A child is crying because of a school grade: a psychologist told what a parent should do

The world around us is full of irritants to which we cannot help but react. Modern man, with all the benefits of civilization with which he has surrounded himself, is a creature that is nervously extremely exhausted and defenseless. The frantic pace of life, a sea of information that our brain must digest without interruption, cataclysms in nature and society, economic instability and uncertainty about the future, disgusting ecology - these and many other factors have led to the fact that the first quarter of the 21st century was marked by a real surge in worldwide of neuropsychiatric diseases. Especially often, people began to suffer from bouts of depression. And what’s interesting is that the disease primarily affects countries with a high standard of living.

The effect of the defensive reaction

What does it mean to not be upset? In fact, do not react at all to those things and phenomena that cause negative emotions in us. But many of the protective functions of our body have long been lost, and we are sometimes enraged by such little things that a person who lived 200 years ago simply would not have paid attention to. Another option not to be upset is to be a real don’t care. How realistic is this? Hard to say. If some individuals possess such talents, most likely they are clearly of a marginal nature. And finally, another way to not get upset is to work on yourself, on your own self-government, control of your nerves. And in this science, simple and complex at the same time, each of us can succeed very well.

Methods for dealing with stress at work

All psychologists unanimously say that holding on to negative emotions is harmful. And indeed it is. Due to the long-term accumulation of negativity, mental disorders or illnesses may develop. But this does not mean that a person should start shouting every time anxiety or stress arises during work.

Don't take everything personally

In order to get rid of stress, you can use the tips and tricks below.

Don't take the irritated tone of a colleague or boss to heart. The reason for such speech may not be the work the employee does.
Learn to overcome difficult moments as they arise.
Don't exaggerate the scale of the problems.
Learn to show humility if the situation cannot be changed.
When a negative situation arises, try to imagine what could happen in the worst case scenario.
Analyze the stressful situation and determine the source of anxiety (this will make it easier to cope with a similar situation next time).
Learn not to get hung up on public opinion (most often those around you are too absorbed in their own affairs to be distracted).
Don't compare yourself to other employees.

Different people may react differently to the same problem. The suggested recommendations will help you stay calm when a tense situation arises and overcome anxiety and negative emotions.

Tip 1: Filter your surroundings

To start, just think about how you need to behave so as not to get upset. Review your life and try to adjust your own actions in such a way as to protect yourself from troubles as much as possible. For example, you noticed that in the presence of some people you feel discomfort, unpleasant emotions, and loss of strength. This means that try to remove them from your environment or reduce your general pastime to a complete minimum. Very soon you will notice that you do not need to be upset in 7-8 cases out of 10. Position yourself in such a way that those who want to be with you take care of your mental comfort.

I'm afraid of ruining my relationship with management

How can you learn to approach work more simply? Remember that no leader respects timid and soft-bodied people who do not know how to defend their rights. If you obey every request from your superiors and are afraid to refuse a request, then you will never gain respect from the person towards you.

You will not ruin your relationship with management if you demand only what is legally due to you. Take your work life easier. Remember that you got a job, not hired to be a slave. If “slavery” is considered completely legal in your company, then perhaps you should consider changing your workplace.

Tip 2: Adapt to Problems

You should not avoid impending problems, take the pose of an ostrich or a wise minnow. Learn to behave differently: not to panic or hysteria, but to act according to the situation - carefully and calmly. But be sure, no matter what force majeure comes, give yourself the attitude: “Don’t be upset, everything will be fine!” This part of self-hypnosis is extremely important. It’s as if you are programming yourself in advance for a favorable outcome of the incident, which will actually lead to victory or significantly mitigate a possible defeat.

Rule two. Talk about failure

This rule is also based on our childhood experience - only this time it is positive. What does a child need if he has failed? So that mom or dad would listen to him, feel sorry for him and say that everything will be fine!

An adult needs this no less. Well, perhaps in other forms, but the essence does not change. If you fail, don’t try to go through it alone. You need a listener, you need someone to whom you can tell everything. The more and more detailed, the better. And don’t be ashamed of your desire to receive sympathy - it’s really needed now! It is better for men to forget about their “male complexes” for a while: at this moment it is more important to help yourself than to break yourself.

If it’s difficult to reach out to friends or family, you can look for a listener among people you barely know or don’t know at all. Even to the point of talking about your problem on some forum. There are even special communities designed specifically for such situations. You just have to remember: talking about failure turns it from a personal problem into something you don't have to deal with alone. And from this angle, any failure somehow shrinks and turns pale.

