When empathy can hurt your business. Rules for Effective Leadership

Let's consider the concept of empathy from the point of view of the development of modern personality. Why is this quality important to cultivate in yourself? What are its positive aspects and advantages? What do you need to know and consider?

Features of feeling

Before learning how to develop empathy, it is useful to familiarize yourself with the features of this phenomenon. It is immediately worth noting that a person is not born with empathic abilities. Although this happens, it is extremely rare. Usually, a person masters empathy along with other skills and abilities, in proportion to the life experience gained. Most often, empathy manifests itself as sympathy, empathy, and also attraction to the individual with whom this psycho-emotional connection has arisen.

Benefits in interpersonal communication

Empathy is (in psychology these feelings are often contrasted with egoism) a person’s ability to empathize, which helps improve the communicative basis of interpersonal relationships.

Sympathy and empathy enable people to achieve goodwill and attitude towards themselves, since others tend to be more favorable towards and trust people who understand and sympathize with them.

Most often, empathy is found in female groups, since it is women who have a more sensitive psyche, and are also inclined to listen carefully and experience the feelings and problems of their interlocutor.

In men, empathy manifests itself in a different form, most often transformed into a variation of intuition, which allows a person to put himself in the place of the individual next to him in an attempt to determine possible ways out, but without transferring someone else’s emotional state onto himself.

Levels

Empathy is not a static character trait. It is influenced by external factors. A person can have perfect empathy, but lose this ability either partially or completely in a stressful, aggressive, incomprehensible environment. There are five levels in total:

• People in this group are generally unaware of their empathy abilities. They are able to empathize, feel the moods of others, but it seems to them that at the moment they are experiencing their own emotions.
• A person is aware of his ability to empathize, but still knows how to use it.
• People of this group are clearly and clearly aware of their abilities, and if the interlocutor seems suitable for them, they actively use these techniques.
• These people have a fairly developed sense of empathy and easily manipulate others.
• The last group includes aces of empathy, of which there are not many in the world. They are in complete control of their empathic abilities and use them to perfection.

Why is it important to be able to empathize?

Compassion manifests itself in different ways. The level of empathy is influenced by who is in front of us - a close person or a stranger. An empathetic person accepts pain and carries it through. Think about how you react to touching moments in films. Many people are unable to stop themselves from crying. Such experiences relieve stress and help you learn to express your feelings.

The described state is called emotional empathy. Such people react sharply to positive and sad events. A terrorist attack in another country brings tears, victory at the Olympic Games brings joy and laughter. Reacting to the troubles happening all over the world, a person does not control his emotions, his peace of mind leaves him.

In any issue, a golden mean is required. Why is it important to be able to empathize?

Self-esteem increases. Helping other people gives you strength. Confidence in your own actions and actions appears. A person moves forward and gains the respect of others.

Spiritual saturation and rapprochement. A misfortune experienced with a friend will make the friendship stronger. Nothing brings spouses closer together than shared grief. Provided that people did not turn away from each other, but provided support and empathy. Life hardening. You cannot live in a golden cage without noticing the suffering of those around you. An unpleasant event can happen to you at any moment. The skill of empathy helps you prepare for anticipated troubles. Having experienced similar difficulties with another person, you will analyze the situation and derive the correct model of behavior. As a result, prepare for the surprises of fate.

When compassionate to another person, do not go too far. Constant sympathy will not lead to a positive outcome. You will become exhausted and teach your loved one unnecessary pity.

Kinds

Also, empathy itself can also be of several types:

• Emotional (uses the motor reactions of the interlocutor).
• Cognitive (understanding the interlocutor, affecting more intellectual processes).
• Predicative (makes it possible to predict the reactions and actions of the interlocutor).

It is very important for every person to have empathy at least to some extent. And for people whose profession is related to the human factor, empathy is simply irreplaceable.

Development methods: active listening

Nowadays, many people are willing to sacrifice a lot to gain such abilities. According to psychologists, this is a completely doable task, and there are special game exercises for this. How to develop empathy using these techniques? They need to be used as often as possible in real life. One of these techniques is active listening - asking questions to the interlocutor in a way that helps him to more fully reveal the topic. It also involves expressing your impressions on this matter. How to develop empathy using active listening techniques? The main principles of this technique are:

• Presence of pauses in conversation. When the interlocutor has finished speaking, you should take a short pause. It allows both the listener and the speaker to think about what is said. For those who want to become more empathic, such a pause will allow them to better understand the speaker’s message.
• Retelling. What the interlocutor said must be repeated briefly and in your own words. It is important that the retelling be brief. This allows the interlocutor to understand that he was understood correctly, that the problems he described were heard.
• Clarification. Sometimes a person does not describe all the details of the events he describes. Since developing empathy means trying on the role of the interlocutor completely, in some cases it is impossible to do without clarifying questions.
• A message that the information has been received. It is necessary to convey to the interlocutor the fact that his emotional state is heard and understood. For example: “I understand how sad you are. I want someone to take pity and share your experiences.”

