Revenge and the desire for revenge: the more terrible, the more desirable
Film "9th Company"
The letter from my beloved did not arrive. When life has offended you, you really want to take revenge on someone. Do something nasty...
Film "The Age of Darkness"
Revenge, at least in the imagination.
Revenge is the deliberate infliction of evil, trouble in order to repay for insult, resentment or suffering. Revenge is the desire to hit the same or harder than the one who hurt us - in contrast to “reply”, whose task is rather to stop the attack in our direction.
Types of revenge
Intentional is not always deliberate, and the most common type of revenge is thoughtless revenge, impulsive revenge: everyday revenge.
The scale of such revenge varies greatly: from “saying nasty things about you for talking about me” to “puncture the tires” or “punch your face.”
Revenge, the desire to take revenge, can be generated by vindictiveness as a character trait, a bad mood (vindictiveness), and beliefs in the justification and naturalness of revenge. Revenge is common among people, like stupidity and many other vices, but the only type of revenge that is justified is deliberate retribution, which has a pedagogical meaning - punishment for crimes committed.
As for blood feud, this is to a small extent a psychological phenomenon - it is rather an element of national customs and national culture. In modern civilization, blood feud is considered barbaric.
One of the most psychologically interesting types of revenge is symbolic revenge: revenge against strangers who act as a substitute for the offender, despite the fact that the offense could have taken place many years ago...
Revenge and vindictiveness in human life
Before it happens in life, revenge happens in the imagination. It's better if she stays there. It’s even better if you take care of everyone involved in the situation and replace revenge with something kinder and more constructive.
As a feeling, revenge is infused with resentment, hatred, and anger. They take revenge so as not to feel like a loser, weak or deprived.
“I took revenge, someone else had it worse, so I won.”
The desire and impulse to take revenge, as one of the causes of problem behavior, is the cause of many educational difficulties, interpersonal and internal problems. The desire for revenge ends where a person begins to understand and forgive, where a person begins to think about the future, where a person begins to care and love.
The purpose of the child’s behavior is revenge
When we suppress children by using our superiority over them, they become desperate and tend to seek revenge. Feeling their worthlessness, hostility and resentment, children feel the desire to take it all out on someone. Sometimes revenge can be more subtle than in this example. A child who has fallen into despair is capable of openly harming both himself and others. Cm.
How to refuse revenge?
Hello Tatyana
, I have carefully read your letter and suggest that you build our dialogue through answers to key phrases from the letter:
I have a strong grudge against a friend who forgot and left me.
You write yourself that your friend does not consider you his girlfriend, or even a friend , but only an acquaintance. Then tell me, how can he forget you and leave you? You yourself decided for yourself and for him that there was something more between you and you yourself believed in it. But…. This is just your Image that he is your boyfriend, in reality this is not the case and the guy openly tells you about it. Maybe you will see now that no one abandoned or abandoned you?
I've been loving him very much for several months now. But he doesn’t, he doesn’t even consider me a friend, only an acquaintance.
You rather sympathize with him very much. I wouldn’t call it Love from the person himself towards himself , and your suffering speaks precisely of the fact that you have not yet learned to Love yourself , which means you are also not ready to love another.
I can’t let him go, but I’m constantly taking revenge, and soon I might end up killing him.
You just can’t keep him near you without his own desire. But you cannot let go, not him, but only your Expectations , which do not at all coincide with reality. The extreme of your desires - from being with him to the most terrible thing - the thought of killing him, already suggests that you have invented a lot for yourself and it is now very painful for you to accept the truth as it is. Have you thought about the consequences of your desire to kill another? In any case, you will not be with him , you will lose the most important thing - Freedom , since any crime is punishable. You shouldn't joke with emotions, they sometimes come at too high a price.
I’m already on antidepressants, I’m completely immersed in work, I’m very lonely, there’s no support.
This phrase of yours is the most important, because it very well shows your Loneliness , in which you have been for many years. Perhaps this has something to do with your childhood, with your relationship with your parents - with your mother . You lacked attention, tenderness and Love from people close to you and you wanted to fill this gap in your Soul by looking for a new relationship, and for some reason you decided that this guy is the one who will give you this Love . Perhaps he showed some attention to you - spoke to you, or answered your questions, or simply listened to you, and you have already decided that this is enough to love him and demand Love from him too.
Any requirement in Love and in relationships always speaks of a certain Dependence of a person on others and a desire to control them. Your Loneliness is precisely because you could not understand the main thing - you yourself are the person whom you can Love the way you would like others to Love you. You can’t force others, but you can learn yourself, you just need to know how. This is already working with a psychologist.
You take antidipresants and this means that you have been living by the same rules for a long time, without changing anything and without seeing them with no prospects for yourself. I suggest you stop, stop circling in the same place , admit that you never loved yourself and at the same time, continued to want to receive it from others. Admit that your beliefs are wrong and start looking for other ways to solve your problems. Otherwise, you will continue to live in the grip of your fears, expectations and growing hatred of others, which will have a detrimental effect on your mental and physical health. Best wishes.
How to give up grass? (2 answers)
Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, psychologist of Astana
Good answer5 Bad answer0
Revenge - what is it
Revenge is retaliatory actions directed towards the offender.
In Ozhegov’s Russian explanatory dictionary, the definition of revenge is as follows:
This is retribution for the harm caused, retribution.
You were treated unfairly, incorrectly, you suffered moral or material damage. It should not be! At this moment, the injured party is tormented by resentment and a fierce desire to make the enemy feel the same and even worse.
This is how a feeling of revenge is born - a state extended over time, which is characterized by mental suffering due to inflicted wounds and the desire to get rid of them, heal, and rehabilitate.
It seems to vengeful people that the latter will happen only when they “dance their victory dance” on the bones of the one who hurt them.
