I want a lover: why women have a partner on the side

Both are to blame

Natalya Kozhina, AiF.ru: Elena, there is an opinion that women cheat less often than men, is this true?

Elena Tsedova : Female infidelities are also common, it’s just not customary to talk about them. But a man takes a lover primarily to get physical pleasure and variety, while a woman satisfies her emotional needs. This is the main difference. You are unlikely to meet a woman who, seeing a handsome male figure on the way to work, immediately decides to cheat on her spouse. But if a man saw long legs, and at the same time their owner smiled at him, he would not mind going to bed with her. For women, everything is closely connected with emotional needs; for them, sex is, first of all, communication.

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More details

Advantages of going “left”

Sex. Lots of sex

This is the same case when the tiger is not given enough meat. The legal wife is increasingly having headaches and her left heel is aching. She does not consider it necessary to turn the harvester around for the sake of one spikelet, and the man has to thresh by hand.

But the mistress is always on alert:

She will not lie like a log and think about Switzerland. She knows for sure: if she doesn’t take the initiative, she won’t get anything.
You always leave her with empty eggs, but no one here promised a full stomach. The wife prepares borscht and cabbage rolls.
The mistress agrees to give it doggy style, sideways and with a jump. And if he receives pleasant things from you, he will satisfy even the most perverted fantasies. No five-minute sex or worker-peasant poses.

She doesn't fuck your brain

Because he knows what a useful and necessary organ it is. Just kidding, she just doesn’t give a damn whether you and the men go out to drink beer tomorrow and how much money you spend on fishing gear. These hemorrhoids are created by the wife, with a mistress everything is much simpler: good old market relations.

You bring her an expensive trinket from Tiffany - she is already taking out the best set of lace lingerie from the chest of drawers and rehearsing new poses.
She’ll casually say, “You know, the iPhone came out recently,” and lick her lips meaningfully—and you’ll rush to buy a new gadget like a loser. Because you know: the matter will not be limited to just one dry “Thank you.”
You promised and didn’t come - ok, you’ll work tomorrow. And don't forget to grab some crispy bucks.

Particularly cunning bitches, with their unobtrusiveness, only bind men to them more strongly. If your wife, like a crocodile, is ready to bite off your head for your joint, then your mistress will simply shrug her shoulders, voice her next wish, and move on with her life. And, of course, it’s more pleasant for you to go to a woman who has a piece of meat in her hands, and not a collar or chain.

She understands you

When you hear the word “franchising,” your wife begins to file her nails with a smart look, and your mistress will also inquire about the licensing conditions. She knows that some guys definitely need to have some pussy after fucking. Discuss the dollar exchange rate, the bitch wife and the asshole boss. Men leave their mistress satisfied in every sense: with empty tanks and a pristine brain.

So what? It’s not customary to take your troubles to psychologists; to drink because of every problem is not an ironclad health, and a man doesn’t carry a spare liver in his backpack. So he is looking for free ears. And the mistress will stroke your belly, scratch your heart, and soothe you with a blowjob.

She's well-groomed

Always! You won't see her trotting around the apartment with sour cream and cucumbers on her face or frantically tearing hair out of her armpits. Even if she has a terry robe or parachute panties, they are safely hidden in the depths of the closet.

This is a significant point for men whose wives put a screw on their own appearance and development.

+30 kg on the scales and the stupid excuse “Well, I have two children.” And you stand there and think: did she eat them?
At first she wore sexy robes, then home suits. Now he prefers the classics: a terry robe and slippers with pom-poms. And yes, she believes that granny-style turns you on in a half-turn.
You're tired of listening to details about women's difficult lot. Menstruation, hair removal, peeling - and 100,500 more terms, without the knowledge of which you would live just fine.

Increased self-esteem

A hot topic for men 40+. A midlife crisis is creeping up unnoticed, and somehow I don’t want to go to the bench. To have a mistress means to show: “Look, I’m not completely dry yet!” I’m still wow.”

