What do we need them for?
There is such a thing as emotional intelligence. And in life it is much more important than IQ, because a high level of emotional culture contributes to the development and advancement of a person. And then, a person, even with a low level of intelligence, will be able to achieve incredible success in his activities and will be able to build close and healthy relationships with others.
A person’s life is varied, and during the day he experiences a whole range of feelings. Unfortunately, not always aware or tracking. Feelings are usually divided into positive and negative. But in fact, they are absolutely all necessary and useful for us, even anger. The question is different, namely their saturation.
For example, let’s take joy, a seemingly pleasant feeling, but if it turns out to be excessive for our psyche, it will lead to the same consequences as during normal stress. Or a feeling of shame, which seems to be unpleasant and undesirable for living, but if we did not experience it, we would not control our behavior, and then we would walk down the street naked, allow obscenity, and so on.
Consequences of unawareness
1. Explosion
If a person does not know how to recognize his feelings and cope with them, this can provoke an emotional explosion. To begin with, I’ll give an example: imagine that borscht is being cooked on the stove, and women housewives know that periodically it is necessary to open the lid slightly and let out steam. What happens if we cover the pan and don’t give it a chance to boil? That's right, at one moment the lid will fly off and there will be an explosion. The entire contents will spill onto the stove, floor, and may well burn. It's the same with a person.
Some, due to various circumstances, hide and suppress their feelings without giving them a way out. But at one moment the slightest stress can provoke a huge wave, and then everything accumulated will break out. This is actually very destructive and dangerous, both for such a person and for those around him.
2.Psychosomatics
In the article “Does a person need to develop spiritually and how to do it?” I told you about psychosomatics, this is one of the areas in psychotherapy. Psychology has long been studying the connection between sensations and health, their influence on the human condition. The inability to express them has a very negative effect on the body. Although, it often happens when a person’s body subconsciously takes care of it through diseases. This can be found out in the process of researching your illness or pain, answering questions about how it is useful for you, why it arose and at what moments it manifests itself.
For example, a person who does not allow himself to relax, spending all his time at work, may experience pain in the back or neck. Then the body artificially arranges for him to rest with the help of illness, so that he can rest at least a little. If you listen to your body, you will become a healthier person.
3.Burnout
There is such a thing as emotional burnout, this is when a person is exhausted morally and physically, he has no strength for any activity, desires or energy in general. It occurs when a person’s resources have been wasted on a large scale without having time to be replenished. Like a match that burned brightly but quickly ran out. It has many warning signs before it starts, which is why it is important to be aware of yourself and your feelings, because if you listen to yourself, it is quite possible to avoid burnout and even depression.
4.Relationships
Relationships are destroyed, as a result of which satisfaction from life and, ultimately, the meaning of existence disappear. We noticed when we got angry or offended somewhere, for some reason we didn’t answer, or we answered, but not what we wanted. For example, due to the fact that it is unsafe when the boss swears, and if you do not restrain yourself, you may well lose your job.
But the feeling of anger arose, no matter how we tried to ignore it, it is there, and will manifest itself when you find yourself in a safer environment. And as often happens, a breakdown occurs with loved ones. Which actually has nothing to do with it at all. And with whom relationships will begin to crumble over time if this continues.
What to do to reduce negative emotions in life?
Never forget about personal boundaries . In some families, it is considered normal when everyone yells at each other, notices shortcomings, trains their eloquence on loved ones in an attempt to “pick up” harder, justifying their behavior by allegedly wanting to make them better, improve, re-educate them.
And if you have been in such a family for a very long time, this may even seem normal to you. But such an environment slowly and surely breaks you as a person . This situation cannot be tolerated. Be sure to look for a way out - limit communication with such people, live separately, set clearer boundaries for mutually acceptable behavior.
Very useful books on the topic:
Emotional flexibility. Susan David
Sedona method. Gail Dvoskin (I wrote more about her here )
Tags: harm of pent-up emotions, how to experience emotions, how to cope with negative emotions, pent-up anger and irritation
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What to do with emotions?
