Outsider? Parasite? Leader? Hero? Who will your child be?

Outsiders in the structure of a social group

An ecosystem is a structured and organized group inhabited by living organisms. The whole group is divided into a certain number of niches and all of them are evenly filled with their own species of animals. By nature, there are higher animals and microorganisms that fill niches located at the bottom of the entire ecosystem.

By analogy, you can build a social group - a society in which people fill certain niches. In other words, there are leaders, middle class people and, of course, outsiders. Every niche must be filled, and if there are too many leaders in a group, then there is an imbalance that disrupts the order of the system. This proves that there are no losers as such . These are just people who were pushed into the lower strata of society during the struggle.

Such struggle is typical for any type of social group. This could be a whole people or one individual in a small social group. In any case, the rule applies the same way, namely, “survival of the fittest .

As a rule, the niche of a loser always has its own person, because there is no competition there, but how do they get into it? As a rule, people who have their own individual characteristics (weaknesses) end up at the bottom of a social group. Such, for example, are newcomers to the group. These are the last people who end up in an already formed team, but they only end up in the niche of outcasts if it is not occupied, which is extremely rare. People who do not have enough money, physical or moral capabilities can also fall into the lower strata of society.

The outsider's niche and the leader's niche

Having understood the concept, it is worth understanding how people become outsiders and whether there is an option to rise to the top. As was said earlier, society makes people outsiders . The larger the social group, the greater the chances of being included in the list of outsiders if there are any individual weaknesses. In addition, the number of outsiders also depends on the size of the social group, but there cannot be too many of them. If there are a lot of losers, this automatically lowers the level of the social group. Few people will like this status, and in these cases society tries to raise some people from the lower category to the niche of the middle class. But is it possible to become a leader?

The niche of leaders is significantly different from the layer of losers, if only in that there can only be one person who is extremely difficult to remove from his throne. The leader defends his rights by any means and enjoys the support of society. You can oust a leader from his position only if you have advantageous qualities that are valued in a particular society. For example, in a sports social group, the main quality is physical strength, while businessmen or scientists value mental acuity.

The social group is divided into three main categories:

leader;
middle class;
outsider.

It's not too difficult to figure this out. But who exactly is an outsider? After all, even after interpretation, many questions remain.

Why can't some people fit into society? What traits generally make a person an outsider? How to avoid falling into this niche of a social group? All these questions can be answered by understanding human psychology. In most cases, it seems that a loser is a person who is despised because of his appearance or some personal qualities, but this is only partly true.

In fact, the outsider's place in the group must be filled constantly . In fact, it is like “clown” for “king”. If there are no losers in society, then the position of leader does not look so bright. Naturally, because of this, the place of outsider goes to newcomers or people with weak willpower who cannot defend their point of view.

The indispensability of the outsider

The obligatory presence of an outsider in a group is caused by psychological reasons of society. It's like good and evil. Compared to lower people, the leader and even members of the middle stratum feel much more comfortable. This helps them feel that they have achieved something and in some ways even instills fear, because there is room to fall. A person definitely needs to feel that he is unique and significant, and without an example of mediocrity this is almost impossible.

The problem is that an outsider also has such requirements, but he himself does not see unique features . All this affects his life - it makes him weak and susceptible to humiliation from society. Everything can be solved only if you believe that everyone without exception has - you just need to find them and use them. Once unique features begin to be noticed in a social group, the outsider will automatically become a figure that attracts attention. It doesn't have to be talent, athletic figure or a lot of money. Simple communication on topics of interest to the social group will be enough.

Children have their own social laws, which are sometimes much more cruel than in the adult world. What to do if a child is attacked by peers?

Where do legs come from?

The school community is somewhat reminiscent of a prison: there are some little people kept with other little people not of their own free will.

Research in child psychology has led to a rather frightening conclusion: in every children's team there must be an outsider. How it works? Children have their own social niches. In the class there must be the main excellent student, the first beauty, the school clown, the goof, and... the black sheep. Over time, roles are distributed so that the most suitable person for them, willy-nilly, takes his place. Further, when the child develops and grows, he may leave his niche and a new outsider will take his place. Or the new school cutie.

