Don't say 'Calm down'. How to cope with other people's anger and hysteria. How to help you calm down

“Witness” your interlocutor’s feelings

We all know how difficult it is to find yourself in a situation where you need to console someone, but you can’t find the right words.
Fortunately, most often people do not expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, using the following phrases: “I know that it’s very difficult for you now,” “I’m sorry that it’s so difficult for you.” This way you will make it clear that you really see what it’s like for your loved one right now.

Risk groups and ways to remove them from a stressful situation

Any of us can be susceptible to hysterical attacks. However, there are some categories of citizens who are a little more sensitive to failures and are more susceptible to emotional influence from the outside:

Children;
Teenagers;
Women;
Aged people.

Children's tantrums

Children's tantrums seem frivolous to us. Although for a child the problem he faces is of great importance. But he can’t always find a way out for a solution. This is where nervous breakdowns happen. The child begins to cry loudly, stomp his feet, fall to the floor, and beat with his fists. To distract him from hysteria, you need:

Stay calm yourself.
Switch his attention to something else: show a new and interesting object, offer some kind of treat, or turn on something with a sound effect, be it a toy, book or TV.
Take the baby in your arms and hold him close.

Children's historical attacks can last as long as desired. The main task of the parents is not to leave him in the room alone, so that he cannot harm himself, and not to succumb to an emotional explosion.

Teenage tantrums

A teenager's tantrums have a more serious underlying cause. After all, it is during this period that they want to please others and attract attention. At the same time, they are often unsure of themselves and self-critical. To extinguish an incipient breakdown, it is worth:

Just listen to all the teenager’s dissatisfaction, without reproaches, complaints and insults;
Remain calm and steadfast, even in a situation where accusations are thrown at you;
After his speech, try to explain that there is always a way out of any situation, sometimes it’s just not immediately visible.
When the teenager calms down, try together to figure out the problem that is gnawing at him and help him make a decision.

Women's hysterics

It is known that women are more emotional than men. And the accumulated stress has a greater impact on their mental health. If a woman becomes hysterical, you need to endure this moment. Listen, silently and calmly, let him shout, hug him tightly, hold him close. But under no circumstances should you be left alone with your emotions. Firstly, this could be the last straw of a nervous explosion, which will lead to dire consequences. And secondly, if the woman calms down, then your departure and indifference will be regarded as betrayal. After all, the fair sex sometimes desperately needs a strong shoulder. When the woman calms down, you should offer her warm tea or fill a warm bath, or give her a massage. In any case, the attention of her loved one is important to her.

Elderly tantrums

Problems of hysteria in older people are associated with a lack of attention, communication, anxiety for loved ones, and fear of being left alone with their problems. Hysterics at this age are dangerous due to exacerbation of chronic diseases and weakening of the immune system of an already fragile body.

It is necessary to pay attention to elderly relatives, listen to them, and take an interest in their health. After all, this is the little that can be given to them. But it is care and interest that will help prolong the life of our relatives.

In addition, scientists include people with increased imagination, self-hypnosis, and those prone to sudden mood swings as risk groups.

Help a loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to talk it out. This especially applies to women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. By answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what's bothering you.
What led to this?
Help me understand how you feel.
What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word “why”; they are too similar to judgment and will only anger the interlocutor.

How to calm someone down with words?

Finding suitable words of support is not so difficult. On an intuitive level, we roughly understand what needs to be said and how to respond to the remarks of a person who has fallen into despondency.

Unfortunately, the lack of close contact complicates matters. If communication is carried out by correspondence, then there is no way to see the interlocutor’s face, evaluate the intonation of his voice, etc.

However, even without seeing the person, you can say the right words of support:

Please tell us in detail what happened. An ideal phrase would be: “I appreciate you asking me for help. Unfortunately, I don't know all the details of your problem. Please tell me how and what happened. I'm ready to listen to you." Using these words, we solve several problems at once. First, we unobtrusively offer our help. Secondly, we make it clear that we care about the person. Thirdly, we find out the reason for the interlocutor’s bad mood;
We respond adequately to a possible negative response . Not all people are ready to open up right away. Especially if the offense is too serious and the person is even ashamed to say how badly they treated him. Another reason is the reluctance to hear moral teachings. The interlocutor may decide that now you will begin to give recommendations on how to act in a difficult situation. This is why a person may say something like: “I have no desire to talk about this.” But there is no need to agree with him touchily. It’s better to write the following: “I can’t leave you in this state because I’m worried. I don't intend to teach you about life. After all, you are a smart and reasonable person. It's just that if you tell me, you'll feel better. You don't have to tell me some things. But still I want to know, at least in general terms, what happened to you”;
We give a careful assessment of the experience , focus on the positive qualities of the interlocutor and, if necessary, advise how to solve the problem. When a person talks about an incident that upset him, he should write: “The situation is really difficult. But you did the right thing (you didn’t get confused, found the right words, didn’t give in to provocations, etc.). Have you already decided what to do next? If I were you, I would leave everything as it is for now (ask for help from colleagues, try to make peace, etc.).” It is important to note that we do not directly advise a person on what to do. We are only talking about our possible actions in a given situation. This is important because this way the phrase will not sound like a moral lesson and an attempt to impose advice.

