Children's self-esteem. How to develop an adequate attitude towards yourself

A child’s self-esteem is an indicator of success in adulthood. Psychologists say that a correctly formed assessment of personal qualities, both external and internal, ensures a happy life. There are certain stages in the formation of self-esteem in children of preschool and school age. For it to be adequate, parents should pay attention to its development and correction, if necessary.

Forming a child's self-esteem

Children's self-esteem is formed through the judgments of adults, namely parents and teachers. From birth, the baby has no idea how to behave; upbringing plays an important role. The kid pays attention to adults’ assessments, their reactions and tries his best not to disappoint.

You need to make it clear to your child from the very beginning that the world is not ideal and that he cannot know and be able to do everything. Help him open up and discover his talents. Each person is talented in his own way, and it depends on his parents how his fate will turn out. The kid pays attention to his appearance and compares himself with his peers, don’t miss this moment and don’t let him develop complexes.

Development of self-esteem in preschool age

The primary layer of a child’s self-esteem can be compared to a fluffy cloud – emotional and positive. Every child sees himself through the eyes of loving parents.

The preschooler learns the types and criteria of assessments in communication with adults. The child hears how his actions and activities are evaluated, pays attention to the evaluation of others and applies this to himself.

A preschooler strives to meet the demands of adults. He is sensitive to comments “this is good” and “this is not possible”, “this is bad”.

In productive activities and work activities, children discover their own capabilities, thanks to which they develop self-esteem of their achievements.

In independent activity, self-esteem manifests itself as the ability to correlate the result obtained with the one expected by the child. Seeing the discrepancy between the result and the initial plan, some preschoolers give up their idea. But many people stubbornly try to redo their work and do better. In both cases, self-assessment is involved. Although faith in one’s abilities and skills manifests itself only in the second case.

A preschooler's self-esteem is formed under the influence of the assessments of significant adults. If a child hears negative statements about the results of his efforts, then he will also underestimate his abilities. And this does not in any way contribute to the desire to redo the work and achieve a better result. The general positive assessment of an adult, interspersed with targeted comments on where and what the child is able to correct, strengthens faith in oneself and one’s skill.

Formation of self-esteem in younger preschoolers

Already in early preschool age, the child expects recognition of his achievements from adults. Whether he molded a bun out of plasticine or fastened buttons - no matter how significant the result - the baby wants to hear words of admiration from those around him. He cannot yet set criteria for the success, or, conversely, failure, of his actions. Adults admire and praise - so the child considers himself successful.

For example, having heard from the mother “How beautifully you drew!”, the child will undoubtedly consider both his drawing to be good and himself to be skillful in drawing. And having witnessed the praise of other children, “What a great Dima! I put all the toys away!” - a preschooler is trying to prove himself in some activity in order to also become a “good guy.”

A feeling of pride in one's achievements is a psychological new formation of early preschool age and forms a solid foundation in the formation of self-esteem.

At 4 years old, children do not associate self-esteem with their successful or unsuccessful experiences. They are completely guided by the evaluative statements of others.

By the age of 5, preschoolers consider themselves good, pointing out their positive qualities: sharing toys, obeying their mother, etc. At this age, children evaluate themselves by comparing with their peers.

The development of self-esteem goes through 4 stages

Psychologists identify 4 main stages in the development of children's self-esteem. Each stage is of great importance and mistakes cannot be made in any of them. A person’s character is formed from the first minutes of birth.

Stage 1 – from birth to 18 months

A reverent stage built on internal sensations and tactile contact. A newborn develops trust in the world around him through the care and guardianship of his parents. The first attachment in life appears and the baby already gives preferences in communication. All this is based on unconscious instincts, but still, have you noticed that the baby willingly goes to the arms of some, and may burst into tears at the sight of someone.

The power of a mother's hug is incredible and can do a lot. Adequate self-esteem is formed if parents positively evaluate the baby. Naturally, a newborn will not understand if you tell him this directly; he distinguishes only an emotional assessment: a kind look, hugs, soft touches, a kind and calm timbre of voice.

Stage 2 – from 1.5 to 3-4 years

At this age, the baby becomes incredibly inquisitive and active. He is interested in absolutely everything, and the formation of self-esteem depends on how his parents react to his interest. Don't criticize everything, give them a chance to feel independent. Of course, you can control the situation, but do it delicately. Now everything is in the hands of the parents: whether your child grows up to be an autonomous or dependent person depends only on you. The child is already able to understand that responsibility for his actions lies with him, and not just with his parents. Just do not give a personality assessment in case of an unsuccessful attempt. It may be worth trying again, or perhaps the action is simply bad and should not be repeated.

