If a man raises his hand against a woman, then this man no longer exists for the woman. Of course, many may say that she herself is to blame for everything. That beatings are the result of provocations. Allegedly, the woman blows her mind, insults and raises her voice at her man, and for this gets hit in the head. No and no again! If a man is confident, smart, and not complex, then he will never use physical force against any woman and under any provocation. Remember: aggression is in the one who hits. It is not the woman’s fault that the man is aggressive, and perhaps even a hidden sadist. If people are mentally healthy, then the desire to hurt someone simply will not arise in their head.
Why does a man raise his hand to a woman?
The main reason is the man’s lack of restraint and his disrespectful attitude towards women. He does not take into account the fact that his wife is much weaker than him, although he may be aware of this fact. Many men who beat their wives understand perfectly well that they cannot resist them because the woman is physically weaker. Constant threats and intimidation lead to the partner living in a state of fear. If a man raised his hand to a woman , we need not only advice , but also actions to ensure that this does not happen again.
Alcoholism and taking illegal substances aggravate the situation. While intoxicated, a man is unable to control himself. This includes increased aggressiveness, short temper, and irritability at the slightest provocation.
In some cases, the cause of inappropriate behavior is mental disorders, but only a specialist can accurately diagnose them.
Thus, psychology identifies the main reasons why a man raises his hand to a woman :
— Alcoholism, prohibited substances.
— Mental disorders.
— Character traits when a man asserts himself at the expense of the weaker, raising his self-esteem by beating and proving his superiority.
— Peculiarities of upbringing: strictness, restrictions, lack of love and respect in the family, physical punishment in childhood.
In some families, it is considered normal for a man to raise his hand to a woman, that is, this behavior is passed on from father to son. The future wife should pay attention to this fact. If the older generation allows itself to behave in this way, then there is a high probability that the younger generation will follow the same path. Boys very often follow their father's example in relation to their spouse.
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The first “bell” that a man is an aggressor
When you meet someone, you don’t immediately understand what is hidden behind a man’s soul. If he is a brutal and bearded biker in tattoos, this does not mean that he is a tyrant of all women. And vice versa - a bespectacled nerd is not always a good girl. Someone else's soul is initially so dark that it can only be enlightened through long-term communication.
If you start dating a man, then pay attention to some of his points that indicate an aggressive nature:
- He loves to argue. And in such a way that he has the last word. In an argument, he is the first to begin to raise his tone and even his facial expressions begin to frighten him - his face is distorted, his eyes seem to be bloodshot.
- He begins to prohibit everything. Don't smoke - it's harmful, don't laugh - it's uncivilized, don't eat sweets - it makes you fat. And sometimes the demands are completely absurd and without explanation. Just so that the girl would obey him.
- He is terribly jealous. And indiscriminately - even to a pole. No matter how you justify yourself that you are faithful to him even in your thoughts, he will still find a reason to blame you. He'll dream up something himself.
And even if at first he didn’t even take a swing at you, he’s still “boiling” for it.
And then the first “bell” came - it struck. And for any reason of disobedience. This is such a punishment to supposedly “knock the crap out of your head.”
The most correct decision would be to immediately break up with this scoundrel. This is a terrible person - he takes advantage of the weak, apparently due to some kind of complex of his own. And even if just such a man swears that he does not beat women, this is an accident and you need to forgive him - don’t do it. This will happen again and again.
You can read about some more oddities in the behavior of the aggressor in the article about the manipulator in relationships.
Another useful article: My husband stares at others - is this a reason for jealousy?
What to do when someone raises a hand against a woman
The situation is quite difficult, since the woman in this case is in the position of a victim, quite often she is intimidated and threatened, so it is difficult for her to seek help. Relatives and friends may notice that something is wrong in the family, but the woman herself does not share her problems with anyone.
1. Realize that a problem exists. When a man raises his hand against a woman, even if this is an isolated incident, you should pay attention to it. Having hit once, most likely, he will repeat it, because he felt his strength and impunity.
