How to learn to negotiate with people in any situation

People must learn to hear each other, accept the other’s position and be able to negotiate. Otherwise, human life will turn into an endless stream of quarrels and conflicts. Of course, they happen in any family or society, but you need to learn how to effectively resolve controversial issues through dialogue, in order to reach a compromise. A solution that suits both sides of the conflict is the result of the art of negotiation. Coming to a compromise is sometimes more difficult than solving a problem unilaterally. This is a vicious circle that aggravates the consequences of the crisis rather than eliminating the cause.

The art of negotiation

From an early age, a person has to find himself in conflict situations. Already during children's games in the yard, he realizes that not all his peers think like him, and the point of view on the same actions is different. Soon the understanding comes that it is better to resolve controversial situations calmly. In this article we will look at several rules on how to negotiate with people diplomatically, without offending others or humiliating yourself.

What unites politicians, businessmen, successful people and artists? This is the ability to speak clearly and convincingly. It can be noted that not a single journalist with his piquant questions could put any of them in an awkward position; they always carefully get out of the situation and turn out to be “winners”. The trump card of their victories is the correctly chosen words, metaphors, emotions, phrases and gestures. This is mastery of psychological techniques and words. The ability to negotiate is an art that needs to be mastered. Therefore, public people are excellent diplomats, they easily find an approach to any person, know how to build a constructive dialogue, and easily resolve disagreements that arise. The average person has a lot to learn from them.

What kind of person is he - a person who knows how to negotiate?

Let's talk about how to build a psychological bridge with others, since without this it is difficult to learn to get along with people. The other person's reaction depends very much on your behavior. Through simple actions, for example, unbuttoning your jacket or straightening your previously crossed arms, you will ensure that the interlocutor lowers his defenses.

And someone with whom you have established a rapport will be more likely to open up to you because they will feel more comfortable. Mutual understanding promotes trust; Thanks to mutual understanding, you build a kind of psychological bridge between yourself and your interlocutor.

The conversation will probably go more constructively, and your words will sound more convincing. Here are three tips to help you build psychological bridges between you and others.

To learn how to negotiate with people, repeat the gestures and movements of your interlocutor. If the person you're talking to has one hand in their pocket, put your hand in your pocket too. If he waves his hand during a conversation, after a couple of seconds, wave your hand too, etc.

Match your speech to his. Try to keep the same speech rate as your interlocutor. He speaks slowly, relaxed, and you will slow down your speech. He's chattering - speed up the pace.

Repeat his keywords. If the person you're talking to uses certain words or phrases frequently, borrow them from them to use in the conversation. For example, he says: “This offer is incredibly beneficial for both sides,” a little later in the conversation you can say: “I like that this offer promises such incredible benefits for everyone...” But be careful that this does not look like mimicry.

And remember: obvious copying of gestures and movements will not bring the desired result. To deftly find a common language with people, it is enough to reproduce certain aspects of behavior or speech. With practice, you will be able to use this most effective technique to great benefit for yourself.

Later, when you are ready to take the fourth step, your interlocutor will become nervous, and this will allow you to change your strategy. But initially you shouldn’t try to make him nervous and worried.

After all, your goal is to negotiate with people, to create an atmosphere in which a person will feel awkward only if he has really done something wrong. Then the reactions and gestures caused by excitement and anxiety will be the result of his deception, and not of an unfavorable aggressive environment.

The operation of real lie detectors is based on the deviation of the so-called baseline, corresponding to the normal level of anxiety of the person being tested on the device. And if possible, you should take advantage of this useful idea.

Ask a question that you believe will elicit a specific response similar to the one you intend. Of course, for this you need to know whether there are any individual models and patterns of behavior in this person’s normal repertoire.

If you don't know your interlocutor very well, watch his reaction to a question that is easy to answer and use this reaction as a standard. For example, if a person, no matter what he says, constantly waves his hand subtly, you should be aware of this habit.