Stage 3 – from 4 to 6 years

At early preschool age, children begin to take a closer look at themselves and their place in society. For example, they think about how many friends there are in kindergarten and why someone doesn’t want to be friends. The child looks for the reasons for what is happening within himself. Let's say the older brother is not in a good mood today and scolded the younger one. The kid does not understand what he did wrong, but still looks for reasons in himself. At such moments, it is important that adults give an explanation for this action, that the brother is just in a bad mood, but he treats the younger one with love and loves him. Consider whether you have set too many limits and whether children have the opportunity to take initiative.

If your child constantly develops a feeling of guilt for the actions of other people, this is not normal, pay close attention to the child’s process of self-realization.

Stage 4 – school years from 6 to 14 years

The final 4th stage is the longest, most interesting and dangerous in the process of forming children's self-esteem. At this age, a love of work is established and a focus on results begins. The child’s rejection in the society of his peers creates isolation and rejection in him. It may happen that the child loses interest in an activity that he was interested in most recently. This apathy is a consequence of the teenager’s rejection in the team. He loses faith that he is capable of completing tasks and achieving success on an equal basis with others. Sometimes it happens that the most talented and gifted children can withdraw into themselves and lose faith in their own abilities due to difficult relationships in the team.

Formation of adequate self-esteem in preschool children

Recommendations for the formation of adequate self-esteem in children of senior preschool age.

Preschool age is the initial period of a child’s awareness of himself, motives and needs in the world of human relationships. It is during preschool age that a person learns to socialize. Therefore, it is important during this period to lay the foundations for the formation of adequate self-esteem. All this will allow the child to correctly evaluate himself, realistically consider his strengths in relation to the tasks and requirements of the social environment, and, in accordance with this, independently set certain goals and objectives for himself.

As the child develops, he learns to understand himself, his Self, to evaluate his own qualities, character traits, actions, judgments, that is, the formation of an evaluative component of self-awareness - self-esteem.

The emergence and development of self-awareness occurs in various types of activities. At the same time, an adult, organizing this activity in the early stages, helps the child master the means of self-awareness and self-evaluation.

A preschooler's assessment of himself largely depends on the assessment of an adult.

That is why, in the early stages of self-esteem development, parents must explain to the child his basic gender qualities. The girl (and most often the dad should say this) needs to be reminded that she is the kindest and most beautiful. The boy (the mother should say this more often) needs to be reminded as often as possible that he is the strongest and the smartest. And in order to make it easier for a child to achieve this, the help of the closest society – the family – is necessary. The family is called upon to teach everything, to educate comprehensively. It is the family that must teach the child evaluative activities. It must be remembered that a child cannot be compared with other children; his actions and results can be compared with his own actions and results. Discuss with your child the reasons for victories or failures.

In older preschool age, the child already accumulates certain social experience and develops stereotypes of behavioral reactions.

Low grades have the most negative impact on personality development. And inflated ones distort children’s ideas about their capabilities towards exaggerating the results. But at the same time, they play a positive role in organizing activities, mobilizing the child’s strength.

Below are strategies for positive child assessment that every parent and teacher needs.

Basic strategies for positive assessment of a child of senior preschool age.

A positive assessment of the child as an individual, a demonstration of a friendly attitude towards him (“I know you tried very hard” “I believe that everything will work out”).
Indications of mistakes made while completing a task, or violations of behavioral norms (“But now you did the wrong thing…”).
Analysis of the reasons for mistakes and bad behavior (“It seemed to you that Masha pushed you on purpose, but she didn’t do it on purpose”).
Discuss with your child ways to correct mistakes and acceptable forms of behavior in a given situation.
An expression of confidence that he will succeed (“he won’t push the kids anymore”, “she will definitely cope with the task”).

During communication, the child constantly receives feedback. Positive feedback tells the child that his actions are correct and useful. Thus, the child is convinced of his competence and merits.

Smile, praise, approval - all these are examples of positive reinforcement, they lead to increased self-esteem, create a positive image of the self. It is necessary to teach the child to set realistic goals and cope with failures.

To form a correct image of an older preschooler about himself and the ability to adequately evaluate a number of recommendations.

General recommendations for the formation of adequate self-esteem and correct self-image in children of senior preschool age.

1) It is necessary that the child grows up in an atmosphere of love, respect, careful attitude towards his individual characteristics, interest in his affairs and activities, confidence in his achievements; at the same time - exactingness and consistency in educational influences on the part of adults. Adults themselves must develop uniform requirements for the child and strictly adhere to them.

2) Optimization of the child’s relationships with peers. It is necessary to create conditions for the child to fully communicate with other children; if he has difficulties in relationships with them, you need to find out the reason and help the preschooler gain confidence in a group of peers. Every child should experience a situation of success among their peers and learn to be proud of their achievements.

3) Expanding and enriching the child’s individual experience. The more diverse a child’s activities are, the more opportunities for active independent action, the more opportunities he has to test his abilities and expand his ideas about himself.

