About the insult. I often encounter the behavior of people who are offended and begin to remain silent and not communicate.
At the same time, they expect that the other person who allegedly offended must certainly apologize and start the conversation first. The offended person is not at all embarrassed by the duration of silence (from several hours to several weeks. I also know that the one who seems to have offended may not understand the essence of such silence at all. I am familiar with a married couple in which the woman is easily offended and at the same time endures and demonstrates the offense , both to the offender himself, and to the children and everyone around her.
What is hidden behind such an offended state? Lack of recognition of love, one's importance. The person thereby demonstrates his unspoken leadership in this situation, giving the signal “I myself will decide when to stop being offended, but in the meantime, be dependent on my mood. I feel bad and so should you.”
Of course, we are all inclined to show our offended state in this way. We get offended when there is no understanding, when expectations are not met, when there is no constructive dialogue, when there is no opportunity to show aggression or another feeling, when the offender is not around. Different options for causing resentment. One thing is clear that neither you, nor the person you are offended by, but the people around you are satisfied with this state. And you too! It just seems easier to you. You hide your true state under the mask of resentment. You were not understood as you expected. Just different people with different understandings and expectations, but for some reason it seems to many of us that it is easier to be offended and then the other person will understand exactly what you want than to explain your expectations.
You didn’t like your partner’s behavior or words - tell him about it. Have you been offended, not accepted, not approved, have your actions become a reason for discussion? There are many reasons to be offended, but what is important is that no one forces you to be offended, and only you give yourself permission to express this feeling. It's just easier for you. This is a familiar reaction, perhaps from childhood, when in this way you were shown that you are doing something wrong or that this is the only effective form for evoking a feeling of love and significance. Often it is women who resort to this behavior. Perhaps your mother tried so hard to express herself and establish that she is loved, appreciated, and noticed.
Decide what you really feel at the moment you start to take offense and does the offense make you stronger and give you self-confidence? Have you used all the methods of dialogue with a potential offender? If you think that this is not your problem, then why do you need offense at all? To prove, show, demonstrate something to someone? Do such relationships bring you joy and the development of your best qualities or a momentary manifestation of a familiar reaction according to a convenient scenario?
I still have one more guess about the cause of the resentment. You may not agree, but please think about it. I have reason to believe so. Sometimes a person really needs to be alone. He may not realize it himself or clearly see the need for it. Circumstances develop in such a way that a conflict is attracted and, accordingly, a certain amount of time to think about it or decide to continue the relationship. So, a person uses this time for himself, accumulating resources and simply thinking about exciting moments. The conflict itself may exist, as we often hear “in an Empty Place,” but you begin to feel something like resentment, but in fact you need time to be alone with yourself. This often happens in a work team, when one did not understand you, another upset you with something, and with the third you need to solve other problems, and you need to collect your thoughts and make a decision. You can provoke a quarrel, supposedly take offense at someone, and in the meantime you can simply take a mental break from everyone.
Or an example with a child. It happens that an argument arises over a trifle and everyone leaves with their dissatisfaction, grievances and continues to do everyday things, while the child or mother simply needed rest, time for themselves. Has this ever happened to you?
What is hidden behind your resentment? Try to understand yourself. Silence Psychology psychology silence.
Psychology of resentment
Resentment is simply an emotional reaction to words or actions. We ourselves choose how to react. However, you will now object to me that feelings, and in particular the feeling of resentment , are very difficult to control, and the offender, as if on purpose, finds the most painful points, the weakest points...
Resentment should be distinguished from touchiness ; the latter is already a chronic state of resentment. Often offends the whole world! What can we say about its individual representatives!
In a state of touchiness, mental resentment, a person looks at all words with suspicion, sifts them through a special filter, fishing out ambiguities and interpreting them in only one light.
Mental resentment does not let go for a moment, and even if people with such an attitude turn for help, they are more inclined to complain about their unbearable fate, the scoundrels and scoundrels who, as if on purpose, get in their way.
And even play their wonderful game “yes, but..” (No matter what options are offered to them, they find excuses and reasons not to change the situation and the way they react).
