In what situations does this occur?
When a child is worried about going to kindergarten, this can result in anxiety, he can start crying loudly and become hysterical.
This can turn into constant tantrums with tears, which appear in the following situations.
- In the morning, when mom just gets out of bed . At this moment, the child may begin to ask questions whether he needs to go to kindergarten today, or whether it is possible not to go today.
- During breakfast . Getting ready in the morning may be accompanied by the child refusing breakfast and delaying getting dressed.
- When leaving home or on the way to kindergarten, on the street . Parents often turn to psychologists because they are concerned that their children throw tantrums in front of strangers about this.
- On the way to a children's institution or in the group's locker room . If the baby was not told in the morning where he would be taken, and he understands everything already on the way to the child care center or in the group locker room, this can cause him even more stress, also accompanied by crying. The classic scene is the tears of a child when saying goodbye to his mother, when he leaves for the group, and also
- Anxiety and bad mood throughout the day are already in the group itself . Typically, such an outburst of emotions occurs in children who are more open and spontaneous.
- For those who are more withdrawn and tense, a typical situation occurs when negativity accumulates. As a result, an emotional avalanche will sooner or later cover the little man. In this case, the child cries in the evening, when mom and dad pick him up from kindergarten or home.
- The greatest attention should be paid to those parents whose children outwardly do not react in any way to the situation with the kindergarten; some will even ignore it. However, emotions are released, for example, during sleep or when falling asleep. Such children cry in their sleep, scream, and are afraid to be alone.
Ways to express protest
If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, he will definitely show this to his parents. Moreover, this will be expressed completely differently for everyone. Protests can be very obvious, or they can proceed secretly. The task of parents is to recognize both in time.
Verbal form of protest
The child does not hide the fact that he does not want to go to kindergarten. He can say this in different ways:
- Calmly, going home or before bed: most often this happens when some private, isolated conflict has occurred in the group, which the baby will forget about over time, so you should not focus on it.
- This will be expressed every day, with anguish, most often in the morning, and will be accompanied by tears, screams, and hysteria.
If in the first case you just need to wait until the child stops feeling offended, then in the second you will have to take urgent measures.
Hysterics
Reluctance to go to kindergarten is often expressed by hysteria, the symptoms of which are well known to many parents:
- The child screams loudly that he does not want to go to kindergarten, while not noticing anything or anyone around, not reacting to the words and consolations of his parents.
- He begins to throw everything, stomp his feet, wave his arms, even bang his head on the floor or wall, without feeling pain.
- Loudly, heart-rendingly crying, sobbing, tears flowing like a stream, looking offended, from under his brows.
Such hysteria requires an immediate reaction from parents. Firstly, we urgently need to find out the reason why the child so categorically does not want to go to kindergarten. Secondly, this is a painful condition that requires treatment. The baby will have to be shown to a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Cry
If a child cries in the morning and doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, but it doesn’t reach the point of hysteria, you need to first have a conversation with the child himself, and then with the teacher.
Hidden forms of protest
It is much easier if the child does not want to go to kindergarten and shows it with his behavior or speaks about it openly, because the parents know about it and can take some measures. It’s much more difficult when you only have to guess about it. To help parents, here are the symptoms of such a hidden protest:
- the child constantly delays time in the morning, getting ready for kindergarten;
- comes up with any excuse not to go there: “Mom has a day off today,” “Grandma can sit with him,” “He’s sick,” “There’s no one to leave the dolls with,” “bad weather”—children’s imagination can be, without exaggeration, limitless;
- in the morning he is not in the mood, although he does not openly say that he does not want to go to kindergarten, while he skips out of it;
- in his drawings he paints the kindergarten in black tones, in the role-playing games that he plays out at this institution, there is always a conflict situation;
- The child may lose appetite and experience insomnia.
If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, attentive and caring parents will definitely see this, even if the forms of protest are hidden. There are a number of activities that will help you solve this problem. Remember: moving to another child care facility does not always help. Let's see what psychologists advise in this or that situation.
Keep in mind. The faster you recognize the problem and possible reasons why your child does not want to go to kindergarten, the easier it will be to deal with it.
Why does a child refuse to come to kindergarten: 9 reasons
Determining the true reason for a child's crying about kindergarten is not always easy. If the child does not tell himself, you can first try to find out his attitude towards the kindergarten. This must be done carefully, with leading questions.
You can’t directly ask a child why he doesn’t like going to kindergarten - perhaps it’s not his fault at all, but such a question will lead the child to think that kindergarten may be associated with something bad.
