One day a young man came to the sage’s house and asked him a question: “What do I need to do to gain wisdom?” The sage thought and said: “Go outside and wait a little.” It was raining outside, and the young man thought to himself: “So how will this help me? Although, what doesn’t happen, anything happens.” He left the house and stood on the porch right under the downpour.
The guy was soaked to the skin, and within ten minutes there was not a dry spot left on him. He returned to the house and said: “I did as you said. What's next? The teacher asked him: “Tell me what happened. While you were standing in the rain, did you have any revelation?”
The young man scratched his head: “Revelation? What other revelation? There was no revelation - I just stood there and got wet, like a fool!” To this the sage replied: “Rejoice! This is a real revelation! You have taken the path of wisdom, and this is the right path. If you know that you are a fool, then you have already begun to change!”
With this short story, we wanted to say how important it is to be able to perceive yourself critically, to see your shortcomings and negative traits, to understand your weaknesses and strengths in order to develop. And that everyone who strives for self-knowledge and wisdom must be self-critical.
What is self-criticism
Self-criticism is inherent in every mentally healthy person. It’s not for nothing that the famous scientist Ilya Shevelev said: “The lack of self-criticism is often a monosymptom of stupidity.” Essentially, this is a person’s ability to adequately evaluate himself and his actions, look for and analyze mistakes. It affects behavior and thinking.
Healthy self-criticism has nothing to do with self-criticism and self-deprecation. These qualities bring with them the destruction of personality. They lower self-esteem and cause feelings of shame and guilt. Self-criticism is an adequate perception of oneself, one’s positive and negative sides.
Self-criticism in psychology is a look at oneself through the prism of principles, values, and beliefs. The main thing is that they are your own. Don't try to look at yourself based on other people's beliefs. At the very least this is wrong.
Basis
Self-criticism is a kind of outside view. Her judgments are based on a person's inner beliefs, principles and goals. And if a person correlates himself with his preferences, then this will be called self-criticism. But if a person begins to evaluate himself from the point of view of someone else’s value system, then this indicates an inadequate approach. Also inadequate can be called a complete lack of self-criticism (although this may be caused by a low level of intellectual development). If a person is overly self-critical, then he suffers from low self-esteem.
Self-criticism is a samurai sword, where all sides are sharp. It is impossible to unambiguously determine whether it is classified as a negative manifestation or whether one needs to work on its development.
Objective and subjective criticism
There are significant differences between the two types of criticism. Signs of objective criticism:
- evaluates facts;
- gives accurate information.
Subjective criticism gives an overall assessment based on one fact.
A clear example of both types of reasoning is a person who considers himself worthless. This is a subjective opinion. Perhaps it was imposed by society or by some of the people around us. If you look at the facts, everything will not be so scary. The person managed to build a career, created a strong family or founded a thriving business. This is how an objective view of things manifests itself.
Summary
- Self-criticism is an ingrained habit. It does not always reflect your real state.
- Self-criticism does much more harm than good. It depresses and saddens you.
- It is within your power to learn to get rid of excessive self-criticism. Treat it as a feature of your thinking, and not a reflection of your personality.
- Negative thoughts can be questioned. You can learn to notice these thoughts and their impact on your emotional and physical state or behavior. You can find a more balanced and gentle response to certain situations.
- You can and should experiment with your perception of yourself: positive, less harsh; as if you are addressing not yourself, but another person.
Reduce self-criticism by developing self-confidence:
Developing Self-Confidence: A Practical Interactive Distance Course
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The benefits and harms of self-criticism
In psychology, there is no clear answer to the question of whether self-criticism is needed or whether one can do without it. The ability to evaluate yourself from the outside brings with it many advantages. First, you understand which of your actions were less effective. Secondly, you get motivation. Thirdly, set new goals and develop a plan to achieve them.
Other items you can add to this list:
- the opportunity to become better;
- life experience;
- the ability to adjust actions;
- getting rid of narcissism and excessive self-confidence;
- developing respect for others;
- the emergence of the ability to admit one’s mistakes and shortcomings.
Fear of Inadequacy
In general, every person should be able to critically evaluate their own actions and thoughts, accurately identify their weaknesses and know how to correct them. But at the same time, he should not neglect his strengths. Some people can draw, some can sing, and some are programming geniuses.
It’s just that people tend to expect approval from their environment. It is precisely because of the expectation of this approval that we try to squeeze ourselves into a framework that we have never met and will never meet.
How to criticize yourself correctly
So, what is human self-criticism? This is the ability to objectively evaluate oneself as a person. You look at all thoughts and actions through the prism of beliefs, values and priorities. You see mistakes and look for ways to correct them.
But what if self-criticism develops into self-flagellation? There are eight effective ways to correct the situation.
Be honest with yourself
What does self-criticism mean? First of all, it is honesty with yourself. There is no point in deceiving yourself. Learn to at least tell yourself the truth. This will help to properly educate your conscience, making it your best assistant. Only in this case will she protect from wrong words and actions.
Don't despise yourself
Always respect yourself. Mistakes, failures and setbacks happen to every person. But they should not reduce your self-esteem and affect your self-confidence. Remember that self-criticism is a direct path to change for the better.
Don't criticize wrong actions. Assess your personality, develop it, learn. But under no circumstances destroy your inner harmony.
Example from life
Some people feel their own imperfections more than others. Usually no one talks about this, and even to himself is unable to admit his own inadequacy, but actions speak for themselves.
