Experts often compare a man’s withdrawal into himself to a kind of withdrawal into his own cave. All this can be expressed in different ways: some suddenly become silent and indifferent to everything that is happening, others hide on a fishing trip, and others quickly begin to pay attention to the garage. All these actions have one thing in common: the change occurs suddenly, without any visible and objective reasons for it. Naturally, the woman begins to get nervous, because the first thought that creeps into her head is: “I’ve fallen out of love.” Psychologists assure that this state of a man is quite normal, and you just need to wait it out. AiF.ru learned about him from psychologist Alena Al-As .
Find a reason
The reason for a man to withdraw into himself can be stress, serious problems or troubles: career, financial, personal crises, etc. This behavior is typical of men who do not like to whine and complain and prefer to experience everything within themselves. In a time-out, they see an opportunity to find a way out of difficult life situations, an opportunity to think about everything, and make some decision. This may offend a woman, but in fact it is worth treating such behavior with understanding. Sometimes it is a woman who becomes the reason to go into a cave. For example, when she forces a relationship. It happens that such withdrawals do not last long and may be invisible to others. So when a man gets stuck in a cave for a long time, it may seem unexpected. In fact, such withdrawal into oneself is a character trait, a feature of the male psyche, you just need to be aware of it.
The expression “a man goes into a cave” was brought into fashion by the American psychologist John Gray . It turned out to be imaginative and bright and was to the taste of many. A cave is that corner within himself where a man does not allow anyone, a hidden and secluded place. Perhaps this is a reference to the distant, distant past, when caves were intended primarily for women and children, and men hid in them rather in exceptional cases.
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What is he doing there
With this action, a man tries to abstract himself from external problems and fuss in order to focus on solving a specific issue. The length of time spent in the cave is very different and individual. For some, a couple of hours are enough to sort themselves out and return to their family; for others, even a few months are not enough. When the man finds a solution to his problem, he leaves the cave. But often, in addition to the decision itself, a man also makes conclusions about whether he wants to be with his woman or not, and this directly depends on the behavior of the woman herself.
After leaving the cave, the man becomes more loving and gentle. This happens because during his “hermit” the man manages to rest emotionally and miss the woman; he returns with renewed vigor, ready to continue the relationship, especially if the woman treated him with understanding and allowed him to stay in the cave.
If a woman wants to maintain a relationship with a man, then such withdrawal into herself should be understood and forgiven, not nag, not trying to pull him out of the cave or enter it herself. We must understand that this is a feature of the psyche, and attempts to change something can only aggravate the situation. There is no point in reminding about what happened or reproaching it, but sometimes there is a need to clearly define your position. Especially if such care continues for a long time. It is worth warning that you will consider a repetition of the situation as a betrayal. If we talk about symptoms, then we should note thoughtfulness, silence, detachment, sometimes this is accompanied by a desire to leave, be alone, etc. It should be noted that most women’s experiences regarding the fact that a man has stopped loving are usually not related to him, but have an internal reason: lack of self-confidence, in your relationships. Very often such doubts come from ignorance of male psychology, at the level of “if he is silent, it means he doesn’t want to talk to me.” But there can be many reasons for silence. You shouldn’t take everything personally, then many doubts will disappear on their own.
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Clear understanding of your needs
Before purchasing kilograms of different tubes and jars, it is important to analyze the condition of the skin, muscles, posture and, in general, the state of health. And only when you determine the urgent needs of your body, does it make sense to start selecting care products, procedures and vitamins. This can save you a fair amount of money.
If you doubt whether, for example, it is worth buying some expensive cream, ask your friends who uses it. If possible and it does not seem indelicate, ask for a little testing equipment. This way you can make an informed decision and avoid falling victim to advertising. Don’t be shy about contacting store consultants—part of their job is to give customers samples of the brands they represent.
Correct goal setting
Once you have decided on your current needs, you need to understand what effect you want to get from cosmetic procedures. At this stage, it is important to formulate the goal, determine the criteria by which you will understand that there is progress, and the feasibility of the task. It is hardly justified to set a goal to lose 10 kilograms in a week just through wraps and massage and at the same time get elastic and tightened skin.