One of the effective ways to find out the reason for a child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten is modeling. Try playing with your baby in kindergarten.
First you need to choose a toy that will go to kindergarten. Usually children choose their favorite toy, which they associate with themselves.
And then we play out various options: the bunny came to kindergarten - what did he do first? What then? Who else was in kindergarten? So, in a figurative form, the child, without noticing it, will express what worries him.
Also, psychologists often suggest drawing a kindergarten . Analysis of such drawings can also provide certain information.
Adaptation and daily routine
The difficulty of adaptation often lies in the fact that you have to get up early. Before kindergarten, the baby lived according to the same schedule. Usually, children and their mothers can sleep longer and change their plans if they don’t have time to do something. This is impossible in a kindergarten; everything is subject to the regime. This is not a minus, but a plus, otherwise there would have been chaos in the institution long ago.
Expert opinion
Klimenko Natalya Gennadievna – psychologist
Practicing psychologist at the municipal antenatal clinic
But it is difficult for a child to get used to the fact that at home he goes to bed for a nap at 13:00, and in kindergarten they do it an hour earlier (what to do if the child does not sleep in kindergarten?). At home, the baby could play as much as he wanted between meals and walks, but in kindergarten he also needed to do mandatory things: go to music classes, physical education, and educational classes. Not all kids want to follow programs in kindergarten .
Skills
The first thing educators ask parents to teach their children are three basic self-care skills:
- eat independently with a spoon;
- go to the potty;
- dress.
Of course, if we are talking about very young children, these requirements are reduced.
If the baby is accustomed to his mother feeding him with a spoon at home, then he will expect that in kindergarten someone will take the cutlery for him and put food in his mouth. In reality, it turns out that the teacher simply physically cannot feed all the children.
Therefore, expectations and reality in the child’s mind do not coincide, followed by disappointment, frustration, and tears.
It also happens that the baby is simply not ready to let a stranger come to him so that he can help him cope with a spoon or potty. All this leads to stress. Therefore, those children who are less dependent on the teacher in terms of self-care adapt much easier .
New food
At home, the children are accustomed to the food that their mother prepares. But in kindergarten, the porridge is not thick enough (thin) and the compote is not so sweet, and in general the baby is used to eating the second course first, and then the soup. This is also often the cause of difficulty in adaptation.
You can read about why a child does not eat in kindergarten and what to do about it in this material.
Teachers
Communication with new people is not easy for all children. This happens to adults too. The child’s teacher will become a second mother in the coming years, and the child needs to learn to trust him, and this is not so easy. It is especially difficult when the teacher cannot find the right approach to the child.
Psychological state of the mother
When a mother herself is not sure that a kindergarten can bring something good to her child, when parents see only negativity in an educational institution and enemies in teachers, this attitude is passed on to the baby.
An anxious mother means an anxious baby. Accordingly, such parents try to look into the windows of the group, look for a reason to leave the child at home, arrange long goodbyes, and constantly find out who and how could have harmed the baby in kindergarten.
Mistakes of parents and educators during the adaptation period and after
The main mistakes of parents:
- Initially, a negative attitude towards the kindergarten.
- Late start of preparation for visiting kindergarten.
- A long goodbye.
- Excessive severity, threats (“If you don’t stop crying, then ...”).
Teachers' mistakes:
- Getting into kindergarten mode too quickly (not enough time between the first visit and leaving for the full day).
- A large number of new arrivals in a short period.
- Reluctance to take into account the child's individuality.
- Reluctance to be flexible in dealing with children.
- Minimum information for parents.
Difficulty communicating with peers
A child is not born with the ability to communicate. This is something he has to learn. When a baby from the first days of life is constantly surrounded by different people, and not just mom and dad, it is then easier for him to get used to the fact that new people will constantly appear in his life.
However, it happens that a child constantly sees relatives, friends or acquaintances of his parents, neighbors, but still in kindergarten he is uncomfortable because there are about twenty other kids like him nearby.
Expert opinion
Klimenko Natalya Gennadievna – psychologist
Practicing psychologist at the municipal antenatal clinic
The whole point is that before kindergarten, a child should have experience communicating not only with adults, but also with peers. In a sense, it is easier for a child to communicate with adults - they give him all their attention, adults behave more logically and clearly.
And when a newly-minted kindergartener finds himself in an environment of the same little people who also experience discomfort from adaptation, do not know how to control their emotions, etc., the desire to communicate with classmates disappears completely.
