At what age and how do adolescent relationships develop?
12-13 years old
Teenagers have their first love at a relatively early age. Around twelve or thirteen years old.
At this time, teenagers are walking on the street. They go to cinemas. To the exhibitions. To the theaters. They spend all their free time together. They hug each other and kiss on the cheeks.
In the period of 12-13 years, it is not difficult to find out that your son/daughter is dating someone. Most likely, the child himself will tell you that he has a relationship. Your task at 12-13 years old is to support the child. Don't say that the relationship might end badly. That their studies may suffer because of them. And so on. This will create a serious barrier between you.
14-16 years old
At fourteen and sixteen years old, adolescent relationships reach a new level. They start partying until late. They go not only to cinemas, exhibitions, theaters, but also to cafes. For example, to coffee shops. Or fast food restaurants.
Teenagers 14-16 years old already kiss not only on the cheek. But they also give each other French kisses. During this period, it is very important to have a conversation about intimacy.
If you have a daughter, then talk to her about intimacy. Find out if she is going to get intimate with the guy. If it turns out that there is such an intention in the plans, then have a conversation. Tell the girl that 14-16 years old is still a very early age to begin sexual activity.
16-17 years old
Between the ages of sixteen and seventeen, teenagers begin to take relationships to a new, more serious level. They feel true love. They take care of each other. They behave like a real married couple.
During this period, they are likely to have physical intimacy. You need to have a conversation with your child. Explain to him what contraception should be used. How to behave during this process. How to maintain hygiene. And so on.
Your task is to tell your teenager as much as possible about intimacy. Make it so that he has a joyful experience. It was a pleasure. Not sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies.
When you are 16-17 years old, you will definitely need to meet the parents of your child’s boyfriend/girlfriend. Exchange contact numbers with them. In order to call in case of emergency. And solve your children’s problems together.
Meet your child's significant other too. Accept it. And be loyal to him.
Even if you don’t like your child’s significant other, you don’t need to talk about it. Keep in mind that at this age relationships are not very serious. In a few months (or years) they may run out. But if you interfere with them now, the child will blame you. And he will remember for the rest of his life that you allegedly interfered with his relationship.
Advice from a psychologist for teenage girls
During this difficult transitional age, teenage girls need support . And it’s good if this support comes from older family members. It’s great if a mother has a trusting relationship with her daughter. Then you can do without the intervention of psychologists. And in this case, it wouldn’t hurt for mothers to find out advice for teenage girls from psychologists.
According to psychologists, adolescence in adolescents can begin at different times. Much depends on the individual developmental characteristics of the girl. Some people mature earlier, some later. Parents should pay attention to their child. Be interested in his problems, do not allow the girl to withdraw.
IMPORTANT : Correctly use your best sides, be able to present your strong character traits - this is achieved over the years. Smart girls know how to hide their external flaws and emphasize their strengths by choosing beautiful looks and using cosmetics.
Teenage complexes
- And it’s not just communication with parents that is important. You shouldn’t have complexes , you need to communicate with your peers. Maintain a calm disposition in any problem. Try not to react with a temper to any troubles. Everything should be decided calmly, think it over, and not get excited and do stupid things.
- Don’t rebel, don’t be rowdy if you were reprimanded by a teacher at school. Try to understand their position. It is easy to create a conflict situation. But finding peaceful ways to solve it is always more difficult. For the second one, you will need to make a lot of effort and find an approach to the person. You also have to hold back a lot of emotions that are just asking to come out.
- If you find it difficult to cope with your problems, then try to find a solution to them with like-minded people or simply consult a psychologist . Remember, there is nothing wrong with voicing your problems to a qualified psychologist. After all, after a professional puts everything in its place, it will be easier for you to deal with the problem. He will be able to give you objective advice, taking into account the situation and personal conflicts, if any.
Recommendations for parents on how to behave when their child is dating someone
Maintain a relationship with your child's significant other's parents
Periodically communicate with the parents of your child's significant other. Congratulate them on their holidays. Call me. Discuss various issues. Invite them to the holidays (if you are interested in communicating with them).
Your child will be happy with the loyal attitude. He will like the fact that you accepted his chosen one. And you are happy to communicate with your parents.
Also, such communication will be useful for you. Not only will you be able to have fun in another family's campaign, but you will also be able to more easily control your child.
Don't get involved in your child's relationship
Many parents make a serious mistake and try to interfere in one relationship or another. However, this tactic does not lead to anything good. Except quarrels with the child.