Exercise "Shelter"

Since it will be very difficult to develop empathy for those people who are too susceptible to the negative experiences of others, this technique can be extremely useful. If a person has not taken care of his own psychological well-being, then it will be difficult for him to understand another. After all, it is not easy to have compassion for others at a time when you yourself are overwhelmed with conflicting experiences. The technique will help those who want to learn to show empathy even in the most difficult situations - for example, when the goal is to learn to sympathize with an unfriendly counterpart.

The exercise is to mentally transport yourself to a “place of complete peace and comfort” (refuge) during times of conflict or misunderstanding. It could be a personal island, a castle somewhere in a parallel universe. The main thing is that you feel completely safe there. This exercise helps to significantly reduce emotional stress.

What signs indicate the existence of empathy?

Empathy is (in psychology this state is divided into 6 vectors of empathy) an emotional state characterized by the appearance of sympathy and empathy for other people, manifested in emotional, cognitive or predicative form. The occurrence of empathy can be determined by the characteristics of a person’s personal and psychological characteristics.

Showing empathy is common among people:

• Highly sensitive and able to empathize. Such individuals are always ready to lend a helping hand to their neighbors, but they are also very susceptible people who react heavily to any insult or cruel jokes.
• Absorbing other people's emotions and projecting both positive and negative feelings onto themselves.
• Often solving other people's problems, doing this even sometimes to the detriment of his own life.
• Those who carefully monitor their speech and are afraid of unwittingly offending other people with their words.
• Reacting to any emotional experience by increasing heart rate or increasing physical blood pressure indicators.
• Suffering from increased emotionality, often crying for any reason, even the most insignificant.
• Spending a lot of time with friends and parents, and also accustomed to sharing their inner experiences.

Empaths are practically not prone to extremes and always try to look at a problem from different angles, and also help others find possible solutions and inspire them to overcome life’s difficulties.

In psychology, there are 6 vectors of empathic experience:

• to parents;
• to animals;
• to elderly people;
• to children;
• to peers in interpersonal communication;
• to the heroes of works of art.

Depending on the vectors, emotional, rational and intuitive empathy, as well as attitudes that provoke them, are divided.

Compliments

How to develop empathy using this method? Even if it seems that a person does not naturally have the talent to compliment others, in reality it is not so difficult to learn this art. The main point is to learn to find positive qualities in other people. At the same time, the compliment must be made from the bottom of the heart - in other words, talk only about those qualities or external signs that really cause admiration.

In many trainings, this technique is used quite often. And this is not just flattery. The ability to find and express positive qualities in others will significantly increase the level of empathic abilities. After all, developing empathy involves the ability to see the good in people. When a person consciously trains to say pleasant words to others, he thereby helps not only them to feel more valuable.

He begins to see people from their best side, and thus it becomes much easier to “try on” their role, to get used to those feelings and emotions that overwhelm the interlocutor at the moment of communication.

What is Empathy?

Definition. Empathy - (“empathy” / “empathy” from the Greek “empatheia”, where em - “in”, pathos - “passion, strong feeling, suffering”, later also acquired the meaning “feeling”, “sympathy”) - conscious understanding of feelings , states, emotions in which the other person is.

Empathy is an ability. The ability to penetrate into the inner world of another person and look at the world around him through his eyes. An empath can much more easily determine the mood of the interlocutor, lies, hidden motives, experiences; he empathizes with the other person's condition, but at the same time has a clear understanding of the external origin of this experience. He doesn’t need to analyze a person’s facial expressions or gestures to understand the mood; he perceives with his feelings. An empath has access to many levels of people’s feelings and sensations at once, he reads information in volume and, thanks to this, can see not only what the person himself is aware of about himself; a good empath can feel the whole essence of a person at once. We can say that empathy is one of the ways of perception, such as hearing or vision. A person with developed empathy is able to absorb information and feelings without visual contact with an object, sometimes while at considerable distances. Sensitive people, who have an “inner vision”, developed perception and visualization, talk about their experience in empathy. They have interpretations of what this quality might look like in a subtle sense. For example, it may look like a connection between people in the form of a channel or light, usually located in the chest area, an area that is so often associated with the strongest feelings. There are no distance limits for this connection. You can also read information with your head, but this already refers to the concept of telepathy. You've probably heard about the hundredth monkey effect? This is a primitive and simple example of the dissemination of information in the field among animals. So, empathy helps to perceive and process, in volume, sensory information, already in the Human environment, which in itself should be a higher level.

What science says. In 1990, scientists discovered the so-called mirror neurons, first in monkeys, and then they were discovered in humans and some birds. Neurons are located in the brain and are activated both when performing an action and when observing another animal performing that action. It is believed that they can be involved in the process of empathy. Expensive and promising research continues, but the full mechanism of action of these neurons has not yet been described.

