Good afternoon, dear homebodies. Most likely, there is not a couple or family on the entire planet that would not experience conflict situations on everyday grounds. Everyday conflicts in relationships are an integral part of family relationships; they are necessary for the proper development of communication.
But the contradiction must be constructive, and most importantly, have a logical conclusion. Otherwise, family contradictions will work not to create and develop relationships, but to destroy them.
We have the power to manage everyday conflicts, but to do this we need to thoroughly know their nature.
Family and everyday conflict can become a stepping stone for relationships to reach a new, higher level of quality, if you go through it correctly and make the right decisions as a result.
In this article we will look at what social conflicts in relationships are like, and how to turn their destructive power for the benefit of the family and for its development. So, let's begin.
Classification of domestic conflicts in the family
In order to understand how to act in each specific situation, it is important to be able to recognize the type of contradiction. In each situation, the reasons may be different, but with knowledge of the main types of domestic conflicts, you can quickly find a constructive solution.
- True conflict arises in situations where there are more objective reasons, that is, contradictions between people. As a rule, this is a contradiction of interests, desires and understanding of things. Let's consider a vivid example of true conflict in family relationships. The family purchased a new house, in which, after the distribution, there was one free room left. The husband wants to set up his office in this room, and the wife wants to create a dressing room. The peculiarity of such a disagreement is that both sides are aware of it and are looking for a constructive solution.
- Conditional conflict - let's also consider it using the example of the above situation. For example, a husband and wife argue about filling an empty room, but do not consider the option of using the remaining free space (if there are still empty rooms). Resolving this disagreement is simply a matter of time and common sense.
- Displaced conflicts on domestic grounds are a fairly common phenomenon in family relationships. But, despite this, this type of conflict is the most difficult to resolve, since it implies the presence of a hidden cause of everyday conflicts that are dominant in the development of the situation. Certain tense situations are only a projection of the main disagreements between the parties.
- Hidden conflict arises in almost every relationship. Its peculiarity and the main problem in resolving it is the difficulty in identifying the causes. Often such a moment drags on for long periods, and over time it tends to grow and imperceptibly spread its destructive, relationship-destructive effect.
- False conflicts exist due to a distorted understanding of information on both sides. Such everyday conflicts in families and relationships often arise due to lack of communication or due to communication at different levels between the parties.
Kinds
The variety of causes of conflicts leads to the emergence of a large number of classifications of this phenomenon. Traditionally, researchers identify the following grounds for typology and types of social conflicts:
- By areas of flow. Determining the area of development of the described phenomenon makes it possible to identify a socio-psychological conflict, socio-political, socio-economic and national-ethnic.
- By duration. In this case, short-term and long-term conflicts are distinguished.
- By frequency: one-time and recurring.
- By influence on the development of society: progressive and regressive.
- By type of relationship. There are conflicts between social groups - intergroup and intragroup, between peoples - interethnic, between states - interstate, between state coalitions - global.
- According to the intensity of the flow. There are acute, protracted, hidden or latent conflicts.
The greatest interest for researchers is the study of conflicts occurring in various spheres, since each of them gives rise to a special type of confrontation.
What are the causes of domestic conflicts?
Naturally, each disagreement is absolutely unique, and at the same time, the soil for its development is almost always the same. You think you are arguing over an unclosed tube of toothpaste, when in fact the conflict is much more serious.
Let us consider the main reasons that provoke contradictions in the event of favorable conditions.
- Inconsistency of ideas about how things should be.
- Lack or lack of understanding, empathy. Reluctance (or even inability) to look at the situation from the perspective of the other side.
- Unmet needs.
These are the origins of many conflicts; below we will analyze each of the points in more detail.
- Each person, entering into a relationship, brings into it part of what he takes away from his parents' home and previous relationships. We all have our own ideas about what relationships are, how roles and responsibilities are distributed in them, and who “owes” what to whom. Most often, these expectations are not conscious, so contradictions that arise due to their inconsistency can last a long time. People learn ideas about how roles in a family should be distributed from their childhood. Many factors influence the formation of subconscious expectations, so they are different for each person. In this case, it will not be possible to come to an agreement on the shore - you will not find a single person in the whole world who will perfectly meet all your expectations.