Your posture should be relaxed and in no way threatening or aggressive; Pay close attention to the posture of your interlocutor. The tips described above, based on sign language, will help you with this.

Never interrupt the person you are talking to. This is the most important rule in the art of negotiating with people. Remember: while you are talking yourself, you will not learn anything new. Ask open-ended questions, that is, those requiring a detailed answer - this will give you the opportunity to hear more detailed, rather than monosyllabic answers.

Compromise

Disputes and conflict situations arise everywhere: at school, at work, in the family, on the street, at the institute and in various public places. And the more effectively the dispute is resolved, the more your authority in the eyes of others will increase. What does “effective art of negotiation” mean? By definition, this is a successful result of negotiations between two or three parties, during which a compromise is found. In turn, a compromise is voluntary and mutual concessions by all parties to the conflict on a friendly note. The phrase “agree” implies a mutually beneficial solution. And if it is found, it means that people have come to a mutually beneficial option, that is, they have agreed.

How to negotiate

Film "The Negotiator"

I convinced the maniac not to blow up the Silver Tower, but I can’t persuade my wife to leave the bedroom and my daughter away from the phone!

Those who do not know how to negotiate either live alone or have constant conflicts.

The general requirement is mental health. Here we will include a positive worldview, not a tendency to defend, possession of a calm presence, extroversion (focusing not on oneself, but on a partner).

The ability to negotiate consists of the following lines:

The ability to listen and hear.
Find out what your partner wants.
Be able to clearly formulate what you want, what you need. Formulate (at least for yourself) this positively and clearly. Not “what doesn’t suit me”, but “what I want”, and not in general “for everything to be fine with us” and “for you to treat me attentively”, but “I want you not to interrupt me (to go grocery shopping) )".
Total YES
Speak without causing conflict, especially without being rude - no matter what the emotions and conditions are.
The position of cooperation, even better - the format of the WE family. Without a struggle for power, without revenge, with the desire to take into account the interests of both sides.

Anyone who has tried to negotiate with love (by doing the exercise “If I loved”), everyone confirms: against this background, it is always easier to negotiate. A very practical exercise!

Resolving disagreements between partners

The main ways to resolve disagreements between partners are forceful resolution of the issue, bargaining and negotiations, concessions, inventive solutions, love and cooperation. Cm.

Family disagreements - how to negotiate between husband and wife

The main thing is to come to an agreement on good terms, and the agreements and family rules that already exist in the family help best with this. And somewhere - the Family Constitution. Cm.

How to negotiate between adults and children

There are three territories - the territory of the child personally, the territory of the parents personally, and the general territory. If the child’s territory is personal (to pee or not to pee, and the toilet is nearby), the child decides. If it’s the parents’ territory (the parents need to go to work, although the child would still like to play with them), the parents decide. If the territory is shared (when the child has food, considering that it’s time for us to go out, and on the road feeding the child is stressful for the parents) - they decide together. They are talking. The main condition is that there should be negotiations, not pressure. That is, without crying. Cm.

Training by Boris Polgeim in Sinton

Negotiations without defeat

Course N.I. KOZLOVA “ EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION ” The course contains 9 video lessons. View >>

Understand, hear, listen and insist

Surely many managers, sitting at the negotiating table, sincerely want to find a solution that suits everyone. But the attempts fail because in the first minutes it becomes clear that it is simply impossible to reach an agreement. And, unfortunately, they are not trying to resume the dialogue again.

How to master the art of negotiation? The rules developed by experts will help you get out of any situation. Endurance, patience, self-control and focus on what is most important are fundamental factors on the path to compromise.

A good example is politicians or large businessmen who conduct long-term negotiations with partners or competitors. Most often, negotiations end on a positive note.

Negotiations with partners

Your partner could be a new supplier, an entrepreneur from a related field, or simply an interested person with whom you decided to start a new project. This is a game of equals - both partners are interested, as they say, “in mutually beneficial cooperation.” This means that no one owes anyone anything, both interlocutors are in the same conditions. You are required to follow the basic rules.