4) Developing the ability to analyze your experiences and the results of your actions and actions. Always positively assessing the child’s personality, it is necessary to evaluate the results of his actions together with him, compare with the model, find the causes of difficulties and mistakes and ways to correct them. At the same time, it is important to build confidence in the child that he will cope with difficulties, achieve good success, and that everything will work out for him.

Teachers have a great influence on the formation of adequate self-esteem of a child attending kindergarten.

To increase the level of self-esteem in children of senior preschool age in kindergarten, it is possible to offer small games, exercises and sketches aimed at developing a positive attitude of the child towards himself and other people, developing a feeling of closeness with other people, reducing anxiety, relieving psycho-emotional stress, developing the ability to understand your emotional state (application).

The task of parents and educators is to prepare the child for this difficult period of his life. To do this, you need to get an idea of your child’s self-esteem and level of aspirations using observation. The development of an adequate level of self-esteem in the process of interaction with the child is carried out constantly. You can offer your child feasible tasks while providing emotional support, praise and approval. This will greatly influence the development of adequate self-esteem in the child.

Annex 1

Sample exercises and games aimed at increasing the level of self-esteem and developing adequate self-esteem.

Game "The Connecting Thread".

Goal: Forming a feeling of closeness with other people.

Children, sitting in a circle, pass a ball of thread. The transfer of the ball is accompanied by statements about what the one holding the ball feels, what he wants for himself and what he can wish for others. If there is difficulty, the psychologist helps the child by throwing the ball to him again. When the ball returns to the leader, the children pull the thread and close their eyes, imagining that they form one whole, that each of them is important and significant in this whole.

Sketch "Weasel"

Goal: Developing the ability to express feelings of joy and pleasure.

Music by A. Kholminov “Affectionate Kitten” is playing. Children are divided into pairs: one is a kitten, the second is its owner. The boy strokes and cuddles a fluffy kitten with a smile. The kitten closes its eyes with pleasure, purrs and expresses affection for its owner by rubbing its head against his hands.

Game "My Name".

Goal: identification of oneself with one’s name, formation of a positive attitude of the child towards his “I”.

The presenter asks questions; Children answer in a circle.

- Do you like your name?

- Would you like to be called differently? How?

If there is any difficulty in answering, the presenter names endearing derivatives from the child’s name, and the child chooses the one he likes best.

The presenter says: “Did you know that “names grow with people?” Today you are small and your name is small. When you grow up and go to school, the name will grow up with you and become complete, for example: ... (the teacher names possible variations of the name)

Exercise “Name and Show.”

Purpose: Definition and transmission of emotional states expressed through facial expressions.

Children sit in a circle. The presenter says: “When I’m sad, I’m like this.” Shows his condition with facial expressions. Then the children continue in a circle, each time depicting a different emotional state from those already mentioned. When it’s the presenter’s turn again, he proposes to complicate the exercise: one shows - everyone guesses what emotional state they saw.

Game "What is the mood like?"

Goal: Emotional awareness of your well-being, development of sympathy.

Participants in the game in a circle, using a comparison, say what time of year, natural phenomenon, weather their mood is similar to. The host begins the game: “My mood is like a white fluffy cloud in a calm blue sky. And your? “The presenter summarizes what the mood of the whole group is today: sad, cheerful, funny, angry.

Game "Take and Pass".

Goal: Achieving mutual understanding and cohesion, the ability to convey a positive emotional state.

Children stand in a circle, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and convey a joyful mood and a kind smile with their facial expressions.

Game "Prince and Princess"

Goal: To make one feel significant, to identify the positive aspects of the individual; uniting the children's group.

Children stand in a circle. A chair is placed in the center - this is a throne. Who will be the Prince (Princess) today? The child sits on the throne at will. The rest of the children show him signs of attention and say something good.

Game "Compliments".

Goal: To help the child see his positive side; make each other's children feel understood and appreciated.

Standing in a circle, everyone joins hands. Looking into the eyes of a neighbor, the child says: “I like it about you...”. The person receiving the compliment nods his head and replies: “Thank you, I’m very pleased.” The exercise continues in a circle. After the exercise, they discuss how the participants felt, what unexpected things they learned about themselves, and whether they liked giving compliments.

Exercise to develop facial movements: raise eyebrows, lower eyebrows, frown, move and pout lips, lower corners of lips, smile, protrude lips, wrinkle nose, etc. It is advisable for children to do the exercise in front of a large mirror.

Game "Mood".

Goal: Help in overcoming negative experiences, teach children to make decisions independently, and reduce anxiety levels.

Children in a circle offer ways to improve their mood.

For example: do a good deed, talk to a friend, play with pets, watch your favorite cartoon, draw a picture, smile at yourself in the mirror, give a smile to a friend.

