15 ways to become more confident and achieve success

Many people ask – how to become confident? From those who are ready to kiss their image in the mirror, to those from whom the mirror has escaped. This means that beautiful appearance does not always determine self-esteem. What then? Perhaps intelligence, the ability to present oneself? How can you be confident in yourself if you don’t even understand where this feeling comes from? Is it possible to understand the level of your self-esteem? Are there universal techniques on how to become more self-confident? All this will be discussed.

To begin with, it is worth understanding how strongly this quality is developed. After all, it may seem to someone that she is not very confident in herself, but everything is different. And trying to be more decisive, such a girl risks becoming arrogant and self-confident.

Many techniques have been invented to help you become more decisive and learn to adequately perceive your own capabilities. Despite gender equality, it is still worth taking into account certain specifics of each gender. Therefore, we have collected the most suitable recommendations on how to become more self-confident. These include:

Self-love;
Choosing the right environment;
Self-respect;
Attention to your appearance;
Material independence;
Rewarding yourself for small victories;
Active life position.

Just seven? - someone will be surprised. Why complicate things? Complete at least these steps, and then we’ll see. You may not have to look for other methods. In addition, we have a separate article for men - “How to become a confident man”, which contains tips specifically for guys.

Take a self-confidence test

Train yourself to get up early

The first three hours after waking up are the easiest time to concentrate.
The hardest thing in the morning is to force yourself to get up early and endure five minutes of discomfort. The trick is to get out from under the covers immediately after the alarm and do something. Take a shower or just go to another room. It is important to change the environment so as not to give in to the temptation to lie down again. Otherwise you will feel guilty all day. Those five minutes of discomfort will determine whether your day is successful or mediocre. If your first decision in the morning is to take a nap, what will the rest be? And if you continue like this day after day, what will your life be like?

Love and pride that kills love

Let's consider how love and pride “meet” in the relationship between a man and a woman, how pride kills love.

I need to stop being angry - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop showing arrogance towards my loved one - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop being harsh in daily communication - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop insulting and humiliating my loved one - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop thinking that you are better - I won’t. This is pride. We need to stop thinking that you know everything - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop controlling and managing my loved one - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop making caustic and sarcastic remarks - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop being indifferent - I won’t. This is pride. You need to stop considering anything that does not correspond to your beliefs as a mistake - I won’t. This is pride. I have to admit that I’m wrong – I won’t. This is pride. I have to apologize - I won’t. This is pride. If I have to forgive a person, I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop criticizing - I won’t. This is pride. I need to stop being stubborn - I won’t. This is pride. I need to get rid of bad habits that destroy relationships - I won’t. This is pride. I need to work on my character, become kinder, softer, more sympathetic, more attentive - I won’t. This is pride. We must learn to love - I won’t, I myself (myself) know everything. This is pride. I need to figure out where the problems in my life come from - I won’t. This is pride. He (she, parents, children, everyone) is to blame - I’m good. This is pride. I need to study the world, understand how it works, why certain events happen to me, what love is - I won’t. This is pride.

Think, if you don’t do all this, what will your relationship, your love, become? Truly love and pride are antagonists. And if we still “attack”: we show negative emotions and character traits, we conflict, we take revenge, we condemn (I don’t want to continue further, although there is something else to add) – then we are no longer just showing pride, but growing it at a heroic pace, killing it in the bud love, as well as your health, and the health of your half, and the health of your children. Then love and pride stand on opposite banks of the river called “life.”

Start the day with a priority task

It's not enough to just get up early. You need to immediately get down to business that is important to you. Author Stephen Covey explained this concept in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Imagine that you need to put stones in a bucket. If you put small pebbles in first, the larger ones simply won’t fit. But if you do the opposite and place the large stones first, the small ones will easily fill the empty spaces. It's the same with business.

Deal with the main tasks first, and fill the rest of the day with small tasks.

Self-respect.

Self-love gives rise to another important trait - self-respect. It defines the acceptable framework for how others treat oneself. What words and actions we are ready to forgive and what we are not. This does not mean that they should crawl on their knees in front of us, but we also cannot allow ourselves to be treated with disrespect. Not at work, not in the family, not in the company. The requirement for proper treatment is an important condition for becoming a confident girl.

Take the self-esteem test

Overcome resistance and do what you've been avoiding

Most likely, you have some important matter in your life that you are avoiding. For example, write a thesis, draw up a business plan or learn a foreign language. It is very easy to occupy time with urgent matters and hobbies. But the thought that you are putting off something necessary to achieve your goal will constantly haunt you.

Force yourself to work on what you are avoiding for at least a couple of hours. You will definitely feel a surge of energy. You will believe in yourself. Your motivation will increase. You will want to do more in other areas of life.

