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Going to a sporting goods store, parents, along with balance bikes, bicycles, roller skates and other sports equipment, sweep from the display cases sets of protection for the back, knees, wrists and even helmets for their active children. In such “armor” the child will be protected from external factors that, when playing sports, can cause physical harm. How can you help your child learn to protect his or her “I”? “I am a Parent” has outlined rules that will help strengthen the child’s inner core and develop self-confidence. By the way, it is quite possible that our advice will be useful to many adults in communicating with other adults.
Rule one. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes and be optimistic!
Let's imagine dinner in kindergarten. Your child accidentally drops a plate, and it, along with the carrot casserole, flies onto the tiled floor and breaks with a bang. How will the baby react? Is he afraid that the teacher will scold him? Will he run away from the scene or will he insist that he didn’t do it? Teach your child to admit their mistakes, not to hide from responsibility, but at the same time not to make a tragedy out of what happened and to see the best in everything! Raise an optimist. After all, plates crash for luck! Nobody got cut - isn't that a miracle? The optimist kid will definitely be joined by another kid who will share his carrot casserole. After all, eating together is much more fun. And when the child gets older, the ability to take responsibility for his actions and optimism will always help him defend his “I” and find ways out of the most difficult life situations.
Causes of conflict situations
Before teaching a child to fight back, to teach self-confidence, it is important to understand how much this is really necessary.
No need to be afraid
The experience of psychologists shows that those adults who themselves, in childhood, could not repel aggressors, are usually dissatisfied with the spinelessness of a child. It is important to find the reason for the situation: is it necessary to convince your child of the dependence of insults and physical protection, if he simply gave away dolls, cars, and he digs with one shovel, or if during active play he is constantly pushed aside. Perhaps the baby just wants to share or he doesn’t like noisy, active games.
For your information. If it is clear that the child is being bullied, he urgently needs help and he definitely needs to develop confidence, then certain rules cannot be ignored. It is necessary to accustom oneself to fortitude.
Family relationships as a model of behavior
It is important to take a closer look to see if a son or daughter is punished very often. You cannot systematically compare a child with others, demonstrating that he is different, that others are better, more beautiful, stronger, smarter. This will negatively affect self-esteem and make the situation worse.
You need to talk to your own child, learn to trust and discuss problems openly. When at home, on the contrary, they overprotect the child and protect him from problems, this will provoke softness, the baby will be shy, timid and non-conflict. The baby simply will not understand how to behave, fight back, stand up for himself and defend himself when other children are aggressive; this will not frighten him, but will surprise him.
For your information. Love and kindness at home is good, but limiting the little one’s communication because of imaginary attacks is wrong. The child must know about different situations, negative and positive, and be able to defend himself.
How to admit your mistakes and resolve conflicts
It is important to teach your child to admit guilt, realize mistakes and hold accountable for their actions. It is necessary to convey to the little ones that if no one suffers, everything can be fixed. If the child committed an act on purpose, then it is important to explain that he was mistaken and tell what the consequences might be. When a child learns to accept wrongness, his self-esteem will increase, and in the future it will be easier to resolve disagreements with peers in kindergarten and on the street.
Indicators of the development of a child’s creative thinking
On a note. We need to make it clear to the child that there is no need to get hung up on such trifles, and in life there are much worse grievances.
Peer relationships
The main condition for success is to raise an optimistic person. After all, “dishes beat for luck.” No one broke their nose - and it’s wonderful. An optimist will definitely be attracted to another positive-minded person who will share the toy. After all, playing together is more interesting.
You need to be able to admit guilt
For your information. When the child gets older, the ability to take responsibility for one’s actions and optimism will help in defending one’s personal position and will help find ways out of the most difficult problems.
How to properly respond to teasing and insults
Few people have managed to escape from teasing, nicknames and offensive nicknames. Whether to be offended by this or not is an important question. Mangling your last name or first name can bring some people to tears, while others may even be amused.
It is necessary to teach the baby not to pay attention to name-calling and not to give nicknames to others, because everyone has their own good individual name. It is important to simply understand this point.
How can a child stand up for himself?
It happens that a child is in his first year at school and, upon coming home, his peers bully him on the way, threaten him, and get into a fight. No one can force a person to go against his will, or to beat or humiliate him, this is what is important to convey to his own child. It must be made clear that self-defense is possible not only with fists, it is not at all necessary to hit and fight.
You must be able to find the strength in yourself to resolve the discord and not show that you are afraid, even if it is terribly scary. Not losing composure in a dialogue is what plays a role. However, when words do not help, the offender fights, you must be able to fight back.