Game "Fairytale Box"

Goal: Formation of a positive “I” concept, self-acceptance, self-confidence.

The presenter informs the children that the Fairy Fairy has brought her box - the heroes of different fairy tales are hidden in it. He goes on to say: “Remember your favorite characters and tell us: what they are like, why you like them, describe what they look like (what their eyes, height, hair are like), what you have in common with them. And now, with the help of a magic wand, everyone turns into their favorite fairy-tale characters: Cinderella, Carlson, Winnie the Pooh, Pinocchio, Little Red Riding Hood, Malvina. Choose any character and show him walking, dancing, sleeping, laughing and having fun.”

Appendix 2

For each child in the team, a situation of success is created in which he can express himself and his abilities in the best possible way.

The more opportunities a child has for self-realization, the easier it is for him to socialize and the faster the formation of self-esteem and an adequate assessment of others.

How to build adequate self-esteem

First of all, I would like to note that adequate self-esteem is an important indicator in the formation of an individual’s mental health. Such a person is able to perceive reality as it is and, without trying to change the world, easily adapts to life. The success and comfortable existence of an individual in society depends on adequate self-esteem. If you are determined to raise a healthy and happy child, and this is what all parents dream of, think about your behavior.

There comes a period when girls copy their mothers, and boys copy their fathers. Much depends on the attitude of parents towards each other. And remember that children have very developed intuition. Don't try to deceive them with an external picture. If mom or dad are not confident in themselves, cannot defend their opinion and constantly complain about life, you should not think that the baby does not notice this. Below we describe in more detail several effective techniques for developing adequate children's self-esteem. Check yourself to see if everything is fine in your family.

Check whether excessive conditions have been created

Let's say you start to notice that your child is overly criticizing himself. Expressions began to appear in his vocabulary: “I can’t do anything,” “I’ll never succeed,” “I’ll never be able to.” Let's figure it out. The key point here is: “they began to notice.” That is, before the child was cheerful, showed interest in knowledge, and suddenly it doesn’t work out and he doesn’t want anything.

Let's look at an example. Two girls studied in 5-A: Masha and Katya. Both were diligent students, were very friendly, and their parents also communicated well with each other. At one of the family holidays, Katya’s mother said that her daughter has an incredible talent for drawing and she is very happy about it. “Drawing is wonderful, not like some dangerous sport,” the woman said.

For some reason, Masha’s mother immediately decided that the children should definitely go to classes together, without finding out whether her daughter had this talent. “All children love to draw,” she thought. Less than two months had passed when the teacher noted Katya and began recommending her works for all kinds of children's competitions, and the Machines' works were mediocre children's drawings. The girl lost faith in her own abilities, began to study worse due to lack of self-confidence, and did not even want to be friends with her friend, who turned out to be more successful than her.

Everything could have turned out differently if Masha’s mother had not created inflated conditions for her.

Do not force anything on your children, rather help them decide on their desires, and if the child does not have any special talents, praise him for good grades, because this is his work. Just don’t compare him with others in his favor, this may have negative consequences in the future.

Peer opinion

Indeed, the opinion of peers is very important. First, understand the situation: if someone said something bad about your son or daughter, this is not a reason to run to school to restore justice. The child's psyche is a fragile thing and breaks very quickly. The criteria for assessing children are very high and sometimes defy logic.

Children may mock only because a peer is slightly fatter or is a better student than others. If there is open bullying, it is better to transfer to another school. Most likely, absolutely normal and adequate relationships will develop in the new team. Give your teenager a chance to correct the situation on his own and feel important in the team. Have a conversation about what not to do. Remember, you should not criticize your child. You can evaluate actions, but not a person.

If the situation is not critical and the teenager asks for some non-standard items in his wardrobe, so as not to stand out from the crowd of his peers, ask him to justify his request. If he wants ripped jeans, and he made this decision on his own, then why not. Sometimes it is better to sacrifice your parental principles for the future benefit of the whole family.

Praise

Children and adults are very similar. Unless an adult has more responsibility. If the question arises about how to help increase children's self-esteem, listen to yourself. To help you? That's right, praise! You like it when management praises you, even if without a promotion and without an increase in wages, but how nice it is to hear praise for the good result of the work you have done.

So the baby is pleased when you praise him. Just praise for what you do, and not just like that. A developing personality must have a clear understanding of what is good and what is bad. This is how adequate self-esteem and assessment of reality as a whole are formed.

Overcome difficulties

Here again there is an intersection with adult life. For example, you have a catastrophic lack of time to go to the gym, but the desire to get your dream figure outweighs. After a hard day at work, you rush to the gym and after a few months the long-awaited result is noticeable. Would you be proud of yourself? Naturally, yes! Increased self-esteem is guaranteed.