Remember, in distant childhood, when you began to roar with resentment or pout offendedly, your parents paid attention to you. In different ways, but they did.
Some calmed and tried to cheer, some got irritated and became even more angry. Be that as it may, attention, positive or negative, was given to you.
Now you have grown up... In theory, you should have a new way of responding to grievances, an adult, mature, constructive... But it often happens that we have grown only externally, but emotionally, we are still the same little girls or boys who, swallowing tears, experienced feelings of helplessness and despair, or swore that they would never allow anyone to offend them again...
There are not so many real grievances, grievances from today, in percentage terms. Basically, we have grievances from the past , when we were helpless and small, that childish way of reacting has become entrenched in us, and now it just turns on automatically.
How to understand that a person is offended. 10 signs
Offended or not offended? Yes, I guess not... Then why is she acting so strange? Yes, I didn’t do anything like that. Or did you?
In order not to be tormented by these questions, thinking for hours about whether she was offended by you or not, read 10 signs that a girl is harboring a grudge against you, and find out for sure what is happening to her.
It is difficult for us men to understand whether a girl is offended by us or not. We often fall into a stupor and do not understand what is happening at all. So, let's figure it out.
She doesn't start the conversation first
Women just want to chat, but she hasn't started the conversation all day long. This is a warning sign.
She answers, but very briefly
Usually she doesn’t write you an SMS, but a whole novel, talks for a long time about going to the store with her friends, but here you can’t get a word out of her. The most she can answer you is “no” and “yes.” Things are bad, man.
She hesitates to answer or is completely silent
Girls are used to checking their phone several times a day, and if you sent her a message 5 hours ago and she still hasn’t responded to it, there’s a high chance that she’s harboring a grudge.
She doesn't continue the conversation
Women love to discuss everything from global warming to the new tights she bought on sale. But it seems that your girlfriend is not at all interested in continuing the conversation and wants to end it as quickly as possible. If this happens several times a day, this is a reason to think about it.
She's happy to show off
If you date her for a long time, you are able to distinguish genuine joy from feigned joy. If a girl pretends that everything is fine and she is incredibly happy, then either she has problems or you have driven her crazy.
She doesn't want to touch you
Well, you know, girls love things like running through your hair, kissing you before they break up, and all that stuff. And here... nothing. She doesn't touch you at all. If this happens for a couple of hours, this is the norm, but all day long... She definitely gets angry.
She doesn't care about your choice and your tastes
She loves you, which means that she knows perfectly well what food you prefer, what movies you like to watch, and so on. If she left you a bag of Doshirak instead of preparing your favorite ribs for dinner as always, you know that clouds are gathering over you.
She starts making mountains out of molehills
If she is offended by you, then any little thing that would have previously passed her attention begins to infuriate her. And that’s exactly how it comes to you.
She only calls you by name
And there are no bunnies, bear cubs or other fauna there. Exclusively by name. Okay, at least the middle name doesn’t add up.
To all your proposals she replies “I don’t care”
No one wants to hear these three words. They are offensive, they offend, and they reek of contempt for their interlocutor. Of course she cares, she just wants to hurt you. And, most likely, he believes that you deserve it.
Resentment is a stimulus
In resentment there is always some threat to your self-image - your self-esteem, self-perception. “I don't deserve this. I'm better than they think I am." If a person is worried and considers himself offended, it is obvious to the psychologist: they have touched a very important chord. And what is significant is also vulnerable. You cannot offend with something that is not important. Let's say, if a handsome man rushes past you to another lady, and you have your own boyfriend and no worse, let him run wherever he wants, you just rejoice: there are so many lovers around. But if your gentleman doesn’t show up for a date, it becomes insulting: everyone comes to you, but not you. Of course, more often than not, resentment is not explained rationally, but is simply experienced emotionally.
True, it can become a powerful incentive for improvement. In the comedy “The Minor”, in the image of Mitrofanushka, D.I. Fonvizin brought out his friend Sasha Olenin, somewhat exaggerating the main traits of his character: laziness, carelessness, infantility, even stupidity. Olenin was very offended. I was so offended that I started studying.
