Feb 18
How to learn to behave spontaneously?
Author: kolinus, posted in: BLOG.
When a person acts strictly within the bounds of etiquette, he is definitely not charismatic. Charismatics are characterized by unpredictability of behavior. He acts spontaneously, without thinking, without looking at the opinions of others, but he is still forgiven for lapses in behavior.
Imagine two men who need to leave a large, noisy group of friends. One of them explains: “I have an important meeting. I’m very pleased with you, but unfortunately I have to go.” They answer him: “Well, go ahead!” and look at him with hostility or as if he were an idiot. The second one looks around at everyone and says: “Damn it, such a beautiful girl is waiting for me, and I’m sitting here and looking at your smart faces. That’s it, I “drove.” Everyone laughs and remains happy, despite the fact that he still leaves.
So, the first sign of charismatic behavior is spontaneity, that is, the ability to act without thinking about your actions .
Many people have probably noticed that in a state of slight alcoholic intoxication they communicate much more easily and freely with people. It is commonly believed that “the brakes are released,” but in fact, to achieve a similar effect, you need to drink about a liter of strong alcohol. So in most cases, this is just an “excuse”, an opportunity to justify one’s unworthy behavior by saying “sorry, I abused it.”
Since the vast majority of people need alcohol only to have an excuse for their behavior , then it is not at all necessary to drink it. It is quite enough to use perfume with the smell of alcohol or moisten your hand with alcohol and rub it over your face. After this, the fragrant person can behave as she pleases.
It is known that a person who is deeply intoxicated can fall from a height or take part in a physical conflict and not receive any serious injury. A sober, collected, focused person, walking down the street, can trip and break his leg, while a drunk “in the trash” can fall out of a third-floor window, get up and calmly move on.
A drunk person has no fear; due to spontaneous behavior, his body is relaxed.
The lack of fear is reflected in behavior. A charismatic person does not think for a second and is not afraid of the reactions of others - therefore, it is much easier for him than an ordinary person to manage to get to know someone, to be rude to someone, and to charm someone.
Is spontaneity good or bad?
In psychology, spontaneity has historically been explained in different ways. In some sources, a spontaneous person is a person who finds the strength and courage to act according to his inner impulses, ignoring external influences. In others, it is the inability to regulate one’s behavior, a complete lack of awareness of the actions being performed. Thus, spontaneity was first placed on a pedestal, and then rather rudely asked to vacate the wrongly occupied place. The concept of free personal expression fought against lack of control, and vice versa. Both concepts are quite interesting, because the spontaneous personality has long been a source of either admiration or contempt.
Give in to the fashion craze
“Oh, this is so naive and frivolous!”
“Childishness and selfishness!”
“It’s ridiculous to waste time and money on such things!”
These and many other phrases very often accompany the most harmless actions at first glance - if they unexpectedly become trendy.
For a very long time I couldn’t afford to create an inspiration board. I looked at photographs of other people’s collages with delight, sighed and thought: but this is done by someone who has a bohemian, delicious life, little furniture in the room and a design education.
And then I bought a piece of flax and a large wooden frame for photographs - and for several years now I have been regularly updating the board, which has become not only a pleasant interior detail, but also a source of inspiration that has opened up a lot of new things for me.
We often hear the phrase: don't be afraid to go against the flow. But sometimes it’s important to say the opposite: have the courage to go with everyone else - if you really want to.
A brief moment of triumph of spontaneity
The scales in psychology continued to tug spontaneity in one direction or the other. Some argued that a spontaneous person is a dangerous and unreliable person, because he does not know how and does not want to control himself, while others praised individualism and the ability to be oneself. The end of this protracted discussion was put by the teachings of Moreno, Jung and Fromm, who boldly declared that the phenomenon we are considering is one of the driving energies of human existence, and the ability to show spontaneity is a sign of a real personality. According to their concept, this personality quality is considered a huge force that pushes a person towards self-realization and freedom of expression.
The spontaneity in their mouths became a challenge to established foundations and stereotypical behavior. It has become fashionable to “be yourself”, “decide to take your own path” instead of the usual “everyone does this, so I should too”, “be like the rest”. Spontaneity was finally established on the pedestal and was proclaimed “the road to self-development.”
Clear the whole evening for doing nonsense
Quite often we need very little to reboot. You just need to give your brain a break from everything. Do not demand any decisions from him. Do not try to make your activities even remotely similar to meaningful ones. When we are busy, we often dream: there will be free time, and then I will certainly...