1. Let it be
The most important thing you must do is to allow yourself to feel absolutely all emotions, to understand that this is you, real and alive. This is the whole paradox: to control them, you must first allow them to be.
2.Examine your reactions to different situations and circumstances
For example, people react to aggression towards them in a completely different way, some curse in response, others may cry, some freeze and get scared, some run away, and for others this situation will then be remembered for a very long time, destroying self-esteem and peace. Therefore, study yourself, and then, knowing your reactions, you will be able to simulate situations in order to avoid embarrassment. You will know and feel at what point you can lose control of yourself, and you will simply take care in advance to prevent this.
3.Control of feelings
Some people believe that in order to control their emotions, you just need to stop feeling. Now let's think about the fact that it is impossible to stop feeling only negative emotions; if a barrier arises, it will not allow absolutely any through. Are you ready to stop rejoicing, experiencing happiness, tenderness, interest and love? When this happens, others say that the person is like a wall or a robot. The only problem is that it seems to us that we don’t feel anything, in fact, processes are happening inside that over time can lead to prolonged depression.
4. Recognize the usefulness of each emotion
Yes, yes, yes, even anger. Because it arises at the moment when your boundaries are violated, something happens that you don’t like or don’t want. Or disgust - if we didn’t experience it, we could have poisoned ourselves long ago, and I’m not just talking about food, but even about information and events. Sadness signals that something in your life was valuable to you, and you currently lack it.
And so with absolutely every emotion, they all carry value and perform certain functions. And if you allow them to be, live through even sadness, sadness and pain, without devaluing their role, then there will be free space for other feelings that will definitely arise in the future. And then you will develop, gaining experience and awareness. If you block, you will stop, thereby preventing yourself from moving forward.
Maybe you've heard that there is such a thing as prolonged grief? This is when the process of recovery from an experienced trauma or loss is delayed because a person does not allow himself to feel any unpleasant sensations due to different beliefs, or reluctance to experience them. And then a person loses the desire to live, the ability to rejoice, and this can continue for many years, right up to death.
5.Management
Managing them is about finding a form for expression. If you feel irritable, beat the pillow; if you are very angry, when you still want to scream, run a bath and yell into the water; nothing will be heard, but the energy will be released. To avoid destroying yourself, try to free yourself safely. If you feel very anxious, do some exercise to relieve excess stress; running or swimming are ideal.
6. Rest
Allow yourself to rest, because instability of behavior and loss of control over oneself occurs in moments of fatigue, when there are absolutely no resources and nothing to rely on. If you notice that your condition has been changing lately, change your surroundings, organize a vacation or a quality and pleasant vacation. Some people love parties, others enjoy being alone or spending time in nature. Just do something that makes you relax, that brings you a feeling of peace, calm, joy and saturation. Then, having gained strength, you will not react so painfully to stress.
7.Meditation
Correct breathing techniques will help you control yourself in any situation, because the impact of external stimuli will not be perceived so closely. I recommend practicing meditation because, in addition to health, you will become a balanced and happy person. You can read about the benefits in my article “What is meditation and what will it give to the common person”, and also try to practice it yourself using a technique that is quite accessible to everyone, also outlined on the blog: “The easiest to learn and effective way of meditation.”
8.Creativity
It is imperative to give an outlet to any energy so that it does not turn out to be destructive and toxic. There is even a direction in psychotherapy called art therapy. It involves drawing, sculpting, carving and many other ways that help you become aware of yourself and free yourself from tension, fear, and other things. Because, for example, in the process of drawing, you give your subconscious the opportunity to reach you so that you hear and understand it.
Therefore, we can also receive some vital answers by allowing our hand to move with a brush or pencil on the paper. It is easy to free yourself, for example, from anger and fear by giving them the opportunity to give them shape, and then destroying the drawing, tearing it up or throwing it away.
