Do you want to figure out how to become a positive person because the world around you seems to be all negative? This is a common situation that can happen to any of us. Life often throws us challenges, which are mostly negative, and greatly affect our emotional state. And being in such an environment often hinders the creation of positive thinking. Therefore, today we will talk about how you can cope with this situation and become a cheerful person.
What is happiness and how to find it?
According to medical reference books on psychology, happiness is a rather ephemeral concept that implies absolute satisfaction with one’s life. At the same time, the term itself can be deciphered in any way: for some, happiness lies in financial well-being, for others - in a successfully built career, for others - in the opportunity to develop as a person... This list can be continued endlessly, because everyone has their own happiness. Of course, receiving satisfaction from having a man in life is also a kind of happiness, but his presence cannot in any way be the only source of that blissful state in which a truly happy woman finds herself.
Modern society dictates new rules, and today it is not enough for a successful woman to have a family - she also needs to be established socially, have a decent career, do what she loves and, of course, get pleasure from all this. Moreover, looking for happiness only in the presence of a man nearby is quite naive and more reminiscent of addiction than a full-fledged relationship. And yet, single women are confident that the appearance of a partner will magically change their lives for the better and teach them to be happy and prosperous. In this case, the search for a husband turns into the only significant goal, and the long-awaited marriage most often becomes another disappointment: there seems to be a husband, but there is no more happiness. And all because happiness does not come on its own, and even the best and most loving man cannot replace the whole world.
What does it mean to be positive?
If you're interested in learning how to become a positive person, the first thing you need to do is understand what it really means. Many people reject the idea of being optimistic. They consider it unrealistic and think that this cannot be achieved in our time. However, this is not the case. It’s just that many people approach life’s difficulties completely incorrectly. They perceive them too negatively. While they should be treated as lessons that are needed to make us stronger and more resilient.
Being positive is the practice of choosing a more constructive and optimistic attitude towards life. Which allows us to see solutions, not just problems. That is, this is our attitude and perception of everything that surrounds us and what happens to us. And often looking at life from a different perspective can not only make you happier, but also help you solve problems with new ways of thinking.
The methods presented below will help you switch to a more optimistic outlook. Instead of the common negativity that society imposes on us.
How to become happy? Psychological educational program
To become happy, having a man is not at all necessary, the main thing is to sincerely believe in it. Real, deep and fulfilling happiness is a complex of emotions and feelings that you need to bring into your life:
- Learn to see the beauty in what you have. Yes, now you don’t have a man, but you have a job you love, friends, the opportunity to travel and build your life the way you want. It’s not for nothing that the phrase from their cult Soviet film “Girls” has become almost an aphorism: today “eat halva”, tomorrow – “gingerbread”, the day after tomorrow – go conquer new horizons, in a word, do what brings you pleasure – you have every right to do so , since they are not bound by any obligations.
- Don't pay attention to intrusive advice. Do your girlfriends, who have managed to start a family, often try to arrange your life by “matchmaking” with all the men you know, even if they don’t evoke any pleasant emotions in you? Are those around you trying their best to convince you that this is the notorious “last car” into which you need to jump without looking back? Do your parents remind you at every family dinner that they don’t mind babysitting their grandchildren? Don’t take their words to heart, don’t get irritated and don’t feel inferior in any way - just because they see your happiness in starting a family doesn’t mean that it is so. Explain to your friends and acquaintances that your personal life is personal, that you will build it yourself, stop inappropriate advice and comments, avoid such conversations, or simply change the topic.
- Stop pseudo-sympathy. Another unpleasant side of communicating with married girlfriends is the so-called “sympathy”. Phrases like “poor thing, I’m still alone,” “it’s probably lonely in the evenings,” etc., are extremely rarely truly sincere, and therefore it’s better to nip them in the bud. Firstly, constantly disparaging your life from the outside will in no way help you become happy, and secondly, the fact that they are trying to instill in you a feeling of inferiority is not the best basis for friendship.
- Look for positive emotions. To feel happy, you don’t have to have a man, the main thing is to experience bright emotions, which sometimes replace falling in love. Jump with a parachute or bungee, race go-karts, join a mountaineering club and go to conquer Everest - in a word, do what causes real drive, a surge of emotions and adrenaline, and you won’t even notice how you will stop feeling unhappy and lonely.
