These phrases will help put a person with high self-esteem in his place!

“The crown on his head is pressing”, “It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself”, “The more a person loves himself, the more he depends on other people’s opinions”, “He who thinks too much about himself thinks too little”...

All these phrases reflect the essence of the same personality quality. Feeling of greatness, inflated self-esteem, self-confidence or arrogance. There are many concepts, but they mean one thing - an inadequate perception of oneself against the background of others. Is this normal or pathological? Is it good or bad? And how to behave with such people? Psychology has answers to such questions, you just need to understand them.

The essence of the concept

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his capabilities, focusing solely on the success of any event in which he participates, and idealizing his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and the mistakes of others. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy on the part of others and unfair nagging.

This attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, are not restrained and do not tolerate defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leadership positions, they become tyrants and despots, and if not, they remain alone, since others do not want to communicate with them.

Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to talk about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their self-esteem): “who know their own worth.”

According to the psychodiagnostic scale, three levels of inflated self-esteem are distinguished:

Above average. When a person values and respects himself according to the heights he has achieved, but at the same time is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
High. When conceit comes from within and is not always dictated by real success.
Inappropriately tall. When self-esteem is too high, everything negative, including the truth, is denied, and the idealized and real image have little overlap.

The most problematic is the third level, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis requiring psychiatric treatment.

Is it good or bad?

Inflated self-esteem cannot be considered only as a negative personality trait. In certain situations it can play a positive role. However, its negative impact on a person is still greater.

Why is it good:

Believing in yourself allows you to achieve heights and build a career.
While others think and doubt, these people are actively solving the problem.
A positive attitude towards yourself does not allow you to deviate from your intended path because of criticism or other people's opinions.
The absence of self-criticism and excessive delving into one’s own mistakes allows one to focus on something more important.

Why is that bad:

To achieve the goal, any means are used, even bypassing the norms established in society.
Difficulties in social adaptation. For them, there is only one true point of view - their own; they are deaf to the requests and opinions of others. This leads to loneliness. Conflicts lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion.
Painful and aggressive perception of criticism.
It is not uncommon for work projects to be disrupted because they take on tasks that are beyond their capabilities. This leads to career ruin.
Denial of self-improvement, self-development (why, if I’m already perfect?).
With frequent failures, neuroses, personality disorders and even suicide are possible.

Much depends on the level of self-esteem. If it is simply above average and commensurate with the real successes that a person has achieved, it does not disfigure him. But, if we are talking about inappropriate behavior, this can lead to mental disorders and is considered in psychology as a pathology.

Causes

Most often, inflated self-esteem is formed in childhood, in the process of upbringing. But it also happens that a person comes to it much later, when he achieves certain heights in his career and can no longer lower the bar for himself, even if at some stage he does not meet it. Psychologists give different reasons:

Raising one child in a family, who becomes the center of the universe, when all his desires are satisfied, his merits are exaggerated, and his shortcomings are hushed up.
Raising the first-born, on whom all aspirations and hopes are pinned.
Psychological traumas and children's complexes. Inflated self-esteem is a way of receiving positive emotions that the child did not receive from his parents.
Inferiority complex. When a person sees successful and beautiful people around him, but he himself is not, he begins to invent qualities for himself that he does not possess. This serves as a protection against self-destruction.
External attractiveness that leads to narcissism.
Excellent student syndrome.
In working conditions, when there is only one girl in the team (a guy/person with a higher education/specialist, etc.).
Career take-off, reaching certain heights.
Excessive wealth.
Leadership skills.
Fame and recognition: psychologists diagnose 99% of stars with high self-esteem.

These are the most common reasons, although situations in life are much more multifaceted. For example, a child may not have excellent external characteristics and may not be an excellent student, but if teachers, for some other reason, single him out from the rest of the class, he develops inflated self-esteem. Or the hobby for selfies, when all the photos are retouched through Photoshop and get thousands of likes, interferes with an adequate perception of one’s own real image, which is actually far from ideal.

Definition

A woman’s self-esteem is the ability to objectively assess her own abilities, personal qualities, social status and herself as a person. Relationships in society and a woman’s position in the family and at work are determined by the attitude towards one’s own person.

The level of self-esteem ensures the complexity of the goals and objectives that a woman is trying to achieve in life. One strives to take a leadership position, knowing that she can do it. Another has been content with working as a clerk for 20 years, without thinking about anything more. One marries a prince, the other lives with an alcoholic and a brawler, unable to provide for his family, afraid of being left alone.

