How to regain self-confidence: what to do, development exercises

Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-confidence is not an innate property inherent from birth, it is acquired throughout life and directly depends on two basic concepts - self-perception and self-esteem (self-esteem).

Self-perception - helps to form an idea of your personality, create an internal image of your Self, it is important to understand the pros and cons, be aware of the features, and notice achievements. A positive internal image is the basis for success in life.

Self-esteem is an internal scale, an assessment that we set for ourselves by comparing with other people. It largely depends on self-esteem, understanding of one’s characteristics and uniqueness. Respect also includes accepting one’s personality along with its advantages and disadvantages.

Psychologists say that you can evaluate yourself in comparison with past experiences, every step forward is an achievement, you need to strive to be better than yesterday, and not overtake everyone around you. There must be your own bar, tasks, goals. Victory over fears, laziness, dependence on the opinions of others is worth a lot!

The main problem of a person is to evaluate himself at the expense of external successes, victories, this is a path to nowhere, constant nervousness and stress. You must first learn to value yourself, respect, understand that you are worthy of success and achievement, then everything will be simpler, obstacles will be easier. Internal support and a sense of human dignity are the basis of personality, contributing to future victories.

So, you can increase your self-esteem and self-confidence by following the following algorithm:

Know yourself as a person;
Identify strengths and weaknesses;
Accept yourself;
Understand that you are worthy of respect;
Develop confidence through exercise;
Use the advantages of personality in life.

There is a law - the attitude of others towards a person and faith in his strength depends on internal perception and self-confidence. The stronger, more confident a person is, the more people are ready to believe, cooperate, interact, respect, accept, and love her.

Therefore, focusing on external assessment is detrimental; it all depends on the person, what impulses are sent to the outside world, what attitudes control life. By changing your thinking, self-perception, and developing self-confidence, changes in life will not keep you waiting long.

The important point is that negative thinking destroys confidence, lowers self-esteem, and ruins life. People don’t even notice how they are gradually driving themselves into a blind corner, feeling hopelessness, constant stress, loss of strength and even depression.

The idea of positive thinking is quite simple, but there is too much negativity in life: news, stories of friends, relatives complaining about their problems, you need to develop resistance, like against a virus, to minimize the impact of such thoughts on life, to establish positive attitudes.

It is interesting that the human brain does not distinguish between positive and negative thoughts, all information is a guide to action, uncertainty - “I’m a loser”, “I can’t do anything” leads to the result - constant difficulties in life, problems, everything falls out of hand. Maybe you should change your train of thought and turn on a different wave - success and positivity?

The first step to solving the question: How to develop self-confidence? is the formation of a positive internal image that fills the consciousness with faith in oneself and future achievements. How to bring changes to life?

Features of female socialization and self-esteem

Patriarchal attitudes are still strong in our society. That is, the male gender is considered a priority and such qualities as courage, bravery, and the ability to quickly make decisions in a difficult situation are attributed to it. Women are dictated to be weak, submissive, and passive. How to restore self-confidence to a woman in such conditions? After all, society itself seems to insist that one should be timid, fearful and indecisive.

The first thing you should do is explore your own personality. Numerous psychological tests and personality questionnaires can help with this. Thanks to them, you can learn much more about yourself and realize that there are no inherently male and female mental qualities. The second step is to evaluate existing achievements. Work, education, work invested in raising children, creative success: all this should raise self-esteem.

You can do a simple self-confidence exercise. You should take a piece of paper and write down all your successes and achievements that seem significant. It is advisable to have at least 10 points. You need to write everything that comes to mind: from graduating from a prestigious university to the ability to cross-stitch or knit. This list can be supplemented and changed at your discretion. But it is important that it is always in front of your eyes. He will regularly remind you that a woman has enough strength and abilities to achieve her goals.

On the second sheet you need to write what achievements the woman would like to make in the future. The list should also be hung in a visible place so that you are better aware of your goals and remember to take steps to implement them. This simple exercise will help you simultaneously keep in mind the goals you need to achieve and remember your resources, that is, your potential and abilities.

How to develop self-confidence?

Increasing self-confidence is a conscious choice to change your life, give up the role of a loser, and take responsibility for your own life. This is not always easy, but it is possible if a person is tired of playing second roles, watching others succeed, living in hopelessness.