So, the rules for successful negotiations include the following points:

Speak clearly, do not put double meanings into words. Do you like it if your potential partner speaks in hints and vague phrases? That's the same thing. Behave the same way: if you said “A”, that means it’s “A”, not “B” or “C”. Be especially careful to adhere to this rule in written agreements. You can, of course, put asterisks in the contract and write down half the terms in small print, but will they then want to do business with you? Rumors spread quickly in the business environment: do not ruin your reputation.
Be honest . Tell truthfully about your online store, describe its advantages and disadvantages, share your prospects and plans for the future. Tell everything except the status of your bank account
Please check. It happens that the interlocutor himself expresses himself vaguely, leaves something unsaid, or jumps from topic to topic. Do not hesitate to ask again and clarify - perhaps the dog is buried in the details.
Be polite. Even if your prospective partner is lower than you in social status, do not allow sarcasm and familiarity: be emphatically correct. It is unknown how life will turn out in the future: maybe today’s young man will take off like a rocket, but for you, on the contrary, things will not go so smoothly. In a word, remember the Russian proverb “don’t spit in the well - you’ll need to drink the water.”
Don't try to pull the blanket over yourself. There is an opinion that the more boldly you behave in negotiations, the more actively you “press” favorable conditions for yourself, the better. In the firebox of such advisers: this way you will only earn a reputation as a boorish type with whom you can’t cook porridge. And rumors in the business environment... well, you get the idea.
Friendship is friendship, but tobacco is separate. Experienced entrepreneurs say that you need to be the most careful with friends and good acquaintances. It’s true: it’s harder to refuse a friend, it’s easier to give in and rely on his decency. And the result can be unpredictable. Trust but check!
Take notes. This rule, by the way, is also typical for the following sections of our article. Get into the habit of writing down the most important points during negotiations. They will be useful to you after the meeting, when you sum up the results. And at the end of the negotiations, it would not be amiss to discuss the main points and clarify whether you understood each other correctly.

Advice: don’t be discouraged if you don’t succeed in finding a reliable partner the first time. People are different: everyone has their own vision of the situation, their own methods of doing business, their own values, in the end. What is normal for your interlocutor may be unacceptable for you. The main thing is to find a person with whom you will be on the same wavelength - they make the best partners!

Way to success

For a successful dialogue, all round table participants must:

listen carefully to your interlocutor without interrupting, even if his arguments are absurd;
show respect to your interlocutor;
do not allow aggression, pressure, persistence towards the opponent;
celebrate merits and achievements;
speak calmly, confidently without emotions, use arguments, facts, provide evidence;
reach a compromise diplomatically.

This is the art of negotiating; the rules of correct communication are always useful in life.

Of course, it is impossible to list all the nuances; there is a special science in this regard - social science. These are just the basics, without which effective negotiations will not take place.

The art of negotiation in the form of a poster

Many people are upset by a quarrel with a friend. What to do in such situations? How to achieve mutual understanding next time, avoiding conflict? In this case, experts recommend developing your own rule “The Art of Negotiation”; the poster will be a good guide in this matter. Everyone has seen the cartoon about Carlson, who called himself “the tamer of the housewife.” He was able to win over the most harmful Freken Bock. Sometimes it is useful to imagine yourself in the form of this hero and write a memo for communicating with any person. Remember the bitter resentment, explain to yourself why this resentment arose. The main thing is to be honest, because no one gets offended by bad weather or a stone they tripped over. You need to create your own recipe for avoiding offense.

What prevents you from understanding a person?
What feelings are neutral?
What helps you understand others?

In this way, the art of negotiation will become more clear. A poster hung in the room will help in this matter.

