Mental infantilism is an immaturity of thought processes, the main component of which is the avoidance of responsibility and independent decision-making due to delayed mental development. Such people, as a rule, do not have any goals or plans for their future life. Psychological infantilism differs from mental one in that such a person has good abstract thinking, has a good ability to learn, but, for some reason, there was a “disruption” of attitudes. Often such infantilism occurs at the age of 18-20 years, it is during this period that the child’s first adult decisions (enrolling in college, getting a job, etc.) occur.
Recently, social infantilism has become increasingly common - underdevelopment of the personality as an individual due to constant strife in society. An example would be excessive guardianship over one’s child, when the parent’s beloved child has never made independent decisions in his life, and, as an adult, is literally “lost” in the vast world due to a misconception about it. Psychological immaturity creates stereotypical thinking: “My parents took care of me, and other people will.” On a subconscious level, an immature personality is looking for an adult and responsible spouse to partner with, so that he can solve all the problems himself.
Infantile personality disorder is a persistent symptom complex that has been developing in an adult for years and leads to an acute need to satisfy one’s needs through other people.
Causes
- Genetic predisposition;
- Strict upbringing. Constantly following parental instructions and being under parental control discourages the child from doing something on his own;
- Infantile people, being children, are subject to constant care from childhood. Adults “cut off” the child from the real world, decide all issues for him, and do not allow him to make independent decisions. A persistent personality defect is formed by the age of 16-18 and does not allow a teenager to feel like an adult;
- "Love" hunger. Paradoxically, an excess or, conversely, a lack of parental affection gradually forms an infantile personality;
- Complete lack of control over the child’s fate due to lack of time. Parents cannot be replaced, but in infantile families you can often see a child playing on the computer or watching TV around the clock;
- Infantility can be either a separate pathological condition or a consequence of other diseases. Thus, there is anancastic personality disorder, which manifests itself in an obsessive desire to do something, stubbornness, perfectionism and a tendency to doubt. An immature personality may have several disorders at once, so it is necessary to find out which of them is the leading one.
Attitude to the world and to oneself according to transactional analysis
A conflict arises where the direct stimulus is directed from Adult to Adult (“Where is the report for today?”), and the reaction comes from the ego state of the Child (“Again, it’s all my fault!”). In this case, we see the so-called “ cross transaction ”, which is usually the beginning of a scandal.
But there is also a variant of “ hidden transactions ”, in which something specific is said, but something completely different is meant. At the same time, gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice often do not coincide with what the person is saying.
Clinical picture
The word “infantility” from Latin means “childish”, which determines the manifestations of this condition:
- Inability to make independent decisions;
- Avoidance of responsibility;
- Lack of plans for life;
- Selfishness;
- Emotional unpredictability;
- Impaired perception of the surrounding world;
- Inability to perceive other people's emotions;
- Sedentary lifestyle;
- Usually poor results in career growth due to reluctance to work;
- Irrational expenditure of funds (an infant would rather spend money on a new phone than buy food for himself, etc.).
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An infantile girl is looking for a wealthy adult man, thereby trying to make up for the defect of parental love and get what she wants.
An immature man will look for a wife who will take care of him like his own mother. In his mind, the wife is obliged to carry out all the duties around the house and please his beloved with just a wave of his finger. The male infant himself does not particularly strain himself, does not look for work or does not stay at it for a long time.
Incentives in communication
Approval is important for personal development. This is one of the basic human needs. In transactional analysis theory, such approval or stimulation is called “stroking.” Such moments in communication can have a positive or negative connotation. “Strokes” can be unconditional (simply for the fact that a person exists) and conditional (given for actions). The latter are precisely colored by emotions with a “+” or “-“ sign.
In therapeutic practice, a specialist teaches a person to accept such stimuli or not to do so, especially when they are negative. Positive conditional “strokes” are also not always appropriate to accept, since a person learns to be “good”, that is, he tries to please everyone, while infringing on himself.
