Androphobia: fear of loneliness or fear of men

Causes of androphobia, or fear of men

What is the fear of men called? Androphobia. The main reason for the development of androphobia is psychological trauma associated with men. Once a woman suffered mentally or physically from a man, now she does not want this to happen again. That man could be a father, a brother, a family acquaintance, an ex-boyfriend or husband, or even a random passerby.

What is a girl with negative experience in relationships with men really afraid of:

• physical, psychological and sexual violence (beatings, insults, humiliation, coercion, etc.);
• material and financial problems (if there was such experience);
• betrayal (betrayal, career collapse);
• condemnation from other people (often found in women who experienced the death of their husband or live with prejudices).

A woman is afraid of experiencing physical and (or) mental pain again, of losing what she currently has. Someone is afraid of losing their job, someone is afraid of losing themselves, their hobby, their social circle, etc.

If the fear is associated with the father, then we are not necessarily talking about his negativity towards his daughter. Perhaps the girl watched her father beat and humiliate her mother. Most girls themselves become victims in the future and find their tyrant, while others try with all their might to avoid this. And because of this, fear of men develops.

Some girls are influenced by prejudice. For example, that a man should be older, taller and richer. Or that you can’t enter into intimate relationships before marriage. Because of this, some girls are afraid of relationships not with all men, but only with a certain group (depending on the destructive belief).

This is interesting! Male phobia is more common in women, but sometimes it develops in members of the same sex, regardless of sexual orientation. Fear of men develops due to childhood memories of the cruelty of a father, brother, other relative, or due to experience of violence.

Reasons for fear of men

The disease can occur at any age. But most often androphobia begins at the age of 20. Mostly women suffer, although there are known cases of the disease being diagnosed in men.

The causes of androphobia can be:

• gross violence that the patient experienced from a man (rape);
• cruelty in the behavior of a representative of the stronger sex, which the patient saw with his own eyes even in deep childhood (scandals and quarrels in the family, beating a loved one, an incident involving rudeness in a public place);
• watching films in which a man acts as an aggressor and, instead of protecting himself, causes pain to others;
• if the patient grew up in a female environment and constantly heard unflattering reviews about the stronger sex;
• unsuccessful first love, or rather even sexual experience.

Symptoms

The main psychological symptom of a phobia is a panicky irrational fear when approaching the object of the phobia or when expecting contact with it. Moreover, panic occurs in response to a fictitious development of events. Everything happens exclusively in the androphobe’s head. There is no real danger.

The situations in which panic begins depend on the stage of development of the phobia. Some panic when communicating, some when shaking hands, some when hugging, and some when receiving romantic gestures from men.

Physical signs are nonspecific:

• tremor,
• shiver,
• chills,
• cardiopalmus,
• pressure fluctuations,
• dizziness,
• nausea,
• weakness,
• breathing problems.

Girls who suffer from a phobia experience anxiety before meeting a man. In advanced stages, it turns into panic attacks.

Symptoms of androphobia

The main clinical manifestation of any social phobia is the patient’s fear of communicating with an object that causes fear and confusion in him. With androphobia, the patient may experience the following symptoms:

• facial hyperemia or tremor;
• vomit;
• profuse sweating;
• urge to urinate, defecate;
• panic when meeting representatives of the stronger sex.

Let's look at the symptoms using a specific example. Actress Traci Lords, who at the age of 18 was already a famous porn star, once suffered from androphobia. During the filming of films, her body was covered with cold sweat every time men touched her. At the same time, Tracy began to experience nausea, which was accompanied by attacks of vegetative-vascular dystonia. She was overcome by an inferiority complex. Suicidal syndrome appeared. The result of all this was that the young actress ended up in a clinic for drug addicts and alcoholics. And it was there that she was also diagnosed with androphobia. The cause of the mental disorder was violence from her own father when she was 11 years old. The course of treatment saved the actress from androphobia.

Manifestations of phobic disorder

Fear of men has several varieties. Let's take a closer look at what androphobia actually is.

Fear of a serious relationship in a woman

Modern women are more likely than men to not want to get married. This is explained by the emancipation of girls. Most of them have retreated from the idea of ​​patriarchy and do not want to devote their lives to family and children. They build a career, have fun, and develop comprehensively. In this context, a serious relationship with a man is perceived as a burden. Some women feel so self-sufficient that they see no point in getting along with someone else's character traits, habits, and needs. Such women are afraid that marriage will destroy their lives, interfere with personal self-realization, and deprive them of personal space.

For other women, fear of relationships arises for the opposite reason. They are insecure and do not trust men. Maybe they would like to leave their job and raise children, but they are afraid that the man will not be able to cope with such responsibility.

