You can work on yourself, go to trainings, listen and write down the “correct” thoughts and methods for working with goals. But if there is no motivation, no matter what we do, read, listen, write, there will be no movement.
It's simple. There are people who work with their goals, and there are people who, no matter what you do with them (train, motivate, inspire), will not work with their goals. In fact, working with goals is as simple as a rake. The only thing that matters is whether we have motivation or not. A person will move only when he feels an impulse inside, when there is energy, when his eyes burn. And if there is no light, then we take a few steps and give up, having lost motivation already at the first difficulties, saying “it won’t work anyway.”
Without will, nowhere
Impulse and energy can be felt when you clearly understand what you want. That is why it is recommended to first write down your goals - so that a person understands them, imagines them, and knows why he needs it. You need to want your goal. After all, the question is not that I don’t know what to do. The question is that there is no desire to do something. And so, by writing, imagining a picture, you can awaken this desire in yourself. And when a person has drawn in front of himself the most vivid, rich and emotional image of the achieved goal, then there is a chance that he will want to move towards it. And as soon as this feeling arises, you need to immediately identify the first few steps towards the goal and immediately do something. This will make it easier to maintain motivation.
What’s interesting is that the first action can be anything, that is, to reinforce the motivation to move towards the goal, immediately after we write down what we want, we can do anything: two-minute exercises, dance, clean the house or wash the dishes. It is important to take the first step, the sooner the better. There is nowhere without will here. You can train this quality by adding temporary rules to your life. For example, for a month I dance every morning at 8.00 for two minutes to tone up; This week I’m making sure not to talk about what I don’t like; For three days I give everyone I see one compliment; For two weeks I limit the time I spend on social networks to 1 hour a day, etc. Important: the rules must be temporary, the period is a maximum of a month, but it is better when it is a week or several days. Each result is an additional push. When something starts to work out, you will want it even more. The result will be a kind of movie in which we “get into character” with our own goal. And then an impulse arises, energy appears. You can maintain this state only by noticing, recording all achievements and even small victories, and outlining the next steps. And if there is a supportive environment, the chances become even greater. Simple and working mechanism. The only task is to complete this sequence :
- draw a “tasty” future;
- want him;
- determine the first steps;
- immediately take the first step, even a very small one;
- train the will with useful temporary rules.
If the picture doesn’t make your heart beat faster, if there is no desire to move, then you don’t have to train any further. In the case when “I don’t want” is stronger than “I want,” you need to either change the goal or work with your condition.
Important points
To learn how to do what you want, it is enough to correctly assess priorities:
- Bodily desires.
- Manifestations of the soul.
The body seeks comfort, so any physical activity or, conversely, passivity is important to it. A relaxing massage, a change of position, a run - these are all the desires of the body.
The soul wants harmony, happiness, beauty. We learn to notice the intangible and the beautiful. Or we add the missing elements to life ourselves. Hobbies, cute purchases and comfortable activities perfectly nourish the soul, adding strength and tone to it.
That’s how easy it is to change your thinking from “need” to “want”. And go towards your dream confidently and quickly.
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Drawing lessons"
The technology of “wanting” a goal itself is simple: draw it (in as much detail as possible), outline the first five steps towards it (one action is taken - you’re already on the way) and turn to like-minded people for support (when you’re scared or don’t feel like it). It is important here to follow the points listed and clearly track what exactly you are doing, even if you take the smallest step. When this scheme is in action, the results will be clear. Working with “have” goals. What do I want financially? An apartment, a car, a jacket... Cheers! But here it is important to understand, will “having” me make me a slave? Will achievement bring joy to every day? What will I gain on the road, what will I lose, what prices will I pay for this “to have”?
More important and significant goals are those aimed at “being.” For example, I want to be the best director among all the companies in my field, or I want to be the most creative designer in my country. Here the question is more relevant - is it “mine” or “not mine”? If it warms me, if I want to move there, if the process is interesting to me and I want to do it, then this “to be” corresponds to my talents. But there are also some risks in the definition. The danger is that there are still socially in demand professions, there are mom and dad, etc. All this influences our opinion. To understand whether this is your own creativity or not, you should think: will it make me stronger and more fulfilled, will I become happier because of it? When the question is about self-realization, it is better to step back from all opinions, from all “prizes” and focus on how interesting it will be for me to do what needs to be done every day. Will it be as bright, lively and inspiring for me as it is now – in a year or two? What exactly do I like?
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What do I want to learn? Or is all this just for the sake of the “prize” - salary, recognition, respect? There are times when we choose a job to survive, and here too there are rules for winning. The first is to define this work as the first step towards what you want. The second is to decide that if this is the first step, then it is like a springboard: I need to become the best in this activity in order to have greater opportunities later. Third, choose what I will learn most from this job. For example, I go to work as a salesperson - and I can more deeply study and train the communication process, distinguish between people, feel and change their state, or I can learn how marketing activities work, which goods and products sell best, etc.
How to want to want?
Your standard of living is determined by the NORM. These are certain meanings for each situation that are encoded in our psyche. It is they who, when assessing our current reality, say: “Calm down, everything is fine.” They create a comfort zone for you. You are calm and absolutely not motivated to do anything. Well, it’s normal to eat flour before bed. It's okay to watch a couple of episodes of your favorite TV series instead of working. It’s normal to dress like that, wear your hair like that. It's normal to earn so much. Others earn even less.
And we are comfortable. Yes, of course, we want to be better. Somewhere there, in the depths of your soul, very deep. And here, nearby, an inner voice tells us: “Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is as you are used to." And some drift like this for years, and some for their entire lives. We compare ourselves with our surroundings and, if we are no worse than them, then we are very happy for ourselves. And if it’s a little better, then we’re generally proud. But somewhere there, even in the depths of our souls, a voice periodically tries to reach us and says: “You deserve more. Go further. Your life could be so much better." But where is it? Everyday life brings us down to earth again.