Stages of negotiations

Stage 1. Preparation

Select the date and location of the negotiations. Psychologists say that it is better to meet in the first half of the day - when your interlocutor, and you yourself, have not yet had time to load your head with current affairs. The location is also very important - the outcome of the negotiations may depend on what territory you will meet on. It is known that houses and walls help - if possible, try to hold important meetings in your office. And if there is no office yet - in a place where you feel most comfortable (favorite cafe, lobby, etc.)
Get mentally ready: calm down, concentrate, grow your zen to your knees or below. Let nothing be able to unsettle you. If on the eve of the appointed date an unpleasant event occurred for you (failure, breakup, death), reschedule the meeting.
Write down the main ideas and thoughts that you are going to convey to your interlocutor. Work through possible objections and think about how to respond to them. Model different situations, different channels in which negotiations can go, and options for different outcomes.

Stage 2. Monologues and sentences

At this stage, everything usually goes smoothly: the parties to the negotiations position their opinions and intentions. Here it is important to present your arguments as clearly as possible, without slipping into unnecessary reasoning and saving the interlocutor’s time. Then comes the time for the most important thing - voice your proposal, supporting it with arguments. Then, in turn, listen carefully to the other. It is better to write down the key points to discuss at the next stage. For example, you came to negotiate so that the rent for your office space does not increase. Tell us why this is so - the average price on the market is n rubles, but you offer a higher price.

Stage 3. Discussion and bargaining

The most difficult and intense stage of negotiations, where spears break, collapse, or, conversely, hopes and prospects appear. It can drag on for half a day, especially if the goals and objectives of the parties are radically opposite. Or if we are talking about big money. If you are conducting competitive negotiations, try to make as few concessions as possible and inform your interlocutor about your plans. Remember that anything said can be used against you. We continue to talk about reducing rents. When discussing, don’t just ask to reduce the price - offer something profitable in return. For example, pay with part of your products, or make repairs to the premises. If you reduce the fee, we will do the repairs - this is what your words should sound like. In partner negotiations, everything is simpler: both interlocutors are aimed at a compromise - accordingly, it will be easier to find one. It is also unprofitable for the landlord to lose a tenant - it is not known when another one will be found, so there is a high chance that he will make concessions to you. Conflicts during partnership negotiations are practically impossible - the conversation proceeds in a peaceful direction. You are discussing, not pushing, everyone’s position.

Stage 4. Decision making.

It is finally decided how the negotiations will end. May lead to compromise or breakup. The ideal option is to sign an agreement. Verbal promises are also a good thing, but it is better to consolidate the meeting on a documentary level. After negotiations, we advise you to contact your interlocutor again. If the meeting was successful, thank and outline the main points and agreements. This is necessary to make sure that you have understood everything correctly. If the negotiations fail, write anyway and thank them. Express the hope that this is not your last meeting, and next time the dialogue may proceed in a more positive manner.

Communication process

Communication is an integral part of the successful functioning of many professions, the specificity of which is communicating with people. Uniqueness lies in the ability to listen, understand others and perceive the information received. The purpose of communication is the relative balance of the parties, in which their goals, thoughts, interests are defended, but as a result of which the parties come to a certain agreement. In fact, you can always come to an agreement with everyone - with the seller, the buyer, the employee, the partner, the boss. Why is the ability to negotiate called an art? The fact is that in ordinary life, not all people write poetry, play the piano, draw, dance or sing. Talent is inherent in every person, in some it is more pronounced, in others it is weaker. And the opportunity for development allows you to improve your inclinations and become a true professional in your field. Not everyone is gifted with the art of negotiating; the rules of mutual agreement will allow you to develop this quality. Certain methods, courses, and trainings will be an excellent “self-teacher.”

The main mistakes in negotiations

You are nervous and fidgety. The enemy feels like he’s winning—and that’s how it is.
You don’t set a goal - you don’t know what you want to achieve as a result of the negotiations.
You don’t know anything about your interlocutor - it’s the same as not studying your target audience.
You are provoking conflict. The times of the 90s are long gone, now even disagreements are resolved in a civilized manner.
You are bored and want to finish quickly - then why did you even come?