Self-esteem is one of the basic concepts of psychology. We come across assessments of our abilities more often than we think. Whether we are catching up with a bus leaving a stop, writing an essay at a university, or preparing a new dish for the arrival of guests, first we evaluate our capabilities - the speed of movement, the ability to reveal the topic of the essay, or the ability to cook.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Self-analysis in everyday life is a tool for monitoring and measuring behavior patterns.
Inadequate comparison of the image of the “I” located in a person’s thoughts with reality leads to low or high self-esteem, to a neurotic split of personality, but not in the clinical sense. A modern person is a “set of self-presentations,” that is, he wants to please others and flaunts those character traits (often not inherent to him) that, in his opinion, should set him apart from the crowd. Over time, he begins to believe in the invented image, to correspond to it, breaking away from reality. When real goals and tasks are set before him, he finds himself unable to fulfill or solve them. Self-esteem drops.

The concept of “performance self-assessment” refers to a comprehensive assessment of an enterprise by employees in order to identify weaknesses in production, financial or interpersonal terms.

Signs

Interesting fact: people with high self-esteem rarely consider themselves self-confident and arrogant. They believe that they perceive themselves objectively. But it costs others nothing to see such a person at the first conversation based on certain signs. The characteristics of this type of personality are quite voluminous.

People with high self-esteem:

confident in their own rightness;
seek to impose their own opinion;
reserve the last word in any dispute;
do not know how to apologize, do not admit their own mistakes;
constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even their significant other;
blame only those around them for their failures;
do not see their own shortcomings;
often use the pronoun “I” in conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, and do not listen to the end of the interlocutor;
never ask for help and never help anyone;
do not accept criticism;
always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
selfish;
They don’t know how to calculate risks.

A person with high self-esteem is characterized by arrogant behavior, which often turns into aggression. Narcissists can be identified by the amount of time they spend in front of the mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate competition. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the other half are completely leveled.

Diagnostics

The difficulty in diagnosing high self-esteem lies in the fact that signs of psychological inadequacy are clearly visible to others, but not to the person himself. It is useless to tell him that he overestimates himself, his capabilities and potential. He won’t take it seriously and certainly won’t go to any specialized specialist.

In childhood, it is easier to recognize pathology, since most modern schools have psychologists who conduct various surveys and identify such children. Unfortunately, most often everything stalls at this stage. The diagnosis has been made, a conversation is organized with the parents, but the latter either do not want to see the problem (because they themselves are the hidden reason for their child’s inflated self-esteem), or they do not have time for psychotherapy and correction of the situation.

As an adult, either a consultation with a psychologist or special tests will help you understand that you have high self-esteem:

Morris Rosenberg;
Dembo-Rubinstein;
Sonerson;
Ponomarenko;
Gorbatova;
Kazantseva;
an adapted version of Eysenck's technique;
Leary and others.

Tests make it possible to independently identify pathology and determine its level. Sometimes this is the first step towards correction.

How to get rid of high self-esteem: advice from a psychologist

Unfortunately, when a person’s overestimated self-esteem prevails, he can hardly be called happy. After all, he loses contact with the real world and lives in some fictitious place of his own. Well, if you don’t attach importance to reality, then you shouldn’t be surprised that problems arise.

How to fix self-esteem?

So, if you want to make your life better and achieve what you want, it is important to understand how you can generally improve the situation.

Psychologists advise dealing with high self-esteem in the following ways:

Learn to hear others

You must realize that everyone is a unique person. Until you learn to appreciate this, no one will accept you. It is difficult and sometimes even impossible to communicate with someone who has his own priorities in life. Only people who exhibit victim behavior can accept this. So you should not act as you would not want to be treated. Learn self-control.

Show you care

Everyone has their own dreams, desires and needs. What you like should not be liked by others. Here you can never find who is right or wrong. Caring should be based on the person's needs, not yours. This will show that you notice him.

One interesting example is a mother who is overprotective of her son. Although he lives separately, she constantly comes to him, brings food and things that he does not need. He is mortally offended by all attempts at resistance and, of course, this affects his health. It turns out that mom seems to care, but too much, and doesn’t even allow her to breathe.

This is also how those who find themselves next to a person with high self-esteem feel. Only at the same time he also uses directiveness, as if claiming that he knows better what you need.

Therefore, the interests of those you care about must be taken into account.

Be wrong

How to lower self-esteem?

In this case, it means that everyone has the right to make mistakes and no one is perfect. It will be hard, but remember that sometimes losing is even better. No matter how difficult it may be for you, admit that you are not perfection and this sets you apart.

