The crisis of forty years in men: what should a woman know?

Psychologists say that the most difficult period for a man is the age from 37 to 43 years. It is also called a midlife crisis. The psychology of a 40-year-old man is a subject of study for leading experts, since it is very difficult to find answers to many questions. This fateful period can bring significant destruction to all areas of a man’s life. At the same time, not only one’s own self-esteem suffers, but also one’s personal life.

Reasons for disappointment

A 35-40 year old man is quite predictable. The woman is no longer surprised by his bad mood and constant reproaches. You can give a short list of men's “essays”.

• “I want more freedom, you limit me and don’t let me live in peace.” And it doesn’t matter that these “interests” are completely incompatible with the role of a husband.
• “I work hard, so I will live the way I want.” Although, in this case, the wife can also spend the whole day at work, and in the evenings take care of the house and children. The only thing that matters is what a man does.
• “You follow me and forbid me to communicate with my friends.”
• “You are a bad mother and you raised your children wrong.” To his wife’s counter question: “What were you doing at that time?” - at best, you can get one answer: “It worked.”
• “You are only interested in your own hobbies and interests, you are not interested in my life.” But if a wife shows interest in her husband, this is perceived as an interference in his personal space and control.
• "You only want my money."
• “The house is dirty, the children are ill-mannered, the food is tasteless.” Wives of 40-year-old husbands have to listen to this “song” every day.
• “Don’t ask why I behave this way, you still won’t understand.”
• “Why am I patient? I have one life, let’s get a divorce."

When a man turns 40, he thinks about only one thing - escaping from the “prison” in which he finds himself. It depresses him that every day he has to return to the evil witch when there are so many beautiful fairies around. This “breakdown” leads to the man destroying his family and setting off towards something new and unknown. The fact that another life is not always better is of little concern to him during this period. He is sure that a miracle awaits him ahead, which will bring happiness.

You will be more relaxed

People think that middle-aged and older partners cannot experience youthful passion. This is a big misconception or another myth about aging. Many spouses over 40 report having better sex than ever before. They are now more motivated to explore their partner's body and other aspects of sexuality. Experience and trust between lovers are of great importance.

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All this allows you to cast aside prejudices and feel wild and unbridled. Couples are no longer embarrassed to try role-playing games, watch erotic films together and have a stronger sense of sexual fulfillment. Deep affection for your partner, coupled with a desire to make intimate relationships more playful, leads to more meaningful and passionate sex.

The man is a hero

40 years old for a man is the age when he begins to take stock. If he has certain successes, then he sincerely considers himself a winner and craves universal approval and admiration. First of all, from my wife. But she cannot always share his confidence in her own exclusivity. The wife stopped admiring her husband and giving him compliments, which really hurt his pride. Photos of men who are in this state often reveal their dissatisfaction.

To satisfy his ambitions, a man is looking for a girl who will look at him with loving eyes and hang on every word. It seems to him that if he doesn’t find such a fan now, then it will be too late. This fear is so strong that a man is ready to rush headlong into the pool and destroy everything that was created with such difficulty.

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Another benefit of lowering hormone levels is an increase in the duration of sexual intercourse. With age, representatives of the stronger sex are better able to delay ejaculation. They may slow down sexual intercourse, try to give their partner more pleasure and enjoy intimacy as fruitful communication.

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erectile disfunction

Women may not even try to understand what this means for a man. The fear of impotence or weak erection cannot be compared with the worries of the fair sex about a new wrinkle or cellulite. Sexual dysfunction for a man is like the end of life. When a man reaches 45 years old, his psychology changes.

Even if there is no real problem yet, such thoughts make a man angry and aggressive. He gets irritated over trifles and tries to get rid of internal negativity. But under stress, testosterone, the hormone of aggressiveness, splashes out in large quantities, so a vicious circle results. Often it is the wife who becomes a hostage to the situation.

The psychology of a 40-year-old man has a characteristic feature - he is completely focused on his own achievements and intimate victories. He is sure that sexual relations with his wife have already outlived their usefulness and do not bring satisfaction. All that remains is a sense of duty, which does not inspire heroism at all. Quite the contrary. The man feels unhappy, he understands that he is tormented by his wife’s claims and that he blames her for the fact that his dreams have not yet been realized. During a crisis, he does not want to take care of children and delve into their problems; all this seems unimportant to him. The main thing now is your own ego and meeting your needs.