Tip 3: your little joys

In order not to get upset over trifles, you should look at the world philosophically. Remember Carlson with his saying: “It’s all nothing, it’s an everyday matter!” Exactly, after all, if your child brought in another bad mark, and the boss looked askance, they were rude on the trolleybus, the world would not turn upside down and collapse. In such cases, do exactly the opposite: caress the child - even the rowdy and industrious one, he is yours, beloved and dear! Smile broadly and radiantly at your boss. Maybe he had a row with his wife this morning and should be pitied? And apologize to the boor yourself. This will discourage him, and will be a wonderful lesson for everyone present. Personally, please yourself with something tasty and pleasant. And love yourself, be sure to love yourself!

The right officeHow to stop being nervous at work

— In Russia, the practice of visiting a psychologist is not that common. What should a person do who, for some reason, cannot turn to a specialist and is forced to cope on his own?

Rest is a change from the main activity to a fundamentally opposite one.
It is very important not to forget that when we “use” only our head, the body begins to suffer. This is why it is important for people who work in an office to switch to physical labor from time to time. While worrying about work, a person may stop noticing the world around him. Example: I’m sitting in a cafe and answering questions, and at the same time I’m thinking about the client and, as a result, I’m not paying attention to the fact that I’m drinking delicious coffee, it’s summer outside, and there’s a beautiful flower on the windowsill. In such a situation, you need to regain your support in reality, in life here and now. There is a simple exercise for this: force yourself to notice objects in the room. This seems like a no-brainer, but when you're under extreme stress, it's difficult to do because the brain narrows your awareness to the point of alarm. It is important at every moment to be aware of how the body feels, what is seen and heard around. Over time, this exercise helps you stop being completely immersed in the problem.

— And if we are not talking about a protracted experience, but about a momentary outbreak of anxiety, what can you do to quickly bring yourself back to normal?

Firstly, it is important to get out of the situation in the literal sense. Leave the place where something bad happened so that there is a distance between what happened and your own experiences. Next, you need to give yourself the opportunity to cry, yell, and do what you want. If it is not possible to do this right away at the workplace, leave a notch as a souvenir so that you don’t forget to resolve this issue when you get home. Often a person thinks that he is strong and can handle everything on his own if he simply does not think about the problem, but after a while symptoms appear that indicate the opposite. From here grow the roots of the processes that we call neurosis.

— Is it true that neurotic processes and stress inevitably affect appearance?

— The face is something that a person does not hide (with the exception of Eastern cultures), it reflects what we want to say to the world. If your message is “I work hard, I earn my social status through hard work,” then this is instantly reflected on your face. There may be another scenario - a person does not take care of his appearance and sends the signal “I don’t want to accept myself.”

Tip 4: the art of being yourself

And this is also important in the fight against bad mood. Learn to understand your uniqueness, your personal pricelessness. Remember more often Yevtushenko’s poem “There are no uninteresting people in the world.” Naturally, someone may be more educated than you, smarter, more experienced, younger, more beautiful. But this doesn’t detract from your value, right? You do not become worse from such a comparison. And why compare, because life is not an eternal competition in which you definitely need to take first place. You are different or different, that’s all! Realize this, be imbued with this thought and go through life with your head held high. Then all sorts of sorrows will not pester you, like annoying mosquitoes and flies.

Rule four. Accept failure

So, you calmed down, shared your problems with a friend or stranger and tried to figure out why this all happened to you. What's next? The most important thing at this stage is to understand that any success, like any failure, falls to our lot because we deserve it.

Not in the sense of “failure is a punishment for what I did or didn’t do,” no! And in the sense that any failure is a consequence of the chain of our actions and decisions. Some of them were correct, some were wrong, but these were our actions and decisions, and not someone else’s!

But it will be strange to punish yourself for being who you are. And if we accept ourselves, then we must accept our failures. In the end, every failure will certainly, sooner or later, be compensated by success. And this luck will also be, figuratively speaking, our doing.

Tip 5: Don't be afraid of mistakes

This is what psychologists advise people with a “fad” that everything should be right. Only those who do nothing at all make no mistakes. And you act, therefore, you are not immune from mistakes. And in general, it’s better to do it and regret it than not to do it and regret it. After all, every failure is, on the one hand, an effective life lesson, on the other hand, an invaluable experience for you, and thirdly, an open door or a launching pad for new achievements.

What kind of stress is there?

