Low self-esteem is not the best assistant on the path to success and self-realization. Even after realizing why uncertainty arose, it is not always possible to gain self-confidence. What is this connected with? Most likely with the degree of neglect of such a condition. Like a disease that is quite easy to treat in the early stages and much more difficult if it is not treated in time.
So the uncertainty that sits in a person for years, over time, becomes part of his life. Is there a way out of this situation? How to gain self-confidence after many years of being “below the plinth”? First of all, raise your head, open your eyes and start reading this article.
We will not analyze the reasons for lowering self-esteem. After all, recommendations on how to gain self-confidence work equally effectively, regardless of why a person has become less confident in his abilities. The reasons are not so important because they are already in the past. Ways that help fix everything are much more important, because the future depends on them.
Content
- Childhood years are the basis of adult confidence;
- Adequate self-esteem;
- Causes of self-doubt;
- Signs of self-doubt;
- How to overcome self-doubt;
- How to overcome complexes and become more confident;
- How to become a confident woman;
- The external image of a confident woman;
- Differences between a confident woman and an insecure one;
- Rules for a confident woman;
- Men are attracted to confident women;
Childhood is the foundation of adult confidence
When a person is born, his life and health depend on the people around him - his parents. And the future of their child depends on how they structure the upbringing process.
When the child began to show his first achievements, for example, he took out a toy himself, took his first steps, parents should support and praise him. It is this praise that will give the child confidence in his abilities and lay the foundation for the correct development of personal quality - confidence. However, to prevent confidence from developing into self-confidence in the future, praise should be given in moderation and for achievements that are truly important for the child.
If he is praised for any reason, he will stop realistically assessing his strengths and this will lead to the development of self-confidence and pride.
Confidence and self-confidence differ from each other by the presence of a real, adequate assessment of one’s strengths and achievements.
When deprived of praise in childhood, a person develops complexes and begins to lack self-confidence. This can be corrected in adulthood, but it will require a lot of strength and patience.
Adequate self-esteem
A woman’s degree of self-confidence depends on her self-esteem, which can be low, normal or high. Adequate self-esteem allows you to confidently behave in society and live in harmony with yourself and the world around you.
Self-esteem is developed based on a person's behavior. There are two main models of behavior:
- The desire for success and victory.
- Avoiding Failure.
With the first model of behavior, a person has more positive things in life, he is independent of the opinions of others, he is more open and confident in his abilities. Self-esteem is formed normally.
In the second case, the person does not fully open up, he is cautious, does not take risks and seeks constant confirmation of his fears. Self-esteem is low and unless behavior changes it will not improve.
To achieve something in life, you need to be able to be self-critical of your achievements and evaluate them objectively; this is only possible with normal self-esteem.
How to raise self-esteem for a woman
Wit
It is important to be arrogant, but to be able to avoid conflict situations. Let's say you decide to achieve a managerial position at work. You behave arrogantly and cunningly. Other colleagues will probably pester you with negative phrases. If you are witty and can answer correctly, your relationship with other employees will not deteriorate. It is important not to offend others, but at the same time continue to move towards your goals.
To develop your wit, start reading, traveling, making more friends, find yourself a hobby.
Causes of self-doubt
The main reasons for self-doubt:
- Ignorance of one's "I".
During her life, a woman goes through a number of roles: girl, girl, woman, wife, mother, employee, grandmother. And at every stage of life, she identifies herself with the role she performs. She “merges” with the role so much that if she is taken away, the woman will be confused and will not be able to find her “I”.
For example, when identifying herself with children after they have grown up and no longer need round-the-clock care, a woman loses the meaning of life, which becomes a big blow to her internal mechanisms. If life had its own goals, then as children grow up, life will not lose meaning, only the emphasis on being busy will shift.
- Lack of meaning in life.
Lack of meaning in life causes anxiety and uncertainty. The woman does not know “where she is going” and “why she needs this.” All actions are accompanied by a lack of positivity and desire. While a woman who knows the highest goal of her life is filled with positivity, confidence in herself and her future.