Signs of an insecure person

Speech is slurred, chaotic, fast.
A person is embarrassed to express his opinion in a circle of close people or complete strangers. If he decides to do this, his speech looks crumpled and uncertain. Often, during established dialogues, doubt is felt in the voice, hence opponents doubt the speaker’s statements.
Clumsiness.
This sign best characterizes an insecure person. During a conversation, such a person cannot find a place for his hands, constantly straightens his hair, looks for a comfortable position, and so on. Clumsiness manifests itself in the fact that everything falls out of your hands. Conversations with other people don't work out because you're too unfocused.
Absent-mindedness.
Another sign of uncertainty. A person cannot concentrate his gaze, darting from side to side with an absent look. A person who lacks self-confidence is afraid to look his interlocutors in the eyes. If this does happen, the gaze abruptly migrates to another direction.
Lack of style in clothing.
A person who does not believe in himself, roughly speaking, does not have his own opinion and style in particular. If the latter exists, there is no confidence in its implementation into reality. Hence, a person rushes between too vulgar or, on the contrary, inconspicuous “gray” clothes.
Withdrawn behavior.
A complex or insecure girl leads a closed way of being. She communicates little with people, rarely goes to parties with friends, and tries to avoid unfamiliar personalities. Attention from the outside does not bring flattery, but only makes you tense.

There are many more signs of an insecure person, but the above are the main ones. If you notice yourself in them, use psychological techniques.

how to love your appearance

Use different learning styles

Everyone has their own dominant learning style. We believe that we can only develop within its framework. And we consider styles that are unusual for us to be inaccessible: they are simply beyond our ability.

For example, you like and are good at mathematics. You are an analytical thinker and view problems and failures as opportunities to learn. You are confident that you can become even better at mathematics. But you don’t like writing. You think that this is not yours and you will never succeed. It's just not built into you.

This is wrong. Everyone has different learning styles. By doing something that you find difficult, you activate areas of the brain that were not used before. You are moving towards goals that were outside of your comfort zone.

You gain confidence by seeing yourself succeed at something difficult.

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Just recently we talked about female dignity , the article caused an incredible response.

Many women asked: shouldn’t men do anything? Shouldn't they also behave with dignity ?

Of course they should, but we can’t force them to do it. And we can only be responsible for ourselves, for our actions and our behavior, because dignity is also 100% responsibility for what happens in our lives.

When a man communicates with a man, he is ready to defend himself, he is ready to repel a blow. Next to a woman, he is defenseless, he is unarmed, so a woman can easily wound his manhood and hurt a man’s pride .

Often we don’t understand why the relationship doesn’t work out, why the husband is not happy, why there are constant scandals in the house, and he answers “no” to any of our initiatives. After all, we do so much for the family... Sometimes we don’t understand what leads to complications in relationships, we just made one remark, and in response a scandal broke out. We simply forget about manhood .

“A woman is in a difficult position because she can either build up or destroy a man according to how she feels about his male self-esteem.” Helen Andelin. Read this phrase again.

In what cases do we hurt male dignity:

- Any man has a program to be a breadwinner , protector and breadwinner; this is his main task. And if a woman questions this function, she deals a very strong blow to male pride. It is a woman who must awaken strength in a man, it is a woman who helps a man become mature, it is she who realizes his destiny with her faith. Achievement and success in the business in which he is engaged are important for a man. And if a woman questions his ability to achieve success, she will greatly hurt him. High earnings, independence and self-reliance of women cause a tangible blow to manhood and relationships. Women may ask: - Why are men such sissies? We must remember that men are stronger than us in only one thing - physical strength. We women have amazing strength in this sense. We can either trample any man into the dirt or raise him to a pedestal.

— We hurt a man’s sense of dignity when we compare him with others, but we often don’t notice it. We say: the Petrovs and Ivanovs went to Paris or to the sea. Here’s Sashka, what repairs he did, but we haven’t done them for 100 years. By sending him such information, we do not want to offend our man at all; we rather want to push him to take active action, so that he does something, and we, too, would go or start making repairs. By comparing ourselves with others or being envious, we devalue both our life and the merits of a man. We also shift responsibility onto the man. If there is something missing in our lives, it is neither the husband’s fault nor the neighbors who are more successful. It's your responsibility. Perhaps for some reason we don’t need it or we are blocking it from coming into our lives. More about this in the following articles, so as not to miss, subscribe to the newsletter.

“Sometimes a man takes on some chores around the house, and we don’t like how this process is going: it takes too long or gets messy. It’s easy to humiliate a man if you say: Where do your hands come from? It would be better to call a specialist!