How to break out of the vicious circle, change your thoughts and life, how to increase your self-confidence? There are the following techniques to help increase confidence:

A way to understand your personality, develop respect, dignity, self-confidence

The following steps must be applied:

Study your personality , write down on a piece of paper - positive and negative aspects . What successes and failures have you had in life, what works well, where do you see the limit of possibilities, what are you afraid of, what activities inspire you and bring you joy, where are you most competent, what are your aspirations?
We determine self-esteem, what do you think about yourself, write down all your internal beliefs, how do you perceive your personality from the outside? More positive or negative judgments?
Life analysis : what do you do every day, what do you like, what would you like to change? You need to make 2 lists and set tasks for changes. Only decisive steps and openness to the world will bring transformation to life. Everything will work out, because every person has many positive qualities and skills.
You have already done a lot to change your life, you have something to be proud of. Now you need to make the most of your strengths in life , take at least one step towards your goals during the day and record the results in your success diary, increasing your confidence with every victory in life and over yourself.

So how to develop self-confidence? - to know the true essence, all facets of your personality and achieve incredible heights, relying on your advantages and talents.

Build confidence through exercise

The most difficult is often the most desirable. You need to train yourself - overcome fear, practice speaking, learn to face difficulties.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it and become its master. © Mark Twain

Confidence is the result of actions, overcoming our fears, we become more self-confident individuals, capable of taking more decisive steps towards our cherished goals.

An important step is to take responsibility for your life, set tasks where transformation is needed, determine an action plan, and begin to implement plans. A person can do anything he believes in and can imagine.

Bottom line, how to develop self-confidence? - act, casting aside doubts and fear, move forward towards your goals.

Mental images - autogenic training, visualization

Decisiveness and actions can be reinforced with internal thoughts and images for effectiveness. Every morning you should set yourself up: “I am the best, everything works out for me”, “I always achieve my goals.”

Visualization - imagining oneself and life in the desired form, reminiscent of watching paintings or a film. It is useful in the evening before going to bed to imagine such an image in all details, trying on a new role. It is also possible to use an album of desires - paintings, photos that will stimulate thinking in the direction of achieving goals.

It is important not only to imagine, imagine a new life, but also to take steps towards dreams and desires, gradually change habits, develop the mindset of a successful and competent person, worthy of respect and victories. Everything together will definitely give results.

Actions and thoughts are inextricably linked, new actions improve self-perception and confidence, just as positive thoughts increase determination and exploration of new horizons.

Solving the question of how to develop self-confidence? - the following: imagine yourself successful, confident, fill your consciousness with positive images, emotions, complementing with actions.

Use a life analysis strategy

It is useful to consider internal satisfaction with life in all areas, life is very diverse, often concentrating attention on one area, we forget about others. Only the ability to perceive life comprehensively and strive for change will help you better understand yourself, aspirations, priorities, goals.

So, an analysis of life and confidence should be carried out in the following areas, we give a rating from 1 to 10:

1) Physical life, health - general condition, energy, level of satisfaction with physical condition, what is worth working on?

2) Personal life - is everything satisfactory in the relationship, what is good and not so good, is there mutual understanding, a desire to find a loved one or improve the relationship? You can feel comfortable on your own, everything is individual;

3) Family life - relationships with relatives, children, family. Is everything good and worth working on?

4) Social life - confidence in communication, making new acquaintances, keeping in touch with friends, are you satisfied with social self-expression, the level of relationships?

5) Professional life - how confident are you in fulfilling your professional duties, is everything working out, is there a desire to develop, change your occupation? Have you achieved much, are you satisfied with the results?

6) Financial life - do you know how to manage finances, earn money, distribute, do you have enough for basic issues, do you manage to live in plus or minus?

7) Purpose in life - is there a meaning to life, a mission that you are fulfilling that gives energy for accomplishments and achievements. A person needs to implement a special function - transferring knowledge, spreading goodness, helping loved ones, striving to improve the world. It is important to find your calling.

Entertainment - in life you need to have time for relaxation, hobbies, interests, personal time for self-realization, for your favorite activities. This could be dancing, singing, knitting, drawing, going to the cinema, embroidery - anything that brings pleasure.

By assessing all areas of life, you can identify pain points that need to be worked on, changed, improved, improved.

In this case, consider the question “How to develop self-confidence” in the context of various areas - a person can feel confident in a professional environment and lack it in his personal life and vice versa.