- Bring love into your life. No matter how trivial it may sound, in order to be happy, you need to give your love and receive a charge of positive emotions in return. However, love can be completely different, and therefore it will not be at all difficult to bring it into your everyday life. Get a pet, take care of it, love it sincerely - and in return it will joyfully greet you from work and miss you during your absence.
Do charity work
A happy person does not save money in a chest under his bed. He is not afraid to give away what he has and believes that fate will give him good dividends for such good deeds. Don't be afraid to be an altruist, do charity work. Helping people is pleasant and rewarding. By helping someone who is in a difficult situation, you become a better person. Every person came into this world in order to make it better. So you need to justify your existence. Charity is one way to increase your karma without making Herculean efforts to improve the world.
Reasons for female loneliness
Of course, there are many reasons for female loneliness. But still, psychologists identify several basic prerequisites for becoming lonely. It is with this problem that more than seventy percent of the fair sex come to the psychotherapist’s office. We have identified three reasons:
1. Feminism
In recent years, feminist ideas have penetrated the minds of modern women, and they have begun to consciously refuse relationships with men. Such representatives of the fair sex spend all their energy on their careers and become quite successful and independent. Their life looks rich and varied. Such ladies quite openly state their views and often even start conducting trainings on “How to become a successful and happy woman.”
2. Self-interest
The suddenly opened opportunities showed women that life could be incredibly beautiful and carefree. Therefore, many began to pay great attention to the financial component of the relationship. They consider candidates based on wealth and position in society. As a result, they often cannot find a worthy man. Or every new romance with a candidate for a hand and heart ends without moving into the stage of a serious relationship. After all, a man, noticing such an attitude towards himself, also does not seek to see other qualities in a woman other than external attractiveness. And he obviously won’t make her the cherished proposal.
3. Excessive demands on men
Most modern women have begun to place inflated demands on their men. They began to consider themselves worthy of a better life than cleaning the house, cooking and taking care of their husband. This trend has also affected married ladies, who began to en masse file for divorce from those who, in their opinion, are no longer worthy of their attention.
Be that as it may, many women, having become lonely for the reasons listed above, are increasingly turning to psychoanalysts for advice. Which means they don't feel happy at all. What is the reason? And how can you feel the fullness of life again and become happy?
Is it possible to find happiness: advice from Dale Carnegie
The famous American teacher and psychologist Dale Carnegie developed many techniques. He claims that they are the ones who help people become happy. These techniques are more aimed at a female audience. First of all, Carnegie advises to constantly convince yourself: “I am happy.” This is already a big plus for success.
The next thing the psychologist advises is not to be endlessly grateful to others for their help. In turn, you should not expect a person to constantly thank you if you managed to help him out in difficult times. Give and take help for granted. Always repeat: “I will become the happiest under any circumstances.”
If you have ill-wishers, you should not take revenge on them. Always remember, every person is given what he deserves. If you start to take revenge, there is no telling what will happen to you.
Never think about the person who is unpleasant to you. Try not to talk to such people even about the weather. After all, such communication spoils the mood. Think about yourself, what you need.
You can't criticize or judge people. Every person, and even you, can find yourself in the same unpleasant situation. There is no need to swear and say: “This will never happen to me.”
Perhaps when communicating with a friend you are sure that she is wrong. You shouldn’t blame her, because at the moment she knows that this is how it should be. This is not your mistake, but your friend's. If he asks for advice, try to explain. Don’t force your own opinion. By doing this you will only push your interlocutor away, and he will close himself off from you.
When friends try to use you for their own purposes. Know that they are not even your comrades, but strangers. You should not communicate with such a person. Cross him off your friends list. Your life will become easier.
There is such a wonderful phrase: “fate brought me a lemon.” You shouldn’t try it, it’s better to make a delicious drink from it. Now you can drink it for the rest of your life. An interesting and instructive phrase.
Always find something to do: build a career, learn to knit, sew, write poetry. Busyness is the best medicine that will help you forget about all the troubles.
