Teenage self-esteem: how to gain self-confidence, how to help increase self-esteem for a guy and a girl

During childhood and adolescence, a variety of psychological problems appear. Complexes and phobias arise in the process of socialization, education and hormonal changes in the body. A common problem is low self-esteem. A child who lacks self-confidence suffers from the impossibility of self-realization in society. Maintaining this character trait in the future may cause a decrease in quality of life. The formation of neurosis and/or another mental disorder is possible. Fortunately, successful correction of this condition is possible.

Why does a child grow up unsure of himself?

Self-confidence is an important psychological trait that determines a person’s behavior and level of social well-being. Adequate self-esteem allows an individual to be confident in his abilities and life choices. Inner confidence is required in all aspects of life, including learning, work and maintaining family relationships. If self-esteem decreases, quality of life deteriorates. A person is constantly tormented by doubts that force him to give up active actions. Serious internal contradictions, complexes and fears appear.

Lack of self-confidence is a common phenomenon in children. From the point of view of psychology and psychiatry, this condition is not pathological. The maturation period is characterized by constant exposure to internal and external stress factors. Children begin to get used to social life. Ideas about the importance of choice, consequences, good and evil are formed in the mind. Due to a lack of life experience, children are not always able to cope with difficulties on their own.

Low self-esteem is not always the norm. Sometimes the period of stress becomes too long, which disrupts the adaptation of the psyche to negative external influences. In this case, the lack of self-confidence is reinforced and persists throughout life. Parents and teachers should be aware of the early signs of this condition as action needs to be taken as early as possible. The persistence of such a problem into adolescence and adulthood will require long-term psychological rehabilitation.

Child development

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Ten tips for parents to help them raise a confident young man

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Adolescence is like a twilight zone, because your child is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. Most teenagers are confused, insecure and unaware of themselves. But as a parent, you can help your teen gain, develop, and strengthen self-confidence. Remember: what you make your child today will affect the course of his entire future life. Therefore, it is extremely important to develop self-respect and adequate self-esteem. What is self-confidence? It's no secret that self-confidence is the most important key to achieving success in life. Self-confidence is what a person feels when perceiving himself; it is his positive assessment of his abilities and capabilities.

Self-confidence affects how a person acts in public.
It also clearly reflects the actions and behavior of a person.
A healthy sense of self-confidence plays an important role in shaping one's personality.
The positive development of a sense of self-confidence directly affects a person’s level of happiness.

Why does a teenager need self-confidence? Self-confidence gives a teenager the ability to confidently face all the challenges and uncertainties of life, and also better cope with all the disappointments, ups and downs.

Relationships, emotions, peer pressure, competition, and high expectations can seriously undermine a teen's self-confidence.
Positive self-esteem helps him achieve his aspirations and goals in life.
Self-esteem helps a teenager establish connections and relationships, become a happy and internally strong person.

The role of parents in developing a teenager's sense of self-confidence The role of parents is most important in developing a teenager's self-confidence. Your support can help your teenager develop his or her own identity in the long run.

Your actions and words influence your teenager the most.
The way you treat him and the way you teach him to treat himself directly affects his level of self-confidence.
The way you treat your teenager sets the criteria for how other people treat him!

Ten tips on how to increase your teenager's sense of self-confidence During adolescence, a child transforms into an adult. And only parents have the necessary tools that can help him go through this sensitive process (for example, patience and perseverance). The following are some of the simplest and most useful tips on how to develop self-confidence in your teenager. 1. Show respect for your teen. Do not forget that this is no longer a child, but almost an adult, and therefore he deserves respect, like any adult.

When speaking to a teenager, always be respectful. Don't be arrogant or contemptuous!
Always be respectful of your teenager's concerns and fears. Never treat his worries and fears as childish worries.

2. Praise your teenager often. You should praise your child often. Be generous with sincere compliments.

When you praise your teen for doing something good, it boosts their self-confidence and encourages them to do even better next time.
Always express your positive attitude and let your child know how lucky you are to have him and how proud you are of him.