Some women do not want to enter into a serious relationship because of the myth that a husband's attitude towards his wife changes for the worse. This belief is formed due to suggestibility, stories from friends and stories from the media. In fact, relationships in or outside of marriage depend on two people, and women often change their attitude towards their spouse and themselves. They stop taking care of themselves, take off the mask they wore before the wedding, express constant complaints, and make the main mistake - they try to re-educate the man, becoming his mother.

Fear of close relationships (intimacy)

Fear of intimacy may be associated with a negative first experience of intimacy. Or with rape. In this case, behind the phobia lies a feeling of shame, pain, and disappointment.

Fear of intimate relationships with men can also be indirect in nature. For example, in previous relationships there were often conflicts and scandals, the woman did not love her husband and went to bed in the same bed out of a sense of duty, each intimacy could be called voluntary rape.

In some cases, behind the fear of intimacy there may be a fear of pregnancy or a fear of not pleasing a partner or disappointing him. And this may also hide a woman’s lack of acceptance of her body and complexes. Or parental attitudes about the sinfulness of sex, a ban on relationships with men.

It is important! If a woman suffers from somatic or psychosomatic female diseases, then this can cause pain during sex. Which also contributes to the development of fear of intimacy.

Fear of new relationships after a breakup

Fear of a new relationship arises after a painful breakup with a guy. Especially if the separation occurred on the initiative of a man. A woman develops two beliefs: “all men are assholes” and “there’s something wrong with me.” A woman begins to look for flaws in herself, and sees a former partner in every man. Moreover, because she is fixated on shortcomings, she only meets the same men, which confirms her belief.

Fear of repeating the experience

Parental divorce or personal experience of divorce leaves a negative impression of family relationships. If a woman completely refuses a relationship, then the issue is negative memories of the relationship in general, and not just within the framework of marriage.

If the experience of the parents is to blame, then the girl may not even remember the relationship between her parents. But the girl remembers what her mother told her. And she said that dad was bad and in general all men were dangerous creatures who should not be messed with.

Fear of falling in love

Behind this lies the fear of emotions and the fear of close relationships. A person is afraid of losing control over himself, of being at the mercy of emotions. Such people are used to controlling everything; they prefer to be guided by their mind rather than their heart. Typically, this happens for two reasons:

• strict family upbringing, prohibition on expression and manifestation of feelings;
• mental suffering, after which a person decided to completely abandon emotions.

Such people do not let anyone close to them. Moreover, they can be in a relationship, but the mind never gives in to feelings. Their relationship is always formal and of a business nature. Because of coldness, prudence and restraint, people with fear of falling in love find themselves alone.

It is important! Women's fear of men is rarely presented in one form. More often, several varieties and several reasons are combined. For example, the fear of falling in love is combined with the fear of repeating the experience or with childhood psychotrauma due to the costs of upbringing.

Fear of disappointment

Some women are afraid of being disappointed in a relationship and a man. These fears are associated with an inflated level of aspirations, excessive criticism, inflated demands on men, and the search for an unattainable ideal. Such women are fixated on shortcomings and dream of a relationship without contradictions. Any collision with reality leads to disappointment.

Fear of responsibility

Closely related to the fear of serious relationships. A woman is not ready to care for a man, give birth and raise children. If a girl lives with her parents, then perhaps she is not ready for independent life at all. In this case, we are talking about infantilism.

Fear of Rejection

Associated with uncertainty, low self-esteem, inferiority complex and fear of loss. The girl considers herself unattractive and unworthy. Subconsciously, she expects that she will be abandoned sooner or later. The reason for this attitude towards oneself must be sought in childhood; probably, there was not enough parental love, their acceptance and understanding. The fear of being rejected may be associated with resentment against her father if the girl views his leaving the family as a betrayal, a rejection of her.

How to get rid of the fear of losing a man and the fear of being rejected? You need to understand that with paranoid thoughts you only worsen the relationship. Parting happens for one reason - people's paths diverge. Each person grows and changes throughout his life, not necessarily in the same direction as his partner. Sometimes discrepancies occur. And instead of wasting time and clinging to the past, it is better to go into the future and meet your person. Think about whether your fear is related to dependence on your partner. What to do in this case? Get out of dependent relationships.

The essence of a phobia

Often, such panic fears are caused by unsuccessful experiences in past relationships, then the woman begins to withdraw into herself and be afraid. Androphobia is the fear of men, an unreasonable fear of those with whom it is possible to create close relationships in the future. A girl, having once experienced betrayal, will subconsciously try with all her might to avoid repeating such an unpleasant experience.

