If a wife wonders what to do with disgust for her husband, psychologists read the current situation without asking any questions. Subconsciously, such a woman is not ready for divorce. She is looking for a way to get rid of the painful feeling in order to revive her former warm relationship. It is in this desire to resist destructive emotions that one should look for hope for positive changes. Before you understand what to do in this case, you need to find out the true reason for the hostility that arises.
From love to hate...
The honeymoon flies by in a flash, followed by the euphoria of love. It turns out that the husband is no longer the same prince with a million scarlet roses, who carried in his arms and took stars from the sky. Resentment is replaced by irritation, love by hatred. And now you already realize the correctness of folk wisdom, which claims that these polar feelings are separated by one step.
Disgust is a strong antipathy that is difficult to control. Usually they feel disgust towards jellyfish, spiders, snakes and other animal reptiles. How did it happen that this feeling comes to you when you see your own husband?
Despite the extreme nature of the situation, it is as old as time. Remember the famous saying from the Bible: “A man’s enemies are his own household.” It is those close to you who can cause extreme suffering through offensive words and actions. It is easier for people who know our weak points to strike where it hurts the most. And the easiest way to do this is for the closest relatives, including the husband.
Don’t blame yourself because of the surging attack of hatred, try to calmly understand the origins of the problem. If there is even a tiny chance of a decent way out of the family crisis, do everything to take advantage of it.
Why does my husband disgust me?
From the abundance of reasons for personal rejection, let us first highlight those that do not accept psychological compromises. There are only two ways out of them - leave or reconcile. Even if your friends unanimously insist that it’s time to get a divorce, the choice and responsibility always remain yours.
Assault
Domestic violence is suffered by wives who feel helpless and fearful of being left alone or with a child in their arms. Dealing with hatred of a loved one raising their hand can cause more serious consequences than disgust. Husbands who regularly beat their wives rarely give up this unforgivable “habit.”
In Muslim countries there is an ancient custom that protects the wife from the aggressive behavior of her husband. The woman’s defenders are her brothers and father, who deal with the offender in such cases like a man. This is done with the tacit approval of the police, who turn a blind eye to fair retribution from the victim’s relatives. Unfortunately, in our country, victims of domestic violence are practically defenseless.
Alcoholism, drugs
The destruction of a personality dependent on psychotropic drugs sooner or later affects those close to them. Wives and children are the first to suffer. If a husband wants to get rid of a bad habit, he should try to help him do this by seeking advice from psychologists and doctors. If he does not feel the desire to stop drinking or taking drugs, degradation is inevitable.
Numerous betrayals
Many women find the moral strength to forgive a single trip to the left. When the love list numbers in the dozens, it cannot be treated with traditional methods. At least until “men’s health” runs out.
Rudeness, insults
A kind of spiritual violence that can cause disgust even in an angelically meek wife. Ardent feelings may cool down, but constant humiliation of the other half is categorically unacceptable. When a husband turns into a domestic tyrant, cooling is inevitable.
The list of justifiable reasons that cause disgust for husbands is complete. Natural hostility can be overcome by replacing it with indifference. But such a metamorphosis will not improve the situation in the family.
Ways to deal with the problem
What to do if a husband hates his wife, and how can this be corrected? These are the questions asked by many women who are faced with a problem. The first advice that psychologists always give when working with married couples is to try to establish a dialogue.
It is very important to talk and not hush up the conflict. Some ladies believe that communicating with their lover will only worsen the situation and give rise to a new conflict. Yes, a man can really become furious at the fact that his secret hatred becomes an object of discussion. However, gradually the lover’s admonitions will have meaning and will result in the couple being able to make contact.
During the dialogue, it is worth finding out why the man’s attitude has changed. Perhaps he learned something extremely unpleasant about the woman, or maybe his feelings simply disappeared. One way or another, you should discuss the source of the conflict and try to eliminate it, because the happiness of both depends on it.
Start over
Persistent hatred of a partner also appears for less criminal reasons. Much depends on the psychological make-up of a woman, her moral and family values. What the cases below have in common is that it remains possible to carry out a “reset” and take the relationship to a new level. Fortunately, this list is more impressive than the first:
- annoying disagreements and quarrels that outweighed the cup of patience;
- a strong offense that cannot be forgiven;
- cooling of feelings that have not been able to overcome the test of time;
- an eternally unsettled life;
- the husband's inability to provide for the family financially;
- love relationship with another man;
- sexual disharmony.
Often, hostility towards a husband is caused by the overlap of several negative aspects. Discontent accumulates over the years until it manifests itself in total disgust. The psychology of relationships offers us a deeper analysis. She examines the problem of hatred of a spouse through the characteristics of the female psychotype. Maybe you will recognize yourself in one of the portraits.
Business
Modern women do not dream of devoting their lives exclusively to cooking borscht and caring for children. Educated, smart girls want to do business, realize what they love, have their own income and spend it at their own discretion. Male nature is not inclined to actively encourage such aspirations, giving preference to the principles of house-building. It’s convenient when life is smooth, the children are well-groomed, dinner is on the stove, and the other half is protected from contact with male colleagues.
In such a situation, the wife may not suffer from lack of work. There is a feeling of a bird locked in a cage, a suffocating atmosphere. Gradually, disgust spreads to her husband. What to do? Just go to work.