It's the twenty-first century. There are a huge number of ways in which you can bypass the prohibitions on communicating with your significant other. Keep in mind that in adolescence, children exhibit youthful maximalism.
If you forbid a teenager to communicate with his significant other, he will not listen. Will continue to meet secretly. As a result, you will not achieve what you want. But your relationship with your child will deteriorate.
What to do if you categorically do not like your child’s chosen one?
If your chosen one is not suitable for your child for serious, objective (!!!) reasons, then have a conversation. Explain to your teen why you think his relationship is a bad option. Give serious reasons. With arguments and facts.
If there is a specific problem, then talk about it. Try to make the child understand the essence of the issue. Then give your teen a chance to think about what you said. And understand whether it makes sense to continue dating your chosen one.
The conversation must be conducted calmly. Do not raise your voice under any circumstances. Don't insult your child. Don't blame him for anything. And don’t try to crush him morally.
Extra nerves will lead to the child refusing to listen to you. And the conversation will not be fruitful.
Ask your child about his relationships
Show genuine interest in your child's relationships. Start a conversation about them periodically. Ask how they are doing with their significant other. Find out what they were doing. What films did you attend? What gifts did they give each other for this or that holiday? And so on.
Your child will really appreciate that you are interested in their relationship. Show respect to his chosen one/chosen one. And also try in every possible way to contribute to the further development of relations.
Set rules: You can only go on a date after doing your own chores
Even though your child is already in a relationship, he still lives in your home. And he must carry out the tasks entrusted to him. He should go for a walk only after them.
For example, when a child comes home from school, he must complete his homework. To wash the dishes. And wipe the dust off the shelves. He will be able to go for a walk only after completing these tasks.
There are several advantages to this approach. First, the child will learn not to put things off when he is in a relationship with someone (which means not to put the other person above himself). Secondly, the teenager will learn self-discipline and time management. In order to quickly go out for a walk with his significant other, the teenager will have to get down to business right away. And deal with them as quickly as possible.
Set limits on what time your child can return home.
Be sure to set time limits for returning home. If you have a teenager from twelve to sixteen years old, then he should arrive at 21:00 maximum. If you have a teenager between seventeen and eighteen years old, then he can come home at 22:00. But not later.
It's not even that the child is small. It is recommended to return home no later than 22:00 for safety reasons. Because most crimes are committed at night.
Is it possible to allow a child to stay with their significant other overnight?
During the period from twelve to sixteen years old, we do not recommend allowing a child to stay overnight with his or her significant other. This won't end well. It is unlikely that teenagers will just play Monopoly and have fun.
In the period from seventeen to eighteen years old, it is possible to allow teenagers to spend the night with each other. This is a pretty conscious age. In which both people are accountable for their actions. They understand what can be done. And what deeds will have bad consequences.
How to understand that this is love at 17 years old
Even at the age of 17, true love can arise. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with falling in love or passion.
If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how these two feelings differ. Falling in love is also not love.
This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.
Can friendship develop into love, see the article: love and friendship.
Is love at first sight possible? Read here.
How a woman can get out of depression on her own using folk remedies, see here.
When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.
The guy and the girl also don’t pay attention to each other’s shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They don’t try to fix anything in themselves, and that’s not necessary.
Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:
- Excitement at the sight of your crush.
- Embarrassing facial flushing.
- Conversations with loved ones often lead to discussions of your first love.
- I want to communicate a lot with my other half.
- You are drawn to him/her, and it is unclear how and why this happens.
- There is a desire to give everything you have. And we are talking about spiritual values.
Signs of a teenager falling in love
Any relationship begins with a feeling of falling in love. 17-year-olds are no exception.
There are several signs by which you can guess that a guy or girl has a crush:
The teenager returns home later than usual | He begins to spend his free time not on the computer or books, but on “walking with friends” |
Long telephone conversations are becoming commonplace | A teenager may be on the phone for 30 minutes or even several hours at a time, chatting about anything. |
The guy or girl starts following | and with his appearance with greater diligence |
Contraceptives appear | — |
Constant changes in a teenager's mood | Either he is happy (after a successful date) or he is depressed, crying, walking around with a sad face (unrequited love) |
There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.