Features of adequate self-esteem

Adequate self-esteem in children develops in the presence of correct self-knowledge. The main characteristics of normal personality development are the ability to admit mistakes and a realistic assessment of one’s own actions. Children with adequate self-knowledge analyze the activity and explain the reason for the failure. They strive to do joint work, support friends, show a friendly attitude, and easily communicate with the guys. Characteristic features of children with adequate self-esteem:

responsibility;
the ability to highly evaluate others;
confidence;
integrity;
defending one's own interests.

Features of behavior with adequate self-esteem:

Preschoolers can ask adults for help in times of difficulty while maintaining confidence.
Children are able to adequately assess their own behavior and know how to accept themselves as they are.
Having made a mistake, they tend to choose a less difficult task. Having received a positive result, they strive to achieve even greater success.

Adequate self-esteem of children of senior preschool age appears thanks to the correctly chosen model of education. Properly raising parents think about behavior when a small family member is nearby. They thank him for the work done and concentrate on the positive. They allow you to take initiative and support you in times of failure. They don’t set impossible goals for him; instead of criticizing him, they calmly explain that some things are unacceptable to do. Feeling this attitude, the baby gains confidence, begins to show interest, and successfully completes tasks.

How to praise and punish correctly in order to form adequate self-esteem

How to increase your child's self-esteem? Loving parents are puzzled by this question. Experts recommend making praise and punishment important elements of the educational process. There is no need to be afraid of punishment, because with the right approach, it is a method of control that can subjugate and change a child’s thoughts, behavior, and lifestyle. However, when punishment becomes a way of self-affirmation for the parent, the result of education turns out to be zero. The use of such ineffective measures as shouting, aggression, and physical force will not help in any way to form adequate self-esteem. This distorts the child’s idea of normal relationships between people. What can you do to help your child improve self-esteem:

Conduct an educational conversation. If the little one is very naughty, it is better to talk, creating a calm environment. This approach will force him to understand and analyze his actions.
Offer to fix the situation yourself. If a preschooler breaks or spoils something, you need to give him the opportunity to compensate for the damage. Correcting your own mistakes is a very useful tool for thinking and making the right decision.
Positive attitude. In addition to correcting the situation, the adult must encourage the child to do things that are beneficial. For example, by removing scattered things, you can improve the appearance of the room and perform a small rearrangement.
Instead of constant shouting, it is necessary to formulate clear requirements and monitor their implementation.
If you still need to punish a child, you need to warn about the punishment.
There are more effective ways to convince a preschooler: involvement in interesting situations, suggestion, play, conversation. The use of such methods eliminates the need to punish.
Using praise is a more effective method of parenting. Many families mistakenly believe that rewards can spoil the baby. The more often a preschooler hears approval, the less often he has to be punished. You need to praise more, punish less.

Important! Psychologists recommend sticking to the following scheme: punished once, praised five times. Children of older preschool age perceive and assimilate positive information more easily. As they grow up, they begin to independently analyze their behavior, think about the correctness of their actions, and avoid situations that displease their parents.

Ways to properly encourage a preschooler:

You need to praise for striving, trying to achieve a certain result;
parents should evaluate only actions;
use small rewards for praise;
give particularly important instructions, emphasizing the importance and independence of the child;

Important! In order to maintain adequate self-esteem of a preschooler, parents can praise him in front of strangers, but punishing him is allowed only in private!

Why is self-esteem needed?

Self-esteem helps you adequately assess your strengths and capabilities. The child can also evaluate actions and divide them into good and bad. If a child is motivated correctly, then self-esteem helps him gather strength and not give up at the first failure in completing a particular task. The role of self-esteem in a child’s life is very important.

The most common values for a child’s self-assessment include the following roles:

Self-assessment performs the following functions:

motivates;
develops the ability for self-analysis;
teaches;
stimulates.

It is thanks to adequate self-esteem that children are able to study well, engage in their favorite hobbies and build healthy relationships with peers.

Self-esteem of a junior schoolchild: diagnosis

We understood the importance of adequate self-esteem. Now it's time to talk about diagnostics. A depressed mood will not always tell you about low self-esteem. Sometimes it happens that a cheerful and active child in the family feels like a complete stranger among his peers. He is afraid of being misunderstood and therefore keeps his opinions to himself. School psychologists conduct tests that can help determine a child’s level of self-esteem. After all, this question is of interest to both teachers and parents.