- Live only with your head.
If a woman succumbs to progress, the latest technologies and begins to live only with her “head,” joy disappears from her life. Emotions do not burst out, intuition freezes, this can “result” in a woman’s uncertainty. When she cannot explain some action from a scientific point of view, her built inner world will be shaken.
- Ignorance of your values.
Lack of personal values leads to internal conflict. Without a foundation, a person cannot build his future. He may be lost between the choice: work or family and not understand how he can combine them together and live happily.
- Personal boundaries.
It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to refuse people around him; he cannot simply say “no,” as a result of which his own interests fade into the background. The inability to refuse leads to the need to perform various tasks that cause discomfort. The constant feeling of which makes you feel uncertain about the possibilities of achieving your goals.
It is difficult for an insecure woman to arrange her personal life and express herself in society: build a career, have healthy relationships with others. A state of uncertainty leads to the fact that a person begins to give in to everyone, infringing on his personal interests, and feels uncertain about the future, in the future. One's own goals are not achieved because decisions are not made independently, but only on the advice of others. As a result, there is anger towards the people around them and envy of their successes. It is very difficult for a woman with such feelings to arrange her personal life, since men want to see a confident person next to them. But a woman is not always able to recognize signs of self-doubt in time.
Do not be afraid!
Bernard Shaw argued that the greatest human stupidity is fear. Fear of doing something, talking, confessing. Don't be afraid to become tactless. A cheeky girl will not remain silent if she feels awkward; she will boldly say so, looking straight into her eyes. Forget forever about a shy smile, an apologetic tone. Remember that the best defense is an attack.
Don't be indifferent to other people's witticisms and jokes. Smile and don't be afraid to laugh with everyone else. Learn to be witty. Remember bright phrases, witty expressions, proverbs, aphorisms. Practice in private and at the right moment you will definitely show off your mental acuity with a real interlocutor.
Go to a youth themed party without fear. Find out in advance what the dress code is and choose the right clothes. If the party is rock style, wear black jeans, a turtleneck and a biker jacket, dark glasses, and dark brown lipstick. Place more chains around your neck. And behave more boldly, have a blast.
How to overcome self-doubt
To overcome self-doubt, there are many psychological trainings, but if you cannot attend them, you can begin to “remake” yourself. So how to overcome self-doubt?
Let's consider the psychologist's advice that you need to understand and overcome when ridding yourself of uncertainty.
- Forget childhood grievances and live in the present.
- Behave in accordance with your inner worldview. Do not pay attention to the opinions of others if it interferes with getting positive things out of life.
- Don't expect praise from others. You can start praising yourself.
- Don't compare yourself to others, especially more successful people. You shouldn’t envy them, but you need to learn from them the determination to achieve your goals, regardless of the expectations of others. It is better to compare your achievements of today and yesterday.
- Learn to enjoy your failures and benefit from them. Don't get upset or despair.
- Don't dwell on defeats.
By setting yourself up in this way, over time you will notice that there are fewer failures, and more pleasure from life!
Active lifestyle.
In order for the Success Diary to turn into a real library, it is advisable to accustom yourself to an active lifestyle. Every day gives many opportunities for self-realization. If you don't miss them, it will become obvious how to gain confidence. For example, you can enroll in graphic design courses, successfully complete them, receive a certificate, and thereby increase your self-esteem. Or, go dancing, becoming more confident at discos.
If you don’t want or have the opportunity to spend money, then there are dozens of free activities: all kinds of flash mobs, exhibitions, literary evenings, volunteer projects, social initiatives, etc. It’s enough just to Google posters or announcements of your city. The search engine will instantly return dozens of offers for the near future.
Take a self-confidence test
How to overcome complexes and become more confident
A woman who is unsure of her abilities will avoid situations where she needs to defend her opinion or express it openly. Therefore, to train practical skills, you should create such situations for yourself and try to go through them.