Getting ready in a hurry in the morning, lack of a positive attitude
Getting ready in a hurry is associated with disorganized parents and lack of motivation.
As a result, when there is no time left before leaving, and the child still hesitates, he has to be urged on.
When the baby and parents leave the house, they already feel irritated and exhausted by such packing. As a result, mother’s bad mood is passed on to her son or daughter.
Protest against change of scenery
At home, the child was constantly with his mother, living at his own rhythm. There is no mother here, just as there are no usual things, household items, everyday life. Anything new will frighten and disturb the child.
Children and parents constantly have to deal with problems associated with kindergarten. Read about what to do if your child is often sick and to strengthen his immunity, about when you should not take a sick child to kindergarten, about what to do if your child fights, how to understand why he is being offended, and how to teach him to stand for myself.
Advice from a psychologist: how to prepare a child for kindergarten?
To make it easier for a baby to adapt, he must have some skills and abilities with which he can serve himself independently. Indeed, often the reluctance to visit the garden is explained by the fact that the baby cannot do basic things without the help of his mother. What a child needs to know to adapt more easily:
- hold a spoon and a mug;
- use the potty;
- partially dress/undress;
- clearly state your physiological needs.
In addition, parents should teach their child to interact with other children by walking with him on playgrounds more often. You definitely need to tell your baby in advance that he will also be going to kindergarten, so that later this does not become a complete surprise for him.
In order not to encounter a situation in which a child does not want to go to kindergarten, psychologists advise literally from birth to instill in him the idea of the inevitability of visiting a nursery. When walking, take a route past a kindergarten with walking children. Talk about how fun and interesting it is there. Gradually, the baby will develop a clear understanding that he, too, will soon have fun playing there.
Psychologists advise building a daily routine with an early rise before you start taking your baby to the garden. This will help avoid the vagaries associated with a sudden change in daily routine.
The correct attitude of the mother is very important, because children are very sensitive to the psychological state of adults. If a mother perceives with anxiety the need to take her child to the garden, the baby will definitely feel it. Mom must convince herself that the garden is good and will bring undeniable benefits to her baby. Then when the time comes, the baby will take it calmly.
What should you do if you constantly cry and don’t want to go?
Let's consider what to do if a little girl or boy does not want to go to kindergarten and constantly cries.
- The most important thing is for adults to calm down.
- The child must be listened to and not dismissed by saying that all this is nonsense. For adults, kindergarten is a normal occurrence, but for a child it is a whole new era in life, and you need to get used to everything new, which is often accompanied by stress.
- You can try to look with your child for the positive aspects of visiting kindergarten. For example, there are a lot of new toys or a beautiful playground.
- Psychologists often recommend coming up with a farewell ritual to make the separation of the child and parents easier. Someone leaves a kiss on the baby’s palm, someone pronounces a familiar quatrain - everyone will come up with the option that is closer to them.
- You can take familiar bedding to kindergarten if the teacher gives permission. This way, it will be more comfortable for the baby to stay in the group for naps. Often, during the adaptation period, educators themselves ask parents to bring a toy from home, with which the child usually falls asleep.
- To avoid the stress of getting ready in the morning, get up 15 minutes earlier.
- A delicious breakfast that the baby loves is another prerequisite. At first, the child will refuse to eat in the garden, and hungry children get tired faster.
- You need to remind your child more often about the time and routine moments at home so that this becomes a habit for him.
- It is imperative that you accompany your child to kindergarten in a good mood. No dramatic scenes! It’s good when dad takes the child to kindergarten. Men are less likely to react to tantrums and tears.
What should parents do if their child cries in kindergarten - advice from a psychologist
Some children, after their mother leaves, whine a little and quickly calm down. There are those who cry all the time they are in the group and continue to cry even at home. Advice from a psychologist on what parents should do if their child does not want to go to kindergarten:
- On the way, talk to the baby, trying with all your might to cheer him up. Say that it’s fun there, there are a lot of friends and fun games;
- When collecting your little one, let him decide for himself what he wants to wear. Perhaps it will be some favorite thing that brings him peace and reminds him of home;
- do not succumb to provocations and do not allow the child to manipulate the mother through hysterics. He must understand that tears will not help him avoid getting into the group - this is inevitable;
- when giving and taking the baby, demonstrate a good mood. Children feel their mother’s mood very subtly, and if she is nervous, the baby will also be capricious throughout the day.