It is important to remember that the skin is an organ like any other. And it has its own operating features. Therefore, you should not believe the advertising “our cream will rejuvenate you in 3 days.”
It is equally important at this stage to work with meanings. Why do you need these changes? Why is this particular result important to you? What will change when you can achieve this result, for you and for those around you? In this place, too high expectations may also emerge, which will be replaced by disappointment.
Accepting yourself with all your features
Many women want to completely remake themselves, or at least retouch them considerably, just to please others, get married, and be highly valued by society. They, born as daisies or orchids, try to fit themselves into the standards of a rose. Or, on the contrary, they let themselves go, because they still can’t become a rose, and in general, it’s crazy to work on yourself. But what if you create the conditions for daisies that are required for daisies, and give orchids food for orchids?
After all, if you still turn yourself into a rose at the cost of titanic efforts, it will be a betrayal of your own essence.
This is a real Barbie girl from Odessa, Valeria Lukyanova, whose dream has always been to resemble the famous doll. Well, the dream has come true!
By the way, you may find yourself putting off until later what is available right now: “When I get these folds out of the sides, I’ll buy myself a new dress!” This means that now your body supposedly does not deserve a new thing. But is it worth the wait? Maybe it’s better to figure out why you are putting off indefinitely what you can do today? The answer to the question “Why am I doing this to myself?” can help you look completely differently at why you still can’t get rid of the “wrinkles”, and maybe understand that the problem is not in them at all!
Flexibility of approach and request for outside support
When it comes to self-care, you need to try everything on yourself. What suits your friend may not suit you at all. If you can’t achieve a result using just one path, trodden by generations of women, then perhaps there are other, less familiar ones.
Another pitfall is that we often focus on one, “main” physical defect and try with all our might to cope with it (“I have a tummy!”). Meanwhile, thanks to your efforts, results have already appeared, but you still do not notice the positive changes, because you only see this shortcoming. This is where feedback from those you trust can help. If you need support, then you should agree with one of your friends to regularly discuss external changes. In this case, an outsider's view may be more accurate than your own - after all, you see yourself every day, and your eye simply becomes blurred.
Self-care as a habit
If you want to have a well-groomed appearance, it is important to form the habit of taking care of yourself: it is better to devote 3 minutes to yourself 2 times a day, but do it daily, than to devote 2 hours to procedures - once a month. The skin has its own operating principles; I repeat, it is an organ like all the others. Irregular, intermittent care for it is unlikely to give anything other than the effect of short-term self-soothing (“I made a mask!”).
Mindfulness
When you perform any cosmetic procedures, it is important to be in the moment, in contact with yourself, with your feelings, concentrate on them, remember why you are doing it, remember your meanings and goals. The strength of a samurai is not in weapons, but in concentration. Numerous rituals helped him train this skill. Therefore, I recommend creating your own beauty rituals that help you tune in to the right wave.
Concentration on your sensations, contact with the body
While you are applying the cream to your face, you should not think about a conflict with your boss, problems with children or financial difficulties - this time is just for you, give it to yourself entirely. Feel your skin under your fingertips, what is it like? What thoughts and emotions are you touching yourself with right now? All this will help refocus your attention and reduce the level of stress accumulated during the day. The same applies to the physical activity that you have chosen for yourself: concentrate on the movements you perform, instead of scrolling through the details of the quarrel with your husband in your head.
Enjoying the process
Trust yourself, pamper yourself, allow yourself to experience pleasant sensations! If we take care of ourselves from the position of “I have to spend time on this”, “I’m afraid of old age”, “I want to defeat wrinkles” - we will very quickly get tired of doing what causes negative emotions. Our brain and body love to receive pleasure hormones, and the habit of daily self-care will form much faster and easier if we simply enjoy performing cosmetic procedures.
The ability to notice the smallest changes
Praise yourself for every step in the right direction. Celebrate everything, even the most modest results. A beauty diary helps a lot with this, in which you will make notes every few days. This will help in cases where you reach the so-called plateau stage and do not receive visible improvements for a long time. At such moments, it is important to give the body time for qualitative changes and be patient. And a beauty diary will clearly show that you have come a long way and there is no point in retreating.