For example:
- go to a stylish clothing store and try on the things you like, and if the help of the seller is not required, politely but decisively refuse. After which, without buying anything, calmly leave the store;
- in crowded public transport, ask any man to give you a seat;
- in a cafe or any other public place, approach the man you like and speak to him first.
Carrying out such practical situations will not always produce the desired result. However, you shouldn’t be upset, you need to find something positive, “sort out” your behavior and not repeat the mistakes you made. For example, the tone of voice when addressing someone with a question should not contain pleading notes.
When communicating, you should adhere to the following recommendations:
A woman who is unsure of her abilities must learn to act decisively in all life situations. The first achievements of your goals will significantly increase your self-esteem, which will add confidence.
Interesting hobby.
A person’s hobby is an activity that he or she likes, and accordingly, the desire to engage in it is much stronger than to study or work. If a person does something with interest, then success in this type of activity is much more realistic. Accordingly, a hobby is an excellent option for gaining self-confidence. For example, some office worker, without much career prospects, can be a first-class martial arts instructor. In addition to the purely psychological aspect associated with increasing self-esteem, a hobby very often becomes the work of a person’s entire life, gradually providing him with income and recognition.
Take the self-esteem test
How to become a confident woman
Every woman wants to be paid attention to, listen to her opinion and admire her. To do this, you need to become a strong, confident woman, then others simply cannot help but notice you.
You need to know that changing your image will require time and not little. To become a more confident woman, you need to change your inner state, change your attitude towards others and love yourself.
Before starting changes, decide what qualities are inherent in confident and strong women in order to develop them in yourself.
| Qualities of a confident woman | |
| 1 | strength of will |
| 2 | the position of the director of your life |
| 3 | clearly defined personal boundaries |
| 4 | internally free and independent |
| 5 | stress resistance |
| 6 | determination |
| 7 | determination |
| 8 | restraint |
| 9 | education |
| 10 | optimism and positive attitude |
| 11 | communication skills |
| 12 | normal self-esteem |
| 13 | constant self-development |
| 14 | knowing your weaknesses |
| 15 | focus on results |
| 16 | emotional control |
After compiling a list of qualities, note those that you already have and strive to achieve those that you don’t. At the same time, you need to be prepared that this will require an investment of time, willpower, and you need to set yourself up to get results. Stop blaming your genes or upbringing, your life is only in your hands! You can become whoever you want and get everything you need for a comfortable existence .
Ability to assert personal boundaries
You should not allow any kind of aggression or disrespect to be shown towards you. You should immediately stop attempts to cross the boundaries beyond which there is personal space.
There is no need to be rude in response to rudeness; you should calmly explain that you will not tolerate such an attitude towards yourself and why.
A self-confident person knows how to refuse, to say “no” if a request contradicts his interests or basic life principles. There is no need to be afraid of seeming like a “bad” girl, only you can decide what actions you are ready to take.
The appearance of a confident woman
A strong woman can be different, for example, domineering and demanding or soft and leisurely. At the same time, no one undertakes to challenge her opinion or instructions. So, what kind of confident woman is she?
For a girl to feel confident in herself, everything must be perfect, not only internally, but also externally.
A strong, confident woman should have well-groomed face and body skin, healthy hair, a beautiful manicure, well-applied makeup and well-groomed hands. There should be no slouched posture, obsessive and disorderly gestures. A confident woman should carry herself with dignity, have an even posture and stylish clothes.
All external components, together with internal qualities, make up the image of a confident and strong girl.
Do what you love
It is especially easy to achieve success if you are doing what you love. Carving out your own niche will make you feel bold and successful. Do not forget to constantly improve your knowledge and professionalism. If you work a regular job, you should still strive to perform your duties to the best of your ability.
But for yourself, you can do something that fascinates and inspires you. If you like visiting art exhibitions or the theater, this is great. Wear an expensive and feminine dress that is appropriate for this occasion and go to the Tretyakovsky Gallery. There is a wonderful atmosphere there to feel like a queen.