He improved in Strasbourg and Dresden, becoming an excellent artist and one of the most educated people in Russia. And he was even elected president of the Academy of Arts.
If a man is offended and does not want to talk. What should be understood by resentment?
Psychologists are sure that it is impossible to offend a person. Everyone chooses their own reaction to the actions of another person - they can be offended, they can raise their voice, avoid conflict, and so on. There are a lot of reaction options, and resentment is only one of them.
If a guy is offended and ignores a girl, you shouldn’t shift all responsibility for what happened to him either. After all, he feels a sense of resentment for the actions that the woman committed or for the words that she said. Therefore, the girl could well have avoided the conflict situation if she had been more attentive to the guy and behaved more correctly. Thus, in a situation where a man is offended, two people are to blame (this is a relationship, and there are always two parties involved).
To avoid problematic situations in a couple, you need to communicate and get to know each other as much as possible. This will allow you to always know what can offend your partner and not commit wrong actions. For example, a man does not tolerate milk in his tea, and a girl accidentally (even with the best intentions) pours milk for him. As a result, conflict may occur. But it might not have existed if the girl had been more attentive to the guy’s preferences.
How not to be offended by friends
Friends should tell only the truth, and they should not be offended for this. They do this with the best intentions. In life, everything happens exactly the opposite. With poorly concealed envy, a friend advises that you shouldn’t go to a cafe in this dress, it’s too provocative. You don't listen to her, you act your own way, and you turn out to be right. Attention, compliments - everything goes to you.
If a friend did something that offended you, you should immediately tell him about it. He probably didn't do it intentionally. Nobody wants to ruin a relationship; this usually happens due to stupidity or ignorance of the psychology of human relationships. Having found out the reason for the action, you can resolve the contradictions that have arisen between friends.
Being generous is a degree of personality maturity. Many people believe that forgiveness is the lot of the weak; the strong will never forgive unseemly actions. But if a girlfriend or friend has realized their mistakes and sincerely repents, they should be given another chance. Finding new friends is not so easy, especially in adulthood. And we must remember that ideal people do not exist.
We take offense in different ways
The guy is offended and silent. How to recognize manipulation
Why do men get offended by their lovers? How should a girl behave in such a situation? Advice from a psychologist.
If your husband is constantly offended and silent, and at the same time you are consumed by a feeling of guilt, a willingness to satisfy all the whims of your significant other, just to reduce the tension in the family atmosphere.
If a guy doesn’t call, can be offended for a long time, constantly emphasizing how you don’t appreciate him, don’t love him enough, and what a poor innocent angel lives next to such a cold, callous woman, then sooner or later the chosen one will think: “And perhaps it’s beneficial for the guy to behave this way.” ?
The desire to manipulate people’s feelings does not always grow out of male egoism and a completely conscious game. Often this is an attempt to compensate for lack of attention. Perhaps the habit of achieving what one wants in such a strange way has deep roots in the individual’s childhood. An attempt to receive love, acceptance and recognition of needs through the pity and repentance of parents who are always preoccupied with themselves. A man may not realize this and transfer habitual patterns of action to his own family. Think about what this behavior gives to your loved one? What does he strive for and how long are you willing to endure it?
What to do if a man is very offended and behaves like a child?
Above all, avoid accusations and reproaches.
Phrases that a partner “behaves like a woman,” “real men don’t get offended over trifles, don’t whine or throw tantrums” are unconstructive and will only deepen the conflict. You should not distract your chosen one or play by the rules of a skilled manipulator in the person of your beloved. You need a frank conversation. As equals, and not from the position of “stern mother - capricious child.”
Calmly discuss the situation and neutrally, without excessive emotionality, share your position with your partner. Describe your emotions. For example, tell me how your spouse’s silence hurts you. As a rule, if a husband is very touchy, he may try to close himself off and avoid a frank conversation.
