Main characteristics of a typical manipulator

• September 2, 2018
• Psychology of communication
• Nastasya Krakhina

Every person has had to fall under the influence of a manipulator at least once. When communicating with such people, a feeling of guilt arises, and you often have to do something that you really don’t want. Manipulators are usually very selfish. Therefore, they do not think about the feelings of others, wanting to subjugate their will.

This publication talks about how to identify the signs of manipulators in relationships and definitely determine what guides them when choosing this manner of behavior. Methods of psychological protection from such people will also be presented below.

Who are manipulators? Definition from a psychological point of view

Before moving on to the questions of who manipulators are, we should define the basic term. In psychology, the term “manipulation” refers to the technique of imposing a distorted idea of ​​something. Based on this, a manipulator is a person who seeks to change the consciousness of others. The purpose of such behavior, as a rule, is to satisfy one's own desires or needs.

In fact, all people are manipulators to one degree or another. This fact is due to the fact that if you want to get a good position, force a child to clean his room, or persuade your loved one to buy something, you have to use some forbidden techniques. But people who consciously choose manipulation as a habitual way to achieve goals can be very dangerous.

In other words, we can say that they lead with an invisible hand and try to subordinate other, weaker individuals to their influence. As a rule, the consequences of communicating with such people are always negative.

Meaning of the word manipulator

manipulator
1) in mining - the main mechanism of a drilling carriage, designed to move an automatic feeder with a hammer drill (drilling machine) in the bottom-hole space. M. are sometimes used to hang various types of devices on them, allowing them to lift support elements, load holes, inspect the roof, etc. Based on their design, m. are divided into 4 main types: radial (rotational), linear, columnar, and swept. M.'s drive can be pneumatic, hydraulic, or combined (sometimes a manual drive is used for certain auxiliary operations). Columnar-shaped and arrow-shaped mines are most common. For arrow-shaped mines, the width and height of the face being drilled can vary within wide limits; when using columnar M. these parameters are limited. Arrow-shaped machines are also used as attachments installed on loading machines. 2) In metal forming processes, a machine for performing auxiliary operations associated with changing the position of the workpiece. Rolling metal performs the following operations: transfers metal from one caliber to another; guides it when entering and exiting the windrows; sometimes straightens the metal if it is strongly bent when exiting the rolls and its further rolling becomes difficult. Rolling mills are used mainly in blooming, slabs, and crimping stands of section mills. In this case, they usually represent 2 horizontal (located parallel to the axis of the mill) massive rulers that can move along the roll barrel (see Rolling rolls). Each ruler is driven by a separate electric motor through a rack and pinion transmission. The speed of movement of the rulers is 0.5-1 m/sec. A tilter is usually installed on one of them. Forging metal is used to mechanize the processes of forging and stamping using hammers and hydraulic presses. The working body of the machine—powerful mechanized pliers—is designed to grip workpieces weighing up to 150 tons. The pliers move the workpiece in horizontal and vertical planes and rotate it during processing. The machine can move around the workshop in a certain direction (along rail tracks) or in any direction (if it has rubber wheels). This allows the machine to be used to feed blanks into a heating furnace, to transport them to a hammer or press, and after processing, to move the finished forging. When producing forgings weighing more than 150 tons, the machine works together with a crane and a tilter, supporting one of the ends of the workpiece. The use of microscopes with automated control using tracking systems is promising. 3) In nuclear technology, a device for working with radioactive substances that prevents direct human contact with these substances. With the help of M., you can grab an object located behind the protective wall, move and rotate it. A pantographic-type machine with a mechanical drive (copying machine) accurately reproduces the movement of the operator’s hand. The angular orientation of the copy 'hand' and movements simulating squeezing and grasping are transmitted by hydraulic drive or cables running from the control handle to the copy 'hand'. For remote control at a great distance from the operator, M. are used, the control and copying arms of which are electrically interconnected.

Great Soviet Encyclopedia, TSB

What types of manipulators are there? Signs and psychology of behavior

How such a person will behave depends on what kind of nervous system he has. Overall, it can be weak or strong. A weak nervous system forces a person to withdraw into himself, seclude himself and constantly be in the world of his own illusions. A strong nervous system allows a person to quickly adapt to a changing environment. Based on this, manipulators can be either weak or strong individuals.

