Every person experiences anxiety or is afraid of something from time to time. This is a normal phenomenon, but only if fear and anxiety do not occur too often and for any reason. In this case, a person cannot lead a normal life, since negative emotions do not allow him to live in peace. Let's figure out what needs to be done to get rid of fear and anxiety, and what psychologists say about this.
Where do anxious experiences come from?
Anxiety and fear are natural emotions that nature has endowed humans with. In a difficult situation, they help him, mobilizing physical and mental resources, and in a moment of danger they can even save his life.
But in some people these negative states appear as if for no reason. In fact, there is a reason, it’s just hidden deep in the subconscious. For example, people who have experienced serious difficulties or severe shocks begin to fear that a similar situation may happen again in the future.
There is a category of people who have a weak nervous system. They tend to worry and worry when faced with any unforeseen situation.
Pessimists are also often worried and afraid. A negative outlook on life makes a person expect a bad outcome from almost any event. And if this really happens, the pessimist becomes even more confident in the correctness of his way of thinking, thereby strengthening his tendency to negative experiences.
“We will endlessly discuss my childhood”
The client and therapist discuss what the client wants to discuss.
During the process, the therapist asks questions to see the situation from different angles, and some of these questions may actually be related to the past. But the endless discussion of parents and childhood is rather a myth formed by cinema. Sometimes the most unexpected things become the subject of discussion at the session: for example, the outfits of stars from the last Oscars or extrapolation of mathematical functions (examples are based on real events:), if these issues evoke emotions and are important to the client.
Symptoms of anxiety and fear
When a person begins to worry or fear something, he experiences not only negative emotions, but also certain physiological reactions. His muscles tense, his heartbeat and pulse quicken, he feels chills and lack of air in his chest. Hands begin to tremble, sweating increases. At the same time, obsessive thoughts swarm in your head, your imagination draws all sorts of unpleasant pictures, increasing the feeling of anxiety.
It is often difficult for a person to determine exactly what emotions he is experiencing. Anxiety is characterized by an unpleasant painful sensation in the chest, in the heart area, and the expectation of trouble. Fear puts you into a state of panic, in which a person’s rational thinking is turned off. He cannot sit down calmly and analyze the situation, he is simply afraid and panicking.
If the experiences do not leave a person for a long time, his appetite worsens or completely disappears, his sleep becomes superficial and intermittent, he wakes up at night and cannot fall asleep for a long time. For some people, on the contrary, their appetite increases, and they try to “eat up” their negative emotions.
A state of chronic stress takes away strength, so a person feels exhausted and tired. All this cannot but affect his life. If you do not get rid of the feelings of fear and anxiety in a timely manner, there is a danger that they will develop into a real mental disorder. Therefore, psychologists advise learning to cope with negative experiences on your own.
“I will be ashamed, sad and hurt in the process.”
It is quite possible that sometimes this will happen. But more importantly, it will not only be like this.
We can say with complete confidence that the world has not yet seen a single effective psychotherapeutic work in which the client never felt sad, ashamed or unpleasant. The good news is, you're guaranteed to experience a variety of feelings, including curiosity, surprise, relief, and pride in yourself. And feelings of shame or grief will no longer seem unbearable over time.
Methods for dealing with fears and anxiety
Almost every person is capable of overcoming fears and anxiety, negative emotions and experiences. It's not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. You just need to set a goal and follow the advice of psychologists. So, let's look at the most effective recommendations from specialists that can be used at home.
- Find out the reason for your worries. If you want to get rid of anxiety and worry, be sure to find the cause. Think about what kind of situation scares you. Maybe you're afraid of heights, crowds, talking to strangers, or speaking in front of an audience. Remember when your fear first appeared, in what situation it happened.
- Don't hide from your fear, don't deny it. If you honestly acknowledge its presence in your life, it will become easier to deal with it.
- Learn to relax. Anxious states force you to be in constant tension, take away your energy and strength. Therefore, it is very important to learn to relax. To do this, you can use any method: a warm bath, a walk in the park, an evening jog in the fresh air, yoga or meditation, breathing exercises, listening to pleasant, soothing music. Try to distract yourself from the experiences that torment you and devote yourself to your chosen activity.
- Discuss your fears with a loved one. There is nothing better than sharing your worries with someone you trust. This could be a close relative or friend to whom you can open your soul. Tell us what worries and concerns you and listen to your interlocutor’s opinion. Very often, after such a conversation, a person begins to treat his problem more calmly, and his feelings lose their severity.
- Put your thoughts on paper. If you don't have someone you can trust, don't despair. Keep a diary and write down all negative experiences there. This will make it easier for you to understand yourself and understand what exactly worries you and in what situations fear manifests itself most strongly.
- Laugh and smile more often. Bring more humor into your life. Watch comedies or comedy shows, read jokes, look for various funny jokes on the Internet. It's good to do this in the company of friends. This way you can have a good laugh, relieve stress and forget about your worries for a while.