Amazing psychologist Dale Carnegie. How to become happy is written in many books. However, girls and women are often advised to read this author. After all, he wrote in an informative and fascinating way, you begin to feel like a happy and successful woman.
The main fears of those over 40
Quite often, a woman who was cheerful until this time becomes withdrawn. Her behavior is based on certain fears, which include the loss of her youth, the loss of a loved one, or other changes. Unlike men, who go to extremes and can leave the family, ladies experience everything within themselves, so some may need advice from a psychologist.
Loss of attractiveness
After 40 years, the amount of estrogen in a woman’s body begins to decrease - the female sex hormone, which is responsible not only for reproductive function, but also for female appearance. As a result, wrinkles appear, skin sagging, and weight gain occur. A woman begins to mistakenly assume that she will not be able to attract admiring male gazes.
To maintain youth and external attractiveness, you should consult a doctor and cosmetologist. They will prescribe supportive procedures.
Psychologists note that this is the greatest fear for those who were slim in their youth. The woman is very reluctant to attend various events and tries not to be photographed. She finds it difficult to accept the changes that are happening, although she looks good.
Fears interfere with women's happiness after 40-45 years. They need to be fought, realizing that they have no real justification.
Loss of privacy
This fear is a result of previous fears. There are two options here:
- A married lady fears that she is becoming unattractive to her husband, as a result of which he may leave her for someone younger and more beautiful. She does not take into account that her husband is not getting any younger either; he is unlikely to be able to captivate young beauties.
- A single woman without a man gives up on herself, believing that after 40-45 years it is impossible to build personal happiness, since it did not work out in her youth. At the same time, there are a sufficient number of single men around who want to start a family.
Job dissatisfaction
Many, summing up life's results, realize that they are doing something they don't like or haven't achieved what they dreamed of. At 40-45 years old, you can change everything radically: find another job, change your profession, organize your own business. But the main obstacle is not age, as the ladies believe, but their fear and stereotypes that such a candidate is not interesting to employers, and it is no longer possible to learn something new.
Fear of losing health
At this age, a large number of negative factors accumulate that affect health: chronic and age-related diseases, manifestations of menopausal syndrome. There is a feeling of old age, weakness, inevitability. The search for symptoms of serious illnesses begins, making oneself feel unwell, constant pity and suspiciousness.
Types of female loneliness
Psychologists say that all women wondering how a single woman can become happy (without a man) can be divided into two categories:
- disappointed;
- free.
Ladies from the first category become lonely due to resentment and disappointment in men. They desperately want to get married, but are very afraid of being hurt again and are in a constant state of conflict with themselves. As a result, a woman turns into a constantly complaining and angry person who repels men with her energy alone.
The second category of single women chose their own path. No, once they could have been a couple, but in this life situation they are alone, and this is their conscious choice. Such representatives of the fairer sex are not deprived of male attention, but they do not build serious relationships. This is due to several very common psychological attitudes:
- make a career and then start a family;
- gain financial independence;
- the desire to command the male sex and decide everything independently.
Both types of female loneliness sooner or later end in depression, because any of the women feels her true destiny and strives to create a family with a worthy representative of the strong half of humanity.
Gratitude
What does the definition of “positive person” mean? This is almost a direct synonym for the word “gratitude.” Although a positive person never concentrates on the rocks and rough edges of her path, she is ready to tirelessly thank God, the Universe or fate for every step she takes. For every day you live, filled with events, sensations, impressions and feelings. They see their life as an immense chest filled to the brim with treasures and jewels.
The universe works according to the laws of attraction. And the more often you thank her for everything that happens in your life, the more faithfully she guides you, and the more abundance she brings into your existence. Look around, and you will be surprised to discover that behind the screen of rude husbands, disobedient children and annoying household chores lies the beauty of the days that have passed by you, which will not happen again. And don’t dare complain to the Universe about your hardships.
Do your legs hurt after a day of work? Imagine that some people don’t have them at all. Do children behave like “little devils”? Tell infertile women about this. Did your husband come home from work gloomy? Share this problem with those who are constantly alone.
Does your mother not understand you and scold you over trifles? Look into the future and imagine how you will dream of her reproaches and care when she is not around. Now do you understand how important it is to thank fate for what you have here and now?