3. Avoid criticism. Try to avoid criticizing your child as much as possible. Criticism can harm a teenager's self-esteem.

If you don't approve or like something your teen is involved in, take the time to sit down and talk to them about it.
Teenagers often take criticism as ridicule or an attempt to shame them. But if criticism is inevitable, try to carefully monitor your tone.

4. Encourage your child's extracurricular activities. A teenager needs some kind of hobby.

Encourage him to participate in various activities. It is important for a teenager to succeed in what he loves.
Extracurricular activities are a great opportunity to learn what success, victory, failure, and problems are. These types of activities add self-confidence to the teenager.
Extracurricular activities develop positive team spirit and help students learn to work together to achieve a common goal.

5. Support your teen's friendships. You will not be able to control, assign or choose your child's friends. Better teach him respect and acceptance.

Mutual understanding and respect are important in any relationship. Teach your teenager to value their friends.
Your teen's circle of friends also affects their self-confidence. Tell him the difference between good friends and bad ones.

6. Appearance doesn't matter. Most teenagers fall under peer pressure. For them, appearance is very important. They crave to look like models and celebrities, and when they can't achieve what they want and achieve a bright, impressive and unforgettable appearance, their sense of self-confidence plummets.

It is important to explain to your child that appearance does not matter.
What is really important is good manners, hygiene, a clear and healthy mind and body.

7. Focus on your child's strengths. Teach your teen to focus on his strengths. Never compare him with his peers, friends, relatives and cousins.

Your teen needs to realize that every person has their own strengths, comparison only promotes competition and is not beneficial.
He should also understand that he only has to compete with himself, and a great way to improve his own performance is to focus on his strengths.

8. Teach your teenager to be strong. Help your teen develop some immunity to teasing or name-calling from peers or others. Teasing affects every teenager's self-confidence.

A good rule of life says: “Endure trials with courage and hide your worries behind a friendly smile.” A teenager must learn to tolerate negative emotions to a certain extent without losing his cool.
Your teen needs to know that verbal bullying doesn't hurt and it shouldn't affect their self-confidence in any way.

9. Seek professional help. If your teen is suffering from a serious lack of self-confidence and it is beginning to affect their academic performance and/or social life, you may need help from outside sources.

Initially, you can try to find ways to solve the problem at a family council with relatives.
If this does not help, then it is better to seek professional help, which will identify the real cause of self-doubt and help the child get rid of low self-esteem.

10. Support your teenager. You probably have no idea how much simple, everyday gestures and words can boost your child's self-confidence. The teenager must understand that at any moment you are ready to come to his aid no matter what.

Your support can act as a catalyst for your teen's self-confidence.
If a child knows that he has support and can rely on you and count on your help, he will try to overcome life's difficulties with even greater strength and self-confidence.

Try to handle any challenges of raising a teenager in a polite and respectful manner. Remember that this is just a certain stage of life and it will end soon. Remember that teenage problems and anxieties are part of the process of growing up. Just be patient and help your child with all sincerity.

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Maturation period

Nervous system development does not stop after birth. The brain, which is responsible for regulating the body and maintaining cognitive abilities, continues to change. Transitional reflexes disappear and new neural connections are established. The cerebral cortex actively increases its potential, helping the individual acquire new knowledge and skills. Education and socialization influence the final processes of formation of the nervous system. For this reason, a 4-5 year old child is especially susceptible to chronic stress and other negative factors.

The adaptation mechanism plays an important role in the formation of personality traits. The brain must protect its own structures from adverse effects. Children learn to cope with difficulties and focus on the positive aspects of life. At this time, the family should provide all possible support to strengthen the protective reflexes of the psyche. Home should be a place of calm, not a new zone for coping with difficulties. An unfavorable family environment creates the preconditions for decreased socialization and disruption of the adaptive functions of consciousness.

10-12 year old children encounter a new maturation factor. The reproductive system gradually develops, affecting the brain and other organs. The level of sex hormones increases. The body begins to change rapidly. Teenagers often grow disproportionately, which is why complexes appear. In addition, hormonal levels change the nature of social needs.

