Welcome to the blog! I am very glad for your visit!
How to make a decision when in doubt? This is a very important question.
After all, our whole life is actually a string of decisions made on the simplest and most complex issues. And each previous decision determines what subsequent new questions life will pose to us and what opportunities will open up before us. It’s strange that at school they spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue... I have several faithful assistants - proven methods that have helped me out many times and helped me make the right decision. I learned some techniques at personal growth trainings, some from the works of great philosophers, and some were suggested to me... by my grandmother.
Sometimes it becomes a little scary how even the simplest decision can change our destiny . Here is an example from life:
The girl was invited to a party during the week. She was thinking whether to go or not to go. Tired after work. Plus there's an important presentation tomorrow morning. Still, I DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married and gave birth to her beloved children. She has found her happiness and often asks herself what her fate would have been like if she had not gone to that party.
So, the continuation of the scenario of our life depends on our every decision, even the smallest one.
In this context, I like the film starring Jim Carrey Always Say YES. If you haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend watching it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of British writer Danny Wallace , who answered only “YES” to all proposals for 6 months.
The writer even starred in the film in the “bachelorette party” scene in a cameo role. So, let's return to our main question: “How to make the right decision when in doubt?” .
How people make decisions
Every day life presents us with a choice, presenting us with various tasks. What to cook for breakfast? What suit to wear to work? Which phone should I buy? Where to go on vacation during your vacation? Should I agree to the marriage proposal or wait? Should I quit my job or stay? There are decisions that don’t really affect anything, but there are those that radically change your life.
All people behave differently when making decisions. There is a category of people who are called “don’t care”. They are never tormented by choice, because they give preference to the first or simplest option. They put on the clothes that are the first to be taken out of the closet, go on a date with the first person to invite them, take the job that is easiest to get, etc. These people believe that life itself will put everything in its place, so they don’t It's worth the effort.
Another category of people is guided by intuition when making important decisions. These individuals always listen to their inner voice and do not doubt the correctness of the decisions made. However, there are not very many such people.
The majority of people are individuals who have difficulty making choices. They suffer, doubt, weigh every option, but still cannot make a final decision. And when the decision is made, they continue to doubt its correctness. If you belong to the category of such people and do not know how to make a decision when in doubt, then it will be useful for you to learn several methods that make the selection process easier.
Internal doubts
Sometimes internal doubts prevent you from making independent decisions, especially if the choice has to be made under the influence of other people or circumstances. It is very important that your decision matures internally, that you suffer through it and choose it from many other options. If the decision was made in a hurry and did not go through your deep awareness of the problem, then most often it is wrong and will always drag behind it a trail of doubts and uncertainty about the correctness of the chosen path. And any doubt gives rise to confusion and an unconscious desire for the right choice. Therefore, to avoid internal confusion, try to find time to think.
Method 1. “Descartes Square”
The essence of the method is to consider the problem facing you from four different angles. To do this, you need to ask yourself 4 questions. Take a piece of paper and divide it into four parts in the form of a square. Write one of the questions in each part:
- What good will I get if I fulfill my plan?
- What good will I get if I refuse to fulfill my plans?
- What harm will I get if I fulfill my plan?
- What harm will I get if I refuse to fulfill my plans?
Think and write the answer to the question in each square. By listing all the pros and cons of implementing your plan and refusing to implement it, you can understand which decision is best for you to make.
Method 2. “Advice”
If you don’t know what to do in a particular situation and stop doubting, tell the two closest people about the problem and ask them for advice. Popular wisdom says that every person has his own guardian angel who protects and guides him on the right path. The Guardian Angel gives clues through intuition. If a person has poorly developed intuition, then an angel can convey a hint through a loved one. Hence the recommendation to ask for advice from the two closest people.
Hiring Criteria: Not enough people is better than the wrong people
Mark Adams, managing director of Vitsoe, has spent the last 28 years systematically applying strict criteria to his work.
Vitsoe produces furniture. The furniture industry is characterized by a wide variety of products, with a huge number of new colors and styles appearing every season. But Vitsoe produces only one product year after year: the “Universal Shelf System 606.” Why? Because Vitsoe has very strict standards and this is the only product that meets them. But Vitsoe's approach to hiring is even more selective.
Early on, the company decided that not having enough people was better than having the wrong people. Therefore, the search for a new employee was a rigorous systematic selection process.
First, they conducted the interview over the phone. This was done consciously to get rid of visual biases when forming a first impression. They also wanted to hear how the potential employee communicated on the phone and whether he was organized enough to find a quiet place at any time. Many dropped out already at this stage, thereby saving time.
