a rule, will open a few pages and see what’s there. The impression from these pages will determine her choice: to buy or not.

Due to her interest in little things, a woman is much more observant than a man, and this is the source of the famous female intuition. The argument “I feel like this is so” is from the female arsenal.

In most cases, this instinct does not fail a woman. If she says “I feel like he has someone” (meaning a rival), in 90% of cases she is right, although she cannot give any arguments to prove this unfortunate circumstance. Kiimeng o.

Temperament

Observations by psychologists indicate that men are more likely to have a predominance of choleric temperamental traits. They are characterized by a clear manifestation of volitional reactions, assertiveness, energy, and impatience. A man is usually characterized by greater external aggressiveness, greater perseverance, and the ability to withstand rough pressure. Therefore, the choleric temperament can be considered as a “male temperament.”

Sanguine and melancholic temperaments are more consistent with female nature. Women are characterized by mobility, violent expression of feelings, and rapid mood changes. A woman is usually aggressive only if she is unhappy.

Male determination and a penchant for risk are well complemented by female caution, male harshness - by female softness, male neglect of everyday details - by a woman’s increased aesthetic requirements.

Men love it when they manage to show will, endurance, strength and other “strength qualities” or purely intellectual abilities, while women gravitate towards the humanitarian sphere, to what concerns a person and his inner world.

Emotionality

Women are usually much more emotional than men. It is customary for men to restrain their emotions; demanding this from a woman is pointless. Women's mood swings are enormous. “A loving woman is an angel on earth,” says one of the proverbs, “Before an evil wife, Satan is an immaculate child!” - says another.

Women react more sharply to rewards and punishments, and react more painfully to conflicts and troubles at work and at home. A woman laughs when she can and cries when she wants.

Women have a more personal attitude to events.

Due to all this, women have a fairly highly developed imagination and fantasy, as a result of which sometimes such ideas arise that a man will only grab his head when he hears another idea.

But women's fantasies help them a lot in advertising, where the presence of fantasy helps them find original solutions.

Women change their facial expressions more often and can reflect several dozen different feelings, while in men, as a rule, only two can be recognized: disgust and indifference. In women, folds in the corners of the lips show particular mobility.

Nervous system and adaptability

The nervous system of women is less stable. Therefore, a woman quickly moves from one emotional state to another.

Her ability for instant psychic transformation surpasses that of a man.

The combination of all these features ultimately leads to the fact that women better adapt to changing circumstances.

Physical parameters

Women are superior to men in agility, speed of perception, reaction, speed of speech, and sensitivity of touch. Men are superior to women in coordination of movements and spatial orientation.

Women get sick about half as often as men, although they worry about their health and complain about it much more. The life expectancy of women is 7-15 years longer than that of men.

Women tolerate pain better than men, as well as monotonous, monotonous, uninteresting activities.

Women have a less developed vestibular apparatus. Because of this, they usually do not like to ride backwards on public transport and therefore try to take a seat facing the direction of travel.

Behavior in society

Men are for the most part easily identifiable. The properties of their character are written out in their facial features, clothing, manner of speaking and listening, in the way they walk, sit down, stand up, straighten their tie, say hello, say goodbye, know how to laugh (or, conversely, do not know how), wait, catch up, etc. etc. Most men simply do not pay attention to these details and behave as they are used to, as it seems natural to them in a given situation.

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A woman never gives herself away, or at least strives not to give herself away. She knows (hopes) that they are always looking at her, so everything in a woman is prepared for such viewing, she also strives to be natural, but in a female performance this means being better than she actually is. This means being better than even your own reputation. Better as much as possible... Perhaps this shows some secrecy and cunning of women? In any case, a woman does not want to give away her secrets for next to nothing. Although she doesn't keep other people's secrets well.

“A man keeps someone else’s secret more faithfully than his own; women keep their own better than someone else’s” (J. La Bruyère).

Ratings

Self-esteem in women is often underestimated, while in men it is overestimated. Men are more often satisfied with themselves.

Women are more objective towards men than towards women. “No matter how badly men think of women, every woman thinks even worse of them” (Chamfort). “Women do not love each other and the reason for this dislike is a man” (J. La Bruyère).

Many men rate women's business qualities lower than they expect. Women tend to rate their physical attractiveness lower than men think. Fortunately, women are tolerant of a man's appearance. There is even a popular saying among women that “a man can only be a little more beautiful than a monkey.”

The difference between men and women also concerns how strictly they judge each other’s shortcomings. According to Kant, men judge leniently, sometimes jokingly, as Kozma Prutkov wrote about this, but in any case, always with an awareness of their own priority.