As a rule, the habit of striving to control the consciousness of other people can be traced back to childhood. For example, a child, during his whims, realized that at that moment his parents were ready to do anything to calm him down. Having matured, he adheres to the same manner of behavior: he manipulates others, presses for pity, positions himself as undervalued, which forces others to follow his lead. In this case, there are signs of a manipulator with a weak nervous system.

In the second case, an absolutely opposite behavior pattern is observed. Signs of manipulative people with a strong nervous system are ambition, shamelessness, and courage. With the help of such qualities, a person with the power of his spirit suppresses others and inspires them with what will help him achieve what he wants. A striking example of manipulators with a strong nervous system are many politicians, fashion trendsetters, journalists, as well as people heading public or religious organizations. With their authority, they force people to think as they please, usually for the purpose of their own moral, financial or other benefit.

However, there are some points that unite these two groups of manipulators. These include cynicism and excessive self-love.

Manipulator: recognize and neutralize

The word "manipulation" is translated from Latin as "handful" or "hand." Sometimes it really seems like a manipulator has your heart in his fist or is pulling the strings like a puppeteer. “It is important to pay attention to your own sensations, including bodily ones,” advises Oleg Sorochan. “If you feel vague anxiety, slight anxiety, or, conversely, feel the desire to curl up into a ball, your body doesn’t really listen, and at the same time you understand that you don’t want to do what they suggest, then you’re most likely communicating with a manipulator.” A manipulator can cleverly use our feelings of guilt, fear, pride, capacity for pity or self-doubt and, if he has achieved his goal at least once, he will continue to use the same techniques in the future. “I know a woman who tried to get married three times,” says family therapist Irina Gurova, “and all three times the wedding was upset because the day before the bride’s mother became seriously ill. All options were included here: fear and pity. But most importantly, this woman flatly refused to understand: her mother would not let her bring her husband into the house. Of course, the thought of confronting a sick elderly person can be intimidating; nevertheless, it is simply necessary to realize that you are being manipulated.”

There are several types of manipulators, and they can be divided according to the quality that they prefer to demonstrate in communication with other people. First, strength. The manipulative commander selects a victim and begins to actively control him, giving orders and giving instructions. If there are several victims, he experiences a lot of pleasure, but he may well limit himself to just one – the weak. Many people give in when power is blatantly demonstrated to them.

The second quality is sensitivity. The “orphan” manipulator loves to demonstrate weakness, tenderness and, let’s say, not the fastest mind. Essentially, he is a victim, but the victim whom compassionate people will certainly rush to help, will support her in every possible way, listen to her lamentations for hours and do her own work for her.

To criticize, to the point of humiliation, to threaten, to be rude, to put pressure and to insist - these are the tactics of the manipulator-aggressor. In response to his behavior, you usually want to give in - you never know, he will say or do something else unpleasant. Therefore, according to sociological studies, restaurants serve better arrogant and demanding customers.

However, there are manipulators who are motivated by kindness. It would seem, what does this quality and manipulation have in common? But when they obsessively and persistently offer help, whispering in your ear: “Trust me, I know what’s best,” when they take care of you, help you, and as a result you feel tied hand and foot and cannot live independently, it becomes obvious: cloying warmth and love inappropriate. Such manipulators are often mothers who love to insert into the conversation the phrase: “I gave you my whole life!” Although in reality, on the contrary, they steal the lives of their children, forcing them to exist at their behest.

And finally, the trick. This category, of course, includes deceptive merchants and other people who think only about their own benefit. Fortunately, they are the easiest to spot, and they are most often found in certain places. With the exception, perhaps, of a neighbor who dreams of selling you her fur coat, although it doesn’t suit you and you don’t like it. The victims of a cunning manipulator endowed with considerable charm are usually young girls: they easily fall for graceful flattery.

Types of manipulators

Many psychologists are inclined to the idea expressed in his works by the American psychotherapist Everett Leo Shostrom. He argued that manipulators are deceitful individuals who have lost the ability to feel the warmth of human feelings. In return, they get used to the falsehood that they themselves spread.

