Why do we whine and complain?
We like to whine and complain and want everything to be bad.
A negative outlook on life is so tenacious that there is a suspicion that it covers up something very important and, judging by the consequences, very profitable (in the bad sense of the word). I think that this position, at least, justifies something... This is especially noticeable when a person has been complaining about the same thing for years. I just want to ask: “Why haven’t you solved the problem yet or changed your attitude towards it? What are you, a masochist? “Maybe you just like to whine and be unhappy?”
And yes, I like it. Self-pity and unhappiness are, after all, a “legitimate” reason both for “taking care” of oneself in the form of various indulgences, and for attracting attention. In this perverted way, we “love” ourselves and extort “love” from others - and we like this much more than solving the problem.
But if we loved ourselves seriously, we would take real care of our emotional state - by solving the problem or adapting to it. How much do you really have to dislike yourself in order to endure and suffer for years?!
A person who always complains does not love himself at all . He is very dissatisfied with himself deep down, but he doesn’t want to admit it, and he’s even more reluctant to change anything about himself. So he is looking for excuses for his worthlessness and inaction in what is bad for him - what can you take from a person who is sick, unhappy or depressed? And even more so for someone who has such terrible living conditions - the work is hard, the salary is small, the husband is a tyrant, the children are little devils, there is nothing to wear, and even the favorite cup is broken...
That's right, demanding something from him is simply inhumane! But with his suffering and patience, he “deserved” a lot: rest - relax, treat himself to something tasty / pretty / nice. There must be some kind of joy in life? And no one will judge, and most importantly, you won’t judge yourself - you are a “martyr”, you can and even need to have the strength and energy to pull the burden further! Remember the recommendations for accumulating feminine power for real women? - They simply have to pamper themselves so that they have the strength to endure...
But why do pleasant things have to be “deserved” of martyrdom? Do we value ourselves so little that we are simply unworthy of them, without excuses and torment? Or, nevertheless, deep down in our souls we feel that an irrepressible craving for pleasure and living for the sake of it is not very “good and right”, and therefore it needs complex justifications? What do you think? This interesting question is worthy of a separate discussion - subscribe.
The pursuit of pleasure is not so bad. The trouble is that a person for whom everything is bad can be forgiven for such weaknesses as irritability, short temper, rudeness, inattention and even harshness towards loved ones, especially if they do not understand him enough and feel sorry for him, that is, they do not tiptoe around him, anticipating his whims . In general, he is so tired and unhappy, and then there are all sorts of “getting things done”! “I feel bad” is an excellent excuse for inattention and rudeness, on the one hand, and demands for increased attention, on the other.
Look how many bonuses it turns out that everything is bad for me! This is not to mention the fact that a martyr “has the right” to drink, walk, do nothing for days, and even, in especially exceptional cases, rape and kill—does he need to somehow compensate for his suffering and harmonize his state of mind? After all, I feel bad - this is sacred, and all means are good to alleviate the suffering of the unfortunate!
Does it sound scary? This is not about us, you say? What is the difference between a lover of TV series, games or social networks and an alcoholic? A reader of erotic novels for women or a fan of adult websites differs from a reveler. What is the difference between a maniac and an energy vampire who plagues everyone with nagging and whining? Yes, nothing fundamentally - the same thing, just in a more familiar and easier form. And all this is hidden behind the innocent habit of whining and complaining about how bad everything is.
A passive life position needs everything to be bad
The second, and probably the main reason that everything is bad for us is our passive life position. We avoid responsibility for our lives by shifting it to circumstances. Now, if the circumstances had been different, then we would have... accomplished a lot of feats and certainly would have been happy. But we are chronically “unlucky” - circumstances do not work out in our favor. And not only external circumstances, but internal ones.
And in this case, the search for the negative is necessary precisely to justify our inactivity. Dreaming about what we could do if... is much more pleasant and safer than doing it - doing it is difficult and risky. Although deep down we feel that we could do something and even sometimes have to, but we don’t want to - and therefore we need a cast-iron alibi as to why it’s impossible. And for an alibi, a collection of negativity that supposedly bothers us is perfect.
Another aspect of a passive life position is that we are fundamentally oriented towards waiting for something from the outside. For some reason, it seems to us that our condition, happiness and our whole life depend on something or someone - on someone’s love, the amount of money, the absence of problems, in the end. We are not the creators of our lives, but parasites, looking for something to attach ourselves to, and suffering if this does not work out, eternal victims of circumstances. In an article about what prevents us from changing our lives, I discussed this in detail.
Naturally, the position of a parasite also basically has an escape from responsibility, around which the entire edifice of the soul of such a person is built. And until he takes responsibility for his life, he will need to look for negativity everywhere - so that everything behind him does not collapse.
And if suddenly everything turns out in such a way that he gets what he was missing, what happens? Does he become happy and rush into action? No matter how it is! “He will definitely find other reasons for dissatisfaction in order to continue to complain about how bad everything is for him, because he is not ready to give up the bonuses that this condition brings.
Can a good person turn out to be bad?
There is nothing in nature that has only a creative or, conversely, destructive principle. As a rule, every phenomenon has both good and bad sides. The same is true for people.