Of course, in the understanding of a man, the wife is to blame for all troubles. He is sure that she has ceased to understand him, that he is lonely in the family and everyone is using him.

Psychology of a woman after 40: what should a relationship be like?

A woman over 40 has her own story: divorced, widowed, never married.
Everyone has their own circumstances. Often they have such a negative impact on women that they seem to have neither the strength nor the desire to build relationships. The psychology of a woman is simple and understandable: it’s simpler. Experts are unanimous in their opinion - a single woman cannot be happy, this is possible only for a short period of time. To find harmony with ourselves and the world, each of us simply needs a soul mate.

In fact, what prevents women from building relationships after 40 years is not a lack of desire as such, but misconceptions, the main ones of which are:

• decent men aged 40+ are busy;
• the kind of love that was will never happen again;
• imperfect men are not worthy of attention;
• all men are womanizers and swindlers;
• no one is worthy of me;
• men avoid serious relationships - they don’t need them.

When choosing a soul mate, a woman must understand whether she is completely free from past relationships and be honest, first of all, with herself. It is very good when it is clear what qualities you want to see in a future partner, and what is categorically unacceptable. The psychology of communicating with a man at this stage of life is already generally clear thanks to the experience of the past years, therefore, knowing exactly what is needed for mutual understanding and harmony, it is much easier to look for a life partner.

For many women over 40, an age difference of 10 years, and sometimes 15 or even more, is the norm. When choosing young partners, these confident ladies know for sure: they have something to offer. Well-groomed, successful, active, interesting, independent - such women are increasingly attracting the attention of young men. And the current trend among women to give birth to children after 40-45 years old only strengthens such relationships.

The crisis of forty years is a real earthquake

The psychology of a 40-year-old man is such that he walks around and doesn’t think about anything. The thirst for freedom is very strong, and it seems to him that if he does not “jump on the departing train” now, then it will be too late.

Primary psychology and experts are sure that at this age a man’s behavior is similar to that of a teenager, and his thoughts are just as confused. He wants romance and thrills, so he has light affairs and flirts with everyone. The most interesting thing is that the man sincerely thinks that he has fallen in love. For the sake of his passion, he is ready to deceive his wife and forget about his children. The only woman who gives him inspiration is a woman who is completely different from his demanding and angry wife.

Midlife crisis in men after 30 years

How does the concept of a midlife crisis differ between men aged 30 and 40? In principle, everything is the same, but at 30, even though you worry about it, you have a greater chance of changing everything dramatically. At 30 years old, a person has not yet completely immersed himself in the comfort zone that is characteristic of 40. The older a person is, the lazier he is and the more difficult it is to convince him and change him. But of course there are exceptions, so there is every chance of change at any age. It's just faster to do it at 30.

If you are a little over 30 years old and are already experiencing symptoms of a midlife crisis, I strongly recommend that you at least start working with a psychologist as quickly as possible in order to identify your true needs and goals and realize them. And also remove false and imposed expectations that only make you envy and feel inferior.

How does a forty-year-old married man behave?

Almost every wife of a forty-year-old husband noticed changes in his behavior that were caused by interest in other women. At the beginning of the spree, a man may not plan to leave his family, but a new sexual charge and long-forgotten emotions give him an incentive to live. After all, the passion for his wife has long subsided, although not every woman is ready to admit this fact.

The peak of sexual activity occurs at the age of thirty, so it is quite natural that by the age of forty a man is no longer so strong in this regard. But this state of affairs does not suit him at all, so he blames the woman for everything. In his understanding, it is she who cannot “turn him on”.

The man looks for confirmation of his own theory on the side. He feels quite confident with new women, which is not surprising, because emotions are strong, and novelty always excites the imagination. But over time, everything returns to normal, because it is impossible to deceive nature.

The psychology of men in the family is such that if the wife accepts this situation and does not consider it necessary to destroy the family because of her husband’s “stupidity,” then the marriage can exist in this mode for several more years. Most likely, when the crisis is over, the husband will again become loving and caring. But not every woman is ready to forgive betrayal.

Peak of divorces

When the age of “a man after 40” comes, his psychology changes dramatically. Everything he once strived for now seems completely unimportant to him. He easily leaves his family and is firmly convinced that he will never return there. Well, who voluntarily returns to prison? But over time, his life with the new good fairy turns into a theater of the absurd: the man begins to compare her with his “old” wife, whom, as it turns out, he cannot completely let go. Obligations begin to weigh him down again, so he “runs away” to a place where he can be alone.

What should a woman do?

There is an opinion that a man’s interest can be regained with the help of a new image. But, as practice shows, this is complete nonsense. A woman should always take care of herself and look well-groomed, regardless of her husband’s attitude towards her.

Most often, a man leaves not for the woman who is younger or more beautiful, but for the one who, it seems to him, understands him better and does not demand anything, agreeing to his “rules of the game.” It is this kind of young lady that attracts him most. He does not want to “stress”, spend a lot of money on courtship and sacrifice his interests for the sake of a woman. But the most important thing a man is looking for is novelty.

Sissy

These men remained lonely not because of the race for all the money in the world, but because of the rush to stop by their mother’s for pies in the evening after work. They are like overgrown children who are not used to taking responsibility for themselves and making short-term decisions.

“These men were unable to build relationships with women, because they never turned out better than his mother,” warns Shakhov.

They did not achieve such financial well-being as the first type of bachelors, but just like careerists, they became selfish and self-absorbed and capricious. But meanwhile, mama’s boys can be very caring, gentle, affectionate and seem to the ladies to be the same “prince from a fairy tale.” In fact, they are soft-hearted, irresponsible people.

“Unlike the first type, most likely such men are losers who have not realized themselves personally,” says the psychologist.

If a woman wants to save her family

In this case, she needs to shut her mouth and not discuss the unworthy behavior of her own husband. If a woman can show wisdom, then the man will “go crazy” and return to the family. You should not share your problem with friends and neighbors so as not to cause unnecessary gossip.

You can enlist the support of your mother-in-law, because she is unlikely to approve of the behavior of her married son. But sometimes you can “run into” the opposite situation: the mother-in-law can blame her wife for all the troubles, because she is a bad housewife and her cooking is tasteless. And in general, husbands do not leave good wives. So it’s worth thinking several times about whether you need to interfere with your parents’ family problems.

Who is this rival?

A man is unlikely to tell himself who his mistress is and with whom he is cheating on his wife. Therefore, almost all women try to independently obtain information about their rival, so as not to fight the enemy with their eyes closed. But this will not lead to anything good except mental anguish. Moreover, there is no need to seek contacts with your mistress and sort things out with her. It will be an unconditional loss.

If a woman wants to save her family, she cannot kick her husband out on her own. When you have life in perfect harmony behind you, you shouldn’t make decisions rashly. Often, during this difficult period for him, a man expects support, understanding and action from his wife, but he behaves so aggressively that his behavior is repulsive. At this moment it seems to him that he will always think this way. But someday the crisis will end, and it will no longer be possible to return the family. As life shows, it is at this moment that the wife gets a man who loves her and the children and is ready to move mountains for them.

How to help a man

So, a man after 40... His psychology implies during this period a certain waterline that divides life into “before” and “after”. As soon as the wife sees the first symptoms of a crisis, she should devote more time to the man, surrounding him with unobtrusive care and warmth.

During this period, a man begins to think about health and prefers to eat right. The wife needs to take this nuance into account and diversify or completely change her usual diet. If the husband is quite smart, he will appreciate the efforts and patience of his wife and will not allow betrayal in the form of infidelity. After such a test, their life can change dramatically and become even better than it was before the crisis. A man must be aware of every action and understand what it can lead to. The craving for novelty, no matter how strong it may be, should not prevail over reason and adequacy.

What are the signs of a tipping point?

External manifestations of the crisis of 40 years in men vary depending on the characteristics of the psychotype and the perception of the stage. Basic symptoms are described in the table.

The data presented demonstrate: although the symptoms of the crisis of 40 years in men are different, they have common features. The main thing is to confirm your achievements or reverse your failures.

Four crisis models

The psychology of a man at 40, as well as his behavior, changes dramatically. Experts identify four crisis models.

• The world is collapsing. It seems to a man that nothing is working out for him, life is passing him by and all his desires remain unfulfilled.
• Pseudo-development. The man is completely dissatisfied with his life, although there are no apparent reasons for this. But at the same time, he demonstratively radiates happiness.
• Offense at fate. It is more difficult for a person with such a mindset to overcome a crisis.
• Full implementation. A man who is confident in his abilities and does not suffer from hidden complexes overcomes this difficult period with minimal losses. He does not destroy the family and does not indulge in all serious things. Life taught him that problems need to be solved, and not run away from them.

Knowing the secrets of the psychology of men, you can survive a fatal crisis without ruining your life and without causing pain to the people around you who sincerely love and care.