- Don't sit idle. When a person is not busy with anything, negative experiences begin to attack him, and gloomy thoughts swirl in his head and do not allow him to relax. The best thing to do in such a situation is to get down to business. Do whatever you want: clean the apartment, cook a delicious dinner, pay attention to your husband or wife, play with your child, go to the store.
- Give some time to fears and anxiety. Most likely, you will not be able to constantly keep your feelings under control. There is no need to do this. Set aside 20-30 minutes for them every day. At this time, let your imagination draw the most terrible pictures. Give free rein to your anxiety, give in to it completely. Don't analyze your emotions, just experience them. When the allotted time is up, return to your normal activities. If anxiety starts to overcome you during the day, just write down the thoughts that are bothering you on paper, and you can worry about it in the allotted time.
- Don't dwell on the past. If you have had unpleasant situations in the past that caused internal fear or anxiety, your thoughts may often return to these events. Don't let them do this. The past has already passed and it is not at all a fact that the negative scenario will happen again. Relax, calm your nerves and live in the present moment.
- Do some visualization. As soon as your imagination begins to paint you terrible pictures of possible events, immediately, through an effort of will, switch it in a positive direction. Visualize clearly and in detail the most favorable outcome of the situation that worries you. Visualize until you feel that the anxiety has left you or at least significantly decreased. Psychologists and esotericists claim that regular positive visualization can influence life circumstances, turning them in the desired direction.
- Don't plan your actions in advance. Usually, before an important event, people think through their every step, rehearse their actions and words. If you are very anxious, then let your actions be spontaneous. Very often they turn out to be much more effective than planned. Trust the situation and act according to the circumstances.
- Don't feed your fears. If you have a tendency to worry excessively, try to avoid reading or watching news, crime reports, and other information on TV as little as possible, which will only aggravate existing fears and create fertile ground for the emergence of new ones.
- Change your eating habits. Some foods we eat tend to aggravate anxiety. This includes tea, coffee, alcohol. Reduce the amount of these foods in your diet or eliminate them altogether. By the way, excessive indulgence in sweets also increases anxiety, because when blood sugar rises, a person develops an unreasonable feeling of anxiety.
- Talk to people. If you feel anxious, don't sit alone. Go to a crowded place - a cinema, theater, concert or exhibition. Meet with friends more often. Give preference to live communication, but if this is not possible, do not neglect conversations on the phone, Skype, or correspondence on the Internet.
- Use affirmations, mantras, mudras. In esoteric literature you can find many effective means to combat negative experiences. One of the most popular are Sytin’s sentiments. You can use ready-made texts or create your own based on them.
“The therapist will tell me that nothing can help me.”
In theory, the therapist may say that he will not be able to help you specifically (for example, if you try to make an appointment with a psychotherapist of a completely different specialization). The likelihood that there is no way to ease your worries and improve your life is almost zero.
Help from a psychologist in dealing with fears
If you've tried all of the above methods for dealing with anxiety but haven't gotten anywhere, don't worry. It is better to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Often the roots of increased anxiety lie so deep in the subconscious that a person cannot find them on his own. The task of a psychologist is to help a person understand the causes of fear, remove them from the subconscious and teach him to overcome anxiety.
Some people are embarrassed to seek help from a psychologist. Do not do this. You are not embarrassed by a therapist or a dentist, but a psychologist is the same specialist, only in the field of mental, rather than physical, problems. He will help you deal with your fears and give useful recommendations.
If you can't cope with your anxiety, ask a therapist to prescribe anti-anxiety medications. You can also use folk remedies. Drink decoctions of medicinal herbs that have a sedative effect. These include mint, lemon balm, valerian root, motherwort, and chamomile.
“I will be going to a therapist for years.”
Only if you want. Discussions about the duration of therapy often fall into two extremes: “effective therapy works quickly” or “sustained large-scale change always takes years.” The truth is in the middle: habits and reactions that have been formed over the years really cannot be changed instantly, but as a rule, only a few sessions pass before the first results (relief, a feeling of hope for change, understanding the causes of certain conditions).
We recommend reading: Psychotherapy: instructions for use
It will take a long time to reach the point of “everything has changed,” but not so much time to reach the point of “a lot has begun to change.”
“Psychotherapy doesn’t help, it’s all fiction to pump out money”
There are hundreds of studies on the effectiveness of different schools of psychotherapy for different conditions. They are especially actively carried out in countries where psychotherapy is included in health insurance: insurance companies really do not like to pay for methods that do not work. Therefore, there is enough scientific evidence for psychotherapy.
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It is possible that therapy will not help you as quickly as you would like or with the issues you would like (for example, if your initial goal is to change the behavior of someone close to you). This usually becomes a good topic for discussion with your therapist—and a point to take things to the next level.