It's impossible to be prepared for everything

In life, situations often occur that we could not foresee, force majeure, emergency situations. Yes, it is impossible to be prepared for any circumstances. Understand this, accept it and relax. You are not a divine being, you are a human being who can make mistakes, be unprepared, who can get confused.

Give yourself some freedom. Don't scold for mistakes.

It will not always be stable and comfortable. But it is force majeure that allows you to see how you react in such circumstances, how you behave, what distracts you, what helps. Use this, gain experience, train for further victories.

Emergencies give you the opportunity to test yourself. And you can prepare for them. Not to a specific situation, but in general. How does an unexpected situation affect a person? Fear, panic, fussiness, nervous tension.

First, accept that the first thing you will experience in a situation like this is fear and panic. Once you catch these sensations, you can calm down.

Secondly, you can find a way out of any situation. Remember that it is better to make decisions with a sound mind. So proceed slowly and judiciously. Give yourself time to find a solution. Over time, you will react and act faster.

Are you unsure of yourself? Do you think you won't succeed? Are you afraid and doubt yourself? Then you should definitely read the article “How to Increase Self-Esteem.”

Developing Confidence in Children

The origins of self-confidence are laid in childhood; in the process of communicating with loved ones, a child learns whether he is good or bad, and forms internal self-esteem, which affects him in adulthood. A child's self-confidence largely depends on his parents. Children cannot critically perceive information; the words of adults are taken at face value.

Key tips for developing confidence in children:

Don’t say: “you’re bad, we don’t love you,” it’s better: “you shouldn’t do that, because...” or: “you’re a good girl, but you did it wrong, because...”;
A child should always feel the love and support of loved ones to develop and improve knowledge and skills;
Stimulate the growth of confidence by overcoming feasible obstacles, first with support, later on your own;
Be sure to praise for achievements and successes, this is so important for children, you can also keep a success diary to increase self-esteem;
Compare less with other children, each child develops at his own pace, has characteristics of the body, memory, perception of the world, rely on the positive, stimulate development.

High self-confidence is the key to success for a child, his activity in social life, achievements in studies and sports. Only faith in your own strength works wonders and makes it easier to cope with the difficulties of life.

The question “How to develop self-confidence,” regarding children, applies more to parents, they lay the foundations of their worldview and perception of themselves as individuals, be careful in words, expressions, and actions.

Women's happiness and self-confidence

How often do beautiful girls - kind, beautiful, successful at work - fail to find personal happiness and feel loneliness, why? The secret is low self-esteem, lack of belief in your own attractiveness and the likelihood of being happy in a relationship. Perhaps the reason is negative life experiences or fear of disappointment.

The following actions will help a woman increase her self-esteem and self-confidence:

To increase self-esteem, it is useful to make 4 lists:

What can you do well?
What have you been praised for in your life, starting from childhood?
What did you help other people with?
Achievements in life that you are proud of?

It is necessary to write about your successes and personality traits first of all. Each woman has her own characteristics, and suspiciousness calls for comparison. It is better to find your advantages in order to understand that you are also a unique person worthy of respect, then you will realize that you deserve a happy personal life.

To develop self-confidence, it is useful to use the following sequence:

Accept the thought - life depends on a person, everyone is able to change it, look at problems differently, find ways out and ways to solve issues;
Experiments in life - it is worth looking for new hobbies, ways of self-expression, to feel what you like, what brings you pleasure;
Plan your life - write down your main goals, aspirations for the near future and in the strategic perspective (3-5 years), with a series of actions that will help you achieve your goals;
Develop perseverance - the first difficulties should not be frightening, only by overcoming obstacles do we become more confident, charged with confidence for further steps forward;
Get used to the role - any woman has acting talents, try to behave like the ideal you represent: make decisions, be persistent, confident, friendly to others, radiate positivity, charm, charisma;
Adopt experience - it is useful to study the life stories of successful people, the secrets of self-confidence, you can find a person in your immediate environment who makes you want to be like him, ask him to tell you about ways to gain confidence, successful people always meet halfway, help others.