— Often we do not notice the merits of our man . We are afraid that he will become proud or change his attitude towards us if he becomes more successful. We do not praise a man, we reduce his successes, we pretend that this is too little for us to thank him for. Our indifference hurts a man very much; he needs gratitude.

— Very often a man lights up with some idea, to create something, to do something. Women are more pragmatic, they do not like change, and they are often controlling. And they say: “ Don’t bother, work as you worked .” What do you understand about this? Every person needs a dream to grow and move, especially a man. He must constantly move forward, master new things, and often it is women who chop off his wings. As a rule, by a certain age, a man generally stops trying to rise up and achieve success. He simply lives out his life under the wing of his wife. Sometimes a man can remember some of his past successes, and we yawn theatrically and answer: “Well, as much as possible about the same thing.”

- The words very humiliate any man: - Don’t be like a woman, you are like a woman! Sometimes we attribute feminine qualities to him. This often happens in a quarrel, but, as a rule, the man strikes back, often physically. And then we talk about him beating women and behaving inappropriately.

“It really hurts a man when we hint that we can easily do without him.” As a rule, there is no longer love in such relationships. For a man to be active, he must be needed. He must know that he is valued and that they cannot cope without him. This is a necessary condition for healthy male self-esteem. “Feeling unneeded is a slow death for a man.” J. Gray.

“We humiliate a man when we say that on his own he is incapable of anything and that if it weren’t for us, everyone would die of hunger .” Such a woman is proud that she is in charge and is responsible for everything. Often, imperious and commanding notes appear in her tone, and she begins to talk to a man as if he were a subordinate or like a child. Such a woman will never yield to a man. She doesn't know how to trust and can't give up control. Everyone gets only what they want: a powerful and responsible man cannot be next to a powerful, controlling woman. This is true. A woman who is triumphant and proud of her successes in front of a man cuts off the branch on which she sits. Do you want to argue with this? Yes, accepting this means signing away your own inadequacy as a woman. But each of us who is tired of responsibility goes through this “acceptance”. “You can achieve success at work, but don’t expect it to automatically translate into your authority in the family.” Steve Harvey . Read more here.

— Sometimes we maintain very strong ties with our family. For example, your parents provide assistance. You may like this, but, firstly, you are not separated from your family, and secondly, your husband is not able to do anything for you without your parents. It’s a very difficult situation; all participants in this relationship subconsciously sense unhealthy soil. A man is no longer protected from the fact that you will someday throw this reproach that “without your parents you would have nothing.” You know, everything used to be different: when a woman got married and if she had some kind of dowry, it went to her husband. He managed it, and his wife’s family no longer interfered in their affairs and refused to control what was happening.

— When you complain that other women can afford a beautician, new dresses, but you can’t. In this case, we expect the man to take pity on us and promise to buy us everything we want, but in reality we hurt his pride. If you need something, don't take roundabout ways, ask your man sincerely, without trying to trick him.

“ We humiliate a man when we strive to change him with the best intentions.” We want him to become more perfect and better, and thereby we tell him: - Without these qualities, you do not seem valuable and self-sufficient.

— Men really don’t like being given advice and tips. For example, how to drive a car and where to park it, what to avoid. This hurts the man very much. A man wants to be strong, wants to be first, and our advice calls into question this ability. We must remember that we are weak, so we need help, advice and guidance. For us, this all means showing love. And for men, the manifestation of our love is not in advice, but in unconditional faith in him, and in the fact that he can handle any issue himself, and most importantly, better than others.

- and of course the woman strikes the man below the belt, discussing and criticizing his physiological characteristics. I will not write about this, since it is low and unworthy in any case, even in a quarrel.

Recommendations:

- If he complains or talks about problems and failures in business. You don't need to dissect this problem and look for where he made a mistake. It’s enough to say: “I’m sure you can handle this issue. When one door closes, another opens.” Or something like that. Your answer should emphasize that you believe in his strength and that he is able to cope on his own. Don't teach or tell him what to do.

- Create an atmosphere in the house so that it can open up. Learn to listen, refuse advice, teachings and criticism. Accept him as he is. Remember his best qualities constantly. You can read about it here.

- Never doubt his manly skills and abilities. Never do anything yourself out of a man's responsibilities. Don’t even open the jar, wait for the man and be sure to tell him that you would never cope with this. Then you will believe it yourself.

- Don’t discuss him with anyone (especially his mistakes) - not with friends, not with your mother, and especially with his mother. No matter what the son does, his mother will always be by his side. Even if she supports you verbally, it will complicate relationships in the future. When we put a shadow on our husband, criticizing and scolding him, we put this shadow on ourselves.