Self-confidence and reflection

Man is a complex living being, capable of analyzing what is happening around him and adapting his behavior to current needs. The evolutionary mechanism has taught primates to survive in difficult conditions by interacting with the outside world and planning their own actions. This mechanism has been preserved and has not lost its role. Reflections of his actions, thoughts and views on the world appear in a person’s consciousness. This psychological feature is called reflection.

Types of reflection:

Situational. Required to adapt to certain circumstances. The subject analyzes the situation and finds the best way to solve the problem. This type of reflection is strongly associated with the level of motivation and self-esteem.
Retrospective. A person periodically remembers his actions and gives them his assessment. Moderate retrospective reflection helps to work on mistakes and change your behavior.
Prospective. It is necessary to think not only about the past, but also about the future. An analysis of possible actions to achieve results is required. Correct analysis makes a person more confident.

An individual’s internal view of himself, his personality and the quality of his own actions has a double meaning. Moderate reflection develops positive qualities such as composure, empathy and restraint. Reduced reflexivity is a trait of overconfident psychopaths, who are capable of breaking laws and hurting other people without any remorse. The other extreme is also a negative trait. The individual becomes tense, fearful and unsure of himself. People with high reflection are dangerous primarily for themselves, since this quality becomes the cause of dissatisfaction and social disorder.

What affects children's self-esteem?

Let's consider the main factors influencing the self-esteem of a child and adolescent.

Opinions of close adults about him

A teenager is still a child, although entering adulthood . And children learn about what they are like from adults.

This, however, does not mean at all that the opinion directly expressed verbally by his parents about the child is decisive. Although this also happens.

When Leah was 13-14 years old, she first began to think about her appearance . In her company, all the girls had their hair cut. She also decided to cut her hair “like a boy.” But her mother said: “If your hair is not there, who will look at you? That's the only good thing about you."

Leia is a very light blonde, similar to her father . Her mother is a pronounced brunette. She divorced Leia's father, and the resentment against him remained in her soul for a long time. And Leia is the spitting image of her father. Leia subconsciously believed her mother. As always, children and teenagers believe their parents.

The result: she was unable to start her own family, lived alone all her life, and was not happy in her personal life. This is an example of just verbal influence . Of course, completely wrong.

In fact, under no circumstances should you express your negative opinion about him to a teenager. And not only about him as a person, but also about his appearance or his individual qualities.

However, telling children something so that they learn from us adults what they are like is, oddly enough, not at all necessary.

Kira has been sick a lot since childhood. Mom and Dad, who have her as their only child, were running off their feet, running to doctors, getting rare medicines. At home, Kira was blown away, worried about her health.

The very behavior of mom and dad did not speak, but simply shouted : “You are weak, very weak! Without us, without our protection, you are not capable of anything!”

And Kira perfectly understood what her parents thought of her, and, of course, she believed them.

As a result, she grew up terribly spineless and insecure, lonely. She avoids any difficulties and is not independent. , all her problems are still .

As you can see, it is not necessary to say anything. The very attitude of those close to the child is even more important than any words.

If parents are overprotective, if they demonstrate in every possible way by their behavior that they consider the child weak, unable to cope with difficulties on his own without their help, he will believe it.

Such a teenager will never be confident in himself .

Emotional well-being

Here, too, everything depends on the parents, especially on the mother. A child needs his mother's unconditional love. And the conditional love of a father.

Unconditional love is love that is not conditioned by anything. A mother loves her child simply because it is her child. She is happy about him, for her he is the only, most precious creature in the world, not because of any of his qualities or achievements - but just like that.

Psychologist Vladimir Levi very successfully expressed the essence of such love: “They love for nothing and in spite of everything.”

The father loves the child for just one reason . For success, for growth, for achievements. And this love encourages the baby’s desire to grow.