Methodology for determining self-esteem in primary school age

It is worth noting that adequate self-esteem in school-age children is very rare. Most often it is either overestimated or underestimated. In this case, there is no need to sound the alarm, just watch the student more closely. At this age, instability is more the norm than a deviation. But the child’s future depends on how accurately parents and teachers can unobtrusively help their child. So, there are several methods for determining the level of self-esteem in schoolchildren:

The teacher invites children to portray themselves as a loved one or, in general, any fairy-tale character with a fictitious name. Describe the qualities that the character is endowed with, and on the basis of this, an experienced specialist is able to determine what kind of personality is hidden behind this or that drawing.
An integrated approach to the problem involves the development of special surveys. After analyzing the students’ responses, the psychologist will determine the adequacy of each person’s self-esteem and deviations from the norm.
At first glance, the last method is the most primitive: depict yourself on a piece of paper. But that's not true. The child draws himself as he wants to be, and based on this drawing, the specialist will determine what the baby lacks and whether his demands on himself are fair.

In the situation of developing healthy self-esteem in children, the opinion of a specialist is very important. If it suddenly happens that parents are invited to a conversation by a school psychologist, you should not ignore this invitation. Take it seriously.

Low self-esteem in a child

Low self-esteem in a child prevents him from establishing social contacts with peers and classmates. It prevents you from successfully mastering new skills. After all, if a child has done something unsuccessfully several times, he will not try again, as he will be sure that he will not succeed. Teenagers with low self-esteem tend to believe that no one needs them, as a result of which they may commit suicide.

Most often, the formation of low self-esteem in childhood is mainly influenced by improper family upbringing.

The main reasons contributing to low self-esteem in children include:

unattractive appearance;

external defects of appearance;

insufficient level of mental abilities;

improper parenting;

disrespectful attitude of older children in the family;

failures or mistakes in life that the baby takes to heart;

financial problems, as a result of which the child lives in worse conditions in comparison with his classmates;

an illness as a result of which the baby may consider himself defective;

changing of the living place;

dysfunctional or single-parent family;

aggression in the family.

You can often recognize low self-esteem in children by the phrases they often mention, for example, “I won’t succeed.” To identify problems with self-esteem in a child, you should pay close attention to how he behaves when interacting with peers.

Psychological tests that are based on the child’s self-image can help identify the problem of low self-esteem. For example, you can ask your child to draw himself. An auto-drawing can tell a lot about a child and his experiences. Overly gloomy colors and a plain-looking person are considered a sign that there are still reasons for concern. To confirm or refute an assumption, ask your child to draw all the members of your family and himself. If he portrays himself as disproportionately small compared to other members, then the child definitely suffers from low self-esteem.

Three main types of self-assessment by children

There are 3 options for the results of self-esteem studies: adequate (but this is very rare for children, as you understand), underestimated or overestimated. These studies are carried out to identify deviations. Let us examine in more detail the positive and negative aspects of all three options.

Overpriced

Such children are overly self-confident and, as a rule, overly independent. The rules of society are not written for them and only they can decide what to do. A child with high self-esteem does not even need parental advice and knows what to do. Ready to take on the most difficult tasks, thereby risking failure because he did not adequately assess his strength.

Such children should always be the first and their desire is commendable, the main thing is not to cross the line. The child needs to be explained that not all means are good on the way to the goal. Such a kid prefers not to comply with agreements; he is not interested in it and the condemnation of society is absolutely indifferent.

Understated

At primary school age, a child’s self-esteem is often low. The kid refuses difficult tasks, doubting his own abilities. The child deliberately refuses high marks because he is not confident in himself. This entails more serious problems. For example, isolation, problems communicating with peers. The child deliberately lowers his standards, which is why it is so important to praise the child and not just like that, but for his achievements. Even if they are small and insignificant, the parents’ task is to focus on the positive aspects.

Don't let your child think about troubles, set him up for positive thinking and let him know that your child deserves better.

Adequate

It is very rare for a child to have adequate self-esteem, but it still exists. Such children are sociable, active and enjoy learning. Difficult tasks do not frighten them. If they failed to complete the task, they will adequately accept criticism and take into account everything the teacher said. Usually the whole team is drawn to such children, as they know how to interest and organize their peers.

Ways to correct self-esteem

By putting self-esteem correction methods into practice, you will help your child avoid difficulties in the future.

Don't compare your child with his peers. It is unacceptable to say: “But Dima has already completed his homework and is walking in the yard, and you are still sitting over your textbook.” Parents must understand that each child has different abilities - this is the first thing. The most important task of a parent is to discern his child’s talent or lack thereof. Evaluate your child's abilities soberly. There are no people who are successful in all areas.
Don't forget to praise your child. For most children, praise is the biggest motivator. Praise your child for the result of something. The baby will conquer new and new heights for the sake of the cherished words of mom and dad: “what a great guy you are,” “we are proud of you,” “keep it up.”
Respect your child's personal space. It is important for a child that close people value his world. Treat your child's personal belongings and toys with care. Let him understand that he is loved, appreciated and respected.
Adequately assess your child's abilities. You should not make excessive demands on your baby. If your son or daughter is in 2nd grade, they are not required to know the 5th grade program, even if one of their classmates easily mastered the program.
Don't criticize the person. Don't scold or yell at your baby if everything doesn't work out the first time. Better help overcome difficulties and enjoy successes and achievements together.