In particular, those children who have something from the list become outsiders:

1. A radical difference from others.

From dissent to the state of parents, all this plays a very important role in the formation of bullying. If a child is rich, he can become a target for envious people. Poor - other children themselves are afraid of this concept, they are afraid of financial trouble and take out their fear in bullying.

Another option is that the parents preach a rather unique ideology that goes beyond what is accepted at school (for example, they are very religious or consider themselves to be part of some unpopular political movement). In this case, the child may become a black sheep. This also includes a different skin color, a foreign accent, a unique style of clothing, and so on.

2. Victim complex.

The Outsider and his enemies are children with exactly the same problems. Very often, both sides come from families where scenes of aggression are observed. In one case, the child himself becomes a provocateur, in another - a target. And even if there are no beatings at home, ordinary scandals, tantrums and curses (that is, verbal aggression) immediately put the child at risk of becoming a victim of bullying.

3. Communication problems.

For one reason or another, the child may not have fully learned the rules of behavior in society. For example, this often happens to children who have always been subject to hypercontrol. These are the children who were not sent to kindergarten, where they could learn the basics of communication. Or children whose play was carefully monitored and did not have the opportunity to interact with peers without adult intervention. And finally, children who came from families with communication problems.

4. Complex nature.

This concept does not mean the “bad” qualities of the child, but his internal problems that caused unfriendly behavior in him. The child could cross someone's path, get involved in a school conflict, spill other people's secrets, or do something else that children do not forgive. Usually this is done by guys who cannot find their way in a group and are trying to attract attention to themselves.

5. Parental intervention.

It’s sad, but there are situations when parents themselves are guilty of bullying their children. On the one hand, these could be fathers and mothers of classmates who have a bad attitude towards the child’s family and say: “Don’t be friends with this.” Or the parents of the victim, who hammer their instructions into the child (“don’t respond to curses”, “those guys are bad”, “those guys don’t study well, don’t communicate with them”).

Major dilemma

Parents do not quite understand the situation, but immediately try to intervene. Especially if a child comes home covered in bruises: school everyday life becomes simply dangerous. But from the children's point of view, intervention can only make the situation worse. After all, if the mother complains to the teacher, the teacher reprimands or punishes the offenders, then the child-victim will turn out to be the unwitting culprit of this punishment, from which he will suffer even more.

As a rule, after parental intervention the situation worsens. If mom and dad call the parents of the offender, they are unlikely to choose softer expressions. The next day the child may be beaten.

On the other hand, it will be very painful for the child if they tell him: “These are your problems, get out of it yourself.” If he shared his secret and told everything to his mom and dad, he is ready to get help, but he is suddenly denied. Some dads like to say: “Be a boy and give these idiots a hard time!” As a result, the child also has a conflict with teachers, in addition to classmates...

In general, the issue of intervention is a very complex one. It is important for parents to calm their emotions and act constructively so as not to cause further harm.

Getting out of the situation

Consider moving to a new school. After all, in the event that a child simply changes classes, he will have the opportunity to start all over again and forget about bullying. But before that, you should contact a school or personal child psychologist: there are probably some problems that caused it all to begin.

The choice of a new team must be approached carefully. For example, children who studied in expensive gymnasiums and then transferred to a regular district school may become outsiders simply because they are not familiar with the new rules of “etiquette.”

In addition, severe bullying is typical for those teams where an unhealthy atmosphere reigns. The culprits here may be overly pressing teachers, an aggressive principal, inadequate academic competition and other unnerving circumstances. Consider all options. Make an “open day” for your child so that he can answer for himself whether he likes this school or not.

Try not to put pressure on studying now. This is the last thing a child can think about at the moment. He will probably slide down to “two” and nothing can be done about it. But time heals everything.

In the meantime...

Help your child find friends. Let him choose a club, take part in sports activities, and begin taking interest courses. The team is very important to him now, and he must learn to function in it.

Communicate with him as often as possible. Create for him at least a social atmosphere at home. He needs it more than ever.

Don't let him escape reality. Victims of bullying often become addicted to games or the Internet - this is a very dangerous thing. Take care of your child, devote more time to him, take him to the theater, take him to nature. This should distract him for a while.