Encourage openness, listen carefully and do not interrupt, even if you disagree. Let the person speak out, let off steam of mixed feelings, pour out all his complaints, and only after that insist on the need for constructive dialogue in a calm tone. Respect your other half's needs. Each person has his own weaknesses and, of course, can make mistakes. The main thing is to resolve the conflict in a timely manner, without allowing the flames of discontent to flare up to the scale of a scandal or accumulate inside, hiding behind a mask of indifference and silence.
Make it clear that direct conversation is more effective than the usual model of behavior. Learn to manage your feelings of guilt and defend your own interests. Leave emotions aside and think about whether it is really your fault for such strange behavior of your spouse?
Where do grievances come from?
The feeling of resentment arises due to the discrepancy between expectations about the behavior of the offender and how he actually behaved. That is, resentment is a consequence of three mental operations:
- building expectations,
- behavior observation,
- comparison of expectation and reality.
In other words, we expect a person to understand us, feel us, and do what we think about, but do not say out loud. And if we say it, we always expect that the person will not refuse, will do it to please us, sacrificing personal capabilities and desires.
In relationships, we expect expressions of love, care, tenderness, etc., but sometimes we do not consider it necessary to say what we want. How exactly do we feel when we are loved, how do we understand that we are cared for. We hold within ourselves ideas about ideal relationships from our experience, from our picture of the world, forgetting that a loved one grew up in other conditions in which everything was different.
Resentment is the pain we inflict on ourselves
Disappointment from unjustified expectations forces us to look for the cause of the mental pain that arises in a given situation. So we find this reason outside. It is difficult for us to understand that we inflict this pain on ourselves, expecting that someone else will live our lives and our interests, without taking into account our own.
But if you think about it, this is fundamentally wrong!
Only those who do not value themselves will devote their lives to others, and such a person will not give you anything. He himself needs to work on his self-esteem. And it turns out that we expect from a person what he, in principle, cannot give, and we count on what we have no right to. After all, in fact, no one OWES us anything!
A loving person, voluntarily and based on his personal desires, chose you to be happy next to you, because it pleases him. And if, in order to be close to you, he needs to “buy” this place, then sooner or later such relationships will begin to destroy him and will cease to bring joy. There will be a feeling of lack of freedom.
And what's good about that?
Most often we are offended by loved ones
Any relationship is a choice of everyone in favor of this relationship. Choice implies freedom in expressing feelings. We cannot feel anything other than GRATITUDE. After all, everything we receive in a relationship should be regarded as a gift. Such relationships have a bright future.
Most often, we are offended by those close to us, because it is not so easy for a stranger to offend us. We do not expect anything from a stranger, which means we are not disappointed in him. There are, of course, people who tend to be offended by everyone: people, God, the Universe, and life in general. Such people believe that they are owed everything. And they are sincerely indignant about why they are not treated the way they imagine.
But that's another story...
Resentment arises from internal trauma
Any resentment arises from deep internal trauma. At the heart of resentment is a hidden inferiority complex: constant doubt about oneself and one’s abilities, the inability to take responsibility for one’s life and everything that happens in it, and a reluctance to achieve goals on one’s own.
We are waiting for someone to come who will do everything for us and live our lives for us too. And if this does not happen, we become disappointed and suffer.
Of course, if we wish, we can delegate responsibility for our lives to other people, giving them the power to influence our mood and well-being. Let them decide whether to make us happy or unhappy. Just remember that in this way we deprive ourselves of freedom of choice and the opportunity to live our lives in joy and endless happiness!
Do you need to deal with feelings of resentment?
Perhaps I speak too loudly about the fact that feeling resentful deprives you of the opportunity to live a happy life. But, unfortunately, this is so. Because of deep internal grievances, people get sick, suffer, die...
You have a choice: to be offended or right from this second, once and for all, to learn to control this feeling that corrodes and destroys like poison. The most important step towards getting rid of grievances is taking responsibility for your life!
When you do this, you will be able to manage your emotions and this feeling. The understanding will come that it is impossible to offend you. To help on this path, I want to offer several simple but very effective practices, by doing which you will learn to cope with feelings of resentment.