It is also important to teach the client to refuse the conditions that are put forward with a positive stimulus if they do not correspond to the person’s internal positions, which Bern Eric especially emphasized. Transactional analysis helps the client focus on creating the conditions necessary for him, where he can discover new strengths in himself for making decisions, and so on. In a therapeutic contact, a psychologist must teach a person to accept himself, then the consultation will be successful.
Infantility in adults
Infantilism in adults occurs equally often in both men and women. The reasons for this condition are the same, but the manifestations may differ slightly. Again, infantile personality disorder occurs due to excessive social pressure. “A man is a breadwinner, a man must...” and “A woman is a breadwinner, a woman must...” are equivalent for both sexes and make them run away from themselves and their responsibilities. Male infantilism can also be associated with an unfavorable economic situation, constant failures on the love front, and reluctance to make decisions because of parents who are always ready to do everything themselves. Female infantilism sometimes has more blurred boundaries. So, society to some extent encourages childish behavior. Moreover, men who date such women often feel like real protectors and providers, which plays into the hands of both the girl and her significant other. Infantile men are looking for strong-willed and strong women as their chosen ones, who will be able to do everything around the house and will take responsibility for raising a “big child.” By analogy with infantile women, such men often create an alliance with older halves, again, giving their chosen one what she wants to see. If a girl often pays attention to the fact that her boyfriend behaves like a child, this may indicate that the woman is not ready to start a family with this particular person, since, in fact, the girl herself is, to some extent, an immature person and requires serious relationship with her because of the need for a strong protector.
Problem and signs of imbalance
A person can achieve success and prosperity if the three components of the ego interact harmoniously in him. Each state should account for approximately 30% of his time.
If you know the principles of transaction, then you can include a child, adult or parent in the right situation so that communication goes according to the desired scenario.
Unfortunately, not everyone has this balance. This leads to various communication problems. Most often, an individual is dominated by a parent or a child.
The child cannot make adult decisions, is late for work, blames others for failures, and gets offended.
The parent constantly teaches his other half, friends, partners.
These excesses negatively affect , first of all, the person himself. Imbalance problems are expressed as follows:
Child
If there is little child in a person , then she does not experience spontaneous desires, joy, or emotions. A child is a piece of childhood that remains with an individual for life.
Bern believes that this side is the most valuable . It allows you to remain spontaneous, delighted, and develop your creative potential.
The expressed side of the child , on the contrary, makes the individual irresponsible, undisciplined, and unable to achieve goals. He only wants to play, receive, but not give.
A depressed or rebellious child is very touchy and prone to depression. He needs parental care, depends on other people's opinions, and has low self-esteem.
If the ego-child is very dominant , then this becomes a serious problem. A person tends to blame other people for failures, does not draw conclusions from his mistakes, and accumulates grievances. These grievances and disappointments lead to depression, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
Hypertrophied parent
This is usually a boring, grumbling, lecturing person.
He does not recognize other people's opinions and criticizes. In relation to himself and others he expresses inflated demands , that is, he is a perfectionist.
The ego-parent tries to constantly control the situation and blames himself for failures. This side of personality that is too pronounced often becomes the cause of mental disorders. This can be avoided if you consciously change the script prescribed in childhood.
The problem of infantilism in children
Childhood infantilism can be a variant of the norm, because during this period of time the child is formed as a personality, tries something new for himself and discovers sides of his character. Childishness is acceptable and even encouraged if the child takes part in social life, is responsible for his actions and is capable of learning. It is clear that a child, being an unformed and immature personality, will not yet be able to assimilate absolutely all the moral aspects of adult life on a subconscious level, however, parents must explain what needs to be done and what not, otherwise such upbringing will bring nothing but disappointment as parents , and so does the child. As a rule, infantilism develops gradually; in addition to academic failure, restlessness, emotional lability, and a tendency to hysterics appear. The social circle of infant children often includes younger children, which indicates slow development. However, this condition is reversible and can be successfully treated when the child talks with his parents and a psychologist as needed.