In general, the following types of manipulators are distinguished:

• superficial polymath;
• seducer;
• player;
• whiner;
• interested;
• shirt guy;
• aggressive;
• patron.

It is worth considering in detail the listed types of manipulators and the signs of their behavior. This point is extremely important in the study of such people. This information will help you recognize the signs of manipulators and build the correct model of communication with them.

Personality characteristics of the manipulator

Bibliographic description:

Shtilnikov, D. E. Personality characteristics of the manipulator / D. E. Shtilnikov. — Text: immediate // Current issues of modern psychology: materials of the IV International. scientific conf. (Krasnodar, February 2020). — Krasnodar: Novation, 2020. — pp. 47-49. — URL: https://moluch.ru/conf/psy/archive/237/11536/ (access date: 10/08/2020).


This article discusses the phenomenon of manipulation and its types, the characteristics of the personality of the manipulator, and the research that was conducted on student youth.

Key words: manipulation, conflict, fraud, psychological portrait, impact

This article discusses the phenomenon of manipulation and its types, characteristics of the personality of the manipulator, and the research that was carried out has spent on student youth.

The problem of manipulating and manipulating people has long been of interest to both scientists and practitioners. The need to study the field of behavioral manipulation was pointed out by M. Montaigne, B. Pascal, F. La Rochefoucauld.

Currently, the phenomenon of “manipulation of people” is very relevant. With the development of television, the Internet and print media, influencing people's subconscious has become much easier. We look and listen, and if any signal enters the information field, then all of this is inevitably deposited in people’s subconscious, that is, the person begins to think and act according to this information. An example is the current events in Ukraine.

The problem is relevant not only for psychology, but also for a number of related and seemingly distant sciences. For example, sociology, which studies the nature of conflicts or the evolution of society in general, touches on the problems of manipulation, which can cause the same conflicts or shifts in the development of a particular society.

There are also positive aspects to the personality manipulation technique. D. Carnegie believed that manipulation is necessary and useful, since it replaces crude methods of achieving a goal.

The problem of “manipulation” and “manipulation of people” is relevant, important, in demand, but little has been studied yet. But I'm sure she has a great future.

Many scientists have dealt with this problem, and currently continue to study it. For example, the American psychologist Edgar Schein began to become interested in the problem of mind manipulation in the late 1950s; his book Brainwashing and Totalitarianism in Modern Society, published in 1959, is one of the first attempts to understand this phenomenon from a psychological point of view. The conclusions that E. Schein made about half a century ago were based on specific material, but over time it became clear that his model is applicable to many other cases of the use of consciousness control techniques. E. Shostrom in his book “The Manipulator. The Inner Journey from Manipulation to Actualization” writes that manipulative behavior is suicidal, that we are all manipulators, but instead of rejecting our manipulative behavior, we should try to turn it into actualizing behavior. To do this, you don’t need to reject anything in yourself. Manipulation is not a necessary part of life and does not bring any real benefit. Essentially, manipulation is generated by dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s world.

S. L. Bratchenko identifies several types of manipulation depending on what the manipulator is trying to “play”: 1) manipulation of needs (using the desires, drives, interests of the partner); 2) “spiritual” manipulation (formation of certain ideals and values ​​in a person); 3) intellectual manipulation (imposing opinions on a person); 4) manipulation of feelings (use of emotions); 5) symbolic manipulation (formation of a stable human reaction to certain symbols). We constantly encounter all these types of manipulation in real life.

Turning to etymology, we learn that the term “manipulation” is defined as “tricks”, “machinations”, and “manipulator” is a “circus performer”.

Manipulation is a type of external spiritual and psychological influence on a person’s consciousness, used to covertly introduce imposed or false goals, altered or often negatively directed desires into his psyche. Different scientists interpret the term “manipulation” differently. For example, G. Franke wrote that this is a mental influence that is carried out secretly, and, consequently, to the detriment of those persons at whom it is directed. And Japanese psychiatrist S. Takahashi believes that the technique of psychological manipulation is used to change the ideology and beliefs of an individual.