If a child (daughter or son) is deprived of either unconditional maternal love or fatherly love that stimulates growth, then he is emotionally dysfunctional. And he risks becoming an insecure teenager.

Is schizophrenia inherited? Find out the answer right now.

School achievements

Or failures.

Studying at school is the main (and often the only) socially significant activity of modern children and adolescents. Therefore, the success or failure of their studies greatly affects their sense of self.

It is especially bad if the child is ambitious and proud, but suffers constant failures at school.

Successful study strengthens self-confidence , however, provided that everything is in order with the first two points (emotional well-being and the opinion of his loved ones about the child). Because these first two points are more important.

Peer relationships

It is extremely important for teenagers to be accepted among their peers .

If a teenager's status among his peers is high enough, he is treated well, valued and respected, this strengthens his self-confidence.

And vice versa: if he is neglected, if he is an outcast , his self-confidence can be seriously undermined, even if in all other respects he is doing well.

Who influences a child’s self-esteem and what to do? Psychologist's advice:

How does schizophrenia manifest in children? About symptoms and signs on our website.

Reasons for uncertainty

The causes of childhood self-doubt are usually associated with individual mental characteristics, upbringing, socialization and the state of the body. The listed factors directly determine the quality of social life. It is important to understand that active personality maturation occurs in childhood, so the child is not yet able to abstract from stress factors. Consciousness absorbs any life experience, on the basis of which character traits are formed.

Main reasons:

Psychological adaptation disorder

This may be an individual characteristic dictated by genes, or an acquired condition. Children experience any failures hard and cannot cope with difficulties in the future. The mechanism of learned helplessness is activated: previous failures warn the individual against trying to cope with new problems. Everyday anxiety appears. Chronic stress, not reflected by the adaptive mechanism, increasingly deforms the personality.

Low quality of social interactions

This is a key reason for self-doubt, since it is interpersonal relationships that are the basis for the development of character traits. Learned patterns of interaction with people are difficult to change in the future.

Psychological disorders

Children often suffer from neuroses and more serious mental disorders. Signs of such ailments include unmotivated anxiety, panic attacks and persistent low mood. Lack of self-confidence may be an immediate complication of this disorder. Psychological or psychotherapeutic support may be required.

You can become confident at any age, but you need to understand exactly what circumstances “feed” low self-esteem.

Role of parents

In short, it's huge . Parents, like gods, determine almost everything in the life of their child.

First of all, it is important how they treat his independence from the first years of his life. If the mother is afraid that the baby will fall, hurt himself, break something, or catch a cold - and these fears dominate her, then the child will get used to feeling dependent, weak, and sick.

In fact, parents should not do anything for the child that he is able to do himself . And they should not protect him from anything or anyone, from which he either will not be particularly harmed, or he himself is able to protect himself from it.

It is important that the child has the right to his opinion. This also matters literally from the first year of life.

If adults decide everything for the baby, he doesn’t need to decide anything, he will get used to it. It's easier that way. And he will not strive to have his own opinion , to decide something for himself.

Such a person will never become self-confident, because self-confidence is gained only by overcoming difficulties, and he always avoids any difficulties.

It is important how parents evaluate the child’s actions and how they criticize him.

If an avalanche of criticism falls on him for any reason and for no reason (some adults believe that this is useful for a growing person), then this will inevitably lead to self-doubt. But if they don’t criticize at all, the same thing will happen.

You need to criticize a child , but in something like this tone: you did this very well, I liked it, and you did a great job, but here it’s not entirely successful, you should have done better.

And in no case should you criticize the child’s personality itself, but only his individual actions.

If the parents' demands on the child are too much for him (for example, they want him to always do well in all subjects), he will break down and grow up lacking self-confidence.

But you can’t demand nothing: and here the extremes meet - the same thing will happen. Requirements are necessary, but measured and feasible.

In general, childhood is called a “resource place”, that period of our life in which we draw emotional strength for further existence. Therefore, childhood must be happy and joyful.

Only the teenager who has played enough and played around as a child for the rest of his life, who has been imbued with happiness forever, can be completely confident in himself .