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An infantile child often achieves great success in creativity, which is determined by the good development of the right hemisphere of the brain.
Problems of suppressed will
The problems of infantilism are obvious. A person becomes a puppet in the hands of others and is easy to control. Interested people either simply dictate their will and resort to open pressure, or influence consciousness so that infantiles make the “necessary” decisions. “Heart-to-heart conversations,” gentle persuasion, and promises are used. In case of manipulation on a national scale, the media is also used.
Adult children are easy to manipulate because they do not know what they really want and are accustomed to following their immediate desires. Someone showed the “candy” in a beautiful wrapper, launched the necessary information on the desired TV channel and that’s it, the job was done! Moreover, the person sincerely believes that the decisions he makes are his own.
Infantility in relationships
An immature person subconsciously reaches out to those who will replace his parent. She will look after him, accept all his shortcomings and cherish him. Given the peculiar perception of reality, it is difficult for an infant to find friends and a soul mate, and modern society is pushing people towards the fact that there are more and more individuals with an infantile character. The search for a “new mom or dad” leads to conflict and aggression on the part of real parents. An infantile husband will be able to leave his wife in no time at the instruction of his mother or father.
If a man behaves like a child, then this is unlikely to change if his parents are nearby, striving for dominance over their child.
Man child - signs
An infantile man - a child, if we are talking about a real infantile man, will be different from one who simply rests and relaxes from business, using toys.
man-child signs
They all love toys. Men are adult children. Little boys love small cars and guns. And, boys love big cars and pistols (and other weapons).
But, there is a fundamental difference between a truly infantile, immature man-child and one who simply loves big cars.
1. Lack of real responsibility.
Which manifests itself as constant shifting of blame to others.
“And you said...” Or, even cooler - “But you didn’t say...”. Whatever happens to them, others are to blame, most often a close woman, a wife.
The same childish irresponsibility constantly manifests itself in the form of violation of agreements. You cannot rely on such a person. I'm constantly afraid around him - will he do it? Will he make it? Will he come?
2. Egocentrism.
This is truly a childish trait. A small child initially sees everything only from his own point of view. Growing up, this trait (normally) is eliminated in him.
If your man absolutely does not understand “how is it not what he thinks? How can this even be any other way?” This is a manifestation of a truly childish trait - egocentrism.
egocentrism
There is a wonderful experiment by J. Piaget on this topic. He created a wooden model of the city.
And, the toy houses of the city were painted yellow on one side and blue on the other.
A child was seated on one side. On the other hand, a doll. And they asked the child: “What color does the doll see the houses?” The egocentric child answered that “The doll sees the same way as he does.” Those children who had already outlived egocentrism could tell the true color of the houses from the doll’s side, while understanding that “on my side it’s a different color.”
3. A man and a child is unable to evaluate himself and what is happening on his own.
He (most often) needs to rely on the opinion of his mother or friends. As friends will say, that’s what he’s doing. As his mother orders, so he will do. But it’s not a fact that friends will say something useful. Because of this, he constantly gets into various troubles.
4. An infantile man does not know how to organize his life and finances at all or almost at all.
Due to this, he cannot really learn. Or he can’t work stably - something keeps bothering him.
Very often such men get into money problems. For example, they will get loans and borrow money. And they don’t think about who will pay then and how to give the money. And, as a result, the burden of paying off debts falls on the wife.
5. Infantile man - a child does not understand either his own boundaries or those of others.
That is why he can yank you out of bed at three in the morning, forcing you to decide the consequences of his next adventure.
It is completely natural for him to make fun of his wife’s (girlfriend’s) appearance.
Also, it is common for him to not observe the rules of decency in public places. Or, to tell you “I’ll live with you,” when you didn’t even invite him.