That free time is coming, and we, remembering our dreams, strive to make them come true. Even if we don’t feel like it at the moment.
What if you allow yourself to do nonsense all evening? Purposefully, and not furtively, sit on social networks and correspond. Play. Read only what you want to read. Listen to music.
Just one evening. You can afford it.
Our days. Being spontaneous is not in fashion?!
Years passed, the masters of psychological sciences, who managed to restore spontaneity’s good name, have sunk into oblivion. And again she fell out of favor with the people; she was assigned such negative qualities as lack of control, impulsiveness and unpredictability. In the modern world, a spontaneous person is an infantile, irresponsible and immature person, unable to keep his irrepressible self in check. To be spontaneous - alas! - only children can.
The dynamically developing world has crushed us and taught us to follow responsibilities, schedules and stereotypes. Moral duty, education, social restrictions tied our hands, but we did not resist, confident that this was the way it should be. Even spontaneous speech is not held in high esteem these days - everything must be thought out, verified from all sides and presented through a sieve of stereotypes. And only a few of us find the strength to follow our inner convictions, without hearing the indignant cries of society, to move towards the freedom of our “I”. But we still can’t decide for ourselves who they are – outcasts of society or real individuals?
Realize idiotic thoughts that came during insomnia
Insomnia is such a magical time when consciousness has not yet entered the sleep stage, but can no longer function during the day. And during these especially long hours, completely unexpected, sometimes amazing, and sometimes downright idiotic thoughts and ideas come to mind.
Take them seriously. In the hustle and bustle of the day, we often suppress real, sincere desires. And on sleepless nights, in the moments between sleep and reality, something very special can emerge.
Who knows, whether the fulfillment of such thoughts will turn your life - for the better.
Make way for spontaneity!
Constantly living in a world of standards is hard and sad. Every person has the right for a brief moment to fall back into childhood and feel free, let off steam and return to normal life again. For spontaneity, like all good things, must have a time and a place. How to achieve such a state?
- Turn off your phone for a day.
- Order dishes in a cafe that you have never tried.
- Walk around your neighborhood aimlessly.
- Go visit friends you haven't met for a long time.
- Get on the bus and drive around the streets.
- Wear something you've never worn before.
- Go to the cinema to watch any movie.
Such actions will give you a charge of positive emotions and energy. You will be able to feel like a free, spontaneous person.
No matter how much this topic develops, each person has the right to answer the questions about whether a spontaneous person is good or bad, whether spontaneity is a danger to society or a form of self-expression, based on their own vision of this concept. However, you should not cut off your oxygen if spontaneity is a source of joy, movement and life for you.
Examples of spontaneous behavior
Some guy burst into one man’s apartment. He was holding a firearm in his hand and shouting that, according to his information, the owner of the apartment was sleeping with his wife.
In such an extreme situation, most people would begin to make excuses, and it would end sadly: the attacker was “on edge” and could well shoot.
The owner of the apartment looked this guy in the eyes, spread his hands and said: “Who didn’t sleep with her?!” The attacker fell into a stupor, dropped the gun and began to rub tears down his cheeks. The owner picked up the pistol, hid it and began to console his “guest”, explaining that everything was not so scary, that they were comrades in misfortune, and so on... In the end, the jealous husband calmed down and left. Who was the woman in question, whether there was betrayal on her part, and if so, with this man or with another - remained behind the scenes.
The owner of the apartment was saved by his immediate reaction and spontaneous behavior. The guy who burst into him could shoot in response to any remark - only the Control Program of the Universal Matrix knows whether he would have shot or not. But it was precisely one phrase spoken that changed the situation, turned out to be key for him - he dropped the gun and burst into tears.
A person with a normal head cannot find such an answer in a split second. To do this, you need to do a re-flashing in your head.
* * *
In the center of St. Petersburg, a man fills up his car. Suddenly a luxury car pulls up, with four men sitting in it, each with their faces in full view of the windshield. One “person” lowers the window and declares that it is much more important for them to quickly refuel. And that this man must move away quickly, otherwise they will come out and perform plastic surgery on him without anesthesia. The man turns, takes the hose and starts pouring gasoline onto the roof of this luxury car - a decent amount is poured out until the dispatcher finally realizes that it needs to be turned off. He then takes out a Zipo lighter, which won't go out in the wind, and strikes a fire. And he asks the question: “Well, have you left, dead people?” Four men sit in a luxury car, sweat rolling down their pale faces. Fifteen liters of gasoline had already been filled into the car. At the gas station there are fifty tons of gasoline. And a man stands with a lighter in his hand. The man laughs, puts away his lighter, gets into his car and drives away.