As soon as she gets to know her future chosen one, she automatically begins to attribute to him the following qualities that frighten her:

1. lies;
2. cunning;
3. sports interest;
4. hunting instinct;
5. tendency to change.

Mistakenly, male phobia is often confused with feminism. It is worth noting that these concepts are radically different from each other. If androphobia is the fear of men, then feminism is hatred of the stronger sex.

But this does not prevent feminism from being a consequence of androphobia. That is, a woman who is afraid of men becomes a feminist, firstly, in order to protect herself from the male sex, and secondly, to somehow logically justify her rejection of men.

Diagnostics and testing

Fear of men is one of the most complex phobias. It is complicated in that it has several varieties and a lot of possible causes. Therefore, it is better to entrust the diagnosis to a professional. The specialist will analyze the client’s life history and development, find the root cause of the phobia and determine the severity of the disease. The specialist will also determine whether there are other psychological disorders.

It is important! Only a psychotherapist will explain the psychology of a particular case and tell you how to overcome your fear of men. There is no special testing to identify a phobia, but a psychologist will select a set of tests to diagnose a person.

Transformation of a phobia

Unlike other phobias, the fear of men is hidden behind masks, that is, it is transformed. Let's look at how androphobia manifests itself.

Children's and teen events

Antisocial behavior of parents and family disharmony turns into personal disharmony. Children and adolescents with androphobia are characterized by cruelty and aggressiveness. Those around them see them as selfish, but in reality such children do not accept and do not love themselves, since they associate themselves with their parents.

In adolescents, phobia has specific bodily manifestations:

• increased sweating;
• increased greasiness of skin and hair;
• excess weight;
• acne;
• delay in the development of secondary sexual characteristics.

Smells

People are animals, albeit socialized ones. We smell other people, although we are not always aware of it. But on a subconscious level, likes and dislikes are largely related to smells. We are attracted to people who smell opposite to us.

Social background

A woman's lack of self-confidence and disgust for her appearance may be hidden behind a fear of men. In this case, the phobia is represented by a passion for plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures, injections, etc. And also such women tend to compete with other girls.

Morality

Some androphobes, afraid of sex, hide behind morality. They regard sex as something primitive, low, and unworthy. Instead, they choose self-development, asexuality, loneliness, and dangerous entertainment.

Surrogate for intimacy

It is based on the mechanism of sublimation and compensation. For example, a woman can give birth to a child and give all her feelings to him, and not to a man. Someone gets a pet and devotes their life to caring for it. Some people become attached to their parents and live with them for the rest of their lives. Someone becomes attached to an idol and lives in dreams. Someone clings to past relationships in their memories.

Behavior of androphobes

Androphobes expect betrayal from men, impudent or insulting behavior. And they find confirmation of their beliefs. Such women compete with men and try to achieve financial and moral independence. Some women resort to artificial insemination from a donor and rationally approach the choice of the father of the child. Depending on the characteristics of the phobia, the woman completely avoids contact with men or communicates only with subordinates. Or uses men for sexual pleasure and other entertainment. Some women embrace feminism or become lesbians. Others avoid men and potential places where males gather.

Signs of a phobia

Recognizing the signs of androphobia can be difficult. Women who do not allow men to get close to them are often considered feminists. The mistake is that feminism is a political movement, and androphobia is a disease, a pathological fear that requires treatment.

Androphobia is characterized by an extremely negative attitude towards the male sex. They are viewed as beings capable only of causing suffering. The woman sincerely believes that hatred and fear of men is a normal reaction, given their shortcomings.

Another manifestation of androphobia may be the ambivalent attitude of women towards the stronger sex. On the one hand, they are eager to enter into a relationship and start a family, but on the other hand, they are terribly afraid of men.

While some female representatives easily meet and communicate with men, others fall into panic at the mere thought of talking with the opposite sex. A repeatedly exaggerated feeling of fear is accompanied by all the characteristic symptoms of a panic attack: palpitations, suffocation, sweating, nausea. There is a desire to run away to a safe place as quickly as possible, to interrupt forced communication. A question addressed to a woman, an unexpected unexpected touch deprives a woman of the ability to adequately think, hypertrophied horror fetters her.

The inability to establish a personal life and behave adequately in society sometimes leads a woman to alcoholism and drug addiction. Without treatment, severe symptoms such as depression and suicidal syndrome may develop.

Possible consequences

The main consequence of androphobia is loneliness, absence of family and children. Fears prevent you from meeting a man; a woman risks being left alone. And some women cannot even build a career because they have difficulty communicating with their boss. In some cases, the phobia leads to isolation.