6. Men who, like children, due to their irresponsibility and self-centeredness, do not cope well with reality.
She doesn't give in to them. Therefore, they often fall into various addictions. Alcohol, gaming, drugs. Because addiction is an escape from reality when you can’t cope with it.
Based on this, in order to get such an addict out of his vice, it is necessary not just to take the bottle away from him. And, to raise him into an adult person capable of facing the facts, the difficulties of life and coping with them.
7. Besides, a man-child can remain like this forever.
It’s not a fact that age will correct it. There are young people who are very mature in terms of their level of psychological development. And there are 70-year-old infantile men who have never matured.
Treatment
Many people wonder how to get rid of immaturity. And the whole problem is that the infant man understands perfectly well that he needs help, but he himself is not able to change. If an individual is in adolescence, he can still be influenced by changing his upbringing on the part of his parents, changing his attitude towards the child, lowering or, on the contrary, raising the standards, helping him get back on his feet and sending him into adulthood already prepared. If the infant has long been formed as a person, he needs to turn to a psychologist, otherwise he cannot get rid of this problem.
Treatment of infantilism is based on conversations and establishing a model of parenting in childhood. Everything else: sedatives, mood stabilizers, nootropics, antidepressants, etc. are taken to relieve symptoms if a person develops any neurotic or mental spectrum disorders.
E. Bern's theory
The founder of transaction theory is considered to be the American psychotherapist Eric Berne .
He began publishing his works in the 60s of the 20th century; the greatest interest in his works occurred in the 70s.
Bern reflected his observations and developments in the book “Games People Play . The author understands the word “transaction” as a unit of interaction, which is expressed as follows: question-answer.
According to Berne's theory, three states interact in each personality: child, adult and parent . The same person can be in different states at different times.
If a person follows the instructions given to him by his parents, he is in the state of a parent. When he behaves as he did in childhood, the child puts pressure on him. With an objective assessment and acceptance of reality, analysis of the current situation, a person is in an adult state.
Within the framework of transaction theory, Berne also developed scenario theory. Each person can carry out the prescribed script or apply an anti-script.
A script is a life plan that is drawn up in early childhood. So many children know what they want to become, how many children to have and where to live.
The script can also be imposed by parents. If a child is constantly told that he is a failure, then he will not achieve success in life.
The counter-script is formed already in adulthood and implies a departure from the prescribed plan.
For example, parents and teachers “prophesied” for a teenager to become a doctor, like his grandfather or father, in order to continue the dynasty .
However, a person takes every action to escape from his “predestined” fate.
An anti-scenario is the complete opposite of a script and involves performing sequential actions that are opposite to those that should be performed.
That is, instead of passing exams and going to college, a young man drops out of school and ends up in bad company, starts drinking and taking drugs.
His behavior is also a consequence of his parents’ attitudes, but with the opposite result.
Don't try to re-educate your parents
As children grow up and parents grow old, the balance of power in the family begins to change. The older generation is becoming limited in its capabilities, while the younger generation, on the contrary, is just getting the hang of it. Elderly parents may understand many things worse than you, and they may need your help in solving difficult situations, just as you once did. However, you should not take advantage of this and assert your power over them, as if they were stupid children. You can never change your parents. Don't settle scores with them for childhood traumas and grievances - they are adults, and they need to be accepted for who they are if you decide to maintain contact with them.
Give them the opportunity to take care of themselves
Worrying calls from your parents and treating you like a child (“Are you sure you packed your suitcase and put everything you need?”) can be annoying, and that’s normal. However, you should not give free rein to your emotions. The phrase about the fact that children remain children for parents at any age is a fact. In this way, they not only show their love, but also give themselves the opportunity to feel their strength and importance. Of course, you shouldn’t allow them to cross certain reasonable boundaries of your personal life, but you also shouldn’t deny them the opportunity to take care of you at least a little.