Thus, manipulation can be understood as such a psychological impact on a person, during which he acts as the object of certain actions aimed at “getting his hands on him” with the help of machinations, distracting tricks and techniques.

In order to successfully manipulate people, the manipulator must have certain qualities: flexibility, good adaptability, emotional detachment from the interlocutor, immorality. As researchers note, the manipulator lives in each of us, and everyone has a tendency to manipulate, only it is expressed to varying degrees. People are not born manipulators, they become them. The manipulator seeks to use another person or a group of people to achieve his goals by controlling the partner’s behavior and creating a situation in which the object of manipulation is forced to behave in a way that is beneficial to the manipulator, sometimes without having a choice or without realizing it.

Consequently, it is possible to draw up a psychological portrait of the manipulator. This is a closed personality, distrustful, not integral, treats people ritually, is emotionally detached, but adapts well because it has socio-psychological knowledge.

On this issue, a survey was conducted among students of the institute aged 18 to 21 years. To identify a manipulative communication style, the following methods were used: diagnostics of a manipulative attitude on the T. Banta scale and the “Orientation of the Personality in Communication” method by S. L. Bratchenko. Analyzing the results obtained, we can conclude that 46% of the students surveyed are prone to manipulation, and the remaining 54% are prone to confidential communication. The purpose of this survey was to identify the manipulative communication style among students.

Thus, these techniques can be used for people who work in the “person-to-person” field. For these specialists, the ability to build effective communication is professionally significant and determines professional success.

Literature:

1. Bratchenko S. L. Diagnostics of personal development potential. Pskov, 1997. pp. 56–59.
2. Dotsenko E. L. Psychology of manipulation. M., 1996. pp. 48–62.
3. Labunskaya V. A. Social psychology of personality in questions and answers. M., 1999. pp. 275–280.
4. Ryumina L.I. Games and manipulations in interpersonal communication. Rostov n/d., 1997. pp. 26–32.
5. Shostrom E. Anti-Carnegie or Manipulator. Minsk, 1992. pp. 25–41.

Key terms
(automatically generated)
: type of manipulation, manipulator, manipulation, people's subconscious, the problem of manipulation.

Superficial polymath

Such people pretend to be an erudite person, but at the same time their knowledge is very superficial. They specially prepare, memorize information that they need only in order to impress others.

A superficial erudite tries to show off his “authoritative opinion” on any subject. In fact, such a person does not have a real interest in many things. He is guided by only one desire - to look decent in the eyes of others, in order to use them to satisfy certain needs.

Seducer

As a rule, men choose this behavior. Signs of this type of manipulator are manifested in the fact that a person uses sex as a tool to manipulate the consciousness of other people. He is ready to sleep with anyone to achieve his goal.

Most often, such people are business people. In general, they are not particularly interested in sex itself. What is more important to them is what they can get with it. It is important to note that women can also act as such a manipulator, but this is not observed so often, due to the fact that many girls are instilled with a sense of dignity from childhood.

Does the manipulator understand that he is manipulating people?

Thanks to recent research, it has been established that the vast majority of manipulators act unconsciously. And only about 20% of manipulators are aware of the fact that they are manipulating.

However, the life principles of manipulators are quite perverted. They get immediate pleasure from having immoral behavior and negatively impacting the people around them.

Most manipulators partially understand the fact that they influence others, but they themselves cannot really understand how this happens. But when they achieve some success, they rejoice at it.

But the thing is that it is impossible to accurately study these problems. For example, most manipulators will refuse to recognize themselves based on the characteristics described (or at least will not show it), but they can easily find these same signs in other people.

In addition, the manipulator can reassure himself that all people, in his opinion, are manipulators, which means he can continue to behave in this way. That is, the manipulator believes that since everyone does this, then they themselves do not harm the people around them.

The vast majority of manipulators will never directly tell others that they are manipulators, but this is not surprising!

Player

For such people, life is a game, and he is an actor. Often he gets carried away, and the rules of his game become more important to him than the result he strives for. In appearance, such a person is calm, since the entire scenario of his actions is already written in his head. He wants all people to unquestioningly play the roles that he has assigned to them. If anyone does not want to do this, he becomes furious.