For an adult man, a young girl is a pet, a pocket dog. She needs to be walked, given diamond collars and fed by the hour. But with her he feels younger and fulfills his fantasies. If the wife can afford to say: “What kind of BDSM do you want, you old fart? He’s completely out of his mind!”, then the mistress silently takes a whip and whip or beats the man up and down.

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Read also: “Run, man!” 6 types of girls you should stay away from

—What can push a woman into the arms of another man?

Question answer

What do women want from sex? — There are several reasons, but the main one is the lack of emotional support from a man. Perhaps the woman lacks a sense of her own attractiveness and importance in the eyes of her husband. At the same time, she may really love him, her family, children, home, but she needs affection, compliments, attention, but her husband does not give them.

It happens that a woman not only lacks emotions, she does not need a family. However, she remains married because society puts pressure on her: marriage is once and for life, you have children. And the woman is trying to find some kind of outlet in this situation, because, in essence, everything does not suit her. The only thing that can help her feel happy is the care of another person. Such women in their affairs on the side do not chase enviable lovers, but respond to almost the first person they meet, who captivates her with conversations about the stars and scatters them with compliments.

There are betrayals due to lack of adrenaline. When a woman’s life is normal, but she’s incredibly bored. And suddenly some corporate evening arises, where she drinks a glass of wine and immediately finds herself a hero, next to whom she can feel already forgotten feelings. The most important thing in such betrayal is to hide from someone. This is a kind of quest - “Hide your love from everyone.” The woman lacks game, and she finds it on the side.

In addition, it happens that a man simply does not satisfy a woman in sex, and here we are talking about both the most banal physical dissatisfaction and emotional, but more often both are present.

And some people cheat out of spite. When a wife finds out that her husband has a mistress, she tries in such a strange way to take revenge on him or prove to herself that she can still please men.

Good men rarely leave. But by “good” I don’t mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half.

The path to intimacy and fidelity

How can you be confident in your spouse? Are there any means that can protect against the appearance of another man? To expect fidelity from your wife, you need to understand why your woman needs a lover.

You should find out what your spouse needs to be happy. It is usually enough for a woman that a man knows how to listen, feel her mood, be gentle, courteous, say kind words and give gifts. In order to remain faithful in the family, you need to bring joy to your lady and spend free time with her. If you constantly remind your chosen one of love, then she will not need another man.

If treason occurs, then each party bears responsibility for it. A man and a woman should give and take equally in a relationship. It is impossible to manipulate betrayal or pretend that nothing happened. Spouses must understand and take into account the interests of their partner.

READ How to behave with your lover: nuances of relationships and advice from an astrologer

When you clearly understand why a woman needs a lover, you can remain faithful to your beloved. It is important not to lose interest in your wife, be close to her and remind her of your feelings. You need to constantly talk to your spouse, support her emotionally, psychologically and physically. Then you will save your love.

— It turns out that if a woman cheated, the man is guilty?

Article on the topic

Is loneliness a torment? Why do we suffer from lack of communication - No. In any betrayal, both are to blame. But men are inherently polygamous and, even when married, pay attention to the opposite sex many times more than women when thinking about sex. And a woman, when she finds a man whom she loves and is comfortable with, plunges headlong only into him, letting others pass by. For her, marriage is a kind of status, she values it. Good men rarely leave. But by “good” I don’t mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half. If a woman is not satisfied physically, she is able to survive this, but if emotionally, then most likely she will look for a relationship on the side. The excuse “I make money and this is my main function that makes her happy” does not work. A woman can understand with her brain that her husband works, she lives in a luxurious house, she has an expensive car, her children study in the best schools, but at the same time she will feel very lonely.

Why do you need a lover?

In the vast majority of cases, a woman takes a lover precisely in order to fill this emotional and communicative void. In communication with her lover, she is imbued with admiring glances and compliments, courtship and flirting, positive emotions and sensual experiences.

In very rare cases, the leading motive for adultery on the part of the wife turns out to be simple sexual attraction to another man (as is usually assumed by the husband); much more often, the “first fiddle” is played by dissatisfaction with interpersonal relationships in marriage, communication with a partner and lack of positive emotions.