The candidate was then interviewed by several people from across the company. If the candidate passed these interviews, he was invited to work with the team for one day. Management then sent a questionnaire to all employees to get their opinion of the candidate. But instead of asking the usual questions, they asked, “Will he love working here?” or “Would you like him to work with you?”
At this stage no proposal was made so that both parties could feel as free as possible. If everything matched, then the candidate passed the final interview and received a job offer. If the confidence was not complete, then he was refused.
One day they had a candidate who wanted a job on the shelf installation team. This is an important role, because installers are the face of the product and the company. The candidate demonstrated good skills, but during a conversation with the team, Mark found out one detail. At the end of the day, when they were putting away the tools, the candidate simply threw the tools into the drawer and closed the lid. To you or me, this might seem like a minor detail that doesn't take away from a day of perfect work. But for the team, this meant irresponsibility that did not correspond to their vision of the ideal employee. Mark listened and agreed. He then politely told the candidate that he was not quite a match for Vitsoe.
If it is not obvious that this is a “yes”, then it is obvious that this is a “no”.
Method 3. “Expanding the framework”
The problem with most people is that they force themselves into narrow boundaries and do not see alternatives. They tend to get caught up in the “Yes” and “No” options, not realizing that there are other choices. Let's say you want to take out a car loan. You see only two options: take a car loan or continue using public transport.
By expanding your choice, you will see alternative options. For example: you can find a cheaper car and buy it no longer on credit; you can refuse the loan and start saving money to buy a car; you can rent a house closer to work and avoid using public transport; you can even change your job by getting a job in another company located close to your home; You can negotiate with one of your colleagues to give you a ride to work in his car for a certain fee. As you can see, there can be many options, the main thing is to see them.
Work is harmful to health
How do you know whether or not to quit your current job? Yes, very simple! If your job is harmful to your health and makes you weak, then it is not your job.
No matter how much money you pay for your work, no matter how great the team is and how interesting the work is, if at the end of the month you give half of your salary to a medical institution in order to improve your health, such a place is not worth the candle.
Method 5. “Glass of water”
The author of this technique is the American parapsychologist Jose Silva, founder of the Silva Method, author of books on unconventional psychology. He suggests the following: in the evening before going to bed, pour clean, unboiled water into a glass. Take the glass with both hands, close your eyes, focus on the problem that worries you and clearly formulate the question that requires a decision. Then, slowly, drink half the glass, mentally repeating something like this: “This is all I need to make the right decision.”
Place a glass with the remaining water near your bed and go to bed. First thing in the morning after waking up, drink some water and thank your subconscious for the right decision. The solution may come immediately after waking up or during the day. People who have tried this technique claim that it works.
Method 6. “Delay”
If you can't make a choice and make a decision, give yourself a break. When you're excited and your brain is overloaded with information, it's very difficult to make the right choices. Remember how often you made the wrong decision in a hurry and then regretted it? To prevent this from happening, take a break, calm down, and once again carefully analyze the strengths and weaknesses of your choice. There are not many situations in life that require instant decision making, so don’t be afraid to put it off for a while.
Unbiased analysis
When making a decision, you often have to give up something, sacrifice your interests to choose an alternative. To prevent your loss from being so bitter, try to impartially analyze what exactly you are losing and why it is being done. Does the end goal justify this loss and how important is it to you? When you can understand exactly what you will lose and what you will get in return, the decision may not be as painful and difficult as it first seemed.
To understand the depth of your loss, say to yourself something that you will never do or see again.
Awareness of the need for sacrifice on your part for the sake of a higher goal psychologically sets up a courageous decision to refuse some benefits if this choice is vitally necessary.
Method 7. “Own the information”
Before making a choice, try to find out as much information as possible about the option you are going to choose. When it comes to purchasing a product, read reviews about it on the Internet. When deciding to change jobs, learn everything about the position you will be taking and the people who worked there before you. If possible, track down these people to get first-hand information. You understand that the employer may not tell you about all the difficulties that await you, and a person who has already worked in this company before is unlikely to withhold such information.
The more important the decision you make, the more responsible your approach to finding the information you need must be. This way you will protect yourself from deception and prepare for possible difficulties.
You don't have time for yourself
A good job with high pay and a pleasant team should not become the meaning of life. If you, while receiving a salary, cannot even afford to visit a beauty salon or go to the pool, or even just meet friends in a cafe, then it is better to consign such work to the past. Before you change your job to another, be sure to rest and give yourself the attention of your loved one. This will help motivate you to further search for a job that will leave you time to take care of yourself.