If a guy is offended, what does it mean? How to live if a man is offended over trifles?
- Fears. More often it is fear of another romance or unfinished past relationships that do not allow you to enjoy the new feeling of being in love. It may take him a long period to understand himself and his own emotions. She can only wait.
- Married. Such a man shows every interest in the girl he likes, but deliberately steps aside when there is a feeling of reciprocity. This is not internal fear, but a cunning tactic to win a girl’s heart. It is better to avoid such notorious womanizers and look for love.
- Not confident in myself. Such guys are rarely liked, at the same time they are offended by the whole world, do not believe in themselves and their chances of being liked and interested in a pretty girl. It is difficult to start a new relationship because he believes that the girl is insincere, plays, and mocks. Don't look for hidden subtext in a new relationship.
- He doesn't know what he wants. Such demonstrative behavior characterizes an insecure man who has not yet set his priorities. He shows interest and begins communication, but, feeling reciprocity, he avoids his new acquaintance in every possible way.
What can a man be offended by?
- Resentment of a man in the family. Very often, the reason for a man’s grievances is the disagreement between the chosen one and his family. It is especially frustrating for a man if his significant other does not get along with his mother, which is common. It is worth understanding that the most important women for every representative of the stronger sex are his mother and wife. If they constantly quarrel, the wife, of course, as a rule, is to blame, since not a single person is capable of thinking something bad about his mother.
- A man's resentment because of his hobbies and interests. If a woman really loves her partner and wants to continue a relationship with him, she should under no circumstances be indifferent or even more negative towards his hobbies and hobbies. Otherwise, constant grievances and disagreements cannot be avoided. Even if hunting, fishing or computer games seem like a completely ridiculous activity to you, you should under no circumstances show your true attitude, but, on the contrary, be interested in and praise the achievements of your chosen one.
- A man's resentment over gifts. Whatever gift a man gives, in no case should you immediately show your dissatisfaction, even if this is the case. Even if this gift is not entirely appropriate, it is necessary not only to accept it with joy, but also to use it sometimes. And only over time can you subtly hint that you would like something different. In this way, it will be possible to avoid big grievances and receive new gifts in the future.
Resentment is...
— Vladimir, perhaps everyone has had to experience this unpleasant experience. What does it consist of and what is its mechanism?
— To put it very simply, resentment is born when another behaves relatively differently from what you expected from him, and sometimes even worse. When communicating and interacting between opponents, interpersonal relationships always arise, manifest and form, which are accompanied by various feelings. But resentment is one of the most destructive. Hiding deep in the soul, it begins to “eat from the inside,” having a negative impact on psychological and physical health.
Resentment is also very closely related to the concept of justice. We are offended when we believe that we have been treated, as it seems to us, unfairly. There are many examples and cases, here is one of many: you wanted your husband to meet you from work, but instead he is watching a live broadcast of a football match. Your expectations were not met, and you feel resentful. On top of everything else, resentment tends to accumulate.
—Can we then say that resentment is bad?
- Resentment is quite multifaceted, and by and large it is neither good nor bad - it is functional. On the one hand, resentment helps to understand the boundaries of oneself and the interlocutor and partly strives to take a neutral position in which both benefit. One wants to get rid of the imposed feeling of guilt, the other wants to achieve what they want. But various formed stereotypes, concepts, standards, templates, temperament and characterological characteristics help to cross this line.
Resentment is one of the most destructive feelings. Hiding deep in the soul, it begins to “eat from the inside,” having a negative impact on psychological and physical health.
— How, in your opinion, did the stereotype about stupid women’s grievances about everything appear?
— The modern world cultivates stereotypes, but also stereotypical forms of behavior.
- So some of us really get offended by everything?
— Everything is individual, but for some it is typical. This habit is, one might say, a massive weapon of defeat for a man.
— Why do we most often get offended?