Little things

If we are talking about minor conflicts, the child has not become an outsider in the class, but he has problems with classmates - it is better not to interfere at all. Children tend to swear, sometimes even fight, to sort things out. If this happened and the child did not turn to you for advice and the teachers did not complain about him, your job is simply to let him resolve the conflicts himself. Otherwise, the child will not learn to defend his position and communicate in stressful situations.

If a child himself bullies, swears, starts school wars, he most likely takes out domestic aggression on other children. At home they shout at him, or maybe mom and dad are constantly quarreling with each other. Such a child must be taken to a psychologist. It’s better to go together - to the family. He himself does not want to mock anyone, and he needs help.

Author: Daria Mazurkina.

How to get rid of the outsider role

To get rid of the outsider role, you need to follow some conditions.

It is recommended to find a personal feature, a unique character trait that could attract the attention of society. The main thing is to believe in your own uniqueness and go beyond being an outsider.
The second condition is the norms and rules of society that should be followed. You cannot neglect the interests of the group, clothing style, humor, and joint activities.
The last rule is constant improvement and self-development. If an outsider has attracted attention to himself, he will need to constantly surprise society. Only in this way will he be able to occupy the highest positions in the social group.

School outsiders who became famous and successful

Do you remember your classmates with whom no one wanted to be friends, they were offended or ignored? Would you believe that they could become more successful than you?

We present to you paradoxical examples of the transformation of school losers into successful and famous people.

Taylor Swift

This beautiful and famous singer is the winner of seven Grammys and a total of more than a hundred different awards. According to the star herself, she wrote her first songs while still at school, as she spent a lot of time alone. Her childhood was spent on a farm, and her classmates did not want to sit at the same table with her during lunch.

Kurt Cobain

Behind the stunning success of the vocalist of the mega-popular group Nirvana lies a difficult childhood. His parents divorced when he was 7 years old. This event resulted in a huge complex for little Kurt; he believed that other children should not communicate with him, since they have both parents. Also, his peers did not find a common language with him, because... the boy was reserved and unlike the others.

Kate Middleton

This is Kate now - confident, fashionable and the most popular representative of the royal family. And at school, according to her friend, the sweet and good-natured girl was offended and bullied by her classmates.

Selena Gomez

Now Selena is envied and imitated by many of her peers and others, and during her school years, cutie Sel was often bullied. She could not boast of popularity, and was friends with only two girls. And, as the TV personality herself says, she had low self-esteem, and she avoided the guys she liked.

Robert Pattison

Robert did poorly at school and did not complete his assignments. He was often bullied by his peers, and once they even pulled the laces out of his shoes, and that’s how little Rob had to go home. And at the age of 12 he was kicked out of school due to poor academic performance.

Lady Gaga

The flamboyant singer Lady Gaga once admitted in 2011 that she had more than once been the object of ridicule and ridicule from her peers. At school she was called ugly and teased because of her big nose. Therefore, Gaga felt like a real freak and an outcast. And her passion for music and theater also did not find understanding among her classmates.

Eminem

The controversial rapper Eminem also cannot boast of his school success. He studied poorly and poured out all the accumulated pain into hip-hop lyrics. Once, when he was called to the board, instead of answering according to the curriculum, he read out his rap using profanity, after which he was immediately expelled from the school.

Jessica Alba

Jessica says that her parents were constantly experiencing financial difficulties, so she did not have nice things or a fashionable backpack, which is why she had a complex. Also, according to the popular actress, mixed race and clumsiness did not add to her self-confidence. Jessie would go to the school nurse's office to eat her lunch because she tried to avoid socializing with her peers for fear of ridicule.

Charlize Theron

Looking at this luxurious woman, it is impossible to imagine that she could once have been subjected to ridicule. But according to the superstar herself, she experienced the most difficult period at school in the lower grades, as she was dirty and wore glasses with thick lenses. And at the age of 12, she was able to overcome fear, get rid of this image and find her own strategy of behavior, and first of all, she managed to abstract herself from the unpleasant attacks of her classmates.

Sandra Bullock

A popular actress once said that she remembers all the school bullies. Sandra became a "punching pillow" for not wearing fashionable clothes. And all because she often traveled around Europe with her mother, who was an opera singer and toured. Therefore, little Sandra was unable to track school trends in the United States.

