- September 16, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Valentina Zabrodina
You can hear about how to grow up and why it is vital for each of us from different sources. Does this mean that we urgently need to get legally married and have several children? Or get two promotions? How to grow up quickly?
Performing certain actions in itself does not guarantee growing up; there is no universal instruction. Let’s try to figure it out together what it means to become an adult.
Understanding what cause and effect are
One of the most important things you must understand is that all your actions have consequences. What you do today will produce results tomorrow. And this is true in absolutely all aspects of life: your attitude towards others; your care for your body; your success at work; ability to manage finances. Whatever you do, remember that you will have to face the consequences of your own actions later.
Growing up in men
How can a guy grow up psychologically if throughout his childhood and adolescence he did not see examples of masculine behavior in his family?
It is difficult to become emotionally mature when a boy is raised in a family consisting of women (grandmother and mother, for example). He does not see models of male behavior either in the family or at school (as you know, there are very few male teachers in schools).
Playing on a sports team and practicing martial arts under the guidance of a male coach greatly help in developing masculine qualities in a boy. By playing in a team, he learns to make decisions with an eye on others, learns to obey the orders of the coach, endure failures and overcome difficulties. Therefore, it is very important to introduce a boy to sports.
There is no universal way for a man to mature psychologically. You can be married and have three children, but leave the decision on all important issues for the family to your wife (parents).
How can a guy grow up? Firstly, parents need to delegate to the teenager the decision of issues that are important to him, such as choosing a higher educational institution, choosing a specialty that matches his natural inclinations and skills. By putting effort into the process of enrolling in a university, choosing and arranging premises in a student dormitory, the guy will appreciate what he has more.
Ability to take responsibility
You alone are responsible for your actions (or inactions). When you make a decision, you must understand that you alone will be responsible for what happens next. You must learn to take responsibility. Of course, external factors influence the outcome, but you have more control than you think. If something went wrong, then you might have missed something. Never blame others for your mistakes. This is a big step towards growing up.
Stop depending on the opinions of others
How can a girl grow up psychologically if, since childhood, she has been convinced of her inability to be a good wife and mother? Innocent phrases from parents, teachers and mentors can be destructive.
In psychotherapeutic practice, there are often cases when a relative’s humorous statement that it’s time to stop with the second helping of porridge, otherwise you will soon have to change your entire wardrobe, led to serious illnesses such as anorexia and bulimia. Teenage girls are especially sensitive to such statements; their parents need to know this and be careful in their statements.
The ability to delay gratification
Everyone has a choice. For example, you can spend 100 thousand on a vacation. Or you can invest this money and after a few years you will have not 100, but 150 thousand. And you can still go on a trip, but at the same time you will either have more money, or you will simply save the amount that you could have spent initially. You have a choice: spend the evening watching a series or devote time to self-development, which can open up new sources of income for you. Learn to delay gratification if you can get significantly more in the near future.
How to grow up and not screw up: 9 steps that lead to the world of adults
They say that infantilization in society has reached its climax. 30-year-olds act like 15-year-olds, 40-year-olds act like 20-year-olds. Let's be honest: if you are 25 and still act like a teenager, then there is something wrong with you. How to grow up and not screw up - in the new issue of the legendary column.
Don't pretend to be an adult.
There is no more pitiful sight than an infantile, immature person pretending that he has experienced everything and survived everything. Those pretending to be adults are divided (excuse me!) into two types. The first type is a silent, wise man who hides his fears and anxieties under the mask of an indifferent cynic. The second is an all-knowing, condescendingly smiling guru who will now teach you how to live. You can silently hug both of them and say that everything will be fine. And run away.
Don't pretend to be a child.
There is no need to make faces, all the time trying to demonstrate to others what a naive, pure soul you are. Underneath this, as a rule, lies a hysterical womanish desire to be liked or an attempt to relieve oneself of responsibility for what is said and done. Those who look like children are visible to the naked eye. They open their eyes wide, smile stupidly, love to gasp, groan, make eyebrows and dress like overgrown kids. Girls of forty years old post photographs of themselves running through the fields, lifting their knees high, and “young men” are shaking their curls and picking at the table with their fingers, as if hinting that they require care and a special approach. This is allowed for girls under 25 to practice, but never for boys.
Forget what you were told as a child.
All these maxims “you are already an adult, and adults don’t cry / don’t complain / don’t whine / don’t become limp / don’t be capricious / study well / think before they act / are responsible for their actions” did not cause anything but irritation then and did not will call now. Of course, most of this is true, but who did she ever help? Only if you yourself realize over time that such behavior does not make it any easier for you or those around you, will you stop whining and being capricious and begin to take responsibility for your actions. And God forbid you then start saying the same thing to your children. Verified. Does not work.