— It happens because of trifles and fictitious expectations. In the end, there are much fewer serious grievances in everyday life. However, there are people who react to minor insults with outbursts of anger and rage and thereby trigger a mechanism for serious insult.
— How do we understand where the offense is just another one, which we ourselves created, and where it is serious, which needs to be worked on?
— A serious grievance is when the soul hurts, the consequences of it are destructive and long-lasting. Such resentment can subsequently lead to constant emotional tension, psychosomatic disorders, and psychological problems. Serious resentment causes internal tension.
If a man is offended, it means he loves. What can offend a man?
Remember that all men are different, they are not divided into categories and types. Each of them has its own inner and rich world. The right approach for one man will not be the right approach for others. Yes, I won’t argue, there are some common points. But the situation is exactly the same for women. Can you classify yourself as a certain category of woman?
There are millions of situations, words and actions that can offend a man. And only you can figure out what happened in your case. If a man is offended by a woman, it means that she did something differently than he would like. Maybe you didn't consult him before buying something expensive. Or he is silent because you speak quickly, out of place, too much and not to the point.
If your beloved left home without saying a word, then the first thing you should think about is why this happened. You shouldn’t shout after him: get lost or something like that. If you don’t want to quarrel, then think about your actions, your words. Try to reproduce the last conversation. Remember what you could have done that greatly hurt the man you love.
Also, don’t forget about your social circle. It’s not just your words and actions that can hurt a man. If a friend allows herself rather frivolous communication, or a colleague loudly discusses your man in front of him, then all this can play a cruel joke on you. Your relationship with a man should not concern anyone but yourself. Therefore, try to convey to your girlfriends that discussing intimate moments is indecent. And don’t tell every detail in detail yourself.
The person is offended by every word. What is resentment?
Resentment in psychology is the response of an offended person to an action of another person that is unacceptable to her. It causes a feeling of hostility, you can get rid of it, the main thing is that it does not develop into constant resentment.
Some people do not hold grudges within themselves; they take out bad emotions on others. Others, on the contrary, close themselves off and carry them deep inside, not showing them to anyone. They smile despite adversity. But this is fraught with dire consequences.
As a rule, this depressed state leads to deep depression. Again, if this concerns a single offense, the matter is not so bad, but systematic offense is a big problem. This is what the psychology of resentment talks about.
How to be less offended by other people
There are many reasons to be offended by people: they said the wrong thing; they didn’t react to your words that way; didn’t do what you wanted; were not grateful to you for your efforts and care.
The basis of this resentment is the behavior of other people, which causes irritation and even anger in us. But often people do not want to cause this reaction; they do not do something intentionally. Who voluntarily wants to make enemies for themselves? We do not take into account mentally ill people; this is a topic for a separate discussion. There are many techniques in psychology on how to stop being offended by people.
Psychologists advise not to let resentment “settle” in us. Even at the very stage of formation of a negative emotion, it is necessary to be able to recognize and neutralize the enemy, as if to “spit out” the offense. To do this, Koshechka.ru advises asking the potential offender to stop the unwanted conversation or action.
It has been noticed that people who lack self-confidence tend to be offended. A person who is confident that he is right will not stoop to offense. He values himself too highly for this! The king's position in this case is completely justified.
We must learn to stop judging and blaming people, because this often serves as a starting point for the emergence of negative emotions. Then there will be no offense!
Author: Elena Zborovskaya. The article was checked and approved by a psychologist. Gryzlova Olga Yuryevna, special psychologist, 15 years of experience. Learn more about the expert. Photo: Yuris Alhumaydy, Alex Iby, Kyle Broad, Anthony Tran.
(you can vote for the article)
Tags: resentment
- Related Posts
- How to stop thinking about bad things?
- How to stop thinking about your ex?
- How to become self-sufficient?
Resentment and touchiness: what is the difference?
Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. The person is trying to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he expected something different, and with all his appearance he demonstrates how strong his disappointment is. Intertwined with the offense is disappointment (one thing was expected, but something else happened), pain and sadness (“I didn’t expect this from you”), excitement and anxiety (what if it happens again), powerlessness (“you are stronger - that’s why you think you’re right”), irritation and anger (“I will take revenge on you”).