- During preschool age, every child goes through a period of intense psychological development. At this stage, not only does one become aware of oneself as an individual, but with proper upbringing, also during this period the child begins to recognize other people as equal to him, as independent and unique individuals. But such a result is not achieved in all cases, sometimes for some reason, this process is delayed even for decades. The so-called egocentrism of preschoolers can be observed in adults. These are people who grew up in problematic, dysfunctional families, where no one took care of the children. Also, a lot depends on the level of consciousness of the parents - if the mother or father could not see certain situations through the eyes of the child, were not capable of empathy, they will not be able to teach this to the child. In such situations, everyday conflicts in relationships can be protracted, and often the possibility of resolving them requires the intervention of a family psychotherapist.
- Successful and happy relationships are those in which mutual satisfaction of needs occurs. We know a lot about our physical needs (hunger, thirst, hygiene, warmth, shelter, etc.), we can express them, and we strive to satisfy them. But, unfortunately, only a few are thoroughly aware of other types of needs, which only a few can clearly formulate. Every person has emotional, mental and spiritual needs that are present from birth until death, and are inalienable. When entering a relationship, many of us subconsciously expect certain needs to be met, and when this does not happen, disagreements arise. In the long term, this state of affairs can lead to final disintegration and serious psychological trauma.
Forms of emergence of contradictions
The broadest area of research is the causes of social conflict. Here the classification occurs according to the area in which the initial misunderstanding occurred. The main areas of human conflict are political, cultural and emotional fields. These areas are often where 80% of social disagreements occur. The basis for their occurrence is the inherent human desire to be happy and avoid troubles. However, each individual has his own standards by which to measure a happy or unlucky situation.
For example, in some parts of the world, fair skin is considered a sign of beauty and high birth, in others people hide paleness by applying fake tan. Such disagreements can be classified as cultural, and the social conflict that arises on its basis will most likely take place in the area of peace negotiations.
Having correctly identified the category of the reason that caused the dispute, it is easiest to find ways to solve it.
Based on the initial desire of individuals for well-being, the general criteria for achieving it are:
- Economic stability. Includes the availability of money, basic values and vital resources.
- Security and the presence of basic freedoms - freedom to choose government, living conditions, fair trial, protection of basic human rights.
- Cultural diversity. This category includes free access to education, freedom to choose religion, and the development of science and art.
Based on basic factors that are vital to each person, but often differ in direction and form, most disagreements occur. The cultural sphere includes ideological, religious, moral, ethnic, family. The economic and security area includes political, legal, labor, and territorial disputes. There are many other forms, determined by the initial reason for the aggravation of reticence.
What do everyday conflicts lead to in relationships?
Quite often, everyday conflicts in relationships lead a couple into a protracted period of crisis, from which there are only two acceptable ways out. If conflicts are handled correctly and resolved in a timely manner, your union will become stronger.
This is the most desirable scenario. But if contradictions are ignored, hidden or suppressed, this will not lead to anything good.
Most likely, such a union will be forced to fall apart, because over time the psychological discomfort in such a relationship will become simply unbearable. Therefore, it is very important to prevent the accumulation of negative emotions and unresolved conflicts, which will simply grow like a snowball.
Common types of confrontations
The described structure reveals the basic principles of social conflict, and therefore is accepted as a standard method of consideration. Its effectiveness has been proven by the practice of sociologists of the last century. Based on this system, the main types of social conflicts can be identified:
- intrapersonal, interpersonal and intergroup;
- horizontal, vertical and mixed;
- objective and subjective;
- integrative and disintegrative;
- short-term and long-term;
- rational and emotional;
- peaceful and armed;
- spontaneous and deliberate.
How to resolve everyday conflicts in relationships?
In each individual situation, the ways to resolve the situation may be different - the main thing is to act. Let's look at a list of tips that will help resolve conflicts.
