Author: Inna Frank
It is written under the cortex of our brain that only people of the same age can marry. Therefore, when we see a couple of different ages, it seems unnatural and causes surprise. There are families where the man is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than the woman, and there are not so few of them.
Let's try to understand where these exceptions come from. Let's start with female psychology.
Women are divided into three groups according to their behavior in marriage:
- “Wife” is the most common type of woman in marriage. Such women, as a rule, marry people of the same age. In marriage, they behave as equal partners.
- "Mother". Such a woman often has a leading position in marriage. The spouse in such a marriage plays a less significant role. A mother woman often takes care of, decides, and controls. In such families, it is not uncommon for the man to be younger than the woman.
- "Daughter". A woman-daughter chooses as her life partner a person who is much more experienced and, accordingly, older than herself. The reason is the need for care, protection and patronage.
A man is 10 years older than a woman
Many psychologists note that 5–10 years is the optimal age difference between husband and wife. There are no special rules when building relationships with such an age difference. These are people from the same generation with similar interests and views. The husband in such a marriage is more mature and experienced than the wife, but he is not fit to be her father. When getting married after 30 years, you should be aware that your significant other already has experience in relationships, including family ones. Don’t be jealous and don’t show doubts - if a person got married again at such an advanced age, he has probably made his choice.
A man is 20 years older than a woman
With such a difference, a strong marriage is possible only if there is true love and respect between the spouses. The young wife will have to come to terms with the age characteristics of her lover, protect him from stress and anxiety, and not risk his health for the sake of active recreation and dangerous hobbies. Listen to your man’s advice and take into account his opinion, while remaining the same little girl. Any representative of the stronger sex, regardless of age, wants his beloved to recognize his authority and not challenge the decisions he makes.
How to raise self-loathing in your daughter
Dad saw the beauty and sexuality of the young girl and thought that she also saw and understood everything. For some reason, I thought that my daughter would be too arrogant, if she considered herself attractive, she would drop out of school and “go away with her hands.” And the daughter saw herself reflected in her father’s reactions and internalized not love and admiration, but self-loathing.
When she was little, dad loved her, but as soon as her breasts began to grow, everything changed dramatically, dad began to distance himself from her. So, being a woman is terrible. This causes relationships to collapse. "I'm spoiled!"
Having matured, Zhenya realized that she could seduce and get almost any man. But in her head, this in no way changed the fact that she was truly terrible - her fingers were crooked, her stomach was protruding, and her legs were the wrong shape. Even when men obviously fell in love with her, Zhenya decided: it was all because they didn’t know how ugly she was without clothes. And if those who saw her naked admired her, it means that something was wrong with them themselves. She knows for sure that she is ugly without clothes.
Zhenya lived with this conviction for many years. How can you relax and show your husband your true colors? You must wear a mask! Sincerity is unthinkable: it can expose, humiliate and ridicule with shame.
Sexuality has not become a pleasure and a resource. It split and began to be perceived as something shameful. This is just a powerful lever to control men and an advantage in competition with women.
How to communicate with an older man
First of all, keep in mind: if a mature man is not a fool or childish, he will notice your naivety and even childishness in any conversation. Even if he conducts the conversation quite seriously, then honor and praise him for his tact and condescension.
Don’t you want to fall on your face in front of him and embarrass yourself? Then follow the advice of the article How to behave with a smart man. This does not mean that he is necessarily brilliant, it means that his life experience is much richer than yours.
In communication, he can even, unnoticed by you, conduct an analysis of your “lice”:
- How mercantile are you? No, it’s not about the cocktail he bought for you - only greedy people notice that. It's about your dreams. If each of your dreams has its own price tag and brand, then this speaks of your mercantile attitude towards men.
- How promiscuous you are. All your behavior, appearance and makeup can “scream” about this. Newfangled lip slapping and huge artificial breasts covered with a piece of latex clearly say that you are not a prude.
- How interesting and developed you are. Look at the first two points - if you and a man talk only about yourself, about fashion and clothes, then everything is clear about your convolutions in your head. Boasting and complaints go right into the firebox.
No, this does not mean that you will immediately become disgusted with him, on the contrary! If you are silent and don’t beg for anything, then your young body in latex is very seductive. But you can read about this in the article How to please an adult man. You can never go wrong with your body if you have an appetizing one.
By the way, when communicating with an adult man, you don’t have to be embarrassed that there is a lot you still don’t know and don’t understand. This looks much more natural than ridiculous attempts to pretend to be a philosopher. And a man is flattered to see in your face a student who tries to listen to every word of her teacher.