How to stop being an outsider

Once you occupy this social niche, it is extremely difficult to get out of it. Appealing to the morality and philanthropy of team members is practically useless: an outsider is necessary for a social group, and the team can consciously “let go” of a person from this role only under the condition of targeted psychological work aimed at reorienting socially well-off group members to other, more acceptable mechanisms of self-affirmation. Such work can and should be carried out in such a small social group as a family. It is extremely difficult to do this in a work group or school class.

In order not to become an outsider, a person needs, from the very first days of joining a new team, to demonstrate those qualities that can be positively assessed by its members. The better he does at this, the less likely it is that the person will be “chosen” to play the role of outsider.

If this happens, the person can either wait for a new member of the team to appear who is capable of occupying this social niche instead of him (which happens extremely rarely), or leave this group and try to take a more prosperous social role in the new team.

OUTSIDER OUTSIDER (English outsider - outsider), 1) non-specialist, amateur; laggard. 2) Enterprises of any industry that are not part of its monopolistic associations. 3) An athlete (sports team) who has no chance of success in the competition; a horse in a race that is not the favorite.

Modern Encyclopedia. 2000.

Synonyms

See what “OUTSIDER” is in other dictionaries:

outsider

— OUTSIDER (p. 75) Each living organism included in a certain ecosystem occupies a certain niche in it. The optimal level of filling of each niche ensures the balance of the entire ecosystem. If some niche turns out to be overpopulated or... ... Great Psychological Encyclopedia

- 1) loser; a person who has not found his place in society; 2) sports. the team or athlete in last place in the competition. Dictionary of foreign words. Komlev N.G., 2006. outsider (English outsider) 1) capitalist... ... Dictionary of foreign words of the Russian language

Loser, lagging behind Dictionary of Russian synonyms. outsider noun, number of synonyms: 8 broker (9) vakhlak ... Dictionary of synonyms

A. A stock speculator is a non-professional who plays on the stock exchange from time to time. B. Company, a firm that is not a member of a monopoly group in a given industry and has one of the worst indicators in the industry. Another name for wild company. V.... ... Dictionary of business terms

- (English outsider outsider) ..1) non-specialist, amateur; lagging behind2)] An enterprise or company that is not part of monopolistic unions, but is forced to submit to business conditions dictated by large monopolistic associations3)... ... Big Encyclopedic Dictionary

- (English outsider outsider) 1) a company, an enterprise in any industry that is not part of a monopolistic association of this industry, a so-called wild company, an outsider, occupying one of the leading positions on the market for a given product... ... Economic Dictionary

- , and husband. 1. A sports team (or athlete) that took one of the last places and was eliminated from the main participants. Outsiders of the Champions Cup. 2. transfer The one who, having failed, dropped out of the number of participants of any affairs,... ... Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

English outsider; German Aussenseiter. 1. An individual or group, either due to their own choice (gypsies, hippies), or as a result of societal pressure, is pushed beyond the social boundaries characteristic of a given society. institutions. see... ... Encyclopedia of Sociology

1. A company in any industry of production that is not part of a monopolistic association of entrepreneurs in this industry, the so-called wild, outsider, occupying one of the last places on the market for a given product in terms of basic indicators. 2.… …Financial dictionary

outsider

- outsider. Pronounced... Dictionary of difficulties of pronunciation and stress in modern Russian

Books

Outsider art. Collection “OTHERS”, Gavrilov Vladimir Vyacheslavovich. The album presents works by authors from the “OTHER” collection (Yaroslavl), which are not focused on classical or modern visual practices. Along with the works of already famous...
Outsider art: collection “Others”, Gavrilov V.. The album presents works by authors from the collection “OTHERS” (Yaroslavl), not focused on classical or modern visual practices. Along with the works of already famous...

And again outsiders...

But let's return to the outsiders. Who is this outsider? The meaning of the word has so many definitions that you can inevitably get lost. What traits must he possess to cause total rejection by group members?

The logical conclusion suggests itself that an outsider is a person whose behavior, character or appearance causes rejection among the majority of team members. However, this is not entirely true.