Years pass. Not long ago, a man completely by chance meets those characters in a sports club. They say hello, and then he asks why they didn’t find him using his car number and didn’t show him anything. One of the characters says: “ What can you charge a man waving a lighter in front of a puddle of gasoline at a gas station!? You can kill him, but, firstly, no one will pay for it, and secondly, this is a completely pointless activity.”
Spontaneity is the soul, planning is the mind
It is important to learn to enjoy life here and now, but at the same time not to live one day at a time and learn to plan. What is important here is balance, the golden mean.
The plan should always be flexible and not too tight. Understand that unforeseen situations are always possible and be prepared for them. In this way, spontaneity is intertwined with life planning. Both soul and mind are in harmonious balance. This is the best thing to strive for.
You should not go to extremes, where a person always lives according to plan, and gets nervous when something goes wrong, or when a person lives one day at a time, without thinking about tomorrow. Only balance and more balance makes life harmonious.
Very personal
Come up with your own personal traditions. Something special just for the two of you. To do this, remember what you like to do most together. Perhaps it's cycling in the park. Or breakfast somewhere outside the home. And turn it into a tradition!
For example, bike rides in Pirogovo or on Trukhanov Island every Saturday (by the way, bike rentals are available there right on the spot). Or breakfasts with delicious pancakes and coffee at “Yolk” on Podol.
In general, choose a day when you will do this and do it regularly. Such sweet and very “personal” traditions bring us together incredibly, really.
Write to someone you've been wanting to meet for a long time
Surely each of us has such “one-sided” acquaintances. There are many popular people on the Internet, whose lives most people observe from the outside. We read their posts on social networks, follow blog updates, but most often we remain at a respectful distance from these people.
Write to one of them. Just. Of course, there is a possibility that you will not receive an answer. Everyone has their own affairs and concerns. But very often “celebrities” on the Internet turn out to be much closer “to the people” than one might think.
Write to them. Any acquaintance changes your life, like the butterfly effect. Another person is a completely different world. By interacting with this world, we inevitably enrich ourselves.
Write to them. After all, it is quite possible that what they also need most now is for someone completely unfamiliar to come and help them experience life again.
"Brew cocoa"
With this conditional phrase, I wanted to designate some action that we associate with the wonderful dreams of our childhood. Someone dreamed of having a dog. Some people sleep on silk sheets on a four-poster bed. And someone wanted to lazily put milk on the burner every morning, add a couple of spoons of chocolate-colored powder and stir for a few minutes, inhaling the most inspiring smell in the world.
Dig up your childhood dreams. Do them. Help yourself become yourself.
Trade Marketing and Impulse Shopping
Sales are highly dependent on trade marketing
at the point of sale. OgilvyAction marketers found out which promotional activities most effectively influence people. The general conclusions are:
- Buyers need targeting - be it visual collateral or something else;
- The recommendation of salespeople on the sales floor is important, but does not determine the purchase;
- Special displays are best promoted;
- Buyer involvement is ensured by trade marketing campaigns: sampling, recommendations, communication by a brand specialist outside retail outlets (not advertising communication);
As a result, we can draw a very clear conclusion: the least effective way to promote at a retail outlet is price promotion. Most consumers say that the display attracts their attention, and they make a purchase if the price suits them.
Change job
This advice can be completely criticized, I understand. Everyone has responsibilities, everyone needs to count money, especially during a crisis. But this is really a little madness: to find something new, perhaps completely unrelated to past activities, and move there from your usual place. It will reveal qualities in you that you might not even suspect.
Of course, safety precautions should not be forgotten here either. Being left without money, of course, is also a useful experience, but it may not clear your mind and may end badly. So - only from place to place, only with a reserve of coins.
About integrated marketing
You can assume sales are spontaneous without realizing the complex and cumulative impact of marketing promotion. In marketing, there is such a concept as the “customer journey,” which suggests that a properly organized advertising and promotional impact should be long-lasting, comprehensive and covering all or several communication channels familiar to the target audience. If yesterday a buyer learned about a new product from a friend, and today he saw an advertisement for a product on TV, and when he came to the store he found a competent arrangement of this product on the shelves, then if a sale happens, why can it be considered spontaneous (impulsive)?