On a note. You need to teach your son or daughter basic self-defense techniques. It is also important to explain that one in the field is not a warrior; when a crowd attacks, it is correct to retreat.
Dysfunctional team
If your child regularly gets into conflicts, he may be in bad company. There is no need to prohibit communication with “imaginary” friends, so as not to provoke an internal protest; this method is a mistake. It's better to introduce you to other guys. Go for a visit, sign up for a club or section. There the child will find peers and understand who is better by comparing.
In a bad team, the child will have to be able to survive
For your information. Phlegmatic children are not always the target of attacks; even in kindergarten, confident and courageous ones are respected. It is important to show yourself in a team and not be afraid.
Observation and identification of the aggressor
It is necessary to look at the situation as far as possible. Understand whether it is your own offspring that provokes conflicts and fights. Maybe he is the one who is a bully and a provocateur, while others defend themselves, albeit cruelly. If this is the case, you should not be afraid to explain that he causes negativity in others, and tell him how to behave correctly.
Don't be afraid to ask for help
From an early age, the child must be made to understand that asking adults for help is not a shame. It is important to raise a child to be confident, let him feel supported. Then the baby will not be afraid and will not be embarrassed to ask mom, dad, or friend for help.
Drawing on the theme “Mimosa” in the middle groups of kindergarten
For your information. Accepting help does not mean showing weakness. On the contrary, a person feels support inside and can resolve a problematic situation.
Why doesn't the baby resist conflict?
Sometimes, when a child comes home from kindergarten, he often begins to complain that he was promised to be offended or has already been offended. Before defending, it is necessary to find out why disagreements arose and, if possible, eliminate the root causes. And low self-esteem can provoke the situation. Maybe the baby is unkempt, not washed or wearing dirty clothes, which causes ridicule from peers. Perhaps he has a funny haircut, ridiculously dressed. Also, sneaking can cause the anger of classmates. Children do not like such people and will take revenge. Mom must explain that giving up your own is bad, in any case.
Rule two. Do not respond to attempts to humiliate you!
Of course, no one has ever managed to escape from teasing, nicknames and name-calling. Another question is how to respond to them. Distorting one's own last name or first name can make someone cry in the school toilet, while others can make them smile. Teach your child to ignore teasing and not to come up with nicknames for other people, because everyone has a name. You just need to internalize this truth, but not get hung up on it. If a child starts explaining to everyone with trembling lips that in fact “I have a name!!!”, this will only inflame the crowd. “Don’t react or smile back,” is an unexpected but pleasant take on name-calling from a home-grown optimist. Just imagine how this simple philosophy will help a child in the future when people say things much more offensive to him than teasing him in kindergarten.
"Children's" problems?
In any children's group there is one or more cocky children, and it is the teacher’s task to pacify their ardor. If a child is regularly bullied at school, it means that teachers pay little attention to improving the microclimate inside the classroom. In this case, parents should talk to the child’s class teacher and try to clarify the picture.
It is also worth talking with the parents of the offenders. Perhaps one such conversation will be enough. You just need to negotiate calmly, without hysterics and scandals, and not in the presence of children.
Do not think that by interfering in children's relationships you will harm your baby. If the child could defend himself, he would gladly do so. But he can't. Parents should let the child feel that mom and dad will always come to the rescue in difficult times. Only then will the child feel confident and, perhaps, next time he will independently fight back against the offenders.
In fact, many children’s conflicts are “extinguished” at the level of “praise by relatives,” when a child, in response to an offensive word or blow, replies: “If you say (or hit) again, I’ll call my brother (dad, uncle), he knows karate.” !” Surprisingly, such phrases are very effective. But the baby himself must feel confident that his words are not empty, that his relatives will really come to their defense.
Rule three. Don't show fear.
The child returns from school. On the way, older children meet and begin to threaten. No one has the right to force a person to act against his will, or to threaten or cause pain - this is what your child must learn. It’s worth explaining to him that you need to be able to defend yourself, although not always with your fists. You need to be able to find the strength in yourself to smooth out the conflict and not show fear, even if you are so scared that your voice trembles. Staying strong and having a confident dialogue is the most important thing. Well, if it doesn’t help, and the offender starts a fight, then your child should be able to defend himself. Teach him simple self-defense techniques. Just in case. If he knows that he can respond to a physical blow, then in such situations it will be easier for him to “hit” with words.
Rule four. Be able to say “no”.