For girls
What characteristic behavioral traits can reveal a teenage girl in love:
She constantly thinks about him | Moreover, every time the girl is in a hurry to share her secrets of imagination with her friends at any opportunity. |
It seems to her that her beloved guy is perfect in everything | And he either doesn’t pay attention to his shortcomings or turns them into advantages |
The girl suddenly discovers a talent for drawing, singing, dancing, etc. | This is a very common phenomenon due to love. |
She is constantly waiting for an SMS or a phone call from her “beloved” | Post on social network. Hachiko mode is one of the manifestations of love for any teenage girl |
She wants to be feminine | The girl begins to dress beautifully, learns to do high-quality makeup, and cook. Often there is an urge to clean the room |
The guys
Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be noticed in representatives of the stronger sex:
- He is constantly looking for his sympathy in the crowd. He wants her to notice him.
- The guy’s behavior changes whenever his soulmate appears. For example, if in a company of friends a young man is the life of the party, then when “her” appears on the horizon, he turns into a shy boy.
- The guy becomes a gentleman: he opens the door for his girlfriend, carries her bags/backpack, and says compliments.
- A young man in love tries to fulfill every desire of his passion. Very often, a girl’s wish, said as a joke, is immediately fulfilled.
First love at 17
Teens are always interested in new things, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be noticed.
Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions
Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only about pleasure in the company of their significant other, but also about responsibility.
Therefore, true first love at such an early age is not common and is typical only for mature people, not only physically, but also spiritually.
First love and sexual development of a teenage boy
Around the beginning of adolescence, a boy’s sexual development begins to intensify. The teenager physiologically matures into a man and turns his attention to girls.
In the case of the generally accepted norm, adolescents choose partners of the opposite sex.
The desire for a same-sex partner in boys may be hidden in the development of a confusing, often unbearable relationship with the mother. Of course, in the case of a complete family, such relationships are supported by the father; in the case of an incomplete family, the main responsibility lies with the mother. In such a situation, the boy seems to decide that if everything is so difficult with women, then I will build relationships only with men, at least it’s understandable with them.
And then the participation of a psychologist can only help if the teenager himself and his family sincerely desire to change something.
If the relationship with the mother is built harmoniously, and at the right time in the boy’s life a father figure has taken a full-fledged place, the choice of a partner will probably occur within the norm.
And then, most likely, your son will have his first love. Usually, parents and son have different attitudes towards this event. A teenager can really experience strong feelings, suffering from unrequited feelings or unusually strong emotions. Parents sometimes consider all this to be frivolous nonsense, which should soon disappear from their minds.
The truth is in the middle: the first, especially unrequited love, is, in a way, like chickenpox, and a teenager needs to get over it. However, this does not diminish its severity at all. It really seems to your boy that he could die without her love, and the world could collapse! And it is important for parents not to interfere in their son’s experiences with advice and forecasts, but to respect his feelings. When the situation levels out, your son will simply become stronger.
A man with a child: rules of communication for women
In our society, it has become common to see single mothers raising their children on their own, but it is often surprising to see a single father. At the same time, Sunday dads are just as happy to meet with their children, rather than perform duties. What to do and how to behave if your chosen one is an independent dad?
Somehow it happened that it is customary for us to feel sorry for single mothers and scold fathers for leaving their family. At the same time, it is completely forgotten that it happens the other way around - a father raises one or several children, but the children do not know their mother. The reasons may vary from banal to tragic; we will not touch on them now. Even if a man left a woman, this does not mean that he left the child. We must pay tribute to men who raise children at a distance or alone - in the first case, they rarely see the child, paying less attention to him than they would like, and in the second case, they need to give much more than a woman could do. It is also difficult for single fathers in our country because they do not have the full rights and benefits that single mothers have.
But everyone wants happiness, and it cannot bypass a man just because he is a single father or a Sunday dad - sooner or later a woman appears in his life. And if this woman is you, and you don’t want to lose your man, then you need to follow a number of rules.
- At the beginning of your acquaintance, do not ask the Sunday or independent dad questions: “Where is the child’s mother?”, “Why is he with you and not with her?” and the like. For a man, this may be a topic that he is not ready to discuss ahead of time - when he feels that he can tell you everything, he will do it himself.
- Remember: for a father, his child comes first, not your budding relationship. Don’t try to “pull the blanket” over yourself, putting the man before the choice of “you or the child.” This is a fundamentally wrong approach, wrong behavior. This is not a mistake for which you can get a second chance - there will be no path to a normal relationship.