Talk to your child more often, so you will understand what he is missing. Trusting relationships between parents and children are much easier to form in a child’s preschool age than in adolescence.

Development of self-esteem of a preschooler

The development of self-esteem begins in preschool age. It is then that the child begins to evaluate himself and his peers. And, as a rule, before the age of 6, his level of self-esteem goes off scale. It seems to him that he does everything better, he is smarter, prettier, faster, taller and stronger. On the one hand, this is very good and helps the child learn new activities without fear of condemnation. But at this stage, it is important for parents to remain adequate and not exaggerate their child’s abilities. And especially not to support his thoughts on the topic that Vasya is really a bad boy, and you are our best. The first 2 principles of self-esteem development will be very relevant now. We do not compare the child with ourselves or other children and talk about feelings. We suggest that your words may offend Vasya and this is not good. Encourage your child's initiative in all endeavors, but do not forget to say that other children can achieve good results. Remember that the development of a preschooler's self-esteem is entirely in your hands. Respect your child, take care of his personality and you will definitely be able to form his adequate self-esteem.

What are the dangers of low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is directly related to quality of life. Low self-esteem will prevent a person from becoming happy. A person who is dissatisfied with himself cannot be happy. Relationships in society for such a person do not work out. As a rule, a dream job remains a dream forever, since self-doubt does not give a chance to express oneself. And these are the smallest reasons why low self-esteem should be corrected. The tendency to depression in adulthood is also the result of inadequate self-esteem.

How to increase self-esteem

Self-esteem is much easier to correct in childhood. Parents and teachers are the first helpers in this difficult task. It is difficult for a child to adequately evaluate himself; adults must come to his aid. Help your child find something he likes, be proud of him and encourage his small victories. It is important for a child to know and feel that he is loved and respected. Teach your child to defend his point of view and make it clear that it is impossible to please everyone. Explain that no one will encourage the victim's condition and that it is worth thinking about yourself, of course, not to the detriment of others. Help your child learn to justify their decisions.

Many people know that self-esteem is formed in childhood. The level of self-esteem depends on how the child is raised in the family, whether the child experiences parental love and acceptance, and whether he or she had experience of victories and defeats in childhood.

If a child has low or inadequately high self-esteem and does not engage in self-development, then he will bring all this baggage into adulthood. And self-esteem, as we know, has an impact on all areas.

People with low self-esteem choose a job that is not the most prestigious, a spouse that is also simpler, a place of residence, a place of study for their children, a circle of friends, vacation spots - they make all their choices through the prism of self-doubt and a lack of faith in their own strengths.

But there is another side to the coin, when low self-esteem manifests itself as too high. And then a person, on the contrary, chooses the very best, trying to prove to others and to himself that he is still worth something.

A good middle ground. When a person adequately evaluates himself, knows his strengths and qualities that are not sufficiently developed and need to be developed, he does not want to prove anything to anyone, he does not need to win love and respect.

How to build high self-esteem in a child?

There are several aspects that shape self-esteem - they work in conjunction, not separately. Therefore, if you want to form high adequate self-esteem in a child, you need to develop all aspects at the same time.

Unconditional love and acceptance of the child

When a child knows that he is loved just like that, for the fact that he is in this world, not for grades or any achievements, then he is calm inside. He does not need to invent something, achieve some peaks, good grades in order to receive words of love from his parents. He receives them every day anyway. The child simply knows that he is loved.

To do this, you don’t need to say “I love you” 100 times a day; it’s enough to say once, but sincerely: “I love you, how good it is that I have you.” And, even when you scold a child, you can say: “I love you very much, but your action really upsets me.”

This is a magic phrase. It contains love, the emphasis is on the action, and not on the child, and the emotions of the other person are emphasized. In this way, the baby will understand that he is good, he is loved, but his action, what he did, is bad. And this causes another significant person to experience unpleasant emotions.

Praise

There should be twice as much praise as criticism, comments and punishments.

Here it is very important to praise correctly, so that the child hears you and accepts this praise, that is, believes you. Therefore, the simple word “well done” is not praise. And the phrase “You’re great, because...” is praise, since it contains arguments, specific facts that the child accepts, sees, and believes in.

Some parents also try to praise their children according to the following scheme: “You, of course, did well, but...” - followed by a whole series of criticism emphasizing the child’s mistakes and specific facts. In such a presentation, praise will not be perceived as such.

If there is a lot of criticism, the very word “well done”, which was there at the beginning, will be forgotten. The child will receive a portion of comments and instructions on what exactly he is bad at, and then the parents will think: “Why is this happening? I praise him!”

It is very important for children to hear praise from their parents. Accustom your child to compliments from childhood, teach them to accept them, let him know that he is worthy of them.