Here's a small example. One young and promising boss, let's call him Ricky, hired coaches to help him become a first-class leader. In total, he had about 50 people under his command and, despite the euphoria of his new appointment, he was shocked by the scale of responsibility. Subsequently, it turned out that Ricky has no problems with time management, he does not suffer from stress, but is simply convinced that he is not good enough. Regardless of what happens, Ricky is constantly dissatisfied with the current circumstances and his own behavior. He can't even name a few things that he is really good at, but if you touch on the topic of difficulties and problems, then Ricky is unstoppable. He is ready to talk for hours that he achieved success only because he constantly worked on his bad sides.
How to Eliminate Excessive Self-Criticism
As stated above, unhealthy self-criticism leads to self-blame, depression, fear of repeating past mistakes and painful rumination over the current situation. Therefore, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible. There are six effective ways to solve this problem:
- Self-criticism is an objective assessment of advantages and disadvantages. Write them down on a blank sheet of paper. Ask your family and friends to do the same. Compare and analyze records. Maybe you are too self-critical of yourself?
- Learn to accept yourself with good and bad qualities. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Work on your weaknesses. But remember, this takes time.
- Looking at yourself from the outside will help you get rid of excessive self-criticism. But not through the prism of other people's assessments. Don't forget: you can't be good to everyone. Therefore, remain yourself, do not strive to meet other people's expectations.
- Listen to the opinions of others, but don't live by them. This is a good way to get rid of self-criticism. People evaluate you using their own views and idea of an ideal person. If you try to match him, you will lose your individuality, inner harmony and yourself as a person.
- You always need to develop. But there are times when this is not possible. Don't blame yourself, don't humiliate or criticize yourself for it. Do what you can at the moment.
- Self-criticism should be fun. Don't become dependent on the result. Celebrate even small successes.
And, probably, the most important advice. Don't look for flaws in yourself. Pay attention to good qualities and achievements. Appreciate what you have now.
Key Questions to Help Find Alternatives to Critical Thinking
It is rarely possible to find a successful alternative to self-criticism from the very beginning. The questions below are designed specifically to help you understand how damaging the effects of excessive self-criticism can be. They will help you come up with fresh solutions to combat it. Take a closer look at the questions and determine which ones are right for you. You can write them out and carry them with you.
Where to look for warning signs?
- Am I mixing facts and speculation?
If something seems to you, this does not mean at all that it really is. Your self-criticism may be based on bad experiences rather than an objective reflection of your personality traits. - What speaks in favor of my initial self-esteem?
Under what circumstances do you usually begin to reproach yourself? What real facts and observations (rather than abstract ideas and opinions) support such self-criticism? - What contradicts my original self-perception?
Are there examples around you that refute, contradict or contradict your negative judgments about yourself? For example, you reproached yourself for stupidity: remember which facts (present or past) do not fit this stamp.
What alternatives do I have?
Is my original view of myself really the only correct one? Any situation can be viewed from different angles. For example, what will happen to her in 10 years?
Why does my self-perception matter?
- Is self-criticism useful, or is it better to get rid of it?
What do you want in a certain situation? What are your goals? Currently outweighed by the pros or cons? - What options for more appropriate behavior do I have?
What prevents me from adequately assessing myself?
- Am I jumping to conclusions too quickly?
For example, someone didn’t call you and you decided that you had somehow offended this person. This is typical behavior of people with low self-esteem. In fact, the reasons may be completely different. - Do I have double standards?
Low self-esteem causes people to be much more demanding of themselves than of others. They hold themselves to a higher standard; they expect much less from others. To find out if you have double standards, ask yourself: what would you do if a loved one came to us with the same problem. - Do I want everything or nothing?
“Black and white” thinking oversimplifies the real state of affairs. Almost everything in the Universe is relative. People are not clearly bad or good. Events also cannot be divided into disasters or holidays. - Am I drawing too many conclusions based on isolated events?
One mistake and are you sure it's a failure? Are you prone to such fragmentary judgments? Does someone dislike you and you feel like it’s your fault? Beware of making global judgments unless you are sure you have taken all the circumstances into account. - Am I focusing on my weaknesses and forgetting about my strengths?
People with low self-esteem tend to pay more attention to their weaknesses, forgetting about their advantages. They ignore their past successes, accumulated positive experience, and do not trust their strengths. In everyday life, this is expressed in the fact that a person counts his mistakes day by day and does not pay any attention to his achievements. In a bad mood, it is difficult to remember your talents. - Am I looking for my guilt where there is none?
When things don't go well, what are the first thoughts that come to your mind? Are you trying to find a positive explanation for what is happening or are you immediately attributing everything to your failure? There are a lot of reasons beyond your control why certain misunderstandings happen. - Am I an idealist?
This mistake is widespread: a person believes that he must, at all costs, treat all life’s trials evenly and calmly. In addition, he demands first-class performance of any task, regardless of the conditions and his knowledge in this field. This is a sure way to develop excessive self-criticism, painful feelings of guilt, depression and an inadequate attitude towards oneself. It is impossible to be on top all the time, and if you strive for this, you are dooming yourself to failure in advance.
How can I help myself?
- How can I implement a gentler approach to myself?
- Does anything need to be done to change the situation? If not, what can you do to start thinking differently?
- How can I find alternative behavior strategies?
Write down your ideas and try to implement them when you find yourself in the right situation. This way you can develop and affirm a new attitude towards yourself.