- parting with your mother can be turned into a kind of ritual with some obligatory element. Performing the same farewell ritual will make the baby confident that they will definitely come for him today, just as they came yesterday or the day before yesterday.
Psychologists also advise not to discuss your baby’s tantrums with other family members so that he can hear it. Perceiving his mother’s anxiety, he himself will experience a constant feeling of anxiety.
Is it worth taking me to kindergarten if my child is crying?
The benefits of the garden are undeniable, because it is the very first school of life and teaches the child how to behave in society. However, what to do if the child does not want to go to kindergarten and constantly cries there? Psychologists advise trying to change preschool institutions. Sometimes this is enough. Before getting to know a new kindergarten, it is advisable to contact a psychologist who will work with the child.
If this does not help, you need to look for opportunities to leave the baby at home under the supervision of grandmothers or nannies. After all, living in constant stress, the baby will not be able to fully develop and absorb information.
How should a kindergarten teacher behave?
The teacher will become a second mother for the child for several years, so you need to behave accordingly. Of course, this does not mean that the teacher is obliged to fulfill all the whims of the children, as parents often do. Nobody canceled the borders. However, in the first weeks of adaptation, the baby needs more attention and love , so you need to cuddle the child if he cries, and help him cope with difficult moments.
The most important thing is that the teacher must be able to captivate the child and switch his attention from the problem to something else, positive.
For example, in case of a difficult separation from the mother, you can offer the child: “Come on, I’ll show you...” - then the teacher’s imagination will be enough. Someone shows a cat that lives in a kindergarten, someone takes the child to a “magic” box in which a bad mood is hidden.
Stop being afraid yourself
Remember: your baby completely copies your habits, mood and behavior. If you
- you perceive visiting kindergarten as separation from your beloved child;
- already foresee future misfortunes in the form of tears and illnesses;
- you are afraid that the teacher will turn out to be a strict Freken Bok who will torment your baby;
- are sure that the children who will go to the same group as your child are “aggressors”;
then your son or daughter will feel your mood, and their attitude towards the kindergarten will be appropriate. Hence the stress, illness, and tears.
Error:
- So your childhood is over. Now you have to go to kindergarten.
How to correctly:
- I envy you! You will walk and play with friends! You will learn so many interesting things!
If you perceive gardening life as a stage in your child’s growing up - important, necessary, exciting and joyful, then the child will treat him the same way. Therefore, think about the positive development of events - your child will definitely get used to the kindergarten, will go there with pleasure and will receive a lot of benefits from visiting it. Start with yourself, and pass on your positive attitude to your son or daughter: “We can do anything. We can do this!".
What can't you do?
- Do not make promises that you know you cannot keep, do not deceive your child. For example, a mother says that she will leave the baby in the group only for a minute, and then she disappears for the rest of the day.
- Do not discuss teachers in front of children.
- Do not introduce new changes into your child's life during adaptation. For example, moving a child to a separate room in the first days of attending kindergarten is not the best idea, because... will add additional stress to everyone.
- Don't show your worries.
- Don't try to keep an eye on your baby when he's in kindergarten. There are some parents who like to peep into the group’s windows. It is quite difficult to remain unnoticed. The child sees his mother and starts crying again.
Is it worth taking your baby to preschool if he cries?
It is better to refuse to visit the garden if:
- None of the family members need to attend kindergarten, and at the same time, the mother has the opportunity to stay at home with the baby.
- Difficult adaptation leads to severe psychological problems in the child.
- If the child is still attached to the mother's breast, this will become a huge problem during adaptation, because... You will have to be separated not only from your mother, but also from the benefits that the baby receives from your mother’s breast, which by kindergarten age is perceived more as a source of calm.
- If there have been other dramatic changes in your child’s life recently. For example, moving or the birth of a brother/sister. Before the baby has time to adapt to one situation, he will be offered a new one.
What could be the consequences?
Those who believe that a child’s tears because of kindergarten are just whims , and nothing bad will happen to the baby, even if he cries for several hours every day until he is taken home, are
fundamentally
Such prolonged stress on the nervous system can lead to various neuroses.
They are manifested by conditions such as enuresis, sleepwalking, nail biting, tics, and stuttering.
A separate topic is psychosomatic diseases, which result, for example, in an endless cough or runny nose in children. Parents take their child to pediatricians, allergists, immunologists, etc. and they don’t even realize that the problem has a psychosomatic basis.
For some, kindergarten is an opportunity to socialize and learn independence . For others, it is a source of stress and psychological trauma. Both are right, because everything is individual.