And to enhance the effect, you can praise the child with an emphasis on specific facts in front of strangers. The child will see that you praise him not only in the family, but also in front of other people. He will believe even more that it is true, that he is really good/smart/talented, and this will be reflected in his increased self-esteem.

Experience of victories

The presence in a child’s experience of situations from which he emerged victorious is important for the formation of high self-esteem. When a child wins and achieves some success, he has the experience of these experiences, pleasant emotions, when everything works out and he is at his best.

These will not always be situations of large competitions or competitions. These can be his small victories. Learning to ride a bike/skateboard/rollerblades is a small victory. It didn’t work out before, the child fell, got upset, wanted to give up, and then everything worked out! He goes and doesn't fall! Emotions are inspiring! Joy! Happiness! This is a small victory!

Don't forget such moments. Every small victory is a building block in building high self-esteem. Discuss these situations with your child. How does he feel, what is it like for him to be in this situation? Share your feelings, say how pleased you are to see your baby learn to overcome difficulties and become stronger.

These victories need to be collected. Make a board of honor in a prominent place so that guests who come to you look at them, ask you about these awards, and you would be happy to talk about your child’s victories.

Having past experience of winning situations will help the child in more difficult circumstances to believe in himself. “If I could do it then, I can do it now too!”

4. Losing and analyzing failures

Experiencing losing situations is also important for developing high self-esteem. And even more than that: having learned to analyze your failures, a person grows faster than after victories.

First, parents teach the child to analyze failures. Do not scold, do not criticize, do not feel sorry, do not shift all responsibility onto other people, the weather, the country, etc. And analyze, focusing on the child’s qualities: “What did you do well?”, “Why did you lose?” Perhaps the child lacked some knowledge or skills. Think about how you can fix this. Maybe you need to sign up for additional classes with a coach, teacher or course. Then next time the child will be stronger and more experienced. There will be a higher chance that he will gain winning experience.

Having learned to analyze his failures in this way, a person will acquire a very good and useful habit for many years, will look at things realistically and adequately evaluate himself.

As you can see, in order to develop adequate self-esteem in a child, you do not need to have any superpowers. You just need to love him just like that, for the fact that you have him. Accept him with all his characteristics, notice and praise his small victories and analyze his failures.

From the editor

If one of the parents consciously set themselves the goal of developing low or unreasonably high self-esteem in their child, an article by psychologist Alexander Banarescu about six ways to quickly spoil your child would help him with this: .

In fact, parents inflict psychological trauma on their children unconsciously, not realizing that they can draw strength from their children. Vadim Slutsky talks about how this happens : .

A good way to talk to your child about winning and losing is to read books with him that talk about these topics. Popular writers Andrei Zhvalevsky and Evgenia Pasternak share a selection of books about success and teenagers:.

“Communicate with the child. How?" is not only a reasonable question, but also the title of a book by Russian psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter. In it, she shares the principles of communication with children for parents, teachers and coaches: .

Self-esteem in children with disabilities

It is important for special children to understand that they are needed by society and are not a burden. Perception depends on the attitude of the parents. Some treat their child with trepidation and patience, while others may lash out at the baby due to fatigue. Try to find friends with similar interests for this child. A child, doing what he loves, will understand his importance and value. And don’t forget to remind him of what a great guy he is.

It is fair to talk to your child about the fact that not all people are the same, and there are different situations in life, but difficulties are given in order to overcome them. Every day tell your child with disabilities how great he is.

Why do self-confidence and narcissism develop?

Self-confidence and narcissism are the results of upbringing. While wanting the best for their child, parents can make mistakes that then affect the child’s entire life. It could be:

1. Excessive indulgence. This often happens with “late” or only children in the family. Already in the first months of life, the baby learns to interact with his mother, and then with other adults. If parents allow themselves to be manipulated, then children take advantage of this, which first manifests itself in whims and hysterics. Gradually the child gets used to the fact that he is the center of the Universe.

He feels uncomfortable and inferior if he does not receive proper attention. If this is not corrected later, then such children grow up infantile and even slightly hysterical. They can achieve success only when they have outstanding talent. However, they may lose it due to their capriciousness.

2. Excessive demands. The second extreme is harsh upbringing, when the child is required to be the very best in everything. Gradually, the pursuit of success becomes paramount, and any failure leads to breakdowns and depression.

At the same time, a person does not strive to improve, but simply goes ahead, using all methods to achieve the desired goal. Often such upbringing forms a narcissistic personality type, in addition to narcissism, characterized by excessive selfishness, indifference to other people and their problems, and vanity.

Thus, behind self-confidence and narcissism lies vulnerability, and sometimes a deeply hidden feeling of inferiority. That is why these are characteristics of low self-esteem, which is hardly the shortest path to success.