The realization that your character is not so good does not come immediately. For a very long time a person denies his negative qualities, looking for the cause of misunderstanding and failure in those around him. Remarks from loved ones seem unfair and annoying, but there comes a moment when you understand: they are all wrong or you are the only one.
From the first awareness of your complex character to the decision to change for the better, years and even decades can pass. A person must track the influence of negative aspects on his destiny, relationships with other people, and also understand that if these qualities did not exist, his life would become simpler and better. By changing one's character, a person changes the future, so it is important to correctly identify what requires changes and not give up qualities that help along the path of life.
What is human character?
A person’s character is a certain set of qualities and properties of a person that influences all the actions and manifestations of that person.
It determines this or that way of life and behavior.
In psychology, character is considered from the following points of view:
- as a system of stable motives and modes of behavior that form a certain behavioral type of personality;
- as a clearly expressed certainty of typical human behavior;
- as a measure of the balance of the external and internal worlds, a feature of a person’s adaptation to the surrounding reality.
A person’s character is also understood as a combination of the following groups of personality traits:
- A person's attitude towards other people and society as a whole . These include responsiveness, sociability, respect for others and isolation, rudeness, and contempt.
- A person's attitude towards work. These include hard work, initiative, perseverance and laziness, irresponsibility, passivity.
- A person's attitude towards himself . These include self-esteem, self-criticism, modesty and vanity, resentment, and selfishness.
- A person's attitude towards things. This includes neatness, care and sloppiness, negligence.
Take the test and find out about your character:
Rule 6. Manage our emotions
Having decided to improve your psychological portrait, creating an image of a positive, harmonious and loved person on all sides, you need to completely control and manage your emotions. To do this, it is necessary to modify the usual way of responding to irritating factors to functional emotions.
For example: if you are used to flashing like a match at the sight of a mess on your desktop, when you find yourself in this position, do not focus on the fact. Think about beautiful things, start humming a happy tune, do some breathing exercises, or smile at your reflection in the mirror. After a few minutes, you will be able to show a completely different emotion to this state of affairs.
How is it formed?
Character begins to form from the first months of life.
At the same time, the main role at this stage belongs to communication with others, since the child imitates loved ones and thus learns forms of behavior.
In addition, there is a special period of character development, which ranges from two to ten years. At this time, children perceive information best, actively communicate with others, and are exposed to outside influence.
The main condition for the formation of character is the social environment, that is, all the people who surround a person in the process of growing up and beyond.
In addition, physiological prerequisites . This refers to the peculiarities of the functioning of the brain, the degree of its development is determined by differences in the character of different people.
Rule 4. Use system analysis
To improve some features, you need to understand which direction to move, that is, clearly know: what needs to be eliminated and what to strive for. We resort to a system: we write down our positive and negative character components on a sheet of paper in two columns.
We select antonyms for negative properties and connect the words with an arrow. For example: we have indecision, but we place self-confidence next to it.
indecision -> self-confidence
If there is a quick temper in our porter, we note the composure next door.
hot temper -> composure
Now we know exactly what we need to get rid of, what we need to improve and what we plan to acquire in order to become a new person.
For the system to work, it is necessary to implement the planned steps in life, at the slightest opportunity to demonstrate a new trait. With such practical development, we transform the desired property into a habit, thereby quickly achieving transformation for the better.
Does it change over the course of life?
Previously, there was an opinion that a person’s personality is fully formed by the age of 25 . And it is precisely at this age that all the main character traits are laid down and if they can be changed in the future, then only slightly.
But various studies in the field of psychology have proven that a person’s personality continues to change in adulthood .
This happens under the influence of life experience and other factors.
Is it possible to change your character on your own? Find out in this video:
Rule 2. Find a role model
The easiest way to begin our transformation is to choose a real-life personality or make a “collective” idol whom we would like to become like.
For example, if we decide to become tougher and look like a brutal guy, we can borrow masculine charisma from Vladimir Vdovichenko. If you decide to develop soft femininity and improve your appearance with a bright smile, it is worth studying the biography of Cameron Diaz.
In those moments when negativism that has not yet been eliminated begins to zealously overcome, try to mentally become your idol, borrow the style of clothing, demeanor, gestures, facial expressions, intonation. Of course, you shouldn’t try to completely fit into someone else’s shoes, but a little imitation of your chosen idol will help you change for the better.
Can I change it myself?
All this is of course very individual and depends on many features. There are people for whom changing their own character is easier. And there are those who have to make enormous efforts on themselves .
Your own desire is also important. If you sincerely want to change, then nothing will stop you.
Thus, if you are 30 years old or more, then you can change your character, but this requires a great desire and active work on yourself .
This video is about how to work on negative character traits:
Who is an ambivert? Find out about this from our article.
Rule 5. Encourage and pamper yourself
The main obstacle that prevents you from becoming the embodiment of perfection is the lack of love for yourself and low self-esteem. To eliminate such a negative attitude for the sake of further transformation, we take it as a rule:
- accept your personality as it is at the moment;
- give yourself compliments;
- praise yourself for the tiniest achievements;
- reward yourself for your efforts;
- treat yourself to surprises.
Without eliminating negativism towards oneself, it is unlikely that one will become a new person.
Advice from psychologists on changing character
For the better
How to change your character for the better? Undoubtedly, the worse your character, the more difficult it is to live. Intemperance, laziness, hot temper and other negative qualities obviously will not add friends to you and will not help you in building a career.
Psychologists recommend the following to change your character for the better:
- Conduct an analysis of your character. Only one condition: be as honest as possible with yourself. Write your strengths and weaknesses in two columns. Spend at least 30 minutes on this and delve into yourself. Now that you have this list in front of you, it becomes clearer what you need to work on!