The question “How to develop self-confidence?” finds answers in observing confident women; they have certain characteristics:

They have personal goals, the desire to be natural , real, to discover talents, features, they know how to turn disadvantages into advantages. Even without having ideal forms, they know how to emphasize their femininity with speech and clothing. The main thing is to get rid of complexes; there are no ideal forms, these are conventions.
The ability to tune in to calmness and success - special breathing exercises, meditation, visualization help these women find inner peace and reach unprecedented heights.
Don't be afraid of loneliness. A confident woman knows that there are times in life when you need to take care of yourself, personal development, and physical health. The absence of a man is not a reason to become despondent, and if you are in a relationship, you still need to find time for yourself - think through plans, goals, relax in the bathroom, or just do your favorite things.

You shouldn’t concentrate all your attention on a man, it gets boring; women who also have personal interests are valued.

Confident women calmly accept criticism , do not try to prove anything, they remain unconvinced, use rational things when necessary, and simply ignore illogical remarks and jabs.

Having a clear internal position in life, unshakable confidence, criticism occurs as a result of envy or misunderstanding of actions. Look deeply into why the person is saying the words, whether there is a desire to help or not. We understand: every person has their own opinion, this is normal.

Such women know how to ask the right questions: “How can I find inner happiness, what helps me enjoy life, what are my strengths?” It is worth focusing on the positive aspects of life, striving for self-development, improving life by changing oneself, goals, and aspirations.

As we see, a woman can increase her self-esteem and self-confidence through simple exercises, use the experience of successful ladies, putting into practice the necessary behavior pattern.

Books worth reading

Another way to boost your self-esteem is to read books that will help you gain self-confidence:

Eric Larsen, "On the Limit." A week without self-pity." The author of the book suggests testing yourself for strength. In the book you will find a program to increase self-esteem, designed for one week. Over the course of seven days, you will complete difficult tasks, giving up bad habits and playing sports, maintaining a daily routine and achieving the proposed goals. After the course, you will realize that you have learned how to use your time correctly and will understand how to change your life for the better;
Anthony Robert, "The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence." The author invites readers to think about what willpower is and teaches them to make decisions and act based on the assigned tasks. You will learn to correctly assess your environment in order to determine which people communicate with which increases your self-esteem, and with whom it is advisable not to have anything in common;
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, "Runner with the Wolves" The author explains how to regain femininity and self-confidence, revealing the sacred meaning of female images in fairy tales collected from all over the world. After reading the book, every woman will be able to discover new facets of character, get rid of fictional shackles and the influence of stereotypes imposed by society;
Pierre Frank, “How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book." This book is a real gift for those who do not have the opportunity to attend expensive psychological trainings. The author offers a number of simple exercises that will take no more than 6 minutes a day. Thanks to them, you will learn a lot about yourself and your goals, learn to overcome shyness and develop high self-esteem;
Anne Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea. The book was written by a mother of five children and an aviator, who one day decided to change her life and went to the sea. Ann managed to change her attitude towards people and herself, and she teaches this to everyone. After reading the book, you will learn to distinguish the important from the secondary, begin to appreciate your desires and gain confidence in your own capabilities. Lindbergh describes in detail the psychology of self-confidence and contentment, making it clear that every person is capable of doing much more than he thinks.

How to develop self-confidence and influence?

Often the issue of confidence applies to managers and businessmen who constantly communicate with colleagues, subordinates, and negotiations. Changes in life and career growth also require internal transformation; you need to strive to be open to the world and learn ways to increase self-confidence.

For leaders, confidence is the basis for success, as is charisma, which allows them to lead people. How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence to implement management functions and run a successful business?