- Do not under any circumstances cancel the decisions he has made regarding the children until you discuss them together and come to an agreement. The father's authority in the house should be untouchable. A man becomes a real man when he takes responsibility for his decisions. By respecting his decisions and appreciating them, you thereby cultivate his male responsibility for you, for your children and for your actions. Don't reject his decisions. When you do this, you attack his competence.

Usually we humiliate men out of habit , because many women do this, and it is now customary to ridicule male failure.
Perhaps this is what my mother did, this is how they show it in movies, this is how they tell it in jokes. We don’t even think that this threatens not only our relationships, but also our feminine dignity. Remember that you are a woman and behave with awareness and dignity. Tatyana Dzutseva

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Be clear about the reasons for your goals.

Think about what you want. Then ask yourself why this is so important to you. Don't overthink it. Answer the first thing that comes to mind.

For example, if you want to work from home, the chain of questions would be something like this. Why is it important for me to work from home? I need a flexible schedule. Why is flexible scheduling important to me? This way I feel less stress and pressure. Why is it important for me to experience less stress and pressure? I work better and feel happier when I am in control of my life.

Do this exercise for each of your goals. Try to ask seven questions per target.

By being honest with yourself, you can discover key events that have shaped your personality.

Often we see only our superficial motivation. As a result, our actions do not come from our real desire. Understand your deepest motivation. And then remind yourself of it every day.

What kind of look should you have so that men are attracted to you and you feel confident?

You have to look at men as victims.

They are training.

They're training.

They are victims.

They are lab rats.

Pavlov's dogs.

You are the power! You experiment with your development.

When you look at a man the way a psychopathic scientist looks at his white mice, then men will feel it. Because no one ever looks at them like that.

The weak ones will immediately flush down the toilet.

The strong will rise to the challenge. A violent passion and a battle of the titans will begin. Because he won't want to be a workout. He will sense your system and try to break it no matter the cost.

The moment your brain sends a signal through your nervous system to your eyes, questions appear in your head:

What to do with it?
What kind of mind blowing am I going to give him today?
What experiment will I conduct on him today?

Believe that you deserve better

Your life reflects your idea of what you deserve. When you strive to give more to people, this vision expands. It grows with the desire to help others. In psychology this is called expectancy theory. It is based on the following:

How much you want something.
How much do you believe you can do it or get it.
How much do you believe that your actions will help achieve your desired goal.

As you develop your skills and confidence, your expectations rise. The future becomes predictable.

First decide what you want from life, and then figure out how to get it

Usually salary dictates lifestyle. If you get a lot, you spend a lot. But it's smarter to decide what you want first. And then think about how to achieve this.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more. The problem comes when you become dependent on things. Money is a tool. The more you earn, the more useful you can do.

Don't make your dreams fit your lifestyle. Adjust your lifestyle to your dreams.

Choosing the right environment.

Water wears away stones. If someone hears reproaches against him every day, sooner or later he begins to perceive them as the truth. It is extremely important to filter your surroundings, leaving only people you like in it. How to become confident when your friends and acquaintances are constantly trying to humiliate you? It is unlikely that you will be able to increase your self-esteem with envious girlfriends and ill-mannered men. You should be a real conductor of your own life, choosing only those instruments that do not spoil the overall composition and sound.

Develop communication skills

Learn to speak simply, clearly and concisely. This will increase your chances of success. Few companies clearly explain why they do what they do. What is your goal? Why does your company exist? Why should anyone care?

There are two ways to influence. You can manipulate people or inspire them. We are drawn to leaders and organizations that can explain what they believe in and why they do what they do. The feeling that we are part of something bigger inspires us. This is the kind of company we want to do business with.

In the evening, mentally prepare for the next day.

A successful morning begins in the evening. Take a few minutes to decide what you will do in the morning. You don't have to make a long to-do list. It is enough to know what you will do first.

Meditate, tune in to achieving your goals. Then, after awakening, you will already be aimed at success. All that remains is to get out of bed. Resist the temptation to lie down a little longer. You don't need to make a decision to get up or not to get up, you've already made it the night before.

Your morning and your life will not become successful by accident. To do this you need to make a choice.

Reward yourself for any victories.

There are failures in every person's life. That's why it's so important to learn how to count your achievements and praise yourself for victories. In the case of girls, this should generally become the norm. Reward yourself for specific achievements. And not necessarily large-scale. Any little thing can be a reason for praise. The main thing is that the praise does not turn out to be many times greater than the effort spent. Otherwise, there will simply be no time left for new achievements. In general, it’s a great way to be confident in yourself and your abilities.