How do parents influence a child's self-esteem? The psychologist comments:

What to do if a child is afraid of injections? You will find recommendations from psychologists here.

Risk factors

There are the most common reasons for low self-esteem related to specific circumstances. Typically, psychologists during a consultation try to exclude the following factors:

Anxious and overprotective parent

The desire to protect children from any adversity is dictated by instincts and parental love, but moderation must be observed in everything. Children observe the behavior of their parents and, based on this experience, form their own personality traits. Pathological maternal anxiety creates the preconditions for the development of anxiety in an individual. A person does not learn to make decisions on his own and cope with difficulties.

Psychological and physical violence are the most serious risk factors

It manifests itself through excessive punishment, reproaches and criticism. Parents do not help children recover from stress, but only aggravate the condition. Often mothers and fathers prone to psychological violence do not see anything reprehensible in their behavior.

Insufficient socialization at an early age

This risk factor is usually associated with overprotection and strict upbringing, when parents, due to their own fears and self-doubt, forbid their children to see their peers. The individual does not receive the necessary experience to develop self-esteem.

Inability to meet parental expectations

Children are constantly blamed for their failures in school and other activities. This feature of upbringing is often associated with the fact that the parent is trying to realize himself at the expense of the social success of his children. Characteristic of narcissistic mothers and fathers.

Social failures

Interpersonal interactions in kindergarten and school are not ideal. Children can be cruel, mocking and indifferent. Bad relationships in a team only reinforce pathological personality traits.

Another important risk factor is an unfavorable somatic condition. Chronic diseases lead to the development of various mental disorders, including anxiety and depression. It is especially difficult for children with disabilities because they are aware of their limitations at an early age. You can grow in self-confidence by eliminating key risk factors.

What is my child's self-esteem?

A shy preschooler turns away from his neighbor on the playground and silently takes the offered candy. Parents panic: “Our child is not confident in himself!” But what if he simply lacks experience in communicating and expressing emotions?

Don't exaggerate ! A shy child is psychologically healthy. Timidity and shyness are natural behavior for preschool children . At the other end of the norm is uncontrollable verbal activity and a bold desire to get to know everyone. Thus, through external demonstration, character is formed.

A parent's view of a child's personality traits is not always objective. Mother and father tend to overestimate or underestimate. Often they do not take age standards into account. Therefore, before asking yourself the question of how to raise a child to be self-confident, it is worth finding out whether this is necessary right now - to carry out a diagnosis.

The video below provides examples of different games and exercises to easily find out what kind of self-esteem your child has.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in early childhood (up to 6 years)

The first year of life is the stage of character development. The question of how to increase a child’s self-esteem and its diagnosis during this period do not make sense. It is difficult to draw an age limit for diagnostic methods; it is more convenient to focus on the level of speech development. As soon as speech becomes active and developed, conversations can be held with the child according to the diagnostic protocol.

Diagnostics of self-esteem in schoolchildren (6–10 years old)

Ask to draw seven circles and distribute the names of all close people (animals are allowed) and the word “I” in them. A shift to the left is evidence of increased self-esteem. The express method also allows you to determine the circle of a student’s trusted people. The following results should be alarming:

placement of “I” from 5th to 7th place (very underestimated self-worth);
surrounding the “I” with empty cells;
surrounding the self with animals or inanimate objects.

In these cases, seek contact with your child and help him gain confidence in his abilities. Repeat the test in a few weeks and compare the results. Also notice how your child's performance and emotional state will change when the child begins to receive support.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in a teenager (12-18 years old)

A teenager is perhaps the most psychologically tender age. Therefore, it is better to use standardized and verified methods that do not require personal contact with the researcher. It is better not to carry out diagnostics at home, but pushing a teenager towards self-knowledge is a good remedy.

Let him study his character, cognitive abilities, intelligence, and at the same time self-esteem. The professional complex uses special questionnaires and exercises.