Our advice:
use not only numbers and facts, but also knowledge of psychology. Tune in to your interlocutor, study him - and the chances of a successful result will increase significantly. And remember: forewarned is forearmed!

today it is increasingly becoming a favorite topic of many people who want to loudly express themselves, because reality requires from us the ability to be something very useful, interesting for other people, especially our strong self-realization, dedication, which are not possible without mastering this useful skill.

I would like to add the following words to the title of the post: so that at the same time I feel a sense of inner comfort and there is no feeling of understatement.

Have you observed pictures of dialogues of people who experienced obvious pleasure from their own result? I think yes. And we saw all this from their satisfied and joyful appearance from mutual communication.

But many people are also familiar with the other side of the negotiations, when one person won, while leaving his partner with his own interests. Of course, negotiating is an art, and we will not try to give expert advice that we ourselves do not fully understand.

Somehow I came across a very interesting book by Gavin Kennedy, “You Can Agree on Anything.” I would like to dwell on certain pieces of her advice.

The ability to negotiate on any issue is needed not only in politics and business - this is a skill that can be extremely useful in our everyday life. There are certain rules for our communication with people that are worth knowing about.

Gavin Kennedy conventionally divides all people into four types: sheep, donkeys, foxes and owls. It is clear what characteristics of these animals he bases on and why he gives them to people.

Now ask yourself: what type do you consider yourself to be and why? Do you want to move from the category of a stupid sheep to the category of a wise owl?

The most important rule in the ability to negotiate

, which the author writes about, is that
in a dialogue you should under no circumstances give in to the other!
First of all, you must defend your interests, and not think about the convenience of others, otherwise what kind of negotiations will it be when you create additional bonuses for someone, while losing yours.

Can you imagine how this rule differs from the morality of our Soviet past, because we were taught to give in, meet halfway, and be a good comrade. A lot of insincere crap was implanted in us by socialist ideologists, who, by the way, raised us in such a way that it would be easier to govern us. So that no one would even guess that it is just as criminal to forget about yourself as to subordinate the whole world only to your own interests.

So, let's move on to a more detailed understanding of Gavin Kennedy's advice. What tangible result can this position give us? It will simply force our interlocutor to also take our interests into account, rearranging possible scenarios appropriately.

Simply put, it all comes down to the politics of a compromise solution, when “the sheep are full and the wolves are safe.” Those. You should always clearly see your benefits and not go for dubious options out of the belief that if you do not give in, you will be considered a bad person. And if they don’t give in to you, how will you live with it? In a word, don’t be afraid to talk about your desires and defend your interests, as well, because you can agree on everything

Steve Blank, a guru of the startup movement, says the key for aspiring entrepreneurs is to “get out of the office,” that is, start asking customers directly what they need. However, whether you get truly important information depends on what questions you ask. By the way, the most popular question is “Do you like our idea or product”? - incorrect. It's like asking your mom if she likes your idea: she loves you and will praise you anyway, not wanting to upset you. 99% of clients do the same. In general, to be a successful entrepreneur, you need to know how and what to ask, and in Rob Fitzpatrick's book you will learn how to do this!

The author will help you understand when an answer is given out of politeness and does not carry any value, will tell you in which direction the conversation should be developed, what clarifying questions to ask, how to avoid socially desirable answers, how to understand what is good or bad about a product, whether the market needs it , how to position it correctly - and all this with many real examples.

Here is a short, useful, practical guide to effective communication between entrepreneurs and clients, written with good humor. It will help you save time, money and nerves.

The Art of Diplomacy

Valuable diplomacy skills are needed everywhere. Any manager or manager should master this art perfectly. This does not mean that other employees will not benefit from this quality. The art of negotiating diplomatically is highly valued in our time. The ability to conduct a correct dialogue with employees, suppliers, exporters, and consumers is necessary in any job. By understanding this mechanism and applying it in practice, you can take a leading position.