It's hard to live next to a person who is perfect in everything. Of course, this doesn’t happen, but you think differently. You don't want to be alone, do you? Therefore, you must be aware of your mistakes and accept, and also not shift responsibility to others.

Stop flaunting your assets

There is no need to specifically show off your strengths. People will definitely notice them. If you often brag and focus only on yourself, then you will not achieve anything except disgust and disappointment. They definitely won't love you. Well, if you also belittle others at this moment, then you are also guaranteed aggression.

Love yourself

Despite the fact that people with high self-esteem look like narcissists, they do not love themselves. They think differently, but they do it somehow “clumsily.”

Anyone who values himself will not tell everyone about his qualities so that they will be noticed. He doesn't care about outside assessments. Learn to be silent and take action. They will definitely be appreciated.

Self-criticism

If you have any failures or problems, then do not place responsibility on others. Think about what you yourself did that led to this result. There is no need to blame yourself, but it would be worth learning from mistakes and drawing conclusions.

Rivalry

If you are trying to seem better than others, then think about whether you need it? Understand that you must overcome your own limitations, and not assert yourself at the expense of others.

Of course, competition provides good motivation, but you only need to do it when there is a need. Competition just for the sake of competition doesn't look good. This leads you into a trap and deprives you of the joy of victory.

If you decide that you have high self-esteem and want to overcome it, then do not be afraid to contact your loved ones. They will help you correct your behavior and tell you what exactly you are doing wrong. Just be prepared for criticism, and you will also have to look at things realistically.

Correction methods

Correcting high self-esteem begins with identifying its causes and describing the main personality traits. It’s rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star fever is slightly above average and is adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases, circumstantial and long-term work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of high self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of psychologists’ work with such children is that it is not their behavior that is corrected, first of all, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive recommendations:

do not spoil the child;
reduce the amount of praise. They should only be heard in the case of real and significant achievements;
do not single him out from other children;
point out his mistakes;
teach you to take responsibility for your own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he is not an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and makes friends. As a rule, the course of such a comprehensive correction ranges from 2 to 6 months, depending on the severity of the situation.

As an adult, dealing with high self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must recognize the problem himself and try to identify its cause. If it goes back to childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If self-esteem was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your egoism yourself through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external attractiveness. Correction methods:
compare yourself with more beautiful people, find your shortcomings (bad bite, excess weight, excessive makeup, provocative clothing, etc.);
stop photoshopping your own photos;
get rid of addiction to social networks and selfie-admiration;
refocus from external beauty to internal beauty.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, having both high self-esteem and willpower, can begin to re-educate himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, working with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the scope of psychotherapy.

Problems in relationships with men

An insecure woman always has problems in relationships with the opposite sex, regardless of whether she is married or not. They are expressed differently.

Let us roughly distinguish three stages in the relationship between a man and a woman:

Before we meet. The lady does not have a boyfriend, she is actively searching. If a woman estimates her chances of meeting an interesting man low, she settles for unworthy applicants, turning a blind eye to the shortcomings already upon meeting her. Even seeing aggression or disrespect for herself in the behavior of her chosen one, she continues the relationship, considering herself to be the culprit of her partner’s behavior.
Married relationships, as a rule, are codependent among people with low self-esteem, that is, they cannot imagine life without a partner and tolerate everything from him. A woman's insecurity in her husband manifests itself in excessive jealousy, constant nagging and checking. She makes the life of her loved one unbearable. And he, in turn, tries to be at home less often, going to work, visiting friends or his mistress.
After a breakup, which is usually initiated by a partner who is unable to tolerate an insecure spouse, she clutches at any straw to keep her husband. He promises to change, blames himself for everything, begs her not to leave her, since she can’t handle it alone. Self-esteem in a relationship drops sharply when the husband leaves for his mistress. An abandoned woman compares herself with her rival, finds a lot of flaws and shortcomings in herself, and goes into depression.

The formula for good relationships is simple: “If you don’t like something in a relationship, try to change it. If this is not possible, give up such a relationship.”

Special cases

Children

As already mentioned, a child’s high self-esteem is associated with improper upbringing in the family or school. Therefore, correction is aimed primarily at working with parents and teachers. The younger the children are, the easier the course of correction is. Before adolescence, they still have high adult authority, so it is easier to instill healthy behavior and communication skills in them.

However, even here parents will have to be patient, since they will need to literally break both themselves (your child is not exceptional) and their child. Get ready for tears, rebellion, hysterics, but with an experienced psychologist all these corners will be smoothed out.