2. Realize that something needs to be done, and not endure constant beatings, which will become stronger each time.
3. Ask for help. Many wives don't know what to do if a man raises his hand . In this case, you can turn to relatives, psychologists, or even the police for support if your health is harmed.
4. Get out of the state of victim, realize yourself as a full-fledged person, capable of building your own life, and not obeying a tyrant. This is quite difficult, because psychologically the woman is crushed and completely dependent on her tormentor.
In addition, the woman will have to evaluate her behavior: whether she is provoking her husband to such actions. If you know that certain words and actions cause aggression, then they should be excluded. There is a category of women who provoke their partner on purpose, wanting to make him feel guilty and tie him to her in this way. This is the wrong way. Sooner or later, such a family will collapse anyway.
When the wife in the family is a blast
There are other families too. There is not much aggression in them, and the man, the head of the family, is not a bad guy. But his wife provokes him to such actions that he himself is surprised - how can he live with such a woman?
She herself is an aggressor. If there is shouting, swearing and breaking of dishes in the house, then the source is clear: the wife is raging, but the husband is patient for now. He doesn’t raise his hand to her - he can bang his fist on the wall in anger, throw the hysterical woman away from him if she grabbed his hair in a fit of rage.
Moreover, the provocation from this woman comes not only in a verbal altercation. Her behavior in itself is terrible:
- She may disappear from home, abandoning her children and turning off her phone. Her husband finds her drunk with her friends in the company of men.
- She is wasting the family budget, even if it was the last money for food. She is selfish - I can go on a diet, and you can do as you wish.
- She says nasty things about her husband's relatives. She tramples his father's mother, sister, and brother into the dirt, because for her they are all the scum of society.
Even many women are in solidarity - how can one not crack? But various kinds of man-haters will definitely brand the guy: he leaves his family - he’s a bastard, he pushes away his fierce wife - he’s a tyrant, he can’t pacify her - he’s a coward.
But such bitches sometimes really deserve a push, a kick, and a slap in the face - to at least pacify them. When you no longer have the strength to morally fight the hysterical woman, who herself, first, is ready to kill her patient husband with improvised means.
If you recognize yourself in such a bitch, then the article What is femininity will be very useful to you. Learn to be a real woman.
How to get out of the victim state and start a full life
There are women who have endured humiliation from their husbands for years, afraid to do anything and change their lives. This directly affects the psyche. As a result, depression, alcoholism may appear, health may deteriorate, appearance becomes downtrodden, unkempt, and a desire to isolate oneself from the world appears. Regardless of the reasons why a man raises his hand to a woman, it cannot be tolerated. The state of a victim is, first of all, an attitude towards oneself. Some people feel comfortable being in this position, thereby making them feel needed and important.
We recommend reading: How to save a relationship... and is it necessary?
The victim usually lacked love as a child. There is such a thing as a “disliked child”. Such people seek love and recognition in adulthood, but most often become attached to negative individuals. By choosing an alcoholic as a life partner, they hope to change him, but in the end they ruin their lives. Emotional attachment to “bad guys” is a common phenomenon, and a woman should first of all admit that she chose such a person because of her internal unresolved conflicts.
Getting out of the victim state is quite difficult. We need to cross our comfort zone, increase our self-esteem, and get rid of the fear of change. Even psychology says that if a man raises his hand to a woman, he will not change, so the best way is to run away from him.
After the first quarrel that ended in assault, the partner can promise that this will not happen again and ask for forgiveness. However, practice shows that in most cases, beatings happen again sooner or later. At the same time, the man repents or pretends to, gives gifts, and everything repeats after a while. It turns out to be a vicious circle: beatings and asking for forgiveness.
You ask: how to leave if I am completely dependent on this person, physically, emotionally, financially? In especially acute cases, when there is no support from relatives, the Crisis Center for Women will help. It employs psychologists, lawyers, and social workers. As a rule, the consultation is free of charge.
Every representative of the fairer sex must understand and realize that only she is responsible for her life and has the power to change what happens in it. If your partner is not happy with you and is aggressive, then you need to either change your behavior and method of communicating with him, or look for someone else.