If you like choreography, go to a modern dance school. After six months of regular exercise, your figure will become chiseled, your gait will be incredibly confident and sexy. Don't stop studying until you become a winner of reputable competitions. Now, in disco style clothes, you will shine and boldly look into the eyes of surprised fans at any corporate event or simple youth party. The disco style allows sparkles, sequins on clothes, sparkling shadows on the eyes, bright jewelry on the neck, hoops on the wrist, large earrings in the ears.
Don’t worry if life sometimes pushes you to the wall, love it anyway, appreciate every moment, super moods to you! Dance more often and better!
Differences between a confident woman and an insecure woman
For clarity, let’s look at the main qualities of a confident and insecure woman, presented in a table:
| Appearance and internal qualities | Confident woman | Unsure woman |
| Sight | Straight calm | Down running |
| Posture | Rovnaya | Drooping |
| Speech | Clear loud | Muffled, with an apologetic intonation |
| External image | Neat, stylish | Ordinary, not attracting attention |
| Emotions | Positive perception of life | Pessimistic mood |
| Life goals | Clearly delineated | Blurred or missing |
| Self-esteem | Adequate | Understated |
The behavior of a confident woman is based on the presence of these qualities. Such a woman knows her worth, she adequately assesses her goals and the possibilities of achieving them.
Changing your social circle
As the saying goes, “whoever you get along with, you’ll get the hang of it.” If you’re still thinking about how to become bolder, change your social circle. In this way, you can learn from the experience of your comrades and learn, so to speak, the “subtleties of craftsmanship.” In addition, it will be possible to adequately assess the effectiveness of arrogance in communicating with people and answer the question of whether such behavior really contributes to the achievement of desired goals or, conversely, is a source of various obstacles.
In our article we provided recommendations on how to become bolder. Whether to use them in practice is a purely individual matter. The main thing is not to lose your own dignity and preserve universal moral qualities.
Rules for a confident woman
A confident and self-sufficient woman has an image that meets three basic rules:
- Impeccable appearance.
- Clear and understandable presentation of thoughts.
- Restrained behavior when communicating.
A perfect appearance will give you self-confidence. Well-groomed skin of the hands and face, professional makeup and manicure together with stylish clothes will raise self-esteem. Also, an even posture and a beautiful figure will add confidence and faith in your abilities.
When communicating, your gaze should be direct and your head held high. You must be able to restrain the appearance of emotions on your face, especially anger and malice, which will repel your interlocutor. At the same time, friendliness can be expressed simply with a smile.
How quickly you will be understood depends on the ability to correctly express your thoughts. Therefore, there are also rules here, it is recommended:
These rules will help you overcome fear, embarrassment and self-doubt, and become a more decisive, respectable woman.
Practical exercises3
Today there are many courses and trainings that promise that literally in the second lesson your self-esteem will skyrocket. Whether to use their services or not is your choice. Undoubtedly, this is a useful skill and necessary practice. But there are also a couple of simple exercises that you can easily do on your own without leaving home.
- "Worn Out Coat"
Imagine that your insecurity is an old, worn coat, which, on top of everything else, feels terribly tight and prevents you from taking a deep breath. You seem to have gotten used to it, and your style, but you understand that the time has come to get rid of it. Imagine in the smallest detail how you take it off, straighten your shoulders and free yourself from the oppression that has been weighing on you for a long time. Throw it away, or better yet, burn it. Now nothing stops you from moving forward. Nothing hinders your movements. There is nothing stopping you from updating your wardrobe and buying something that will fit you perfectly. Which will transform and highlight your advantages.
- "Perfect Face"
Standing in front of the mirror, close your eyes and remember the happiest moment of your life. The one you always remember with a smile on your face. Openly, with sincere and genuine emotions. Open your eyes and look closely at your reflection. Remember it in the smallest detail and reproduce it every time you feel like you are not perfect and something is wrong with you. Exclusively in order to understand how much you were mistaken.