Single or free: a look at the problem
Russian society in many of its features preserves the patriarchal traditions of its ancestors. This greatly distinguishes our compatriots from Western women. Naturally, these differences affect attitudes towards marriage and life in general. Western young ladies do not wonder how to become a happy woman if you are alone. For them this is a completely normal existence. After all, the feminist movement originated in the West, where women actively fought for their rights and freedoms. Their mentality contains the concept that a woman living without a husband is free and a priori happy. After all, she is not bound by marriage, responsibilities and restrictions. She can independently choose her job, friends, place of residence and hobbies. No one can dictate terms to a free woman and make her financially dependent on a man. Beautiful picture, isn't it? It is their freedom and independence that Western ladies cherish more than anything else.
In Russian society, according to tradition, a woman must be married. Otherwise, she is considered a loser, who over time becomes the subject of ridicule and gossip from her more “lucky” friends. After all, it is not customary for us to call unmarried people free - they are single. Can a single woman become a happy woman? Without men, life is boring and gray... So our women rush into the pool of passions, looking for that same Prince in everyone they meet. But often such adventures end in disappointment and return the woman to a state of loneliness. But you always want happiness and at any age. So how to become a happy woman if you are alone?
Loneliness: how not to turn into a strong woman?
So, you are alone now. It doesn’t matter what reasons led to this, but you are already inside the situation. How to live in harmony with yourself and not turn into that very strong woman who pushes away the male sex during your time of loneliness? How to stay attractive and happy? It's actually not difficult at all:
- always turn to men for help - you shouldn’t carry the heaviest bags, move furniture or repair cars, this will only reduce your feminine energy;
- have men's housework done by special people or male friends;
- dress in dresses - they contribute to the accumulation of feminine energy and increased attractiveness in the eyes of men;
- take care of yourself - go to cosmetologists and stylists, to a cafe with girlfriends, or indulge in shopping;
- communicate with other people - set aside time more often to visit, go to the cinema or theater;
- learn to enjoy everyday things - in this case, happiness will always accompany you.
Surprisingly, psychologists have proven that a happy woman attracts the opposite sex like a magnet. And even if you are not planning to start a new romance, male attention always lifts your spirits. But this is a component of happiness, isn’t it?
In search of happiness: how not to be lonely?
If you are single and strive to start a family, seeing this as your happiness, but you just can’t meet that same man, then you should approach this search from the point of view of science and psychology. First of all, a woman should look at herself from the outside, because men are extremely sensitive and are always subconsciously repelled by certain female types. Perhaps you are one of those people. Keep in mind that men especially avoid the following two types:
1. Woman-man
No, we're not talking about looks. A woman with a masculine character can be surprisingly attractive and beautiful, but an overly tough character will prevent her from building a happy relationship. Such ladies always know what they want, listen little to other people’s opinions, do an excellent job with all men’s housework and have good earnings. Men usually do not experience physical attraction to such ladies and try not to start relationships with them.
2. Snow Queen
These women are simply flawless in appearance. They always have time to take care of themselves; even in a busy work schedule, they will find a couple of hours to go to a beauty salon. The Snow Queen is completely focused on herself and her feelings, she is concerned that under no circumstances should she lose her sense of perfection. Therefore, men with such beauties often feel uncomfortable and strive to break up with them as soon as possible.
If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, then start serious work on yourself, and the man of your dreams will definitely appear in your life.
When does a woman feel happy?
Each person has his own concept. However, many women are interested in knowing what to do to become happy? After all, you really want to enjoy life, but it doesn’t always work out. It has been proven that to be happy you need to feel like you are not alone. It doesn’t matter who will be there, a friend, a loved one or just parents. The main thing is to feel needed.
When you have someone to have a heart-to-heart conversation with in a calm environment, then happiness hormones are produced. Outside support and care are important for every person. If you are concerned about others, do not expect gratitude from them, because it benefits you.
Cooperation, career, and joint activities play an important role for all people. They say that a woman is the keeper of the hearth, yes, that’s true. However, if you sit at home and do only everyday life, it consumes you. In such cases, women cannot feel happy.
If you are constantly busy, are passionate about an activity that interests you, communicate with others, feel that they need you, then you will be completely satisfied with your life.