Your deskmate asks your child to carry his briefcase, and the child agrees. Masha from a parallel class is constantly begging for sweets, and your son gives her all the sweets that you put with him. Of course, responsiveness and kindness are good qualities; you should definitely help and share with friends, but the child needs to be shown the difference between friendship and manipulation. The child must be taught to say “no” if he does not want to do something. Otherwise, he, at the same time as everyone else, or simply out of habit of giving in to his friend in everything, will not be able to say “no” when he is offered “let’s try a cigarette” or “go hit this boy.” Teach your child that he always has a choice and should not be afraid to refuse something. You need to be kind, but you cannot allow others to take advantage of this kindness.
Rule five. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Your child is unable to make a craft from plasticine, and, tired of struggling with the stubborn material, he abandons the idea and never returns to it. Asking adults for help is a shame, because he himself is already big, and his peers can shame him because they succeeded. Teach your child not to be ashamed of the fact that he does not know how to do something, and to ask for help. But asking for help does not mean putting everything on others. Let them show him how to properly hold the plasticine in his palms or sculpt one of the parts, but he can handle the rest himself. Thus, the child will feel that he, too, can and can do it and will not feel complex about failures. And if today you teach him to correctly ask for help in such small things, then tomorrow it will help him cope with much more complex life tasks.
How can a child stand up for himself?
When parents realize that their student has a problem, they ask a logical question: how can they teach their child to fight back and stand up for himself? The answer depends on at what age and under what circumstances such a need arose.
At the playground
Conflicts on the playground are classics of the genre. Be prepared for them and know that at this age the toddler still does not know how to stand up for himself. Dealing with them is easier than it seems at first glance.
One of the causes of conflict on the playground is toys. Little children don’t know what “not mine” means. Everything is common to them. Therefore, do not take toys with you outside that you would not like to break or lose.
Teach your little one not to take other people's toys without asking. At the same time, he is also not obliged to give his own at the first request. This process must be mutual.
Do not engage children in conflict unless necessary. If it is impossible to avoid them, behave as correctly as possible with someone else’s child, and especially if his parents are not nearby.
Adults know that there are places - playgrounds, parks and children's swings - where a lot of hooligans gather. If possible, go to another place: there is no need to run into trouble and ruin your mood. All these actions of parents show the child the right example. You can talk endlessly, but he will not understand anything if he does not see confirmation of these words. The playground is a place where toddlers show freedom and learn to communicate. Don’t control their every move, but don’t allow everything: maintain balance.
At kindergarten
At about 3 years old, children communicate with their peers and make their first attempts to fend for themselves. Since they are just learning to interact with each other, teach them how to do it correctly.
Parents face the first problems after their children go to kindergarten. And mostly mothers of peace-loving and calm babies worry.
To protect both yourself and your preschooler from unwanted problems, develop a behavior strategy in advance.
- Both daughter and son can and should be protected. Support the baby, and do not give him into the hands of the aggressor.
- Transferring to another group is an extreme measure, but you should not forget about it.
- Objectively evaluate your student. If he is called a bully or a sneak, then think about his upbringing. It is quite possible that he really does not behave in the best way, and he presents it to adults in such a way as if he really cannot stand up for himself. what to do if a child lies and steals money here.
- The student must have correct self-esteem so that he can fight back against offenders. The little one must know in which situations he has the right to stand up for himself and in which to give in.
Explain what is not necessary:
- be afraid of mistakes - everyone’s bowl of soup could break;
- respond to teasing, nicknames and name-calling - if the offenders do not see the reaction, they will quickly get tired of it;
- show your fear;
- be afraid to refuse - everyone has the right to choose;
- be embarrassed to ask another person for help.
Teach your child that children solve all problems in kindergarten with the teacher.
At school
School is a place where a child spends a huge part of his life. It is important that he feels comfortable and confident there. And this is only possible if he is able to stand up for himself.
- The child must understand that he is a full-fledged person.
- Explain to children that they have the right to protect their interests. It is good if the student trusts his parents and has the opportunity to discuss problems that have arisen at school.
- Self-defense techniques are a great skill, but you need to consciously use them to stand up for yourself.
- To help a child, you need to be sure that he is not the one provoking the conflict.
Teach a student who cannot stand up for himself to first turn to the teacher for help.
Rule six. Instill a love for sports.
Let's go back to the same sports store where it all started. Remember that a morning jog with mom, winter skiing with dad, or a serious passion for swimming will help build self-confidence. Infect your child with a love of sports. This is good for both you and him. Sport develops patience and endurance, motivates to achieve goals in competitions and will certainly lead to victory. A child who has tasted victory in sports competitions will win in life and will certainly always be able to stand up for himself in difficult situations. In addition, it is not easy to offend, humiliate, or force a physically strong child to do something against his will.
Your child's temperament type
This test will give you an idea of your child's predominant temperament type.
After all, the difference in temperament between parents and children can lead to deep conflicts if you do not realize in time what the problem is. Take the test