You can put these simple psychological principles into practice completely free of charge, that is, for nothing. I am sure that they will help you make your self-care more enjoyable, and the effect of home cosmetic procedures more pronounced and noticeable! Published
PS And remember, just by changing your consumption, we are changing the world together! © econet
What if the “care” is delayed?
You cannot live in a cave permanently. If this condition drags on for a long time, this may indicate that the man is fixated on his problems or does not see a way out and cannot overcome troubles. In this case, you may need the help of a psychologist. If we talk about the benefits of such treatments, they are obvious. After all, this is how a man solves his problems. He needs this time of unity with himself, personal space, not only in order to find an answer to a tormenting question, but also in order to gather strength and recover. Not all trips to the cave are accompanied by leaps in personal growth, although a certain proportion of important decisions are made precisely at such moments.
Ladies, it's worth remembering
Women are much less likely to feel the need to be alone; more often they feel the need to speak out, to be listened to, sympathized with, and advised on something. Just as a woman has a need to communicate with a close friend, a man has a need to be alone. The main thing you need to understand is that every person, even those in a very happy and harmonious relationship, needs personal space.
A man's retreat into a cave can either strengthen a relationship or cause it to break. It all depends on how much the partners understand and respect each other. Women should know about this feature of their man and respect it. Men should remember that a woman feels differently, and this also cannot be discounted. If a man is planning to go into a cave, he should warn the woman about this and not leave for a long time or suddenly.
How to learn to believe in yourself and yourself?
The child follows the chain “given word - execution - internal comfort” plus the mother’s encouragement for diligence. Then the sphere of trust expands more and more, turning in adulthood into a feeling of inner support in oneself, into boundless faith in one’s strengths and capabilities.
The classic of American psychology E. Erickson wrote that trust is not only hope in others, but also faith in oneself, in the ability to independently cope with one’s own problems. The baby’s sense of basic trust in the world is the beginning of his personality and the basis of harmonious communication with people, the origins of his ability to join people and at the same time distinguish himself as an individual.
He who does not trust himself does not trust others either. Without self-confidence, it is unsettling to live in this world; you have to constantly look for support in external objects or live with an eye on others.
The parents of those who never learned to trust themselves were often immature people; they themselves felt uncomfortable, worried about any reason and, accordingly, could not teach the child to trust himself. It could also be an overly critical, devaluing father and mother, suffering from neuroses, addictions, or adoptive parents who have no experience in parenting.
Photo: Depositphotos
- The opposite of trust is lying to yourself.
Such a lie differs from ordinary lies in that you unconditionally believe in it. When others, for the sake of some kind of benefit, or out of fear of being exposed, or for the sake of successful manipulation, openly lie, sometimes inventing legends on the fly, they know very well that there is no truth in their words. But when they lie to themselves, they just believe in this fairy tale. Why?
Because it is convenient and familiar. Sometimes you simply cannot survive without such lies. It creates a “comfort zone” where conscience does not torment you, supports your usual way of life, and makes it possible not to change anything. Thus a coward thinks himself brave; women who do not have an ounce of attractiveness in themselves imagine themselves irresistible; pathetic narcissists with inflated egos believe in their “special destiny.” An alcohol addict will never admit that he is an alcoholic (“I just drink sometimes”).
In order to start living a truly fulfilling life, you need to get out of this web of illusions, woven for the sake of dubious peace of mind.
Self-knowledge is the first step towards gaining self-confidence. Analyze your strengths and weaknesses. The strong need further development, the weak need gradual eradication. Honesty is of utmost importance and is the key to your success, so when analyzing yourself, be sincere.
Photo: Depositphotos
The second step is training confident behavior . Confidence comes from trusting yourself, as well as from the belief that you will be able to realize the opportunities given by nature for the benefit of yourself and others.
The third step is to create your character . Imagine that you have just been born, but have the opportunity to acquire the qualities you desire. Do this every day. Tell the truth, stop the lies.
Having learned to trust yourself and others, you will be able to find your unique place in this world, experience the happiness of warm, sincere communication, find friends and love.
Tags: inner support, self-confidence