Signs of self-doubt

Low self-esteem manifests itself in all aspects of life, but in the early stages of development there may be no obvious signs of such a trait. There are age-related features of increased reflexivity that are worth paying attention to. This is behavior in different situations, facial expressions, emotions, quality of sleep, nutrition and other traits.

The main signs of uncertainty:

taciturnity, avoidance of answers;
irritability and hysterical behavior;
refusal to eat or binge eating;
sleep disturbance, insomnia;
the desire to spend as much time alone as possible;
refusal to spend active time due to far-fetched reasons;
external stiffness, stoop;
poor facial expressions and reduced emotional reactions;
lack of friends and acquaintances at school;
presence of recurring fears and phobias;
reluctance to meet new people, including relatives;
biting nails and lips, expectant posture;
decreased physical activity, increased body weight;
causeless aggression;
constant feeling of shame.

Self-doubt does not always manifest itself in such signs, but it is necessary to pay attention to these aspects of behavior. Often children try to hide the manifestations of complexes from their parents, which makes it difficult to detect the problem. It is important to understand that indirect signs of psychological ill-being are often more important than external qualities.

How to help your adult son believe in himself?

Svetlana Lvovna, good afternoon.

Judging by your letter, you devote a lot of effort and attention to your son, support him and encourage him to develop strong-willed qualities. But, unfortunately, the limiting factor for his success is, as I understand from your letter, an eating disorder that leads to excess weight.

And here a paradox arises: he can achieve success by strengthening control and self-discipline, but they are the ones who support those mental processes that contribute to eating disorders and eating problems.

An eating disorder is not a story about a relationship with food, but problems in relationships with oneself that arose from contradictions in relationships with parents, often with mother.

Hence, what is very important is not the very fact that you provide or do not provide support to your son, but how you do it and what feelings are suppressed, disrupting the connection with deep internal needs. In fact, overeating and night binge eating, weight problems and eating behavior are only symptoms of neurosis, which began to form long before current events. Over the years, your son has developed a certain relationship with himself and his environment. It is necessary to explore the system of these relationships, the structure of repressed feelings and the sources of what you call his dream. I have many questions about these concepts and how you interpret it, and how your son may interpret it.

The decision to enter a power university is also part of this process and most likely reflects the need for understanding and a sense of power, as a symbol of power over oneself and one’s spontaneous manifestations, which most likely were not approved, rejected by one’s immediate environment in childhood, and perhaps were under the strictest restrictions prohibition in exchange for parental love and acceptance.

These are just assumptions and hypotheses that arise from my therapeutic experience and the experience of my colleagues and teachers. Control, persistence and self-discipline to achieve success often conflict with the concept of happiness and emotional health. No external signs of success can fill the emptiness that arises in the soul of a person who is accustomed to suppressing his feelings and forcing himself to control. It is this painful emptiness that he fills with food.

In such cases, people turn to talk therapy, and you will have to understand that the source of his suffering may be his relationship with you and your expectations of his success. In other words, the more you demonstrate to your son your ardent desire to see him as a star, the more he will suffer from it. This has a stable term widely known among specialists - “narcissistic extension of the parent.” At best, the result may be a timely emotional separation of your son from you, and you from him. He is still young and this process still has enough time. At worst, he can expect a rather complex personality disorder, which becomes an obstacle in his personal and professional life. If you do not pay enough attention to this and fight this particular symptom, then overeating easily turns into other forms of addiction: workaholism, gambling addiction, alcoholism, and so on.

Your son is still young. Let him gain his life experience and learn to face not only victories, but also defeats. Let him not perceive them as a total failure, the collapse of his entire life, or an unacceptable outcome. It is simply a life experience that allows you to look for new ways of psychological adaptation, styles and strategies of behavior and reactions in your unique way of perceiving happiness. It is your vigilant control that over time becomes part of his “inner critic,” which drains his emotional energy and blocks the very possibility of experiencing happiness and joy.

If you or your son have any questions or would like to work with a psychologist to discuss troubling issues, please contact us. I will be glad to help you.