But correcting adolescents’ inflated self-esteem is more difficult. Pathology at this age has two directions: excellent student syndrome and narcissism. It is easier to work with the former, since, despite their inadequate perception of their achievements, they are still distinguished by high intellectual abilities and, with constant conversations with a psychologist, they begin to see their shortcomings. As practice shows, for some it is enough to show the results of a passed test for them to draw appropriate conclusions and begin to work on themselves (under the guidance of a specialized specialist, of course, and with the support of parents and teachers).

It can be much more difficult to cope with narcissism when a teenager has good external characteristics and considers himself irresistible. Firstly, from the height of their podium they do not notice and ignore others, so they practically have no friends. Secondly, their scale of values is formed incorrectly: appearance becomes the main thing in life, while intelligence, character, and inner world are left far behind. The consequences can be dire: love failures often lead to suicide, depression, anorexia, and drug addiction.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, psychologists have enough tools in their arsenal to return the child to normal life. The main thing is to do it in a timely manner.

Men and women

According to statistics, a man with high self-esteem is three times more common than a woman with the same diagnosis. The reason is the difference in their psychological types. Girls are prone to self-examination and pay too close attention to trifles and details. Even because of a harmless pimple, they begin to consider themselves real ugly, and 2-3 extra pounds turn them into fat and figureless (in their opinion). Therefore, most often, representatives of the fairer sex have low self-esteem.

Men, on the other hand, are always focused on performing only one task. If they need to make a career or achieve the woman they love, even with minimal intellectual and external data, they will go to great lengths to get what they want. Many of them are narcissists. Some were raised without a father in childhood, so they have a strong feminine element - this is due to the excessive care of mothers and grandmothers, who lamented: “Oh, how irresistible you are, and beautiful, and the best.” This thought remains the main one in the boy’s head for the rest of his life.

Men become unbearable in communication in two cases: if they occupy a leadership position and if they have a weak-willed wife who cannot fight back. They become real tyrants. In other cases, they experience their own narcissism within themselves.

Signs of high self-esteem in a woman do not depend on her social status: she will always have a bitchy character, unable to hide her self-love. Some constantly create conflict situations and behave aggressively. Others may remain arrogantly silent, but at the same time show with all their appearance their superiority over everyone else. However, for women, all these manifestations most often remain at the level of conversations and intrigues. Men, in particularly advanced cases, resort to extreme measures if someone does not recognize their ideality: they use physical (raise their hand against their wife) or psychological (apply pressure at work or simply fire) violence.

Low self-esteem

Four out of ten women in Russia place excessive demands on themselves, based on the opinions of others and stereotypes imposed by the media. Having failed to achieve their goal, they become isolated in their flaws and shortcomings. They believe that they are not able to evoke sincere love, and they experience feelings of dissatisfaction, uncertainty, and inferiority.

A woman’s low self-esteem makes her succumb to difficulties, not realizing her capabilities, and suffer from an inferiority complex. She is afraid of the opposite sex because of her perceived unattractiveness.

Modesty turns into self-humiliation, hostility to external appearance.

A woman becomes fixated on the physical features of her body, be it fatness, short stature, a large nose or protruding ears. Everything is perceived by her as ugliness.

Manifestations of low self-esteem:

inability to refuse requests from relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, even to the detriment of one’s own interests;
lack of faith in one's own strengths and capabilities;
constant complaints about one’s lot, fate, getting used to the role of a victim, broadcasting it at the first opportunity;
excessive sensitivity to criticism;
hesitation when making decisions, the desire for “everything to be decided by itself”;
surrounding oneself with people who confirm the helplessness and worthlessness of a woman’s existence;
unreasonable jealousy towards a partner, friends, family.

Sometimes low self-esteem manifests itself in one area of life. A woman who has not realized herself professionally becomes a domestic tyrant for her household. And, conversely, if there are problems in her personal life, she takes it out on her work colleagues.

Stop factors for increasing a woman’s self-esteem:

Convenience of the situation, fear of showing autonomy and independence. “If my husband understands that I can do everything myself and earn money, he will leave me.”
Fear of looking selfish in the eyes of family and friends. A person is inconvenient when it is impossible to manipulate him, but he is not an egoist.
Fear of losing your job if you express an opinion different from the generally accepted one.

The requirement to treat oneself with respect does not degrade a person.

A confident person is willing to take reasonable risks and gives himself the right to make mistakes. An insecure person believes that he must be perfect in everything - and therefore constantly marks time. (Andrey Yashurin)

By protecting your boundaries, you do not become a selfish person. You are becoming an adult.