Such manipulators are dangerous because they do not understand their functions in society, and therefore are very unreliable in work, love relationships and friendships.

Whiner

The main signs of a manipulator belonging to this type are an endless search for sympathy from others. He always feels bad, and he strives to share this with other people.

Often many people show pity for him and try to console and help. When communicating frequently with such a person, a feeling of moral duty to him arises.

Interested

During a conversation, such a person shows an excessive amount of emotion and pretends that he is incredibly interested in the topic of conversation. He often inserts phrases such as “come on”, “really?”, “wow”, “how interesting”. But in fact, he is absolutely not interested in what they tell him.

The goal of such a manipulator is the desire to win over other people. He plays the role of an attentive, sensitive and responsive person. In return for his good nature and attention, other people often repay him with material benefits.

What is the manipulator hiding?

Every person in his life at least once did something that he did not want at all, that went against his values, desires and needs. Most likely, he experienced anger, irritation, apathy and frustration. This begs the question: why did he agree to this? Because he was begged, persuaded, pressured or forced. Most likely, this was done by a person who knows how to get his way, using the people around him for his own interests, or simply a manipulator.

Manipulation is a socio-psychological phenomenon that is expressed in the desire to change the perception or behavior of other people using hidden, deceptive and violent tactics.

Life in society is impossible without manipulation. Advertising is a prime example of a manipulative technique. Thanks to it, we buy fashionable things, choose a certain brand of car, go to this particular gym, or give money to scammers. These are practical manipulators who receive material benefits as a result of such actions.

A much more dangerous type of manipulator is hedonistic manipulators. These are people who plunge their victim into a certain negatively colored state and enjoy their suffering and their own power.

All manipulators can be divided into 3 groups:

1. Storyteller. Appeals to the gullibility and guilt of his opponent. “I promise you so much, but it’s still not enough for you. You are very materialistic." The manipulator enjoys credibility, talks a lot, but does little. He always clearly monitors the moment when he needs to fulfill something promised, so as not to spoil his “credit history.” If the storyteller really does something, then at every opportunity he will remind the victim of his feat.
2. Whiner. Trying to evoke a feeling of pity. “You don’t want to do what’s right for me, so it’s your fault that my heart hurts. You must end my suffering by doing as I want.”
3. Aggressor. Uses threats and fear. His manipulations are based on the fear of losing: - the partner himself or his love and affection (“If you don’t do as I demand, I will leave you, I will stop loving you);

- health or life, fearing previously used physical violence.

How to recognize a manipulator?

There are several characteristic features in the behavioral repertoire of a manipulator:

1. Blame shifting: Everyone is to blame but him. Even if the manipulator is forced to admit his guilt, then only when it is beneficial to him. It will sound like this: “I’m to blame, but the circumstances turned out this way...”. Responsibility will always be shifted either to other people or to conditions.
2. Hypocrisy: a manipulator will always find an excuse for his most disgusting actions, but the victim is not forgiven for the slightest offense. “We have an open relationship, I sleep with whoever I want, but you don’t even dare flirt with other men,” you can often hear from a manipulator.
3. “Here and now” is not about a manipulator; he never lives in the present. Now he cannot: do, listen, talk, agree. He either lives in the past and remembers the victim's past mistakes, making them the cause of the current problem, or the future, making promises.
4. The manipulator does not tolerate competition and does not know how to establish equal relationships. He does not support anything that he did not approve of, that he did not initiate. Only he is allowed to be a leader and influence and control you. Therefore, the victim will gradually or abruptly be separated from all the people close to her.
5. Manipulators are very fond of triangles and draw strangers (lovers, children, friends, parents) into relationships. Such intricacies will always be accompanied by gossip, squabbles, quarrels and conflicts. For a manipulator, the presence of a third party is very beneficial - there is someone to shift the blame and responsibility to.
6. Lack of empathy (the ability to empathize) - the manipulator cannot imagine that other people can experience emotions, that they can be hurt and offended. Suffering and torment are only his prerogative, the rest are things and tools that serve to satisfy his neurotic needs. It is useless to appeal to his sympathy, “I feel even worse,” is all that can be heard from him.
7. Intolerance - manipulators demand that all their desires be fulfilled immediately. They are rigid and very persistent in their demands - “everything should be the way and when I need it.” To change or adapt to another is a loss of power and defeat. A person often acts to the detriment of not only others, but also himself, so as not to lose his authority and leading position.
8. The manipulator considers himself gentle and vulnerable. He can even show kindness, pamper, give expensive gifts, speak words of love, but only as long as the victim plays by his rules. A step to the right, a step to the left - a monster wakes up, into which it is you, soulless people, who turn the sweetest person who is forced to defend himself in this way.
9. The manipulator is always little and not enough, no matter how much you give him. He does not know how to appreciate what has already been given to him. Each time he will demand and complain even more. When the victim is reminded of what has already been received, he will accuse her of misunderstanding, cruelty and selfishness.
10. A manipulator is always a liar and a deceiver. He lies and dodges, he is never sincere and open. Closedness and isolation allow him to hide the true motives of his behavior, which are inherently hostile towards other people.

Where do manipulators come from?

The origins of manipulative behavior and emotional dependence are the same - this is the presence of basic anxiety, that is, the manipulator and the victim are always from the same “nest”.

Basic anxiety arises in early childhood, when a child growing up in an atmosphere of instability, criticism, condemnation, ignorance, overprotection, lack of warmth and affection, feels helpless in a situation of “oppression.” He will suppress hostility and aggression towards the “oppressor” (unconsciously, out of an elementary desire to survive, because he is biologically dependent on his parents). By suppressing this hostility, he cultivates that basic anxiety that will accompany him throughout his life. The victim will seek reassurance through love and affection, forming emotional dependence. The manipulator, trying to calm down, does not rely only on love, it is no longer enough for him, he does not believe in it. He is ready to keep someone else close to him by force, just so as not to feel rejected. A person replaces emotional intimacy with parasitism, forming a neurotic need for power and dominance. In addition, manipulation not only protects against anxiety, but also allows one to free oneself from repressed hostility.

The desire for power can also arise in an emotionally stable individual, thanks to the realization of his strengths, be it physical strength, mental abilities, maturity or wisdom. The neurotic desire for dominance is born from anxiety, hatred and feelings of inferiority. That is, a normal desire for power is born from strength, and a neurotic desire is born from weakness. Therefore, the manipulator views weakness as a shame. He recognizes the strong and despises the weak (that is, somewhere in the depths of his soul - and himself).

How to deal with a manipulator?

Manipulations are always devoid of any logic; they are always mixed with feelings and emotions. The victim is sometimes immersed in such a state that he feels suffering, but does not understand what is happening to him. Realizing that you are a toy in the wrong hands is the first step to getting rid of a toxic relationship.

Author: Savilova Elena Petrovna

Editors: Eliseeva Margarita Igorevna, Simonov Vyacheslav Mikhailovich

Key words: manipulation, manipulator, basic anxiety, dominance, emotional dependence, guilt, hypocrisy, empathy, intolerance, promises.

Photo source: pixabay

Elena Savilova

Doctor of the highest category, consultant psychologist, psychosomatic specialist.

Available for download:

• What is the manipulator hiding?

Aggressive

Such people are often hostile towards everything. They can be compared to dictators. They are unfriendly, and their behavior is almost always aggressive. These people allow themselves to criticize everyone and everything.

This behavior instills fear in weaker and fearful people who have to communicate with this person. By instilling fear, aggressive manipulative people get what they need from others.

Manipulators within the family

It’s one thing when you have to deal with manipulators at work or in society, and another thing when such individuals are family members. In this case it is much more difficult. Situations where a family member may act as a manipulator should be considered. The signs in the advice of psychologists are quite clearly defined.