Why you need to break with the tyrant
If you and your guy are still in the candy-bouquet period, but you already feel those first “bells” described above, then try to change the situation right away. Don’t bend to his rules and demands, set your own firm conditions.
Perhaps it is then that the very case will arise: he will either swing or hit you. Don’t try to answer him in kind by getting into a fight. You are in different weight categories with him, and this is what the bastard needs - to stage a grandiose fight and thereby prove which of you is stronger and who must submit.
What should your actions be:
- Leave immediately. You should not sort things out with someone who is already in the heat of the moment. Do not provoke the villain to further actions.
- Don't answer calls or messages. Let him calm down and mature for his apologies.
- Don't respond to pleas for forgiveness. Even if he tracked you down somewhere, fell to his knees, tell him that you will think about it.
You really need time to rethink everything that happened. While you are not completely in love yet, you have a chance to break up with the scoundrel. But you might as well believe in his vows, and for a while, he really will be a good boy.
But after a couple of weeks, everything is the same again: he sets conditions, provokes you and himself into a quarrel, and again his fist flies into your face. But that’s all for sure! This was your “second rake”. And they will always repeat themselves like circles of hell.
There is such a film: “In bed with the enemy.” Watch it to understand who the real tyrant in the family is, who thrives on his superiority over a weak woman. The heroine of this film had to fake her death in order to escape from the scum. Do you want to get to this point?
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Still from the film “In Bed with the Enemy”
Where do such tyrants come from?
Perhaps all the problems began with his childhood - he looked at the scandalous life of his parents, where fights in the family were the norm. He also collected a whole collection of complexes for himself: self-doubt and low self-esteem.
That's it, and in any case, the weakest for this will really be a punching bag. And the weakest for him are either his wife or his own children. He will take out all the failures in life, troubles at work, and grievances against people on them. Do you need it?
More on the topic:
- How to bring back passion in your relationship with your husband
- How to take revenge on your husband's mistress
- How family quarrels affect children
- What to do if you hate your husband
Correcting your husband - is it possible?
A woman’s desire to save her marriage by trying to change her husband’s behavior is understandable—ladies cannot imagine loneliness. Will it be possible to correct the behavior of the other half, how to stop aggressive manifestations on the part of the husband - questions to which it is recommended to seek answers with a specialist.
What to do if your husband hit you, is it worth forgiving, the advice of a psychologist will be indispensable for making the right decision. Experts warn: both spouses need to change.
A woman must realize that too much depends on the behavior of her wife. Get ready for difficulty right away. Supporting your husband in his endeavors, the ability to listen carefully, give advice, and avoid conflicts are a small part of the psychologist’s recommendations. To prove to your spouse by your behavior that your soulmate is nearby, regardless of success or life’s problems.
Criticism of a spouse is unacceptable, even if a man acts incorrectly, mistakes will lead to unpleasant situations. Forget past shortcomings, misdeeds - no reproaches! Frequent encouragement, praise, and flattering words are the only option for communication.
Psychology gives recommendations on how to change your spouse after situations in which a man beats a woman. A representative of the stronger sex must find a way to relieve emotions and direct aggressiveness in a different direction. There are two effective methods developed by psychologists.
The first option is to get out of the habit of asserting an opinion using assault. Learn to express thoughts and actions in words. It is enough to express dissatisfaction with your spouse and explain the reason for your anger - you won’t have to prove your case with your fists. Over time, you will be able to constantly express anger and resentment in words, and your behavior will become a habit.
The second method is simpler and does not require much effort. Intense sports - boxing, wrestling, football - will allow you to direct energy in a direction that is safe for your spouse. Having taken out his aggression on his opponent, the punching bag, the satisfied man will return home. There will be no thoughts left of proving superiority with fists.
Helpful advice! It is important for the spouse to avoid conflicts, even if there is dissatisfaction with the late return. A quarrel can become a drop that provokes new violence, despite the man’s fatigue.