- Do not show a man crazy love for children, do not ask to show his photographs and introduce you to him. Your obsession in this matter can scare a man away, make him wary, because your behavior will be overly active and ostentatious, and he needs naturalness and sincerity. Show moderate interest, especially at the beginning of your acquaintance - the time will come, and the man himself will introduce you to his child.
- Do not show feigned love to the child himself after meeting him. All this will be felt and will cause rejection in the child, a negative reaction to you - he will see your fear and lies in an attempt to please him and please. In the future, he will either be against your relationship or will use you. Both options are not in your interests - they are not distinguished by honesty and directness, and everything will affect your beloved man.
- Make friends with your child. If he was raised by one father, regardless of gender, then the child lacked female attention and warmth; give it to the child, but do not expect to immediately become his mother. If your chosen one is a Sunday dad, communicate on a friendly basis, without trying to replace his own mother.
- If you began to live as one family, then be honest in any dispute between a father and his child and do not take the position of “with whom is it beneficial”, but directly express your opinion, but at the same time you should be gentle and neutral, and treat both participants equally spore.
You are a woman, and by your nature you can smooth out the rough edges of a relationship with a man - a single dad or a Sunday dad, and only worldly wisdom and sincere love can help you with this.
Advice for a 9 year old girl
Advice for 9-year-old girls
Already from the age of nine, hair may begin to grow in intimate places or under the arms. Teenagers may experience sweating due to hormonal imbalances. It is also during this period that girls begin to grow. It is also interesting that the growth of the mammary glands occurs according to a certain format. They can sometimes even differ in size (right and left breasts). According to experts, the growth of the mammary glands during the formation of the body occurs unevenly. This is normal. So don't worry about it.
Advice for 9 year old girls:
- If a teenage girl has any complaints, then there is no need to be shy about visiting doctors . Pain in the lower abdomen, itching, and redness may cause you to consult a medical specialist. And you don’t have to immediately think that something bad happened. The reasons for such manifestations may be different.
- If something is bothering you, contact your mother , believe me - your mother herself experienced the same difficulties at your age, she will be able to help you with practical advice.
- Among other things, it happens that girls at school find it difficult to find girlfriends, friends who will share her views and interests. In this case, you can enroll in a gym, art school or music school, and find an activity that you like . There you will find friends who will be interested in the same activities as you. It brings people together.
The role of the father in raising a boy
From the age of three, the father's role becomes increasingly important. Before a child reaches seven years of age, it is highly advisable for a father to take an active part in communicating with his son.
If the mother’s role in upbringing is more related to the emotional sphere, then the father in the family gives the child rules of behavior in society and imparts important social skills. The father in the child’s life symbolizes society and the external environment. And if a son feels trust and reliability in such an environment from childhood, the world will not seem overly hostile to him, he will already be able to interact with it.
It is no coincidence that in V. Mayakovsky’s poem the baby son came to his father to ask what is good and what is bad. A mother can tell her son a lot about such things, but they will never be accepted with the same faith and depth as he will learn from his father.
The importance of such a contribution for the future life of a teenager cannot be overestimated. However, it is better for both fathers and mothers to complete the process of transferring educational values by the age of 11-12. In the midst of unhappy, as it should be, love and hormonal storms in the body, your son will have no time for education.
The crisis that a male teenager is going through forces him to look at his father in a new way. When questions about how to cope with this impending adult life begin to crowd into a teenager's head, he wonders: how is dad living? It’s a little late for notations, there remains a personal example.
For a boy entering adolescence, it is very important to see a worthy male figure before his eyes, to fully communicate with his father or with a person standing in for him - a grandfather, uncle or family friend.
A boy who is learning to be a man usually takes his example from objects that can be imitated. The choice that a teenager will make largely depends on the parents - whether it will be his father, a relative, a teacher at school... There are also not the best options: a street bully, a scandalous movie star or a computer game hero who masterfully kills all living things.
The main thing for a father when his son enters adolescence is to respect him in advance as a man with the right to his decisions and his mistakes. It's not always easy.
Sometimes it’s useful to remember yourself at that age. Of course, your son is not your equal and in a sense never will be - simply because you will always be his parents, and he will always be your child. However, it is worth thinking about what you want from your son and what you are doing to achieve it. For example, if a teenager is required to be responsible, while being controlled all the time, it is clear that there is simply no soil for growth of such quality.
I am sure that for a growing boy, the support and love of his father is no less (if not more) important than contact with his mother. A father with whom his son has a strong and trusting relationship like a man means for a teenager that his rear is covered. You can actively enter adulthood and become a man.