A woman suffers from disharmony within herself. Every person has feminine and masculine energy, feminine and masculine qualities. For full self-realization, the ability to combine masculine and feminine principles is important. If a woman is afraid of men, it means that she is afraid of a part of herself, she is giving up a part of herself.

Androphobia: what is it?

Women are more often susceptible to androphobia. The disease androphobia is much less common in men and its development does not depend on their sexual orientation. Androphobia is classified as a social phobia; it is often accompanied by other types of fear, for example: fear of speaking in public places, fear of meeting new people. Women who suffer from androphobia avoid contact with men in every possible way, try to avoid places where there are large concentrations of them, and often choose a profession or job where communication with the opposite sex is limited.

It is considered paradoxical that very often women suffering from androphobia had a large number of sexual partners. This is due to the fact that patients are afraid to say “no” to a man. And by agreeing to sexual intercourse, they thereby avoid the possibility of sexual violence.

How to overcome relationship fear

Psychotherapy and medications are used in the treatment of androphobia. The question of how to overcome fear is decided on an individual basis. It is necessary to analyze a specific case in detail.

Professional psychological help for androphobia

The method of hypnosis and cognitive behavioral psychotherapy are effective. However, to work through deep psychological trauma, it is better to first use psychoanalysis. It is important to understand the root cause, and then begin to get closer to men in the present through cognitive psychotherapy. If necessary, the psychotherapist prescribes tranquilizers, antidepressants, and sedatives.

It is important! Treatment depends on the severity of the disease and the characteristics of the client. Only a psychotherapist can correctly select methods of psychotherapy, a general course of psychotherapy and a course of medications.

Is it possible to help yourself?

The causes of androphobia lie deep in the subconscious. It is almost impossible to determine them on your own. The true cause and object of fear may be hidden under the guise of other experiences.

At a mild stage of a phobia, you can try to independently realize the irrationality of fear. It is important to understand that not all men are dangerous, not all relationships with men are bad. Try to pay attention to the positive traits of men. Pay attention to the fathers who walk with their children in the park. Or a boss who is polite to female subordinates. Pay attention to young people in public transport who give up their seats or help women lift their bags. Imagine what the world would be like without men. Remember how many men are involved in science and politics. Record your observations.

In general, the principles of self-relief are the same as in professional treatment: stop avoiding the object of fear, gradually get closer to it. At the same time, it is important to work on increasing self-esteem and overall stress resistance.

It is important! In order to get rid of a phobia forever, you need to work not only with the present, but also with the past. We need to change our attitude towards traumatic experiences.

Causes

Like panic attacks, androphobia defies logical explanation. Typically, androphobia is characteristic of women, but there are cases of this kind of fear in men. They have a brighter character. And it is based on the false ideas that representatives of the stronger half of humanity are selfish, omnipotent, domineering and do not care much about the feelings of others. Men who do not cause fear in such people are exclusively children and gays.

A woman’s fear of intimacy with a man is provoked by psychological aspects:

Painful memories of the father and other male relatives as tyrants who humiliated and beat the woman when she was still a defenseless child.

1. The father's departure from the family and the mother's revelations about why the father of the family left.
2. The Puritan approach to education, when contact with men is limited and relationships with the stronger sex are themselves prohibited. At the same time, to a woman, in whose usual life communication with them was kept to a minimum, in an open area it may seem that they are aggressive towards her. Although at the same time men behave normally and completely typical.
3. Rape, cheating, divorce, bad sexual experience.
4. Fear and increased anxiety at the thought of getting closer.
5. Social phobia (panic fear of people and society).
6. Watching television programs with an emphasis on male violence and cruelty.
7. A female environment that also fears and avoids the stronger half.

According to the observations of psychologists, modern women increasingly avoid long-term relationships and are afraid of intimacy with men. By the way, many girls have relationships, but they are superficial and short-term.

The reasons for fear of relationships with men may lie in the following aspects:

1. A woman is afraid of the manifestation of male power, afraid that he will physically or psychologically oppress her, put pressure on her.
2. The woman is afraid that her companion will harm her physical health or, in the worst case, endanger her life.
3. A financially independent girl sees him as a burden, a character who will limit her in some way.

Often one of the causes of androphobia is an unhappy first love. And she is 90% unhappy, because she mostly ends in a painful separation. Vulnerable and emotional maximalists, teenage girls commit many rash and illogical actions, and often do stupid things. Teenage boys are cruel and cynical by nature; most of them don’t care what a girl experiences during a difficult breakup, and even more so during unrequited love. And when the painful period after separation passes, girls either become iron ladies or fragile and distrustful creatures.