What it means to be a good person or, conversely, a bad person is not only abstract, but is often dictated by circumstances. The same people often exhibit completely different personality traits when faced with a specific situation or when communicating with someone.
This means that a good person can “fly off the rails”, lose his temper in the presence of some provoking factor or when under the influence. The influence of bad company, which parents so often talk about when trying to explain the behavior and actions of their teenage children, is the most striking example of what can turn a good person into a bad one. A stressful situation, a natural disaster and much more pushes people to actions that they do not expect from themselves, let alone others.
The difference between a truly good person and a bad one in this context will be that the former realizes the wrongness of his actions, emotions, and actions. He repents and tries to change, correct what he did or prevent it from happening again.
What if everything is really bad?
“But there are times when everything is really bad! Serious misfortunes happen to people, it can really be unbearably difficult!” Of course, misfortunes and unbearable situations happen. But, firstly, they happen rarely - the death or serious illness of loved ones, a burned down house or the lack of a piece of bread for children. Are things that bad for you? Most often, our problems are far-fetched and cannot be compared with serious misfortunes - we simply make mountains out of molehills.
And secondly, even serious misfortunes are still not a reason to whine, feel sorry for yourself and fall into despair. Asking for help is one thing, but whining is another. Psychologist Viktor Frankl in his book shares his own experience of being in a German concentration camp and shows that even in such inhuman conditions a person has a choice - how to relate to what is happening. I highly recommend the book to those for whom everything is really unbearably bad.
The reason why I feel bad or everything is bad for me is not in objective reality, but in our outlook on life, which we ourselves choose. We like and need this position, because it justifies our passivity in life and allows us to make concessions to ourselves. If we want to change our lives and learn to love ourselves, we first need to honestly admit this to ourselves. And having admitted it, decide to change and start getting rid of the negativity. I look forward to your feedback - do you often feel bad, and what do you think about this?
© Nadezhda Dyachenko
Why is it bad? The real reasons for bad mood
If you feel like you're feeling bad just because you had an argument with your boss this morning or because the deadline to pay one of your bills is tomorrow, it's time to think about the real reasons for your bad mood.
Happiness can be defined as the absence of negative emotions, and while recent events like the ones mentioned above may dampen your mood, there are still many long-term factors influencing your mood at the moment, even if you are not aware of it.
In other words, there are known reasons why a person feels bad, and there are aspects that have a similar effect that we are not even aware of.
How to recognize a stroke?
If you have a stroke, a person will not be able to:
Article on the topic Stroke: symptoms, first aid and types of rehabilitation
– smile (he won’t be able to do it normally); - say the simplest sentence, for example “The weather is nice today”; – raise both arms (cannot or partially be able to raise); – stick out your tongue evenly (the tongue will be turned or curved).
Ask the person to do this if you suspect they are having a stroke, and if they are unable to do any of these things, call an ambulance immediately.
How to provide first aid for a stroke?
Before the doctors arrive, lay the person down, place a small cushion under the head, clear the airways, unbutton the collar, take off the tie, and remove saliva with a handkerchief. Massage each finger of the victim from the palm side, especially the nail phalanx. This will help the person come to his senses. The consequences of an attack can be eliminated if doctors provide assistance within three hours.
What are the signs of alcohol intoxication?
Signs of intoxication include slurred speech, inability to stand or sit straight, wanting to lie down, unsteady gait, stumbling, unusual or loud behavior, reacting violently to something, red eyes, blue lips or fingertips, rapid pulse, vomiting during sleep.
How to help a drunk person?
If you see a drunk person in a vehicle, do everything possible to prevent him from receiving physical injuries, especially if he falls. Help the person sit on the floor or sit them in a safe place. If the person feels nauseous, help them get into a comfortable position. Place something behind your back to prevent the person from suffocating from vomit while lying on their stomach or back.
If the person is conscious, do not touch or push them without prior notice. Otherwise you may provoke aggression. Call the police or ambulance at numbers “02”, “03”, “112”.
How to recognize drug poisoning?
Article on the topic
Encyclopedia of Health: Drugs and Addiction You can recognize a drug overdose by breathing, it becomes less deep and increasingly rare. The skin is very pale, cold to the touch, lips, fingertips and ears are bluish in color.
Breathing is considered correct when inhalation and exhalation are heard at least 12 times per minute. Call an ambulance if you hear that:
– the person does not breathe at all for 1 minute; – breathes less than 10 times per minute, or more often than 30 times per minute; – does not breathe rhythmically, freezing for 30–60 seconds, and then begins to breathe deeply and noisily; – breathing is very rare and barely audible for 10 minutes or more; – wheezing occurs when breathing.
How to provide first aid in case of overdose?
Immediately start shaking him and slapping his cheeks. If the person remains lethargic, call an ambulance immediately. If the patient begins to talk to you, make him walk, do not stop talking to him until the ambulance arrives.
If, as a result of your efforts, he cannot speak, begin artificial respiration. If there is no breathing or pulse, “clinical death” has occurred. In this case, it is necessary to immediately begin mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration and at the same time chest compressions before the ambulance arrives.