I wish you and your son clarity of thoughts and feelings, harmony with yourself and mutual understanding.

How to help your loved one believe in themselves? (2 answers)

Anastasia Biryukova, Clinical psychologist Gestalt therapist St. Petersburg and Skype
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Mental disorders

Sometimes only a psychotherapist can explain to parents how to help their child become self-confident. The fact is that childhood is the period of primary manifestations of neuroses and other mental disorders. Stressful exposure activates the underlying mechanisms of pathology. These can be minor illnesses that can be quickly corrected, or serious illnesses.

Mental pathologies in which the patient is unable to be self-confident:

Anxious personality disorder. Symptoms of the disease include everyday anxiety, phobias and decreased mood. Against the background of chronic anxiety, psychosomatic conditions sometimes develop. The patient is afraid to communicate with other people and take part in any activity associated with any responsibility. An avoidant personality type is formed.
Social phobia is a personality disorder in which a key symptom is a tendency to isolate. Children suffering from this disease prefer to spend as much time as possible at home. All aspects of social life are scary and stressful. The adaptation mechanism is disrupted.
Depression is a persistent decrease in mood, manifested by apathy, weakness, irritability and constant sadness. In this case, the patient refuses entertainment, food and participation in any activity due to decreased motivation. This is a dangerous disorder that often occurs in childhood and adolescence. Children 6-8 years old often show the first signs of the disease.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder, in which anxious thoughts constantly arise and affect behavior. Specific “rituals” are formed that force one to perform seemingly meaningless actions to eliminate anxiety. For example, the patient may constantly move objects or wash their hands several times in a row. OCD disrupts the quality of social interactions and reduces self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence can be a cause or consequence of a mental disorder.

Actions of a teenager's parents

If your child has low self-esteem, you need to think about how to increase his self-esteem. To help him gain self-confidence, you need to follow some tips:

Don't criticize your child's appearance. Since such a teenager does not feel his own beauty, parents with a careless remark about his external features can completely destroy his self-esteem. Even if criticism is expressed with good intentions, the child will perceive it as confirmation of his unattractiveness.
Help your teenager solve problems with his appearance. For example, if he has extra pounds, you need to create motivation for playing sports, and if he has skin problems, take the child to a dermatologist.
Keep your teenager clean and tidy. It is necessary to help him find his own style of clothing, teach him the right combination of things, choose a hairstyle he likes, and wash and clean his wardrobe in a timely manner.
Show respect for his opinion. You need to talk to a teenager as an equal and not humiliate him.
Give compliments and praise your child, but only constructively and to the point. If there are no reasons for such words, you can tell the teenager that you see his potential, consider him capable and believe in him.
Don't compare your children to other people. Such comments will not help improve the teenager’s self-esteem - he will begin to feel superior to his peers.
Help me find a passion. Adults need to come to the aid of a child in order to reveal his abilities, talents and help him achieve success in some activity. This will help him find his own position in society.

Equally important for increasing self-esteem is the fight against fears, which appear in large numbers among adolescents. They are often afraid of being funny or ridiculous in the eyes of others.

Parents should explain that everyone gets into strange situations that seem funny, but there is nothing scary about it. You can fight such fear with the help of a game model - for example, invite your child to take part in a humorous performance, wearing a funny outfit.

What to do to become self-confident

You can deal with the problem yourself or professionally. The plan of action should depend on the severity of the condition. Children do not become self-confident on their own if any stage of socialization has already been missed or spoiled by unpleasant impressions. Parents need to recognize the problem in time and take action. Often the first step to solving a problem is to change the educational institution in which children cannot cope with the stress load. However, before taking this action, you need to understand how to prevent another failure. Otherwise, changing educational institutions will turn into a way to avoid the problem.

Recommendations for parents:

Excessive criticism should be avoided.
We need to stop sorting out relationships between family members in the form of quarrels and reproaches.
It is recommended to talk more with children and try to develop trusting relationships.
Moderate help with homework. At the same time, it is important to teach children to cope with difficulties on their own and not to instill laziness.
Encouraging communication. If the children have friends, you can invite them to visit or come up with another way to spend time together.
Don't scream or hit. This form of “parenting” is completely unsuitable for children suffering from anxiety and impaired adaptation to stress.