Learn to deal with internal fear before important negotiations, presentations, meetings. Fear arises from a negative picture of the future; a positive picture minimizes fear. Fear arises the day before; during the presentation, you need to concentrate on the report, think soberly, and follow the prepared plan. Good preparation combined with a positive attitude reduces fear and confidence in success.
Keep count of your victories. Mistakes and failures are common to everyone, only some people perceive them as life experience and move on, others constantly relive them, let achievements be the main measure for self-esteem, write down all successful deeds and events.
It is helpful to develop self-efficacy . Confidence in the ability to perform complex tasks, activity in work and learning, desire to master new areas, desire for self-development, realization in society, knowledge of one’s interests, hobbies, calm attitude towards failures. How to develop this property? Strive to do the job perfectly, efficiently, and on time. Learn from people who know how to work for results, adopt experience. Use self-motivation and encouragement from loved ones. Use your inner conviction: “Everything will work out, I can definitely do it, I’m the best...” The likelihood of victory increases significantly if you have confidence and a positive attitude.
Developing self-confidence is related to self-esteem. Minimize internal criticism; more positive thoughts about work and achievements will be an excellent incentive for further success.
Ambitious self-identification . To achieve great success, you need great thoughts: “I am the best in the world..., I am a leading specialist in the field...” The higher we set the internal bar, the more the potential hidden inside a person is revealed.
Always find alternatives . If plan A does not work, there is plan B. Failures are an incentive to take action and look for other approaches to solving the issue. Successful people fall and rise, unsuccessful people give up.
Personal values . It is necessary to understand personal aspirations, the foundations of life, and values. Having common values in business and any joint project is very important. When selecting employees, you should pay attention to values in life, and later build a corporate value system based on personal ones.
A confident leader does not seek to overwhelm employees with authority . On the contrary, he provides support and contributes to the development of his team by providing assistance. The person himself grows, respect in the team strengthens. It is important to be able to understand others, needs, aspirations, and listen carefully. Often employees can provide valuable ideas and feel how to find a way out in difficult situations.
Know how to listen . In negotiations and meetings, it is important not only to be able to express your point of view, but also to understand those around you and find solutions to the issues raised. Often, attentiveness allows you to quickly navigate and successfully conclude a deal; doubts of partners and clients are the need for information, persuasion, and guarantees.
Be open . A confident leader is ready to consider alternative options, suggestions from colleagues, and even admit that he is not always right, this is normal, the main thing is to achieve the goals and objectives.
Calm. A guarantee of confidence, nervousness blocks thought processes, you should always keep your mind cool to make the right decisions, hot temper also does not lead to success.
Find your way back to a state of confidence . Every morning, get ready for a successful day, remember your victories, smile and strive to conquer peaks and achieve your goals. Developing self-confidence is possible with desire and constant exercise; only self-control and maintaining high self-esteem will help achieve the desired result. The article presents the main ways to develop self-confidence.

By applying these techniques, you will be able to breathe deeply and enjoy a life filled with opportunities for achievement and fulfillment of potential.

Confidence and success in life to everyone!

How to become confident?

A person experiencing difficulties of this kind would be glad to regain his faith and his former “everyday” confidence, but does not know where to start and from which side to approach this issue. Of course, we could recommend that insecure people go to a beauty salon, where a stylist will help them find their new style, and also sign up for boxing lessons or a dance school. Of course, at a certain stage, such solutions can be useful, but if you approach the problem from the perspective of psychology, I would recommend paying attention to the following points.

The first and most important thing is that an insecure person should take the first step towards his confidence. You can regain your faith through regular training. This can be done through simple but very effective existential practice. In order to begin to train your sense of faith, it is important to realize that everything you do in your life is permeated with it. For example, if you did not believe that you could walk to the door of your room and open its door, then you simply would not be able to do this. It is always important to have at least a small amount of faith in order to take any action. It’s worth starting with something simple, for example, drinking a glass of water, but drinking it for a reason, but taking every sip with faith, that is, with firm confidence that you can do it. Next, you can practice walking with faith, in which case you will have to take every step with confidence. The goal of this practice is to gradually imbue your entire life with a sense of confidence. This practice allows you to feel that you can believe quite consciously, because faith does not require proof.
When a person loses faith and has taken the first steps to return it, it is very important for him to understand what is absolutely necessary for him in life, without which he cannot live under any circumstances. It is this question that will help determine the values by which he will live.
When the issue of returning to internal values has begun to be resolved and a person begins to gain clarity about where and why he should live next, it is important for him to begin to make a choice of the direction of his life path. Perhaps this is some kind of profession, perhaps a type of creativity, perhaps service and work for the benefit of your family, it all depends on your meanings and values. It is important that what you do next, even the smallest things, has great meaning for you, so that you understand that what you do is really important.
The moment will come when you will have enough strength and confidence to do something useful and valuable for other people. Then you will feel that your business and your confidence are needed not only by you. The moment when you begin to benefit other people with your life and confidence will mean that you have indeed become very close to the source of Faith, since you can feed it not only yourself but also others.

This concludes my article. I wish you confidence in yourself and your strengths!

Psychologist of the Family Help Center “Family Energy” Alkhimenko Ilya Aleksandrovich.