Don't panic. How not to worry before the exam (USE/OGE)

Even those who have not the slightest idea about psychology have heard about the excellent student complex. This complex seems like something frivolous. Well, how can the desire for ideal in everything and everyone ruin life? And what’s wrong with wanting to be the best, because this desire leads to self-improvement and development? Alas, this is a big misconception. The excellent student complex is one of the most common causes of severe depression, which, of course, does not contribute to either development or improvement. InStyle figured out how to say goodbye to the obsessive desire to always get excellent results.

How to learn to worry less about your children

We can reduce the intensity of our negative emotions. To do this, let's think: what is the cause of vivid negative experiences? Why do we experience strong anxiety, irritation, fear, anger?

Usually, when I ask this question during a consultation, they look at me in surprise: “What a stupid question? A fool understands that we are worried about the events that happen to us and our children!”

However, this answer is not entirely correct. And here is simple proof of this: within the same events, different parents can feel emotions of different intensity. There have almost certainly been times in your life when you were surprised that one of your parents was too irritated in a situation that was nonsense from your point of view. Conversely, your experience may not be shared by the other child’s parent.

Here we can conclude that it is not the events that matter. It's about us. The fact is that we deny the possibility of certain situations! When we do not accept something and do not agree with something that happens to our child, we experience strong negative emotions. When we are loyal to the situation, i.e. Let's admit this possibility; it will concern us, but not so intensely. This means that we are less tired of worries and can be more effective in raising children.

Here is a small selection of negative experiences parents have with school and the reasons that lead to them.

How does immobility during lessons affect your health?

Learning is light, but textbooks are darkness. How to avoid school stress? Spending 45 minutes in a sitting position is stressful for the psyche and body, especially during the transition from an active life outside the school walls to constantly sitting at a desk. First of all, posture is disturbed. And since the condition of the core of life, the spine, is directly related to the health of the organs of the chest, stomach and intestines, after scoliosis or kyphosis other troubles appear, for example, frequent colds. If, before coming to school, a six-year-old did drawing and modeling on the floor (he did not have his own table and chair), he will most likely already have emerging disorders in the muscular-ligamentous apparatus of the skeletal system. Of course, he won’t sit straight through the whole lesson, he will slouch and lean lower over his notebook. As a result, in grades 3-4 it may turn out that the student already needs glasses.

The child does not study well

Dissatisfaction with the fact that the child cannot understand some rule or complete some task. It does not arise because the child does not understand the school curriculum. It stems from the opinion that a son or daughter is obliged to grasp everything on the fly! For some reason, we decided that our child is the only one in the world who should not have problems understanding and perceiving information.

But the reality is that any child can face learning difficulties. If we get irritated every time our child “slips,” we won’t help our cause with these worries. On the contrary, the more anxious and irritated we become, the less strength we have to find an effective approach to learning.

Disappointment and irritation that the child received a bad grade. We decided (or society convinced us) that a “two” is a bad grade. This is wrong! “Two” is an indicator. This is a vector for development. “D” is an opportunity to become better – both for you as a parent and for your child.

Show your son or daughter that you can be happy with a “two”. Explain to him that the very fact of this assessment does not make a person bad. On the contrary, it is a challenge, by accepting which you can become stronger!

A person who never got a bad grade at school is not ready for real life. After all, in real life, every person will be given bad grades for something - at work, in relationships, among friends. And the ability to live through periods when life evaluates us worse than we would like is an important skill for a person. If you get nervous and sprinkle ashes on your head because of every bad grade, then you won’t have enough strength to correct these grades and strive for the best!

When do critical stages occur in a student’s life?

The first is at the age of 6-7 years, coinciding with the beginning of school, adaptation to new conditions, and a change of friends. The second is at the age of 9-10: the transition from primary to secondary school, when you have to part with your first teacher and meet many new teachers. To mitigate the stress, it is important to introduce children to future mentors in advance. It is advisable that psychologists participate in the selection of a new class teacher. The best option is when the temperaments and worldviews of the new class mother and the first teacher coincide. The third, longest and most difficult stage is adolescence.

The teacher teaches poorly

Anger and anger towards teachers or educators as part of some conflicts. This state arises because we have decided that the teacher is a person who is obliged to accept and share our point of view. That the teacher is obliged to love our child. That a teacher should be a high professional who does not mix personal with work.

These beliefs are wrong and do not correspond to reality in many cases. After all, a teacher is an ordinary person. He is characterized not only by high moral and ethical qualities. The teacher may even be mean and spiteful. This is reality.