Proper upbringing helps solve most problems and make children self-confident. To do this, it is necessary to determine which aspects of family life negatively affect the emotional state of children. Often we are talking about regular quarrels, lack of attention and the stressful state of the parents themselves. It is important to provide a comfortable environment at home and surround children with care. You need to learn to talk calmly when any problems arise and explain to children how they can cope with the difficulty on their own.

Working with a specialist

Sometimes it is possible to increase a child’s self-esteem only with the participation of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Not all parents are able to competently draw up their own program for correcting complexes, so turning to a psychologist is a reasonable solution even in the case of minor violations. The specialist will offer a form of individual and family consultations, during which you can identify the causes of self-doubt and find a way to restore social well-being.

How to teach a child to be self-confident: examples of training exercises

Practical exercises cultivate strong-willed qualities, increase the desire to improve oneself, and develop abilities.

Be sure to read:

How does adolescence manifest itself in girls: signs and reasons, how parents should behave

The specifics of training exercises depend on age:

Training for preschool age. It consists of pronouncing skills that the baby has not yet mastered. He must understand that he is gradually but constantly acquiring new skills and knowledge. What didn’t work out yesterday can be done without difficulty today. The training increases motivation and specifies aspirations.
Elementary School. A list of positive qualities of a schoolchild starting with the letters of his name. A piece of paper with a set of ideal qualities is placed in a prominent place so that he can constantly see what opportunities his name has endowed him with.
Middle school age. Group training. Children stand in a circle and express sincere compliments to each other. Recognition from others inspires and encourages self-improvement.
Teenagers. You are invited to independently outline your ideal image today and in the future. This will allow you to understand more clearly what to strive for.

Finding the reasons for actions

The technique allows you to better understand yourself, helps you understand the motives of your actions, and teaches you to control your emotions. Understanding the data obtained allows you to change your own perception and become confident.

The child can study independently or in the presence of an adult. The training takes place at the end of the day. All events are listed in writing, including normal daily activities such as breakfast. A reason is written next to each item.

Then they proceed to the main thing - evaluation, comprehension of the motivation of each action.

Actions are often explained as follows:

need;
accident;
habit.

If it is not possible to clearly formulate the reason for the action, they write the phrase “I did it, and I am responsible for the result.” The frequency of such explanations determines the child's level of confidence.

Self-hypnosis

The purpose of the technique is to develop positive emotions, develop incentives, and volitional actions through repeated speaking (preferably out loud) of specially selected phrases.

Get ready for classes, take a comfortable position, and relax.

By constantly repeating certain words, we invade the subconscious and give instructions to strengthen self-confidence.

Phrases begin with the words: “I have the right ...” and then continue:

win;
rejoice;
for independence;
on individuality;
to be understood;
achieve what you want;
make the wrong decision and be responsible for it.

Be sure to read:

How to motivate your child to study

At the end they say “I am confident in myself.”

You can come up with words yourself, depending on your goals and problems.

Arguing with yourself

A method called “Challenging with Yourself” that helps increase confidence is as follows:

Record character flaws in writing.
In each paragraph, write compelling arguments that turn the disadvantage into an advantage.

For example, a child perceives slowness as a disadvantage. However, this trait indicates calmness, thoughtfulness in actions and decision-making.

The method is suitable for working with children of primary school age. A child who considers himself boring should be convinced of the opposite: “You are simply reasonable, this wonderful quality will help you avoid many mistakes in life.”

Visualization of success

The purpose of the technique is to strengthen self-confidence and charge with positive emotions. It is necessary to place in a visible place things that indicate achievements, reminiscent of pleasant moments: various certificates, cups, photographs from vacations, with family. Drawings and crafts are hung in the baby's room.

Visualization of success is considered the most powerful tool in achieving any goal.