Perhaps you are simply setting your priorities and scheduling your work incorrectly. By doing the work according to a plan written with your own efforts, in some cases you may well have time to devote time to yourself. If no way helps, then it is better to leave the disgusted place and write a letter of resignation.
Method 8. “Drop your emotions”
Emotions greatly interfere with making the right decision because they distort the vision of the situation. An emotionally agitated person is unable to think sensibly. Therefore, make it a rule: never make decisions while at the peak of emotions. Anger, fear, malice, as well as intense joy and euphoria are bad advisers in decision making.
If you are overcome by emotions, do not make any choice. Give yourself time to cool down, and then take a sober look at the situation. This way you will protect yourself from rash actions and their consequences.
How to get rid of emotions?
Even when you realize that emotions are preventing you from making the right choices, you can't always get rid of them. To make this process easier, use simple methods.
10/10/10
This method allows you to put aside immediate impulses and look at the situation in the long term. The essence of the method is to ask yourself three questions before making a decision:
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 minutes?
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 months?
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 years?
Let's say you want to take out an expensive car on credit. You apply for a loan and get behind the wheel of a brand new car. What will you think 10 minutes after the purchase? You will probably be euphoric, rejoicing at your purchase. But after 10 months, the joy will subside, and you will feel the full weight of the credit burden and will be faced with the need to limit yourself in many things. And in 10 years, when you finally pay off your debts, you will see that your car is old and requires repairs, or maybe you are so tired of it that you want to sell it.
The 10/10/10 method can be used in any situation. It perfectly helps to pacify emotions and look at the long-term consequences of your choice, so as not to regret what you did later.
Stay in the dark
A good way to calm your emotions is to simply be in the dark. Psychologists have proven that twilight or complete darkness calms a person and helps put his thoughts in order. Please note that jewelry stores are always brightly lit. Do you think this was done so that gold and precious stones would play and shimmer better in the rays of light? Not just for this. Marketing experts know that bright lights are more likely to make people make impulse purchases.
If you need to calm your emotions in order to make the right decision, sit for a while in a dim or dark room and reconsider the consequences of your choice.
Breathe deeply
Another simple but effective method that helps in the fight against emotions is deep breathing. Take 10 slow, deep breaths in and out, and then ask yourself again: “Am I doing the right thing?”
Think about what you would advise a friend
To reduce emotions and cool down the ardor, it is useful to look at the situation from the outside. Imagine that it is not you who are faced with the need to make a decision, but your friend. What would you advise him to do in this situation?
Many people notice this peculiarity in themselves: they give practical and rational advice to their friends, but when they find themselves in similar situations, they behave extremely stupidly. This happens because, looking at the problem from the outside, we see only the most essential. And when we ourselves find ourselves in the middle of a problem, a lot of little things come up that we attach too much importance to.
The ability to abstract yourself and look at a situation with an unbiased mind gives a significant advantage when it comes to making the right choice.
Method 9. “Following life priorities”
Each person has his own life values, rules and priorities that influence his choices. Always stick to these values and you can't go wrong. For example, you are offered a choice of two positions: one of them is prestigious and highly paid, but requires a lot of dedication from you; the second is less prestigious and does not have such a high salary, but you don’t have to work overtime and you have a lot of free time. Which one to choose?
To make decisions without doubt and stress, be guided by your life priorities. If your family comes first, then choose a position that is not so prestigious and paid, but will not steal your personal time, which you can devote to loved ones. If you dream of building a career, give preference to a prestigious and highly paid position that will help you move up the career ladder.
Feeling depressed and unsure of yourself
You need to leave your job if you are no longer confident that you like what you do. Doing work for show, you will never be able to feel the joy of the activity. When you are not confident in your strengths and capabilities, leaving your current job, there is a risk of grabbing any thread and going to do just anything. In this case, it is much wiser to quit and wait for time to rest and recover from a job that does not satisfy your ambitions and makes you lack self-confidence. Therefore, in the question of “to quit or not,” it is better to make a decision in favor of leaving.
Method 10. “Intuition”
Intuition is a wonderful tool that not everyone knows how to use. She can tell you a way out when rational methods do not bring the desired result. And it often happens like this: you make a choice based on logic and rationality, and this choice seems to you the most correct, but your inner voice persistently protests against it. Maybe we should listen to him?
Develop intuition, and it will become an excellent assistant in different situations, but do not overestimate its role and do not forget about reason and logic.
If you find yourself in a situation of choice, use any of the listed methods, or better yet, use several at once. Over time, you will understand which method suits you best and will be able to use it in a variety of life situations. By learning to make decisions, you will significantly improve the quality of your life.