But if you're lucky, you end up in a context where all your normal values go to hell. This is when you find yourself in a situation where people think by completely different criteria. And here it’s as if something hits us on the head. BAM! We find ourselves in a completely different reality, in which there are completely different laws. A completely different level. And this level is considered the norm here. But most importantly, we are fascinated by this reality. And we can no longer live as before. Now our previous reality will seem like torture to us.
I remember moving to a new gym. Before that, I worked out in the student gym. It was close to home, and everything suited me. In 4 years I made good progress and was pleased with myself. Compared to the visitors to the hall, I won significantly. But at one point the hall closed and I had to look for another one. A friend recommended a new reputable gym, which I went to. When I walked into it for the first training session, I was in complete shock. I, who was so proud of myself, was simply lost against the background of those present. I saw a completely different form, quality of workmanship, symmetry and aesthetics. It must have been funny to look at me from the outside at that moment. I didn't believe that this was possible. And in such a concentration per square meter. Where are all these people hiding in life? Walking around the city, we don't see them all. We meet only thin students with thin legs and pot-bellied men and women. This is our reality.
And then you realize that the reality is different. And your standards are so naive that you want to hide them far away. And never get it again. It is at that moment that we take a step forward. We are no longer satisfied with the current reality. And motivation appears. And we begin to act. And our life is being brought to a new level. And then it becomes the norm for us. Until the next time, until our picture of reality expands again.
Another striking incident happened to me when I was dealing with a company. It completely changed my view of business. After all, any company consists of employees who waste their time and try to go home at the first opportunity. This is the bosses who are trying to keep these subordinates under a tight rein. This is intrigue, gossip and a bunch of everything that is attributes of any organization. At least, that’s how it was written in my picture of the world before.
But this company did not correspond to my ideas at all. She was from some other planet. The first thing that struck me was the responsibility of each employee. He doesn't try to go home early. Doesn't play kerchief when no one is looking. He does his job with enthusiasm. Moreover, he can easily, on his own initiative, work on weekends if he considers it necessary. He invests money himself to improve his level. I saw the eyes of every employee light up. For them, work is a thrill. But I was even more amazed by their human qualities. This depth, decency, intelligence and internal energy. I wanted to be in the company of each of them as long as possible. When I found out what the job requirements were, my picture of the world was torn to pieces.
For example, an ordinary designer must have several dozen competencies that go far beyond design skills. This includes communication, management, conflict resolution, and certain human qualities. Usually it is enough to take some courses, master a couple of programs and draw well, but not here. There was a completely different standard of quality here. When I saw the parking lot of this company, I understood why there are such requirements. It looked like a high-end car dealership. And these were not the bosses' cars. These were employees' cars.
But what struck me most was the conversation with the head of this company. For him, business is his life. His life is at the highest level. And all the employees are a big family. He enjoys every action. For him there is no concept of “impossible”. What was the ultimate dream for me was the norm for him. This conversation forever changed my idea of the business I want to have. As in the old joke, I asked myself the question again and again: “Was it possible?” I thought this couldn't happen. But for some it is everyday life.
And today I clearly understand what determines our standard of living. This is our meaning of the norm. As long as everything is normal, we are calm and satisfied. When it's lower, we step up and correct the situation. But everyone has their own norm. What is it like for you in each of the important contexts?
And the most important question: “How to change this norm?” For myself and my clients, I have developed a number of techniques that help change mental settings. But these techniques are quite complex, so I won’t write about them here. There are ways available to everyone.
First, find people who have the standards you want to have. And by all means try to spend as much time as possible in their company. Even if you can't reach them in person, use videos, books and any other opportunities. Until you get used to the new norms. I assure you, after this you will not return back.
Secondly, reconsider your surroundings. I mean people, things, places you go and so on. If you look closely, each thing will tell you about your norm. Want a direct example? How much do your everyday supplies cost: toilet paper, socks, hand cream? What do you eat? What films do you watch and what books do you read? Where do you vacation? What do you look like, after all? This all reflects your standards.
Find a way to find yourself in an environment whose standards will be an order of magnitude higher. An environment that will attract you. And stay in it for so long until it becomes habitual. Let there be confirmation before your eyes that this is not just possible - it’s normal.
And when you notice that your previous norms make you feel rejected, you can congratulate yourself. And then find a way to take it up another notch. And you will definitely like the person you become as you move along these steps J
I would be glad if I shook you up and made you think.
See you.
To enjoy the process
When choosing your activity, when choosing your goal “to be,” it is important to like the process. What do I do best? What will be exciting for me? And only when a person gets on this wave, he becomes realized and will be able to move on. And one more thing: to move forward, we always need support. Many may have a question: where to find it when everything is so unreliable and changeable? I will answer - you don’t need to look for it. What we have can give us support. What we rely on is our will, strength, skills, flexibility, experience. These are people who support – close and like-minded people. People who can help, guide, give feedback, suggest and correct. The foundation is what is under your feet. And we need goals in order to build our future on it (the foundation). Purpose gives us energy, desire, fire in the heart. During the movement towards what you want, even nerve cells will be restored - there is a study that reports that nerve cells are able to recover! Yes Yes exactly! Only if four points are present in balance in life:
- consistency of dreams, goals and reality;
- the ability to organize your life;
- understanding and feeling the meaning of one’s existence;
- established and good relationships with other people.
That is, I am the organizer of my life, I have a vision of where I am moving, there is a meaning to life and there are good people around. Therefore, goals are extremely necessary. They help you move, develop, and live.
Tamara Skuratovskaya , business coach, consultant