Pessimistic
A woman of this type is dissatisfied with everything around her: the children are capricious, the work is boring, life is not a success. In a completely gloomy reality, the husband is regarded as an annoying nuisance who needs to cook, wash, please... You can get out of the gray zone by completely changing your guidelines, learning to appreciate the joy of every day. Fill your heart with positive emotions: learn to love children, your hometown, nature, animals... Then instead of disgust, love will settle in your world, believe me!
Romantic
Sensitive and kind girls of this type are crazy about knightly romances. They attribute sublime feelings to the chosen one, falling in love with their own invented image. Through the rose-colored glasses of love, they do not see the obvious shortcomings of their future husband or hope that they will be able to change him.
Soon after marriage, castles in the air collapse, and a person who has changed beyond recognition, who has not lived up to illusory hopes, appears before the eye. It is likely that your man is not a role model and is truly worthy of disgust. But, you must admit, he was like that before.
Patient
A negative factor in the emergence of hatred is excessive tolerance, which is characteristic of Russian women. Having recognized disgust for their husband, they do not draw conclusions, but suffer in silence. At first, relationships develop according to the principle: “I tolerate at any cost.” When the spring of rejection is stretched to its limit, there comes a moment of explosion when “There is no strength to endure another minute.” Without taking the problem to extremes, it could have been resolved.
No matter what type you are, putting up with disgust is wrong. This is a state of permanent stress that has a destructive effect on the psyche and health. Hatred inevitably destroys the one who experiences it, making him unhappy.
It is desirable to get rid of chronic hostility, even if the marriage cannot be saved. It is not uncommon for an ex to continue to disgust you for the rest of your life. This prevents the appearance on the horizon of a new bright feeling for a worthy companion. Are you ready to get rid of your disgust for your husband? Then let's get started.
Understanding ourselves
Sometimes you hear from men: “I hate my ex-wife, but I don’t know what to do about it, because we have children, and this can negatively affect their psyche.”
Are they sincere in their words? And where do thoughts of hatred come from in your head? After all, this is such a strong and terrible feeling, often leading to bad consequences. Here, of course, there is no definite answer. And you need to figure it out step by step. In most cases, the reason lies on the surface. Once upon a time, with eyes clouded with love and passion boiling in his blood, the young man took a serious step and proposed to his young lady. But in fact, I was simply not ready for this. He looked at her through the rose-colored glasses of love, not wanting to accept the true qualities, interests, and needs of his chosen one. Everything seemed perfect to him. Endless romance, sex, fun evenings and complete dedication to each other. Not everyone at such a moment thinks about the fact that this is temporary. After all, passion gradually subsides, giving way to habit and sound logic. And at one fine moment you begin to look at your soul mate with completely different eyes and understand that this person, it turns out, is not suitable at all. And for some reason you blame not yourself, but first of all the woman with whom you connected your life. Often this leads to divorce, and the ex-husband persecutes and hates his ex-wife, not understanding why this happens and what to do about it.
It is quite possible that she has remained the same, and the reason for the change in attitude towards her is the husband himself. His wife saw him in a completely different light: not tender and caring, but an arrogant egoist and tyrant. In each specific case the situation will be different. And before looking for reasons in your wife, you need to understand yourself and answer important questions:
- Did I consciously make a choice at the time?
- Am I ready for family life?
- Maybe I myself initially painted a fairy tale for myself, which I believed in, and now I saw it in reality?
- Perhaps my negative qualities became fully revealed over time and caused discord?
- Or maybe I just don’t understand women and their characteristics?
If after these questions you understand that the changes in the relationship are still in the spouse, let’s move on to the next stage of analysis.
Advice from psychologists
Doing introspection
Calmly think about when your husband began to cause an obsessive feeling of rejection. Walk mentally through the entire chain of grievances and claims. Look at the situation with a detached look, imagine that your life is a movie or a book that you are analyzing. This mental “recapitulation” frees you from mental blocks and fears.
Emotional shock
Your brain is used to producing the emotion of disgust. He is automatically tuned in to it, but most likely there are not enough joy hormones. To shift your mood towards the positive, give yourself pleasant surprises and arrange small holidays. Fashionable new clothes, spa treatments, relaxation massage, yoga, and a creative hobby will help you take your mind off your obsession with an unpleasant feeling.
Think positive
Thoughts are material, so often recall the best moments of life when you were happy together: a wedding, a trip to a resort, the birth of a child... Collect a personal collection of bright, joyful events, without forgetting any of the pleasant memories associated with your husband.
Learn to forgive
If the cause of disgust is an old grievance, the issue is your inability to forgive. No matter how serious the offense causes rejection, we are not able to change the past. But it is possible to influence the future. God teaches us to forgive insults even to our worst enemies, but you need to “forgive the sins” of a loved one - your own husband, the father of your children. When resentment fades into oblivion, disgust will also disappear.
What to do if the attraction to your husband has disappeared
Physical disgust is a separate topic that requires careful consideration. The desire for intimacy does not disappear overnight. The same reasons lead to it: disrespect, conflicts, betrayal. A typical sexual problem for spouses is monotony. Carbon copy sex is boring, first of all, to the woman. She needs passion, an emotional outburst, romance. Unfortunately, men do not think that a wife can find all this in the arms of another man.