• Empathy can be divided into types:
• cognitive empathy, helps to understand how another person looks at things;
• emotional empathy, allows you to feel what another is feeling;
• compassionate empathy, gives a willingness to help someone;

We'll look at Empathy more comprehensively. Why is it worth learning and developing empathy, sensitivity and feelings? At the beginning, we will describe what main advantages this quality gives us, what opportunities come to us with the development of this ability.

Introspection

The ability to analyze your own behavior, reactions and actions can help you better understand others. To do this, you can use a diary or simply analyze yourself carefully, without distractions, in a calm environment. Typically, people with highly developed empathy are not only naturally good psychologists who understand people. They know themselves very deeply. This is what allows them to empathize with others, since nothing human can be alien to them.

“Monkey and Mirror” technique

Psychologists have developed many techniques that will be of interest to anyone interested in how to develop empathy. These exercises often require a partner - a person with whom they will be performed.

The technique called “Monkey and Mirror” is done as follows:

• Roles are assigned. One of the tandem participants must be the “Mirror”, and the other must be the “Monkey”.
• When the “Monkey” finds himself in front of the mirror, he begins to behave quite freely: demonstrate various emotions and experiences, grimace, move.
• The “mirror” should reproduce her facial expressions and movements as accurately as possible.
• After a few minutes, you can switch roles.
• Then a summary is made. To do this, it is necessary to analyze what difficulties might have arisen in the process of performing the technique, how accurately it was possible to recognize the partner’s experiences and reproduce them.

Methodology “Similarities and differences”

How to develop empathy in an adult using this technique? As in the previous exercise, this will require the help of a partner. The technique consists of two stages. In the first of them, both partners take turns saying to each other a sentence beginning with the phrase: “You look like me, you have...”. First one person speaks, then the second, and so on. At the same time, everyone strives to adapt to the partner’s manner - to pronounce words with the same timbre of voice, intonation.

In the second stage of execution, which begins approximately 7 minutes after the start of the first, the partners say to each other the phrase: “I am very different from you, I...”.

After completing the technique, partners can discuss what feelings arose during the task; what emotions accompanied the first stage, what - the second.

Play the role of another person

Empathy can also be developed when a person imagines himself in the place of another. It can be done either in a group or alone. To do this, you need to make a list of all your friends and relatives, and then take turns trying on the role of each one, answering questions.

1. What is your name?
2. How old are you?
3. What are your favorite books?
4. When was the last time you were on vacation?
5. What do you like best?
6. What causes sadness?
7. What brings you into a state of delight?
8. Under what circumstances do you feel nostalgic?
9. What are your fears?
10. What and who do you usually place your hopes on?

Summary

Empathy or the ability to empathize is one of the key components of quality communication. This ability is laid down in genes and develops in childhood, but even now you can train it. Here are 6 science-backed ways:

• Practice mindfulness - it literally changes your brain.
• Connect with people from other social groups.
• Practice active listening skills.
• Read fiction.
• Communicate under stress.

• Make new friends and play video games with them.

These simple but effective methods will help you learn to better understand other people. How important do you think empathy is for modern people? Write your opinion in the comments!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Guide to mindfulness: what it is, what it is for and how to practice it
• Six Key Principles of Effective Communication
• Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
• 6 Skills to Develop Emotional Intelligence
• Five ways to evaluate a service
• BRAIN digest
• Circle of Empathy
• Why we like getting likes
• "A Whole New Mind": a book about six necessary abilities
• Reflections on Friendship

Key words:1Communication

How to develop empathy in a child?

Parents can teach their children empathy by example. This is possible when the mother or father shows participation and sensitivity towards the child and his emotional state. For example, if a mother says to an upset child: “Why are you snotty, nothing bad happened,” she thereby makes it clear to him that a person’s feelings are not important. Growing up, such a child thinks very little about how others feel. He himself becomes callous.

If a parent says to their frustrated child, “I understand that you are very upset about the loss of your favorite toy,” this allows you to develop and strengthen empathy over and over again. Also, such empathy builds self-confidence and high self-esteem in the child. If parental compassion is absent, then the child learns over time to suppress negative emotions. This leads to neurotic disorders or psychosomatic diseases.

With age, a person’s chances of developing empathy become less and less, since one’s own experience may make it difficult to adequately assess unfamiliar behavior. Once again, it should be mentioned that the ability to empathize, no matter how strong it may be, can be lost instantly by feeling intense fear. Fear completely destroys empathy and completely blocks the possibility of compassion. Therefore, if a person wants to maintain and develop his empathic abilities, he should stay away from disputes, showdowns, fights and quarrels.

Positive and negative sides of empathy

Empathy is (in psychology, this state is considered to have arisen under the influence of mirror neutrons in the brain) one of the positive qualities that allows a person to accept and empathize with the problems and feelings of others, as well as gradually develop their intellectual and creative potential.

Unfortunately, like any psychological state, the feeling of empathy can have both positive and negative sides: