Relationships inside out: why exes write after many years

What should a girl do if her boyfriend is still in touch with his ex?

Now let’s get to the key questions: what to do if a guy communicates with a previous girl? Firstly, you should not stoop to ultimatums and blackmail, as this will put you in a losing situation. Just as you shouldn’t shout, cry or wring your hands. There is nothing terrible in human communication (especially if it concerns people who have children together). On the contrary, it positions your partner as a sensible, mature man who has not acted like a jerk in past relationships. This is good, it means you are dating a decent person. If his communication with his ex-girlfriend is unpleasant for you, a calm conversation will help. Talk about your excitement, pain, discomfort, anxiety, and outline the boundaries of what is permitted. If your relationship is constructive, that will be enough.

Psychologists recommend nourishing your union from time to time, then the man simply will not need to communicate with his former passion. Give your boyfriend more compliments, praise him, talk about your warm feelings, find a common activity, surprise him with surprises, cook your favorite dishes together, go on vacation with friends more often, strengthen your relationship with your lover’s family. Be less jealous, don’t harass your partner - an imposed feeling of guilt or systematic suspicions make you defensive, and this interferes with the fruitful development of relationships. Plus, filling the space with yourself is an excellent “substitution” technique. With this behavior you not only show your best sides, but also do not leave the guy time and desire to get in touch with his ex. A person who is satisfied with everything today does not need to look back!

If a guy stubbornly continues to communicate with his ex-girlfriend, arguing that it is ordinary friendship, it’s time to ask him frank questions. “If this is a friend, will she be included in the circle of our mutual acquaintances?”, “Do I have the right to the same privilege?”, “Is telephone communication with her enough for you or are you eager to meet?”, “Do you want me to meet with her too?” Have you become friends with her?”, “How do you yourself perceive this situation, if you abstract from it?” Further develop the dialogue according to the circumstances. Unless your boyfriend is a coward or a liar, direct conversations are very effective.

But if a guy desperately wants to communicate with his ex-girlfriend (and continues to do so), despite all your revelations, think about it. You can, of course, use cunning and make friends with your rival, so that you can later turn everything in your favor, but do you need it? Any situation can and should be ended on time if you feel that you are losing internal resources for free. If two adults have not closed their “gestalt” before, no matter how hard you try, you will constantly swim against the current... And the moment will come when you will run out of steam and still go to the bottom.

Time Bomb3

If you try to make your boyfriend feel a certain way, you will push him away. For example, try to make him “love” you more by removing your ex from his life.

If he loves spending time with his ex but knows you want him to stop seeing her, you will turn it into a negative experience for him. He will begin to look for ways to get rid of bad feelings. Your boyfriend may stop talking to his ex-girlfriend, but he may resent you for taking away something that made him happy.

Finally, he may push you away so he can do what he likes without feeling bad. The worse you feel about it, the more attractive this option becomes. And it may not even be a conscious decision on his part. It may seem like the relationship has simply gotten worse over time.

So what should I do?

Typically, people make one of two types of decisions - those based on emotions or those based on logic. Well, this is how our brain works - its right half is responsible for the intuitive, subjective and emotional part of our nature, and the left half is responsible for the practical, analytical and logical. And the last thing a man should do is solve a problem emotionally.

Only with the help of logical thinking can you make the right decision. You need to look at the facts as open-mindedly as possible and step away from the feelings screaming that amazing sex may soon be back in your life.

How to react if your ex-girlfriend writes after a breakup

Let's start with the fact that you shouldn't answer right away. In the event that she calls, you can ignore her first call. And when you start communicating, you don’t need to talk or write too much if this happens on a social network. Don't talk about other relationships, and act as if you two are normal acquaintances. If a girl wants to try it on, don’t agree right away. Say what you need to think about, but don't rush into an answer.

And most importantly, if you don’t want to talk to her, then just say so and put an end to this relationship. Tell everything honestly and hide nothing. Just do it politely and respectfully. Even if the girl is guilty of something, you should not insult her.

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How to get rid of your ex-boyfriend: elimination instructions

Imagine this situation - you and your boyfriend are happy together, you have a real idyll, but suddenly SHE appears on the horizon! His ex-girlfriend... She interferes in your relationship, says nasty things about you, writes to your beloved, waits for him near the entrance, imposes her communication, and so on, on, on... And then the most important question arises - how to get rid of this girl who is everything is trying to separate you. Read instructions on how to eliminate his ex at WANT.ua - we know exactly what to do!

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READ ALSO - Good relationship with your ex-boyfriend: how to make a myth come true

WHY DID SHE COME BACK?

This is one of those questions that immediately pops into your head. It may seem to you that she wants to separate you and take your sweetheart back. Or maybe she really loves him? Or does she just need something from him? Well, firstly, she rather wants to put an end to the relationship with her man, especially if there was an ellipsis in it. Secondly, she may simply want to take revenge on him. Especially if she is gnawed by resentment, she was treated unfairly or traded for you. Thirdly, she just wants to establish friendly relations with him. Well, the fourth case is the most difficult, called “ex-wife”, who may not want to return him, but will do her best to ruin your relationship in order to annoy you.

Read also: “Love fever”: how to overcome the disease

WHAT TO DO?

Read also: Fable or may come true: friendship between a man and a woman

Remember that there is absolutely no need to build a friendship with such a “super ex”. It is better to refrain from any conversations with her at all, so as not to provoke scandals. Act naturally, as if she doesn’t exist. And don’t even think about getting into a verbal altercation with her, much less waving your fists. You can ask your boyfriend not to communicate with her and not to pay attention either. Sooner or later, the girl will get tired of knocking on a closed door and she will get rid of it, leaving you alone. Don’t blame your loved one for interfering with his ex in your relationship. It's not his fault. He already has a hard time, and here you will still be adding “fuel to the fire.” So it’s not far from separation - and then this girl will achieve her goal.

"Imaginary friendship." If tip #1 doesn’t help, you can play a little. Pretend to be her friend, invite her to friendly parties (without forgetting to warn your friends). Throughout the party, let your friends raise toasts to you and your lover, say what a good couple you are and cast disapproving remarks and sidelong glances towards his ex. It’s tough, but what can you do – in war all means are good! This attitude will infuriate anyone, and she quickly retreats. In general, finish her off by any means known to you, including being a bitch. In the case when you need to get rid of his ex-wife, you need to find out one question - do they have children. If there is, you just need to come to terms with it, it will not disappear anywhere until your beloved is deprived of parental rights or until the children grow up. If your ex-wife still disappears after a conversation with your loved one, this is also not a reason for joy. After all, this gesture means that your man is not ready to take responsibility for his children from his former marriage, which means he will not be responsible for your future children, having exchanged his family for a younger girl.

Another case is if the ex-wife begins to manipulate your man using the children. In this case, you have to make your beloved a wonderful father who will take care of and help the children. But keep in mind that you will have to give up spending time with him in favor of the children. This state of affairs will only strengthen your relationship, and his ex may finally leave behind, realizing that he is not going to give up his children. And yes, it wouldn’t be bad for her to find a “husband substitute” who can replace her man, taking on difficult issues. Doing this is quite problematic, because not every man is ready to accept a woman with a child, and even raise him as his own, taking the daily routine onto his shoulders. But you have to try if you really want to be with your loved one.

Read also: Happy marriage: what to do if you want to get a divorce

Well, the most important advice is to behave with dignity and calm. Try to emphasize your superiority over his former passion in everything and show your strengths. Then your boyfriend will have no doubt that you are his best and he doesn’t need anyone except you - not even his ex!

Photo: Depositphoto

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tags: relationship ex

Svetlana Misnik journalist

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