How to live with chronic stress?
2. Tranquilizers are anti-anxiety drugs. Very good, although in the West they are increasingly called “dry vodka”. Some of them were invented specifically as a means of correcting combat stress in soldiers (after all, we are not at war). The maximum treatment period is 2 weeks. Next is addiction.
3. Antidepressants and mood stabilizers. The main disadvantage is that they begin to work in full force by the end of the second week of regular use as the concentration accumulates in the body. It is difficult to endure until the end, but it is possible.
4. Alcohol is the most accessible and well-known psychotropic drug. Powerful (if 1-3 times a month without hangover), but carries the risk of developing addiction and loss of reputation. Moreover, regular use requires good health.
5. Planning - helps partly (wait for unexpected input and respond to them in a timely manner). Sometimes this causes additional stress. Therefore, it is better to plan inevitable events a week in advance at most. And so for this week, put everything on the shelves. If you want to eat an elephant, do it one piece at a time. And if something doesn’t work out, analyze it, but forgive yourself and others. There is no need to be impulsive under any circumstances.
6. Get up earlier - lack of sleep is draining. But if it is disrupted (early awakenings), it is better not to toss and turn in bed and do something necessary.
7. Physical exercise is very good if there are no distractions (a free gym in the country, for example). And in general, everything that gives pleasure is useful.
8. Don't lie - well, it just doesn't help our mentality. But there is no need to remain silent. Just as there is no shame in asking for and refusing help - we are not some kind of Woland and Masters. Interlocutors and listeners are simply necessary.
9. Making copies of keys and documents is quite useful advice. Create an organized first aid kit at home, too.
10. Taking care of household and other appliances, regularly making utility bills is also not bad, it’s better to do this regularly, without waiting for a thunderstorm to happen.
11. Water procedures (bath, shower, ponds) - very effective and environmentally friendly. But take dietary supplements with caution and preferably as prescribed by a doctor.
12. Sometimes time flows uselessly (transport, queues). You should be prepared for this. Carry books with you (even fiction), a diary, find time to do physical training, etc.
13. Don’t be late and (most importantly!) don’t wait too long for something. “General’s delay” - 15 minutes, then that’s enough, no matter what they say afterwards.
14. With all this, forgive and forgive yourself and others again. Don't forget to help others in any way you can. In moments of chronic stress, one’s own and others’ imperfections are seen even more clearly.
15. Sometimes pretend that you are not there at all - turn off the phones, do not justify the lack of feedback in any way - like that Preobrazhensky: “I don’t want to.” And period. There are amateur bell ringers, and there are people who live on other people's news. Let them look somewhere else.
16. Throw out unnecessary things, and especially unnecessary things that are traumatic for the psyche, from the house - this is truly wonderful advice, somewhat coincides with points 5 and 7.
17. If your appetite is poor and a piece doesn’t fit into your throat, still eat less in volume, but providing the necessary minimum of energy and nutrients (the same broth, dried fruits, chocolate, vegetables).
18. Save all material supplies, save 10% not only of money, but also of the same medications, and any consumables.
Everyone has their own ways, I deliberately did not list all of them (for example, love and religion are very personal things). But in any case, we are not sent what we cannot bear. So everyone - fortitude!
Tags: psychology, stress, health, problems
Awareness Technique
If you don't understand what's happening to you or what exactly you're feeling, try doing an exercise called the Sedona method. To do this, you need to choose a time and space where and when you cannot be distracted or disturbed. Gather your thoughts, realize that you need these answers, so you should be sincere with yourself. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down the answers to the following questions that come to mind:
- What's happening to me now? What I feel? Use the table that I gave at the beginning of the article, because very often we make the mistake of calling desires for any actions emotions, for example: “I feel like I want to hit him” - then this is anger, aggression...
- Do I agree, am I ready to accept this?
- Can I let go?
- And the last question: “Do I want to let this go?”