- Do not use raised tones in resolving disputes - shouting only aggravates the situation, causes negative emotions and builds a wall between the parties.
- Analyze each moment separately; do not immediately remember a thousand more similar cases out of emotion.
- Under no circumstances use the tactic of blaming the other party - this does not lead to a constructive resolution of the conflict.
- Learn to listen to your partner silently and without leading questions. This, firstly, gives you the right to demand the same in return, and secondly, it will help you clearly understand the position of the other party.
- If you realize that you are unable to restrain your emotions, try to agree to reschedule the conversation for another time. During this time, consider whether your position is really worth defending. This way you can calmly and diplomatically resolve everyday conflicts in relationships.
- Learn to make compromise decisions, because this is often the only way out in disputes and everyday conflicts.
- In some cases, learn to give in - this will not shake your position in the family, your partner will not lose respect for you, and you yourself will feel not defeated, but a winner. After all, dealing with your emotions and giving in is the lot of strong people.
- Talk about everything that doesn't suit you. There is no need to remain silent, accumulate resentment or other negative emotions. By your silence you are not saving the relationship, but only starting a destructive process.
- During the analysis of a specific situation, if you feel that the temperature of emotions is heating up, and soon you will be ready to start shouting and mutual accusations, it is worth defusing the situation with a joke or a statement on an abstract topic.
- Be prepared for the fact that change is not always the solution to a conflict situation - sometimes it is better to leave everything as it is, and this will be a healthy compromise.
- Do not demand quick results from your partner in your decision. Changes, especially those related to everyday habits, cannot be accomplished in a short period of time.
- Do not interfere with third parties (parents, friends, children) in resolving domestic conflicts. This can only aggravate the misunderstanding and transfer it into a hidden form.
- In turn, be open to constructive criticism. The problem for many people is that they are not ready to accept the arguments presented by the other side. They are not ready to make concessions because they consider it a defeat, although in fact the relationship is not a struggle, but an alliance.
Concept
Conflictology defines social conflict as the highest point of conflict of interests between members and groups of society. The history of social conflicts goes back centuries. Already the first communities of people defended their interests in confrontations with each other. When defining the essence of this phenomenon, thinkers take different approaches to its definition. Thus, according to K. Marx, social conflict is the antagonism of classes, which inevitably ends in revolution.
Lewis Coser, an American sociologist, believes that social conflict is the interaction of opponents, which takes place in the form of a struggle for values, power, resources using various methods of causing various damage to one’s opponent.
German sociologist Ralf Derendorff says that social conflict is a clash between social groups of varying degrees of intensity and manifestation, and class struggle is only one of its types. Thus, understanding social conflict always includes ideas about confrontation over something. The degree of expression may vary, but there is always opposition in it.
How to prevent domestic conflicts in the family?
Naturally, it is simply impossible to prevent absolutely all everyday conflicts in relationships, but you can try to reduce them to a minimum. In fact, conflicts are good for relationships, as discussed above.
But, if they happen too often, they definitely harm family happiness and disrupt the positive, favorable emotional atmosphere.
Here are 7 tips to practice to prevent serious domestic conflicts.
- Get rid of perfectionism. The truth is, things will never be perfect, and instead of devoting your life to chasing perfection in the details, take care of the more important things.
- Learn self-irony. Many disputes could be resolved instantly if people could laugh at themselves.
- Discuss important everyday issues more often in a calm environment.
- Tell the truth, even if you think it may only fuel controversy.
- Every person has the right to make mistakes - treat your partner's mistakes as if they were your own - without undue judgment or attack.
- Don't let your workload and everyday worries consume all your free time. You need rest - separately and together.
- Before you start an argument, put yourself in your opponent's shoes. The ability to see the situation through the eyes of your partner gives you the opportunity to objectively assess - and this is already half the success in resolving domestic conflicts.
What can we conclude? It is important to smooth out and minimize everyday conflicts in relationships. We wish your family happiness and mutual understanding!