In pursuit of revenge, a person can lose his human appearance, lose moral principles and go to extreme measures.
For example, some deceived wives, having learned about the betrayal, at best, burn their husbands' cars and cause trouble in their personal and professional lives. At worst, they hire killers to wipe the traitor off the face of the earth. The size of the “punishment” depends on how much the offended person assesses the damage he has suffered.
Many literary works have been written on this topic. The most famous is “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Dumas. There, revenge is the main plot line. But there are many more works where this feeling is, if not the main, then one of the significant plot lines.
In the video above, the literature tutor gives examples of such works that may fit the theme of “Revenge and Generosity.”
Retribution for wrong number
The main character of this story of revenge was a user of the famous Reddit site under the nickname MundaneSeesaw. His home phone number was just one digit different from the Pizza Hut number. Every day, he and his family were interrupted by constant calls asking for pizza to be delivered. At first, they tried to politely explain to callers that they were in the wrong place, but people began to be rude and threaten violence. This situation continued for several years.
MundaneSeesaw repeatedly contacted the pizzeria and asked them to change their number. But he was constantly refused. Then he asked the management of the pizzeria to pay for his family to change their room; it cost only ten dollars. And again I was refused. Eventually the unhappy family decided it was time for revenge.
The family began taking orders, pretending to be Pizza Hut employees. But of course, the customers did not receive their dishes. At the same time, the avengers were recklessly rude to those who called again and wondered where their order was. This, of course, became known at the pizzeria. MundaneSeesaw himself called and asked if they would now agree to change the number, to which he received a portion of curses. This went on for six months. As a result, Pizza Hut's reputation suffered so much that they were forced to close the problematic restaurant. In general, you shouldn’t be rude to people: you never know what kind of revenge they are capable of in response.
If to take revenge, then how?
If you do decide to strike back at the offender, be careful. Never do anything beyond what has been done to you. If your neighbor makes you angry by regularly flooding your ceiling, this does not mean at all that you should burn down her apartment.
When choosing a method of revenge, it is worth considering the law. Sometimes people go too far and end up in even bigger problems than they were before their revenge began.
Revenge must be targeted. You shouldn’t take revenge on everyone, and if you can’t hurt the culprit of the grievances, then perhaps it’s better to abandon this idea altogether.
Think about how you will look from the outside. Won't you be even more petty, rude and cruel than your offender? Would you like such a reputation?
If you are unable to predict the result of revenge, this means that it is better to postpone the idea or forget about it completely.
The main rule of experienced intriguers is: don’t rush. Revenge is a dish that is eaten cold, so there is less chance of making a mistake.
If you forget for a second about the emotions that overcome an offended person, it turns out that revenge is not the only way out of any situation. Revenge not only makes several people suffer, but also humiliates the one who is trying to scheme. Truly strong people always find the strength to forgive or simply ignore the offender.
How vengeful are you?
There are a huge number of tests to determine how vindictive a person you are. Below is a list of zodiac signs detailing each one's level of vindictiveness.
Aries
. Loves to argue and win every bet. Therefore, with regard to retribution, he will try to compete, and moreover, to win against a person, and it is desirable that a large number of people see this.
Taurus
. “Revenge is a dish best served cold” - this is about Taurus. He will hatch a plan for revenge for a long time, thinking over every detail. And when the plan is put into action, everyone inside him will rejoice, although no one will see a drop of emotion on his face.
Twins
. Spreading secrets, secrets, gossip - this is what Gemini uses when taking revenge on their enemy. They try to destroy people as much as possible.
Cancer
. By nature he is a very peaceful and kind person, so he will decide to forgive rather than take revenge. There will be a huge number of plans in his head to punish the offender, but he understands that he will harm himself much more than him.
a lion
. The best remedy for revenge is ignoring. This is what Leo is motivated by. He immediately stops all contact with the person and demands the same from those around him.
Virgo
. Doesn't come at people face to face. He does everything on the sly, using various kinds of dirty tricks so as not to be exposed.
Scales
. Humiliation is the tool Libra primarily uses. They try to humiliate a person, hurt his dignity. Seeing that the enemy is struck to the core, everything inside them begins to rejoice.
Scorpion
. The most vindictive of all zodiac signs. For him, the most important thing is to clearly think through a plan of retribution, no matter how long it takes. Scorpios take revenge slowly, gradually, which makes them more dangerous and unpredictable. Even if revenge took place, they will not be satisfied.
Sagittarius
. A non-vindictive person tries to forget his offender and avoid communicating with him so that he does not cause even more harm.
Capricorn
. This is the second most vindictive of all zodiac signs after Scorpio. He tries not to attack the enemy directly, but resorts to dirty tricks in order to set him up.
Aquarius
. He does not know how to take revenge, like other zodiac signs, he prefers to forget everything, but communication with the offender will be quite strained.
Fish
. Creative individuals like Pisces are able to express their anger or resentment in a more peaceful way. They will not directly humiliate the one who offended them, but will decide to bypass him.
Human psychology: why do people take revenge?
The reason may be absolutely insignificant. It all depends on a person’s psychology, his character, temperament, and perception of the world around him. People who live in harmony with themselves rarely have the desire to take revenge.
People who are insecure and dependent on the opinions of others are more likely to think about revenge. It goes hand in hand with envy, and not everyone is calm about other people's victories. An embittered person wants to ruin the life of a successful person - this is his psychology.
The desire for revenge may arise after betrayal or injustice. People hatch a plan for revenge for a long time, cherish it. But after they bring it to life, they do not feel satisfied. They are gnawed by melancholy, they experience mental suffering. The psychology of revenge is that the euphoria ends quickly. Therefore, it is worth working on yourself in order to live in harmony with your “I” and others.