Night SMS and eternal time pressure

— How to understand that a woman is cheating?

— A clear sign is the active use of the phone or computer, when at the sound of an SMS she runs headlong to read the message as quickly as possible. Also, if the wife sets passwords on her gadgets, she begins to take her phone with her into the shower under the pretext of an important call, and at night she systematically receives text messages from “Galina the Accountant,” which cannot wait until the morning. This is the first call. The next sign is a radical change of clothes, a change of linen. If earlier the wife wore what was comfortable, then with the advent of her lover she begins to wear what is beautiful. She remembers heels, changes her hairstyle, makeup, and becomes brighter. All this happens because when a woman falls in love, she wants to be beautiful.

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Faces of love. How to diversify your intimate life

I note that a man can easily combine several lovers in his head at once and behave completely calmly. He will not give himself away either in his clothes or in his behavior.

And the woman’s behavior completely changes, because she plunges headlong into a new relationship. She can become either more irritable, or, on the contrary, as if atonement for her sins, more attentive, tender, and affectionate.

And one more point that is worth paying attention to is a kind of harbinger that the woman is not cheating on you, but she is clearly uncomfortable around you, and perhaps this will further result in an affair on the side. She begins to think of places for herself to go to, this could be not only regular get-togethers with friends, but also a busy schedule. For example, a woman lives, is not particularly interested in anything, but one fine day she takes English courses, cutting and sewing, a gym, dancing, running, etc. She constantly wants to leave home. But, of course, this does not apply to those who truly realize themselves through some hobbies. There should be hobbies, but if they never existed, and then they became more and more numerous, this is a sign that the person’s family is bad. Also, do not ignore the appearance of a large number of new friends who invite you to meetings. This may also indicate that your woman is in search of new emotions. And as they say, he who seeks will always find.

— Do I need to admit to cheating on my husband?

Question answer

How to learn to forgive (offense, betrayal)? — Everyone makes this decision for themselves. But I can say for sure that it is more difficult for a woman to keep the fact of betrayal to herself; she begins to reproach herself from the inside, even if it was a one-time story. If a man cheated once, he will not worry much about it, he will very quickly forget about such an episode. Remorse can only appear if he has a permanent mistress, since living with several families is very difficult for most men emotionally.

Personally, my advice is not to shift from a sore head to a healthy one, forgive yourself, accept yourself and think carefully before confessing to your husband. The most important thing is to understand what is more important to you: family or your personal peace. If you decide to choose peace of mind, then be prepared for the consequences.

Few men will admit to cheating. For him, this is a humiliation of honor and dignity, so it is better to keep his mouth shut. Women forgive infidelity much easier.

Is the husband to blame for his wife's betrayal?

Men and women have many gender differences established by society, upbringing and physiological aspects. For guys, the manifestation of love is expressed in the amount of money earned, ensuring a decent standard of living for their family. For a girl, emotions, warmth, tenderness, and care are more important. When a woman feels loved, she will be faithful to her husband.

READ How to understand that a married man likes you: 4 main signs

Can we say that betrayal is entirely a man’s fault? No, the responsibility lies with both partners. If a wife does not feel happy, does not receive from her husband what is a priority for her, then she can look for another man. The couple needs to figure out what led to this situation.

A woman needs kind words, signs of attention, a common language with the person she has chosen for marriage. Mutual understanding can make relationships sincere, without betrayal and deception on the side. If a man pays attention to his beloved woman and gives her romance, then married life will improve.

When spouses cannot understand each other or come to an agreement, sooner or later one of them will start an affair on the side.

The right to choose

Should I have a lover or not? It would not be worth talking about this topic, since it is akin to how a man will think about whether he needs to date someone or not. Each person has his own right to choose when he independently decides how to develop his love sphere.

However, the reality turns out to be a completely different position. Men only think that they choose whether to have mistresses or not, but life shows that this society influences the mood of each individual.