It’s not just about the personality of the “outcast” himself. The fact is that an outcast is necessary to the group, like a jester is necessary to a king. And if the place of the outcast has not yet been taken by anyone, then it will certainly go to the one who comes last to this group. Outsider is a constant value.

Is it worth seeking recognition in places where you are considered an outsider?

In general, everything very much depends on the context of the situation. For example, a newly registered user on many Internet resources is often ignored and not taken seriously until he demonstrates his knowledge or stands out in some other way. And, in a certain sense, this is normal.

Situations are situations, but here it is “kind of” necessary to take into account the following: Do you need recognition where you are considered an outsider?

No seriously. There are many different options for the development of situations and it cannot be said that some are only correct and some are not. So, you can bring to a certain level or minimum the need to communicate with a certain group of people. You can stop communicating altogether and find another society that is less toxic. You can go from being an outsider to becoming a competitor. You can continue to be an outsider because it gives you some advantages that others don't see.

There are many options. Therefore, first of all, it is worth asking the question of necessity . For example, one of the social patterns: an autocratic leader, an intermediate link sucking up to the leader, and outsiders. In such a configuration, it will not be possible to stand on the same level as the “supermacho”, since he will hinder this in every possible way, and constantly moving between the average and the outsider is still a promising prospect, given the social pattern.

In fairness, I note that you can try to become a “macho man” yourself, but the rest will not go anywhere. It is unlikely that suck-ups will suddenly cease to be such, or their desire to demonstrate their superiority over outsiders will disappear. In movies, one fiery speech changes the universe and suddenly unicorns appear around you; in life, this rarely happens. Usually, this is a long and painstaking task. Is it worth it? The question is not so simple.

And, as usual, always remember common logic and the fact that you have your own head.

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Differences between geniuses and outsiders

The life scenario determines a person’s thinking and behavior. Successful and unsuccessful people have several significant differences:

Geniuses help and motivate, outsiders criticize.
Successful people know how to work in a team and share victory. Unsuccessful people take credit for everything and do not know how to work in a team.
Successful people know how to forgive and give thanks. Unsuccessful people hold grudges, conflict, and insult.
Geniuses live in the present, but at the same time accept and remember the past and look to the future. Outsiders are fixated on the past or live one day at a time.
Successful people share their experience and information. Unsuccessful people withhold information.
Geniuses are responsible for their lives, words, actions and their consequences. Outsiders try to shift responsibility onto other people or circumstances.
Successful people discuss ideas, opinions, individual character traits or actions. Unsuccessful people discuss and criticize other people.
Geniuses adhere to positive thinking and bring joy. Outsiders think pessimistically and are negative.
Successful people constantly expand their comfort zone, are ready for change, and are open to new things. Unsuccessful people are afraid of change, even if the current conditions do not suit them and cause harm.
Geniuses want other people to succeed. Outsiders hope for other people to fail.
Successful people constantly develop and learn. Outsiders think they know everything.
Geniuses know how to think systematically, consider different points of view, and listen to the opinions of other people. Outsiders consider only one point of view, usually their own or that of an authority figure.
Successful people know what they want and set goals. Unsuccessful people don’t know what they want, they go with the flow of life.

Read more about the life script in the article “Life script: what is it in psychology, its structure and types. The theory of life script according to E. Berne. How to change your life scenario." And about transactional analysis (three “I”) in the article “Child, adult, parent - a description of E. Berne’s theory in psychology.”

Outsider as a social role

The study of the psychology of small social groups, which include both the school class and the work team, has made it possible to identify patterns in the distribution of roles within each such social group. In order for social balance to be maintained in a group, all social niches must be filled. If any of the niches becomes vacant, the team strives to fill it by “promoting” one of the group members to the vacant social role.

Moreover, sometimes, regardless of the number of team members, some social niches can be filled by only one person, for example, the role of an informal leader or a full-time jester. Other niches can “accommodate” several people. When conducting sociometric studies, psychologists found that the niche of an outsider or outcast can be occupied in a team by no more than two or three group members.

But there will definitely be at least one outsider in any social group. This role is necessary so that the other members of the group feel “at their best.” By comparing themselves with an outsider, they maintain their own self-esteem at the proper level. This happens no matter how good or bad the outsider or the rest of the group is - these are social laws.