Unfortunately, in difficult situations a person either gives up immediately or attacks his opponent. This is the peculiarity of people - they do things without thinking. In order not to complicate the situation, good preparation is necessary, which begins with the question “What do I want to achieve as a result, what am I striving for?” Once the goal is determined, it is necessary to analyze and compare, then adjust judgment and plans for the future and be “combat ready” again. This is the art of negotiation. Social studies, as an academic subject that brings together many social sciences, will teach you to improvise when there is absolutely no time to prepare.

Preparing for negotiations

Determine the goal you want to achieve as a result of the negotiations. This could be concluding a deal, a new contract, receiving funds, or a cooperation agreement. During the negotiation process, do not allow yourself to deviate from the goal (minor concessions are possible, but no more).
Prepare several options for the development of negotiations - depending on what line the interlocutor will follow (do not forget that he also has his own goal). Practice them in advance to avoid getting into trouble.
Take care of your appearance. The more important the negotiations, the more impeccable you should look. No T-shirts and shorts for men (preferably a business suit or at least a shirt with classic jeans) and a neckline with a mini for women. The fair sex also requires moderate, discreet makeup: Indian war paint is not suitable. Polished shoes and well-groomed hands will complete your look.
Take with you the necessary attributes: a diary and a pen - for notes, business cards and booklets, a presentation on a laptop - to represent the company, a bottle of water - to wet your throat, contract forms - in case they come in handy! But turn off your phone so as not to be distracted.

Advice: try to make an appointment on your territory: at the office of the online store. This will give you confidence. If the interlocutor insists on neutral territory - a cafe, for example - choose a familiar place. If you have to play on a foreign field, prepare twice as hard.

An ordinary example

For example, an experienced employee decided to quit, citing the fact that he was no longer satisfied with the work schedule and pay. An unexpected statement needs to be responded to urgently, but in such a way that the interests of the manager are respected, because you don’t want to lose a valuable employee. Finding and training a new person may take a lot of time and money, but the arguments of the person leaving are also understandable. How to act in this situation and not make a mistake? The art of negotiation will teach you this.

If the boss is unable to find a solution in such a simple situation, then he is unlikely to cope with complex tasks. Most likely, a short-sighted manager will not stop the employee and try to find a solution. But it is a compromise in this situation that can be most beneficial for both parties. And there are many such examples. What is the essence of the agreement process? Let's try to figure it out.

Arrangement process

The first thing that happens in such a situation is a conflict of interests. Personal interests are known. But in order to objectively assess the situation, you need to set your priorities correctly, and this is quite simple to do. It all depends on the task that the person has set for himself, what goal he is pursuing, how much does he need it? In addition, it is necessary to understand the interests of the opponent, otherwise a compromise cannot be achieved. If the motive of the opposite side is not clear, and interests are hidden, a simple way is to visually change places, imagine yourself in the place of your interlocutor and think about what problems he might have, what worries him, and so on. And by talking with mutual friends, you can understand the situation as a whole and get additional information that will help you make the right decision.

All of the above helps you understand how to negotiate correctly, get out of difficult situations and find a compromise diplomatically.

How to negotiate with anyone on your own terms

When I think about this topic, I am immediately reminded of my attempts to negotiate with my university professors about grading. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase and you don't have a chance. After thinking a little and searching for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I came up with a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.

Offer several options

When you insist on your own, remember the other person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer several. For what? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for your interlocutor to support you.

At the same time, don't overdo it. By offering 10 options to choose from, you will ruin yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options rather than a dozen.

Unnecessary bluff

It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are caught, there will be no turning back.

If you believe that you are right, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.

You can't win alone

The outcome of the situation must be win-win for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think, would you agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn’t expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.

Another tip that I can’t recommend enough is to make it appear that the outcome is not only beneficial for you. To put it simply, deceive a person. Are you ready to do this? Then you have one more extra trick up your sleeve.

Forget about emotions

People who involve emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be looked at from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, it can work.

If you shout at your interlocutor, laugh at his position, or try to insult him, even in a veiled way, you have already lost.

Ask for a little more than you need

This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to reduce the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.

I'm sure there have been situations in your life more than once when you were able to come to an agreement with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your methods!