Forgive your parents.
Whatever they did when you were little cannot be changed. Forget the nonsense that they did all this for your sake. They just did it. Dot. Now your life finally depends only on you - don’t drag bags of grievances with you.
Don't remain eternal children for your parents.
Don’t hide the fact that you smoke, that you have broken up with someone again, or, conversely, that you have a new love that may shock them. This doesn't mean you have to turn yourself inside out in front of them. Just don't go through any extra effort to hide anything from them. They are much stronger than you think.
Don't try to love your relatives.
Don't wallow in guilt because you feel like you're not loving enough. Don't worry if you don't miss being apart and don't want to see each other every week. Of course, there should be a certain sense of duty to aging parents and the respect they deserve (also, by the way, not always), but this can be limited. Unfortunately, in our society distance is associated with coldness, and symbiosis with true love. Calm, even relationships, where everyone values each other’s personal space, are not in use.
Don't confuse childhood with teenage.
There is a child in every adult from 20 to 120. And this is wonderful. Hold and cherish this child. He will help you cry when it hurts, laugh when everyone is sitting with their faces twisted from seriousness, and be sincerely surprised by what everyone considers obvious. He will help you love without worrying about your pride or fearing the consequences. Another thing is a teenager. Many people mistake teenage behavior for the behavior of a free, brave person. An ever-arguing, anti-mainstream, fearless skeptic who fears no one (in fact, everyone). He is either always silent and hides in a shell, or he is always getting into trouble. He jumps up angrily and runs away, does everything out of spite, trolls and is terribly proud of his bad habits and unbearable character. “Yes, I’m like that - if you don’t want it, don’t!” - runs like a red line across his forehead. I just want to answer: “We want, dear, we want.” But only if you are under 18." Live your teenager fiercely and passionately. Demolish everything in your path, prove that no one needs you to be right, deny everything, spit bile, burn in the hell of hormones, and then say goodbye to your teenager forever. You won't need it anymore.
Think.
Catch yourself giving excuses for your lack of restraint, touchiness and unnecessaryness. Notice what it is that makes you close, defend, or attack. Do not mistake your licentiousness for looseness, and tactlessness for a desire for justice. Sometimes this requires enormous effort.
Feel it.
Try to treat yourself with the utmost care and respect. Because until this happens, you will never be able to treat the people around you and life in general in the same way. And this is what makes you an adult.
Source: wos.ru
Formed principles, values and beliefs
In childhood and adolescence, we often find ourselves dependent on the opinions of other people. On the one hand, it helps to find a compromise and establish friendly relations. On the other hand, young people often follow the crowd, try to fit in, pretend to be other people. This deprives them of their uniqueness. An adult can clearly articulate his principles, values and beliefs. He will not indulge anyone if it does not suit his views on life. He is honest with himself, he is real.
If you want to hold on, let go
Another aspect of maturity relates to the ability to not become overly attached to people. We are talking specifically about suffocating attachment, about “sticking” to the object of one’s love, when an individual’s worldview is narrowed to the limit, and he cannot imagine himself without the other.
The reasons for this behavior may be a fear deeply hidden in the subconscious of losing the object of love or being unnecessary. This may be due to childhood or teenage psychological trauma, as well as the fact that the child is not used to sharing his things. He projects this attitude into adulthood.
The problem is that an adult, mature person is not able to be in a relationship out of a sense of duty or pity (“If I leave, she will commit suicide”).
It is important to understand that we choose people, and they choose us based on the principle of similarity of common interests and life attitudes, but at the same time certain differences. We are attractive to each other as long as we have a difference in potential. It is very important in any relationship to maintain autonomy, your own space, then you won’t have to hold anyone back.
Ability to resolve conflicts
To reach a compromise, it is important to be able to understand the other person. Be able to take his place. This is the only way to find a way out of a conflict situation that will satisfy both parties. However, the problem is not always so easy to solve. Sometimes a dispute arises due to personal hostility towards a person. Or because one is doing wrong. And how you approach resolving an argument says a lot about your maturity. Speak calmly, remember that anyone can make mistakes. Don't stoop to insults or accusations. Don't escalate the situation.
How to look older than your age - choosing outerwear
As for choosing outerwear, it is better to choose a coat in the fall, and a fur coat (if possible) in the winter. In spring - a light windbreaker in neutral colors or a black leather jacket. Classic vests over a light-colored blouse also add solidity. Vests made of natural or faux fur will also help you appear older.
Of course, blouses help create a more mature look. It's worth paying attention to them. As for sweaters, too fussy patterns are not advisable. The sweater should have soft light colors, without stripes or arrows. Or dark ones - brown, black, dark blue. It is advisable that dark colors be slightly diluted with light ones.