You can manage this reality and achieve justice. You can fight for your child's rights. But it is best to do this in a calm state. After all, when experiencing, a person loses the ability to make effective decisions and build the right tactics for interacting with the school system. And the system will most often be on the teacher’s side.

When experiencing negative emotions, we usually forget that the result we want to get can be achieved in different ways, and not just through direct conflict with the teacher, whose behavior seems wrong and unfair to us.

What are the basic nutritional requirements for a schoolchild?

Firstly, salads must be present on the student’s menu. The minimum amount of fresh vegetables in the diet of a “primary school student” is 100 g during the day. Intellectual work and energy consumption can be supported and replenished by stewed vegetables. The second component is vegetable oils, the main sources of phospholipids (elements necessary for building cell membranes, improving metabolic processes, functioning of the immune system, and proper contraction of the heart muscle). But first of all, brain cells need phospholipids. In addition, all microelements from vegetables are absorbed much better if the salad is seasoned with vegetable oil. It is advisable to have sunflower, olive, soybean, corn and nut oils on the kitchen shelf. You can alternate them: for example, one week add sunflower oil to the pan and season salads with olive oil, another week change them to soybean and corn. In addition, parents make the mistake of trying to preserve their child's baby teeth by banning sweets. For the full development of brain cells, a schoolchild needs glucose. Long-term and short-term memory, memorization speed, and learning ability depend on its quantity. Therefore, sugar, sweets, jam, honey should always be present on the table.

Exams are ahead

Fear that the child will not pass the exams, will get a low score on the Unified State Exam, or will not get into a good university. This fear is taking away your strength right now - even if your child is only in 5th grade. The event has not yet happened, but we have already imagined in all colors what it will be like.

I am not suggesting that you forget yourself and live for today. Of course, making plans and setting goals is effective. At the same time, consider that your goals must be realized... That your child has no other opportunities in life other than those you have planned for him? This is weird! After all, the future is unknown. He's gone!

By experiencing anxiety and fear in the present, you are losing real opportunities right now. Yes, today's bad mark can negatively affect the future of your student. But why did you decide that your son or daughter should not have problems in life? Is your child not human? Human. But a person may have problems - this is normal!

And a person also has a mom and dad who will help cope with the problem. And in order for you to be able to lend a shoulder to your offspring at the right time, it is important to have peace of mind and health, which you are spending now experiencing a future that does not yet exist.

The next time you feel that negative emotions are taking over you, try to remember that worries are not a necessary sign of love and care for your child. On the contrary, by showing our child an example of calm even in the most difficult life situations, we help him acquire this skill, and therefore become more effective in modern life, where calm is a value.

What gastrointestinal diseases can school provoke?

A common problem among schoolchildren (especially in the lower grades) is constipation. Often children are embarrassed to ask to go to the toilet at the right time and endure it until the end of the lesson. The tactic of “abstinence” is very harmful: toxins that do not leave the body in time are absorbed into the blood, affect the functioning of the nervous system, and reduce gastric motility. Another manifestation of this syndrome is stool with a frequency of up to 20 times a day. The child’s stomach becomes most vulnerable to stress in the period from 5 to 6 years (at this time the glands that produce stomach acids are formed) and at the age of 12-14 years (hormonal changes begin in the body).

Don't put off your homework

Coming home after a busy and difficult day, it is not easy to immediately start doing homework. You can’t overcome yourself, you put everything off for the evening, rest, and then, at the end of the day, you simply no longer have the strength to do the work. This is why school debt accumulates.

And even while resting, you continue to remember that you have certain obligations, and this depresses you and does not allow you to relax normally, which again gives rise to a feeling of depression and leads to stress.

Remember clearly that you will feel complete satisfaction with your vacation only when you are satisfied with your work. Reassure yourself with the thought that after finishing, you will be able to go about your business with peace of mind.

Start working with those tasks that will require a fresh look and strength from you. After all, when you get tired in the evening, you are unlikely to be able to devote much energy to difficult work.

Plan your time so that those tasks that you like and those that will not take much effort and time to complete are at the end of the list. You can always complete such tasks at the end of the day without bothering yourself too much.

Read more: How to understand your emotions?

Switch between tasks periodically; such changes will help keep your mind sharp. You can do not only other homework, but also chores around the house. Also allow yourself to relax for a short time during breaks, because rest is necessary for the normal functioning of your brain.

If you have a difficult test, test or exam ahead of you, take care of your preparation in advance. By devoting just twenty minutes to this subject every day, you can easily prepare for the test within a week.