This, it seems to us, is the basis of their leniency. For only the strong (or those who consider themselves such) can afford leniency towards the weak. This represents the element of masculinity. A woman judges strictly, sometimes very strictly. Moreover, she not only judges, she condemns. And this is an element of her natural destiny - to judge, condemn, award in order to gain priority in the competition with her rival friends. And if necessary, pull a member of the stronger sex.

A man prefers a male court. However, a woman, knowing the inflexibility of female judgment, is also more inclined to male judgment. At the very least, it is the male court that gives her the opportunity to hope for forgiveness and acquittal, even in cases in which another court would immediately pronounce a guilty verdict. In addition, a women's court by its nature cannot be based on law. Its basis is affection, mercy, passion. A male court can convict “out of principle,” while a female court can acquit “out of sympathy.”

Compassion

“Women are sympathetic, kind-hearted, compassionate,” Kant wrote. Indeed, women are more compassionate than men. Several observations have been made in different countries. An accident with serious consequences was staged on the road. Of the 100 men passing, 40 drove past, almost without slowing down, about 40 drove past, significantly reducing the speed and then quickly picking it up, about 20 stopped out of curiosity, 4 of them reported to the nearest police post and to the ambulance, and out of 5 women passing at that time, 4 stopped. It is difficult to imagine that a woman who could help would drive past.

"Feelers" and "Doers"

People can be divided into feeling and acting. For the former, what is most important is his relationship with the people around him. Inner experiences and emotions are what is most important for them in communication, including in marital relationships. What happens in the soul - in their soul and the soul of a loved one - is much more important for them than practical matters.

“Feelers” are often suspicious, anxious, and prone to doubt. They take failures seriously and may even get sick due to grief.

Because of their penchant for play, the ability to rejoice, and emotionality, “people of action” often consider them immature. The “actors” themselves are occupied primarily with external, practical life. They live in a world of actions, in a world of responsibility, with little regard for experiences - their own or those of others. They lack flexibility.

“People of action” are more thorough; they tend to stick to the established course of things. For them, the main thing is the goal, the result of their actions, “what to do and why,” while for “feeling” people, the most important thing is “with whom and how to do it.”

Do not think that “feeling” people work less than “doing” people. In no case! An energetic, active woman, coping with a heap of stress, in essence may well be a “feeling” woman.

How to distinguish a “feeler” from a “doer”? Just imagine: a child hurt himself and cried. One of the parents immediately asks: “Where does it hurt?”, and the other: “What happened?” Of course, the first parent is the “feeling” parent, the second is the “doing” parent.

Of course, “people of action” are most often men, and “people of feeling” are women. Men make laws, women make morals. Why is it so important for “actors” to understand female character? Yes, because the look, word, phrase of the “acting” person, which we would not pay any attention to or would consider completely “normal”, can bring the “feeling” person into a state of joy or spoil the mood for the whole day. It’s not for nothing that they say: “A woman attaches more importance not to what she says, but to what she hears.”

Many women expect men to be more energetic and efficient than themselves, and if this is not the case, they try to “educate” them in this spirit. This often serves as a source of conflict.

Thinking

There is no symmetry in the arrangement of human internal organs, and even the two halves of the brain control different areas: our speech and ability to speak languages, the ability to use words, numbers and symbols depend on the left, while hearing, musical abilities, emotions and intuition depend on the right. Doctors have noticed that patients with impaired function of the right side of the brain often lack a sense of humor and the ability to understand double meanings.

Both hemispheres of the brain develop differently in men and women. For women, as a rule, both halves take part in solving all problems, for men - more often than not, only one. Therefore, on average, women speak faster than men and pronounce words more correctly, use their fingers more skillfully, and count well in their heads. Men are better at building abstract mathematical models and finding their way around a foreign city.

For many peoples, the left was associated with a gentle feminine principle, and the right with a strong masculine principle. In ancient times, it was generally believed that girls are born from the left egg, boys from the right. Be that as it may, in Catholic churches women still bend their left knee, men – their right.

The philosophical mindset, for example, has always been considered masculine. Among the well-known names - Democrat, Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza, Kant, Hegel and many others - there is not a single woman.

Brain researchers have found that a woman's brain is wired differently than a man's brain.