- Understand why you want to change. Surely you began to think about this because someone pointed out your shortcomings, or you yourself noticed that there are qualities that clearly complicate your life. In order to change the qualities of your character, you will have to make a lot of effort. And if you don’t realize why you’re doing this, then you’ll give up pretty quickly.
- Read good books. The most important rule in this case: the book should make you think.
So pulp novels and detective stories of dubious quality, which are forgotten immediately after reading, are clearly not suitable. Pay attention to good fiction. You can also read books on psychology. Read at least 50 pages a day and apply all the recommendations written there. This will help you work on your character. - Work on self-control. This is a very useful quality that will be useful to you in all areas of life. The ability to restrain yourself and not give in when you really want to lash out, be rude, get lazy or cry, that is, the ability to control your emotions will help you in working on your character.
- Don't hesitate to ask for help. Man is not omnipotent and there are situations when he cannot cope on his own. Talk to your loved ones and friends. Ask what qualities you need to work on and how best to do it. They will be happy to help you, and will also support you if they notice that you are weak.
- Don't be afraid to go to a psychologist. There's nothing wrong with that. If you really intend to change, then the help of a competent specialist will come in handy. Thanks to it, you will be able to understand the reasons for your behavior and understand how to better work on yourself.
To a harder one
Changing character does not always mean becoming kinder and more flexible.
There are people who are quite soft by nature. And this also interferes with life.
If you want to change your character to a tougher one, try the following recommendations:
- Practice self-discipline. Our brain has a very interesting quality: when we improve some quality in one area, it can then easily be used in any other. Thus, having trained self-discipline in, for example, taking a contrast shower every morning or not eating sweets for a whole month, you can then demonstrate this quality when strength of character is required from you.
- Think about what you are missing. What qualities would help you become tougher? Determination? Strength of will? When you see a list of necessary qualities in front of you, it is easier to start working on yourself.
- Train your mental stability. If you are easy to offend, pity, or influence you in any other way, then people will take advantage of it. You need to learn not to succumb to other people's provocations and to remain calm and cool in any situation.
- Be positive. Don't be upset every time you fail to show strength of character. Instead, it is better to take something out of it, to understand how to behave in this situation next time. Therefore, do not be sad, but learn a lesson and move on! The very fact that you acknowledged the problem and started working on it is very good.
- Develop self-confidence. Surely you have complexes and fears. Write them down on a piece of paper and gradually work on each of them. Get out of your comfort zone, do what you were so afraid of before. Gradually you will notice how you become more and more confident in your abilities.
- Learn to defend your opinion. It can be difficult.
And more often than not it’s easier to give up and succumb to weakness. But you need to learn to be decisive and firm. Therefore, learn to clearly formulate your own opinion on a particular issue, and also confidently defend it. - Learn to say no to people. Many people do not know how to do this at all, and then suffer from the fact that they are openly taken advantage of. Saying “no” will become easier as you begin to develop self-confidence.
- Make yourself known. Don't be the gray mouse that hides in the corners. Remember that you are a person who, in addition to negative qualities, has a lot of advantages. So tell others that you are worth something. And most importantly, prove it with your actions.
- Don't let others manipulate you. Stop any attempts immediately. Otherwise, people around you will simply sit on your neck.
- Don't forget about yourself. It's good that you think about others. But you also need to love, pamper and cherish yourself.
Read about how to become a more charismatic person here.
Rule 3. Develop motivation
The main condition for becoming a positive person is a sincere and voluntary desire. We must clearly understand why exactly we need changes. Some will have arguments to please their loved one even more, others will want to make a dizzying career, and others will want to improve relationships with their children.
Understanding why we sacrifice some familiar properties, make efforts and spend time is the success of any event and a guarantee of transformation for the better.
However, it is we, in our own person, who must desire these changes. It’s not worth making the effort if becoming something different and developing some trait is a categorical requirement of another, even the closest and most beloved person.
Don't hide your grudge
A woman cannot hide her resentment - she is a tender and sensual creature capable of experiencing this feeling. You shouldn’t show this too obviously and impulsively to the opposite sex. Men do not have a “bag” of patience to constantly ask for forgiveness. If an unpleasant feeling of resentment arises, you can ask about the reason for the words spoken or actions taken. Differences in attitudes towards life situations of both sexes can give rise to misunderstandings. Explanations can dot the i's, which will save the couple from similar disagreements in the future.
What habits radically change your life?
A person who changes for the better completely refuses or tries to reduce the influence of bad manners, stereotypes and bad habits on his life, no matter how difficult the situation he finds himself in. Spiritual practices (meditation, yoga), sports, and family support will help you cope with external irritating factors and stress. A person can change his character by deliberately acquiring useful habits:
- A guide to a healthy lifestyle. Proper nutrition, regular physical activity, proper rest, personal hygiene are the components of a beautiful appearance, health and success.
- Self-development. Reading books, solving crosswords, solving puzzles stimulates brain activity and improves mental abilities.
- Order on the table, in the room, in life. By keeping the room clean, a person accustoms himself to discipline, composure, neatness, and organization. Proper prioritization, effective planning for the week, month, year, highlighting primary goals and cutting off unimportant tasks will help you advance your career and improve your personal life.
We change for the better, realizing why this is being done and what results it will lead to. Only this approach will help you choose the best ways to achieve your goal and follow the plan to the bitter end.
To effectively strengthen your character, it is important to understand how to do it. Psychologists advise you to understand your own problems and the causes of internal dissatisfaction. Using simple tips, you will be able to replace negative traits with positive ones, ultimately turning into an individual who has the desired personal qualities.