The stress of lack of competence is especially relevant for the GeekBrains audience - students. While a person becomes a master of his craft, he will have to master many new tasks, sometimes perplexing. Every time it is a stressful situation. You can’t do it, but the deadlines, team lead, and coordinator are pressing.

Social stress Your bosses and colleagues are unkind to you, they criticize your work and you personally. You are not loved here and you feel bad. The group often offends newcomers: they may be incompetent, have not had time to learn the rules of the team, take their place in it, and in general it is useful to “bring them to a common denominator.” Or you’re not a newbie, but you just messed up, and everyone turned against you. Another option is that someone just doesn’t like you.

Stress of tension It is necessary to urgently finish and deliver the project, and the whole group is under the stress of haste. And there are also organizations where the style of work is constant pressure.

Manager's stress The least likely type of stress for a young programmer, but certainly familiar to a system administrator. The reasons are the same as in the previous paragraphs, but in addition, the system administrator needs to achieve discipline from users, and the team leader needs to achieve fast and high-quality work from the team. This is despite the fact that management is putting pressure on them from above.

Analyze what happened

You can't undo what happened, but by taking stock of what happened, you can impartially evaluate and understand what went wrong and where. It will also allow you to understand what worked and what didn't so you can start with a completely new approach.

Analysis can help you review your strategy, prepare yourself, work on your weaknesses, and improve your future performance. It will also give you the confidence to bounce back and start more confidently.

Folk methods of dealing with failures

1. Rituals with salt . Salt is made up of many small crystals. Therefore, in case of failure, it was recommended to throw it over the left shoulder and sprinkle it on the doors, corners and windows in the house.

2. Prayer to the Guardian Angel . You can add it by lighting your home and visiting church. The text of the prayer is optional. The main thing is that it comes from the soul, from the heart.

3. Making an amulet bracelet . To do this, threads of seven colors are intertwined: red (from ill-wishers), orange (from envy), yellow (from damage), blue (to increase intuition), blue (facilitate communication), green (from deception), purple (from accidents) . Then, a person close to you should tie these threads into seven knots on the wrist of your left hand.

Bad luck will become a distant memory if you set realistic goals for yourself, act, analyze the results and act again, adjusting the goals...

KONSPEKTY.NET

Failures are natural obstacles, and of a fairly healthy nature, that occur on our path in life. We must learn the simple truth that failure is a name given to people with a victim complex, for whom the whole world is a gaping wound of pain. From their point of view, in their world, this may be true, but for successful people, for leaders and those who actively fight to defend their own positions and create a life model that makes them happy, this lifestyle is completely unacceptable.

It is important to remember that difficulties, or, as they are called, failures, are a test of your capacity and resistance to stress, but no one will abandon you in trouble, so today we will try together to cope with how not to be upset by failures and restore emotional harmony, in addition, even transform failure into success or into a lesson for you.

Let's start with the most obvious: every failure is a lesson, so why should we be upset with the most free teacher of our lives? If we consider life as a series of causes and consequences, then our failures are often caused by our own inaction or, conversely, action. Imagine that you are a scientist and carry out experiments without significant harm to yourself and others. If one experiment turns out to be unsuccessful, you simply cross out this line from your list, and if it is successful, put a tick in front of it. In the same way, events in life are an experiment, so say to yourself “yeah, today this path/method/option was unsuccessful, but tomorrow I’ll try again and everything will definitely work out.”

By repeating this motto every time and again coming face to face with a series of life events, you also strengthen your character and change the victim syndrome to the feelings of a fighter and a winner. When presenting an experiment, translate it into the rut of a test task - consider that you are passing a test of perfection for life. Every answer, whether right or wrong, takes you a step above your yesterday's self and opens up your horizon of exploration. Now you know the amount of information that you were not familiar with an hour ago (day, month and year), so you can safely review some of your actions, and which ones you can begin to carry out. This way you increase your level of self-awareness and try new things all the time!

Failures are not always failures if they have a positive component that makes it simply impossible to be upset. For example, you can set your priorities differently and do a much better action model this time, in addition, you make new acquaintances, gain valuable experience communicating with people and can take a fresh look at the ones you already have. Moving forward and trying is always the right decision, which is worth focusing on if the question in your head, like a broken record, is “should I choose between “no” and “yes” - yes?” As a last resort, we turn to Nietzsche: by overcoming the boundaries of the possible and impossible, clearing ourselves of previous blinders, we are approaching the state of a superman. And, although the ideal is unattainable, we can always try to reach for the stars when we have a solid foundation of life experience and connections underneath us.

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