A manipulative husband may use the following behavior patterns:

1. "Do it if you love me." Most often, this behavior is observed in young people who believe that if they are loved, then they can receive absolutely everything.
2. Avoidance of responsibility. This can manifest itself in phrases addressed to your wife such as “You’re so smart”, “You do it better than me”, etc. All this indicates signs of a manipulative man in a relationship and his reluctance to fulfill any work. Sometimes it is easier for a man to admit his inadequacy than to force himself to do something for the sake of his family.
3. Resentment. This manner of manipulation is the most common. When a person feels guilty for something in front of his loved one, he is ready to go to great lengths to correct this situation. Often the spouse may not even think that such behavior of her loved one is a sign of a manipulator. The husband, in turn, influences his wife’s behavior and gets everything he needs.

A manipulative wife, as a rule, uses the following techniques:

1. “I’m weak.” Our society is structured in such a way that men are taught from childhood that girls are weaker. In general, this is acceptable, but the norm in family relationships is an equal division of responsibilities. A woman may use this method of manipulation to avoid responsibility for some household responsibilities. However, one should not confuse manipulation with an objective request for help in difficult matters.
2. Resentment. As in the case of a man and his signs of a manipulator in a relationship with the help of insults, women use this technique in order to get what they want.

In a family, both representatives of the older generation - parents and children - can act as manipulators. Parents can push for pity or show their superiority in life experience. Children, in turn, use whims, knowing that their parents will follow their lead.

How do people become manipulators?

Typically, a person who is inclined to manipulate loved ones considers himself a victim. He may blame a difficult childhood, circumstances or loved ones who “pushed” him. In reality, a manipulator is almost always driven by selfishness and a suppressed sense of self-superiority. As a rule, he is physically weak, could not realize himself in the profession or obtain the desired social status, therefore he uses deceit and cunning to assert himself.

It should be understood that such a person does not always realize how wrong he is doing. He treats close people extremely selfishly, but he himself is sure that he loves and appreciates them. It is not common for him to think about other people’s feelings, so he treats every dear person as an inanimate object that exists only for him. He does not value his close people, but he desperately needs them. And the longer others allow others to do this to themselves, the stronger the desire to manipulate becomes.

How to protect yourself from the actions of manipulators?

Knowing the signs of manipulators, you can understand how to protect yourself from their pressure. To do this, it is recommended to adhere to the following rules:

1. Define behavior. First of all, you need to understand what type of manipulators you have encountered and what techniques are characteristic of them. This will make it possible to find out the motives for his behavior.
2. Turn off emotions and turn on cold calculations. Do not immediately counterbalance and prove to the person that his plan has been revealed. You just need to hide your emotions and try to avoid communication.
3. If necessary, cool down the manipulator. If the situation allows, you can express your objections to his opinion. However, this should be done in a very sensitive manner, without entering into open confrontation.
4. Stay yourself. In order not to follow the manipulator's lead, you need to remember your opinion. It’s better to interrupt the conversation and give yourself time to understand “do this person’s words really correspond to my life principles.”

The most important thing to remember is that you should not be the instigator of the conflict, even if you managed to expose the manipulator. As a rule, such people are extremely difficult to correct, and unnecessary quarrels will not do any good. It is better to simply avoid communicating with people who seek to manipulate consciousness.

Emotional impact3

To understand how to recognize a manipulator, let’s turn to his most important technique. This is, of course, an emotional impact. How often do you hear praise from your comrades and colleagues that forces you to take action? If often, you are faced with the most aggressive, but invisible form of attack.

The fact is that humans are distinguished from apes by one feature. Man by nature needs encouragement and appreciation of his abilities. Thanks to the fact that someone praises him, a person develops motivation and an unconscious desire to continue moving forward in his favorite business.

Manipulators sense this edge very clearly and use it against you. They appeal in every possible way to your talents and ask you to provide them with a service in this matter. Let’s say that if you are great at working with office equipment, having heard praise from a colleague and a request to “help fix” the printer, it will not be so difficult for you to complete this task. A colleague, realizing that he can influence you through praise, will use it quite often.

Also, master manipulators use their position against you in your relationship. If he is a fairly old acquaintance or friend, he may tell you that he simply cannot cope without your support and help. And you are the only person who will pull him out of a hopeless situation. But you need to remember that there are no hopeless situations, and your friend chose the path of less resistance, taking advantage of your kindness.

To prevent this from happening, we will use further advice that will tell you how to behave with manipulators.