Resentment is like the flu: you can have a fever and recover in a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the entire body and cause a chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This condition is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to constantly take offense at all possible irritants, sometimes erecting piles of non-existent problems out of nowhere, showing with all his appearance how unfair the world is to him.
All a person’s feelings are a subjective thing, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all others, since one’s “I” and personal dignity are placed above others.
The person gets offended and doesn’t speak for a long time. What to do if you are offended?
First, analyze how you contributed to the situation that left the other person feeling bitter and resentful. Perhaps you really are to blame. In order to resolve the situation painlessly, in most cases there is nothing easier than to approach and. We are all different, and therefore, when communicating with each other, jokes, remarks, barbs, and a dismissive attitude can be offensive. When a person is offended and does not speak, it means that you hurt him more than you thought. Figure out what the matter is, in the very essence of the offense; it often lies a little deeper than on the surface.
The example of a boss snapping at an excellent employee who spent the whole night preparing a report at his request is quite common. Yes, being offended at work is unprofessional, but a subordinate may harbor a subconscious resentment that will affect the future desire to perform duties. Often it is the people who are loyal to you who are offended. You could raise your voice, point out a flaw in front of everyone, scold them for some mistakes, but not move from the professional to the personal sphere. Resentment works in a similar way both in family and friendships.
Why do people get offended?
In society, each person receives his share of recognition and attention. If the work of a person or himself, as it seems to him, is not appreciated, then resentment begins to accumulate on a subconscious level. This is especially pronounced in people whom, but they tried in every possible way to please and be useful.
If you were not noticed, then in adult life the compensation factor comes into play. You will want more attention, affection, warmth, confirmation of importance.
There is nothing wrong with this, but your behavior can provoke other people to make harsh statements.
For example, you ask why people are offended by you, but you yourself do not understand that with your desire to move forward and get a share of attention, you are turning everyone against you. If someone is offended and does not talk, then think, why is this happening? Are there really too touchy people gathered around? You can apologize many times, but until you reconsider the reasons, you will find yourself in similar situations (even with different people).
Offenses over trifles - 3 techniques
Men often complain that their girlfriend gets offended over every little thing. In fact, this is the first signal that not everything is going smoothly in the relationship. In many work teams there are a couple of people who may be offended, as their colleagues say, “out of nowhere.” As a rule, these are people with low or too high self-esteem.
How to stop being offended over trifles? It is characteristic that the person himself never admits that he has such a problem; he does not notice it in himself. Therefore, ko6e4ka.ru advises talking through this situation, not allowing it to develop and develop into stress. A heart-to-heart conversation at home or a personal conversation between a boss and his subordinate will help you think about your reactions and reconsider your behavior in a given situation.
If a person cannot cope on his own, the help of a specialist is needed. But such grievances cannot be ignored, because they will only intensify each time. If the offense is quickly forgotten, it’s not so scary. But if she lives inside, devastating consequences cannot be avoided. The danger is that at some point it will be difficult for a person to control himself, his relationships with others may deteriorate, various kinds of addictions and outbursts of anger may appear.
There are techniques that prevent the negative emotion that has arisen from developing further.
1. One of them is breathing exercises. You need to sit down, slowly inhale air through your nose, counting to 8, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then slowly exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Several such repetitions help to calm down, and perhaps resentment will not appear.
2. Switching to positive emotions is also an effective way to get away from resentment. You can watch a comedy, a humorous program, and your mood will immediately increase. It has been noticed that among people who possess self-irony, there are practically no touchy ones. The ability to laugh at yourself is the privilege of the strong!
3. The most important thing in this situation is to learn to control your emotions. As soon as everything in communication goes according to a negative scenario, it is important to interrupt the dialogue. This will help you avoid falling into a state of resentment and will save you from tedious showdowns in the future. When a person realizes how insignificant the reason for the offense was, he will understand how to stop being offended over trifles and reacting to every word.
Remember - men can't read minds