If a man has clearly differentiated functions of the cerebral hemispheres, that is, the left is responsible for logical thinking, and the right is responsible for abstract thinking, then in a woman both the left and the right are not much different from each other. To solve some abstract problem, a man works intensively only the right hemisphere, while a woman works both. For example, when a man reads, he uses only a small part of the left hemisphere of the brain, while women use larger parts of both hemispheres. And another observation: on average, men speak slower than women, but they work faster on the telegraph key.

Large areas of the brain are activated in women when they are immersed in memories, especially sad ones, and in men when they need to show their intelligence. But reading, working with a key, conversation, and intellect are all functions of the brain, which means that it is structured differently in us.

This is confirmed by indirect medical observations. With hemorrhage in the left hemisphere of the brain, women recover faster.

The different structure of the brain of a man and a woman leads to the fact that from the same premises he and she often come to different conclusions, therefore they do not understand each other well.

Abilities and preferences

One of the most extensive studies of sex differences in personality traits was conducted in America by Theremin and Miles. This study consisted of seven parts (seven tests were used): association experiment, inkblot test (Rorschach), awareness, emotional and ethical attitudes, interests, opinions and introverted reactions.

According to the data of this study, which was carried out on people of different ages and different official positions, pronounced differences between men and women were revealed. Thus, men are more interested in exploits and adventures, activities related to physical activity, technology, exact sciences, and invention. Women - with household chores, aesthetics, professions in which they need to help the weak (children, the sick).

Recent research provides further evidence of the noticeable difference in the spiritual and mental organization of men and women. Scientists from the University of Chicago Aarri Hedges and Amy Nowell, analyzing six large-scale surveys of boys and girls in the United States, confirmed the trend that they had previously observed.

Its essence lies in the fact that even in childhood, girls are more capable in reading and writing, in languages, and aesthetics, while boys are more successful in the exact sciences and mathematics, which has a serious impact on their entire subsequent lives.

About seven times more boys than girls scored excellent grades in science, and twice as many boys as girls scored in the top 5 percent in math. This was even more striking in everything related to computer science, computers, mechanics, electronics, and cars. On the other hand, boys were clearly lagging behind when it came to reading, memory, and perceptual speed. Young men are weaker in everything that concerns linguistic abilities and skills.

Another important difference is that when tested, girls show less variation in results than boys. The male sex outperformed the female sex at the very top of the grades. However, in the lower group there were also more boys than girls. Reducing this to a simplified formula, we can say that there are more very gifted boys than very gifted girls. However, there are clearly fewer dumb girls than dumb boys.

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The "average" man and the "average" woman have approximately equal IQs. But if women gravitate towards the “golden mean” - IQ = 100, then among men there is a large proportion of both ultra-high intelligence and mental retardation. Seven out of eight people in the top 1% of the world's smartest people are men, but seven out of eight mentally retarded people are also men.

The inability to master reading skills affects men three times more often, stuttering three times more often, and mental retardation one and a half times more often.

Women's thinking is more characterized by beauty and harmony, subtlety of analysis, deep intuition and spontaneity. At the same time, male thinking is more abstract, often paradoxical and daring, it is distinguished by greater flights of imagination.

Girls distinguish colors, shades and smells earlier than boys and more accurately, master the skills of labor actions more firmly, and study more smoothly.

Relationships with others

Women perceive human relationships more subtly and react more sensitively to their nuances than men. If men have a stronger need to achieve goals and success, then for women relationships with others come first.

Attention to others is one of the most attractive features of true femininity. A man may not notice someone's teary eyes, trembling lips, poor appetite or unusual silence. This cannot be hidden from a woman.

Women “read” faces much better, subtly grasp the mood of the interlocutor, and are much more sensitive.

Men are more aggressive, women are more conflict-ridden.

Due to the great importance for a woman of relationships with others, her speech is more complete and complicated compared to a man’s. In general, women are stronger in grammar and languages. Reason –

the more developed left hemisphere of the brain, which, in particular, “manages” speech.

Relationships in the team

It is much easier for men to coexist in men's groups than for women in women's groups: father-in-law and son-in-law find a common language much more often than mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

If we talk about teams, the least conflicting are mixed ones, where men and women are represented in approximately equal proportions. In this case, both of them try to keep themselves “within limits” both in actions and in words, and the opposites of the male and female approach are balanced.

If a team consists primarily of workers of one gender, then the moral climate will be better if the leader is of a different gender. It is no coincidence that women's teams prefer to have a male leader.

Men feel especially awkward when they receive negative feedback in the presence of women.

Perception of work

Traditionally, for a man, work is a means to realize and express himself; for a woman, it is a place where she can feel respect and communicate.