Do not minimize the suffering of your interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh

When we encounter the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what seems trivial to us can often upset others. So don't minimize another person's suffering.

What if someone is really worried about a trifle? Ask if there is any information that conflicts with his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, otherwise it may seem too aggressive.

Tears

Crying is a reaction that allows a person to express overwhelming emotions in a difficult crisis situation. Everyone has cried at least once in their life and knows that tears, as a rule, bring significant relief.

When a person finds himself in an extreme situation, he cannot immediately return to normal life as if by a wave of a magic wand. He is overwhelmed with strong emotions, and tears in this case are a way to throw out his feelings.

A person must SURVIVE any tragedy, any loss. To survive means to accept what happened to him and to build a new relationship with the world. The process of experiencing cannot happen immediately; it takes some time. Emotionally, this is a very difficult time for a person.

Tears, sadness, sadness, reflections about what happened indicate that the process of experiencing has begun. This reaction is considered the best.

If a person holds back tears, there is no emotional release, and this can be harmful to the mental and physical health of the person.

Help for the victim

We need to let this reaction take place. But being next to someone who is crying and not trying to help him is also wrong.
Try to express your support and sympathy to the person. You don’t have to do this with words, you can just sit next to him and let him feel that you sympathize and worry with him. You can just hold a person’s hand; sometimes an outstretched helping hand means much more than hundreds of spoken words.
It is important to give the person the opportunity to talk about their feelings.
If you see that the crying reaction has been prolonged and tears no longer bring relief to the person, you can offer him a glass of water - this is a well-known and widely used remedy.
You can invite the person to concentrate on deep and even breathing, and do something together with him.

Help yourself when you cry

If you cry, you don’t need to immediately try to calm down, “pull yourself together.” You need to give yourself time and opportunity to cry.
However, if you feel that tears no longer bring relief and you need to calm down, then you need to drink a glass of water, then breathe slowly but shallowly, concentrating on your breathing.

Unacceptable actions

There is no need to try to stop this reaction, calm the person down and convince him not to cry.
Do not assume that tears are a sign of weakness.

Offer physical support if appropriate

Sometimes people don’t want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to your usual behavior with a particular person. If you are not too close, putting your hand on your shoulder or giving him a light hug will suffice. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember that you should not be too zealous when consoling your significant other: your partner may take this for flirting and be offended.

Anxiety

The state of anxiety differs from the state of fear in that when a person experiences fear, he is afraid of something specific (travelling on the subway, a child’s illness, an accident, etc.), and when a person experiences a feeling of anxiety, he does not know what he is fears. Therefore, in a sense, the state of anxiety is more severe than the state of fear.

The source of anxiety is very often the lack of information and the state of uncertainty that is typical for any emergency situation.

A state of anxiety can last a long time, draining a person of strength and energy, depriving him of the opportunity to rest, paralyzing his ability to act.

How to help a person (or yourself) with anxiety

In case of an anxious reaction, it is very important to try to “talk” to the person and understand what exactly is bothering him. In this case, it is possible that the person becomes aware of the source of the anxiety, and then it transforms into fear. And fear is easier to deal with than anxiety.
Often a person becomes anxious when he lacks information about current events. Then you can analyze what information is needed, when and where it can be obtained, and draw up an action plan.
The most painful experience with anxiety is the inability to relax. The muscles are tense, the same thoughts are spinning in the head, so you can offer the person to do several active movements, physical exercises to relieve tension, and even better, involve him in productive activities related to the events taking place.

Unacceptable actions

Don't leave the person alone.
Do not convince him that there is no need to worry, especially if this is not the case.
Don't hide the truth about the situation or bad news from him, even if from your point of view it may upset him.

Suggest ways to solve the problem

If a person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask if there is anything else you can do. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often this happens, suggest going to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the interlocutor himself has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is themselves in a controversial situation. If the person you are comforting is unclear about what can be done in their situation, help develop specific steps. If he doesn’t know what to do at all, offer your options.