In all centuries, there have been prostitutes who gratified the lustful desires of men. At all times, women have been trained to serve the male sex. Throughout the ages, men have been indoctrinated with the idea that they are polygamous. Even if you ask a modern person (both a woman and a man) whether a man can cheat, why a man cheats, or whether it is necessary to forgive a man’s infidelity, many will answer with cliched phrases that have also been implanted in the heads of society:

Who isn't cheating now?
A man is polygamous and tends to sleep with many women.
Only a henpecked man and a loser cannot have several women.

If you look at what information is given on TV, you can follow one idea: “Every successful man should have a mistress. And the richer a man is, the more women he should have.” We are talking about men who must be married. The idea of a harem is being promoted, which is prohibited by Russian law, but every man is allowed to create one unofficially.

We can say that a man does not have the right to choose, but the choice he must make is imposed on him. And in order to understand whether you personally need to have a mistress, you should start considering the question with why you need her.

Don't write it off!

For a married woman, outside relationships sometimes become an opportunity to increase her own self-esteem. This usually happens if the husband is not too attentive to his wife and is not generous with compliments and praise.

It is clear that the lives of newlyweds and those who have been married for 20 years are different. The candy-bouquet period is far behind, and the woman begins to feel that her always busy husband has stopped noticing her. But everyone wants to feel desired, even if the eyes have crow’s feet, and the once perfect flat tummy is now decorated not with piercings, but with stretch marks.

In a situation where relations are cooling, it is important that both parties try to do everything necessary. At the same time, they did not demand from the partner, but began to do it themselves. Try to change something in your life to bring it closer to ideal. The advice will sound banal, but still!

Fill yourself with feminine energy, learn to give yourself pleasure.
Learn to cook new dishes using ingredients your husband loves.
Arrange little surprises for him.
Improve your home to make it a pleasure to return to.
Refresh your intimate relationships (read more on this topic here).

Other popular reasons

Life Not a heavy burden for the spouse, whose role is to take out the trash can and rinse the cup. And the daily monotonous performance of the same actions, the result of which is not visible without warning, can tire anyone. An affair is spared this troublesome fate - it contains pure romance and freshness of sensations.
The spouse does not provide the necessary support, in words, actions, ignores and takes for granted - what are not the reasons to have a loved one on the side.
He is Casanova. He is handsome and sophisticated, his touches burn, his courtship makes you feel like a queen, and his attentive gaze makes you the only one in the whole world. It is unlikely that the most moral matron will resist if such a gentleman turns his gaze on her.
It brings excitement to marriage. Yes, it also happens: spouses enjoy love affairs on the side, then sharing their new sensations and experiences. For some, this can be quite piquant: having gained new experience on the side, for example, in bed, and then sharing it in marriage. Or a simplified version: a spouse causes jealousy in her partner by seeking the admiring glances of strangers, doing this openly for her spouse.
Prestige. As among men, sometimes a lady, in order not to be worse than others in her circle, simply needs to have a handsome young man by status - this will be an indicator of her demand and feminine attractiveness. A lover adds charm to a married woman playing the role of a socialite.
The desire to take revenge for betrayal. Especially if he is still a walker, and girlfriends change, but the constant presence of another, like a spare lady on the side, does not change. Wouldn’t you want to let him know what it’s like to not be confident in your partner, to be humiliated by the fact that someone is constantly better than you, more attractive?

There are actually many reasons why a lady who is already married needs a lover, and they are diverse: emotional, social, everyday, sexual and others.

If she is looking for something missing on the side, has she already tried everything? to get it in the family? Does her husband know her needs? Is he able to satisfy them, being physically healthy and mentally sound? Are the needs of the lady herself overestimated, for whom, no matter how much everything she receives, there will always be not enough? If a friend gives what her husband does not give, what keeps her close to her legal partner and why doesn’t she try to solve her difficulties with her husband, so as not to rush, like an anesthetic, into an affair with another? There are a lot of questions on this topic, a good part of them are rhetorical.

Married women, when they rush into an affair on the side, prefer that their married lover become their partner - this way she will protect herself from unnecessary squabbles, promises that she cannot keep, and claims on his part.