Sociological studies conducted in 1985 and repeated in 1992 showed: for women, good relationships in a team and the personal qualities of a leader are the most significant motives when choosing and evaluating a place of work. Men place the profession, its content, job functions and wages at the forefront. For women, all this is also important, but is not a priority. Materials from American sociological research indicate the same thing, which means that such data are objective and express an attitude towards the collective of women as such.

The productivity of women's labor directly depends on mutual understanding in the team. If contradictions, inevitable everywhere and always, do not take protracted, conflicting forms, women’s work efficiency increases by%.

This is indirectly confirmed by such an indicator as activity in the “man-machine” system. It is known that a woman works on a computer much worse than a man - in this work the “person-to-person” relationship, which is so important for her, is missing.

Much in a woman’s life is compensated by relationships in the team. 80% of women surveyed say: “At work I am a person, an individual”, “During the working day I feel that I am understood, that I am valued, that I bring benefit to society”, “Work allows me to survive family troubles and my husband’s cruelty , alienation of a child." Maybe that's why women love to drink tea at work. This is not so much a distraction as it unites them, brings peace of mind, satisfies the need for communication,

So, the work collective for a woman is a great spiritual and personal value. The notorious accusations against women of high levels of conflict at work require serious study and confirmation by scientific data.

But conflicts in women's groups, of course, do happen. As a rule, they are not caused by industrial relations (unlike men - they quarrel over low wages, downtime, due to possible layoffs). Industrial conflicts between men usually affect the climate in the family. For women, the opposite is true - the lack of mutual understanding at home affects their relationships in the team and causes inappropriate reactions to the behavior of colleagues. This is understandable: what we value most is what touches us the most.

Women are owners.

They want to own 100% of the shares in your name, not share them with anyone, and receive all dividends from them themselves.

That's how they are built. She will always be happy if she is confident in you. If not, then he will think about it. Men are owners too, so get over it. If you get involved with a young lady on a permanent basis, be prepared to belong only to her.

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Female psychologist in Moscow and beyond

I invite you to a consultation with a female psychologist. I guarantee you qualified assistance, as well as a professional and attentive approach in each specific case. Believe me, you and I have enough strength to cope with all life situations together!

• If you need a female psychologist in Moscow , I recommend visiting my in-person consultation.
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Female psychologist Natalia Igorevna Kalugina

Women need attention.

There is never too much of it. No matter how much you give, it won’t be enough. Each woman has her own form of expressing attention. But compliments are perhaps universal.

It doesn’t matter if your woman looks like a top model or a dumpling, she still needs to be told that she is a beauty!

If a woman is smart, say she is beautiful. If she's beautiful, then she's smart. If you don't know what to say, say that the woman has lost weight.

Some features that poison a man’s life

1. A kind of idealism . It so happened that psychologists note that the psychology of women in relationships has undergone some kind of idealization. Simply put, the minds of women were influenced by fairy tales about Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, and so on. This is exactly how it is said that a man must be handsome, strong, rich, and so on, a kind of superman. What if this is not so, then after the wedding everything will work out. But in real life, girls unfortunately face a different reality.
2. Urgently clarify the relationship . I think everyone has encountered this. This is what I just don’t understand: you’re talking to your wife normally, but then her mood changes, and abruptly. Moreover, you yourself are in shock, and when you figure out what needs to be sorted out, you go completely out of your mind, because in essence this problem is not worth a damn, but the woman needs to figure it out. And right now, to clarify the relationship. Men are a special type of attracting attention. One of the options. It means your companion lacks attention.
3. Storm of emotions . I already wrote about this above. Women need emotions, but if you cannot constantly stir up a storm of positive emotions in your other half, then get ready for a waterfall of negative emotions. This is how the psychology of women works in relationships, and not only that.
4. Napoleonic habits . In female psychology, this point sometimes becomes higher than morality. Women are ready to do anything to achieve their goals. There seems to be nothing special here, but meanness sometimes knows no bounds. And you don’t need to think that if your life partner is quiet and modest, then nothing like this will happen. No and no again. If you haven’t completed something yourself, haven’t come to something, the woman will try to achieve it by any means necessary. Of course, if it is important and necessary (in her opinion)

Women have no logic.

“Women don’t need to explain anything, you always need to act with them” (c) Erich Maria Remarque.

Don't try to understand a woman. Accept her for who she is. It is easier. They completely lack logic and understanding of cause and effect. Women are emotional beings.

You will explain your decision to her as much as you like, based on facts, but she will listen to her feelings and intuition.