Create the right menu

Fatigue is often the result of an incorrectly composed menu. Fast carbohydrates, found in sweet rolls, soda and snacks, provide an instant burst of energy. But... the energy disappears just as quickly, so there is a decline in physical and psychological strength. A new portion of recharging is required, which will also not last long. And then another circle, and another...

To prevent food from playing a cruel joke on you, choose protein foods in combination with slow carbohydrates.

Meat, fish, eggs are a necessary source of protein for brain function. And slow carbohydrates, which are found in vegetables, cereals and whole grain bread, will provide you with energy.

Try to have breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time. Not feeling hungry or, conversely, overeating will help you focus on your studies immediately after eating.

By the way

A serious risk factor for overexertion is the low physical activity of modern children. Today, children increasingly spend their leisure time not on a walk, but in front of a TV or computer screen. According to estimates by physiologists and pediatricians, in primary and secondary schools, the activity deficit in children reaches 30–40%, and in high school students – 80%.

Lack of movement has a bad effect not only on the physical, but also on the psychological state, because by running, jumping, playing outdoor games, or simply walking in the fresh air, the child relieves internal tension.

Effects of stress on studies

Due to stress, a student perceives and remembers information poorly, is reluctant to attend classes, prepares ineffectively for exams, and his overall performance declines. If a student neglects a healthy lifestyle, drinks a lot of coffee and caffeine-containing drinks, eats poorly, gets little rest, etc., the situation gets worse, which is reflected at the physiological level.

The load on the heart increases, blood pressure rises, and the functioning of the autonomic system is disrupted. In case of prolonged stress, autonomic homeostasis is disrupted, blood vessels are destroyed over time, and immunity is weakened, which increases the risk of disease.

Additionally, one can highlight a decrease in self-esteem, deterioration in mood and well-being. This can lead to the development of bad habits and addictions, for example, from cigarettes, alcohol, medications and drugs. This is how a person tries to deal with difficult circumstances.

Numerous scientific studies also indicate that even after stress factors stop acting, the body and psyche need a lot of time to recover and return to normal. And this is another good reason why stress should not be allowed to develop, or even worsen.

Define your goal

Many of us tend to be vague about what we want to achieve at the end of our education. This prevents us from assessing our effectiveness - how quickly we are moving towards our goal. If we do not see the result, then motivation will decrease, which means that the body will begin to “sabotage” all our efforts. This is how fatigue appears.

To clearly see your desired goal, write down the end result and the step-by-step actions that need to be completed. Check your list and adjust it if necessary. Every time you cross out another item from your plan, you will see your goal getting closer.

Is it bad to be nervous?

In stressful situations, it is more difficult to concentrate and think calmly, especially when you need to use your head. For example, it is difficult to remember the right ticket in an exam or answer a topic during a presentation at the blackboard. If you worry about little things and stress yourself out, you can become a pessimist. For some, nervousness pushes them into bad habits, which is not good for their health.

It's not all that scary. Psychologists have proven that nervousness does not always hinder us. Sometimes it becomes an impetus for development. Experienced fear can motivate you to work on yourself. A student who is criticized will either neglect his studies or begin to make progress. People of art, experiencing the pangs of creativity, create masterpieces. Finally, experiencing stressful situations adds to life experience. If circumstances repeat themselves, a person knows how to deal with them. In short, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Stress can help you develop memory

Study with friends

If you find like-minded people, this can be a good incentive for all participants in the training. The slight competitive effect that arises when studying together will not let you relax.

In this situation, it is important to choose friends with whom you share the same views on studies. Common interests, the opportunity to ask questions and lead a discussion will make learning interesting and exciting. You can turn studying into a game, which will immediately eliminate boredom and fatigue.

Summary

Stress is a very common problem (remember that we discussed this topic in detail in the article “Resilience to Stress. How to Stay Calm and Productive”), and literally every person faces it. This fact should be taken for granted - there is no escape from stress.

But this is not a reason to panic and despair, because the destructive effects of stress can be avoided even with the toughest study schedule. Keep your body healthy and lead a healthy lifestyle, reduce the number of bad habits and do not acquire new ones, watch your diet and sleep.

The answers to the most complex and serious questions often lie on the surface: read the previous paragraph - it perfectly shows that to prevent stress you do not need to run away from the world to a desert island or go into a cave. Simple rules for every day are the main weapon against stress at school, at work and anywhere else.

Don't take your life lightly, take note of everything we talked about, and no amount of stress will knock you out of the saddle. We wish you good luck and, of course, excellent grades!