If a person is sad not because of a specific event, but because they are depressed, immediately move on to discussing specific actions that can help. Or suggest doing something, like going for a walk together. Unnecessary thinking will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

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Monday, February 29, 2020 12:16 + to quote book

Hysteria is a violent, poorly controlled manifestation of emotions by a person, which has various types of activities:

crying, screaming, sobbing, laughing, aggression, or breaking and throwing various objects.

As a rule, a person alone does not experience hysterical states; for this to happen, there must always be the presence of “spectators.”

This usually happens in order to attract the attention of loved ones or surrounding people.

During a hysteria, a person still has little control over his behavior; there is some limitation and awareness in his actions.

If a person experiencing hysteria loses these properties, then she gradually goes into a state of passion. That is why a hysterical state is very dangerous for the person himself and the people around him.

Most neurologists and psychotherapists consider hysteria not as an independent illness, but as a symptom of other nervous pathologies, such as psychopathy. But it is also worth knowing that hysterical behavior is characteristic of ANYONE, even a mentally healthy person. But we will consider what to do in case of hysteria and how to prevent its manifestation after becoming familiar with the factors that cause this condition.

The main causes of hysteria

Not only external, but also internal factors play a special role in the manifestation of a person’s hysterical state. The main reason for the manifestation of neurosis is, first of all, considered to be individual and behavioral characteristics of the individual. Moreover, it is the behavioral characteristics that directly depend on the increased suggestibility and emotionality of a person.

This is a pathology that is psychogenic in nature; it is usually caused by conflict situations and nervous overstrain. Of particular importance is the importance and significance of the moment being experienced for a person’s personality. Additional factors that provoke the manifestation of hysteria can be illness, injury, physical fatigue, alcohol, unjustified use of tranquilizers or sleeping pills, lack of self-realization and even a dysfunctional family situation.

How to deal with hysteria

Not everyone knows how to react to hysterics when he or his loved one begins to fall into such a state. First of all, it is worth remembering that during hysteria, a process of release of emotions begins, which is poorly controlled. This means that boiling emotions have begun to come out, or are just reaching the boiling point, and their boiling process will begin already during the process of hysteria itself.

It is worth understanding that this process can be stopped by quickly extinguishing the source of sensual arousal. But this will not remove it completely, which means you will only calm down this condition for a while. And later it will flare up again with renewed vigor, perhaps even more violently.

Therefore, experts recommend two win-win behavioral tactics that will help cope with hysteria in another person.

1. Ignore it, get distracted by another event, or simply get out of the field of view of the person who has fallen into severe hysterics. He will lose the “spectator”, therefore, the attack of hysteria, instead of intensifying, will begin to subside.

2. Try to actively switch it to another external stimulus, preferably strong and significant for a person who has fallen into a hysterical state (for example, a child, cosmetics running, etc.). A universal and trouble-free method is to splash cold water on your face. You need to do any of these actions very calmly, try to just turn it into a joke and calm them down.

Traditional recipes for treating hysteria

More than a century ago, humanity knew how to calm hysteria, when medicine was not so perfect. In those days, many folk remedies were invented to treat hysteria. Today they are also useful to use, but they will bring greater effect in combination with the main traditional treatment.

1. To prepare a sedative infusion you will need 2 tablespoons. spoons of marigold flowers and motherwort herb, 1 table. spoon of watch leaves, 3 tbsp. spoons of valerian officinalis. Grind all the ingredients, take 3 tbsp. spoons and pour three glasses of boiling water. All this must be infused in a dark place for six hours, after which the infusion must be filtered and started taking half a glass before bed. It is better to warm the infusion a little before taking it.

2. The following recipe uses table 2 to treat hysteria. spoons of mint and lemon balm, 3 table. spoons of hop cones and 1 table. a spoonful of chamomile. Everything is crushed using a meat grinder. 3 table. Fill spoons of the resulting mixture with 800 milliliters of boiling water and heat for twenty minutes over low heat so as not to lead to boiling. Then be sure to strain and cool. Start taking the resulting infusion half a glass three times a day, always thirty minutes before meals.

3. It is necessary to pour ten grams of dry leaves of fireweed angustifolia with one glass of heated water, after which we begin to boil over low heat for fifteen minutes. Strain and take one tablespoon before meals three times a day.

4. After meals, three times a day you need to take 1-2 teaspoons of royal jelly under your tongue. In case of hysteria, it will help establish the correct nerve connections in the human nervous system.

5. For constant hysterics, a decoction of chamomile helps calm the nervous system. Brew 4 tablespoons of dried chamomile with one glass of boiling water, boil for 10 minutes over low heat, let cool, strain. Take a third of a glass 3 times a day.

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4 Traditional recipes/head, nerves, blood pressure

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