You can’t prove it, let it go: how to stop being a toxic person

Adviсe

June 3, 2020, 12:00

• Method 1: Other People Come First
• Listen instead of talking
• Know how to thank
• Consider other points of view
• Share knowledge and skills

• Evaluate yourself
• Stop comparing yourself to other people
• Think bigger
• Watch what you say

What kind of person is called arrogant? This is someone who talks down to others and acts as if they are smarter and much more important than those around them. Arrogance pushes people away, which means it can ultimately lead to loneliness. To avoid this, you will need to work a little on yourself and change your attitude towards the world.

There are three ways to get rid of arrogance, but it is better to act comprehensively

How to get rid of pride: Orthodoxy, Catholicism

Pride in Orthodoxy is one of the eight sinful passions, along with gluttony, fornication, greed, anger, sadness, despondency and vanity.

In Catholicism, pride is one of the seven main sinful passions, along with gluttony, fornication, greed, anger, despondency and envy.

Before answering the question of how to get rid of the sin of pride, it should be noted that pride and pride are not at all the same thing. Pride is, in general, the most common characteristic of any sinner. We all get proud from time to time. Pride is that great degree when this sinful passion turns into a dominant characteristic of a person and fills it. These people usually don’t listen to anyone, they say about such people: “There is a lot of pride, but little intelligence.”

Islam is about pride

Pride is when a person boasts about his achievements before the Creator, forgetting that it was from Him that he received them. This disgusting quality makes a person too arrogant; he begins to believe that he himself can achieve everything without God’s help, and therefore he never thanks God for everything he has.

How to get rid of pride? Islam, by the way, also holds the opinion that pride is a great sin, which becomes the cause of a number of other sins.

According to the Koran, a genie named Iblis refused to carry out Allah's order and prostrate to Adam. The genie said that he was better than man because he was made of fire, not clay. After this, he was cast out of heaven and vowed to lead believers astray.

Method 2: Be more modest

What does this mean?

Evaluate yourself

As a rule, behind arrogance lies uncertainty and fear of not being appreciated. To sensibly evaluate yourself, write down positive and negative qualities in columns on a piece of paper. It is better to ask for outside opinions when compiling a list.

Stop comparing yourself to other people

Arrogance often arises from a background of envy. A person begins to think that he can increase his self-esteem only if he surpasses others in something. You need to understand that everyone's experience is unique and has equal value.

Think bigger

Be an open-minded person. Allow different sides to the development of events. When communicating with others, notice how you are similar, not how you are different from each other. When speaking, listen and learn rather than argue and suspect.

Don't criticize

Watch what you say

Don't put other people down with words or actions. Communicate not in a patronizing manner, but in a friendly manner. Explicitly admit in conversation that you, too, are not the ultimate truth and may be wrong.

An indication of pride

• Frequent touchiness and intolerance towards other people, or rather towards their imperfections.
• Constantly blaming others for your life problems.
• Uncontrolled irritability and disrespect for other people.
• Constant thoughts about your own greatness and uniqueness, and therefore superiority over others.
• The need for someone to constantly admire and praise you.
• Absolute intolerance to criticism and unwillingness to correct one’s shortcomings.
• Inability to ask for forgiveness.
• Complete confidence in one's own infallibility; the desire to argue and prove one’s merits.
• Lack of humility and stubbornness, which lies in the fact that a person cannot accept the lessons of fate with dignity and calm.

When pathos grows, the joy in the heart fades and is replaced by dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. Only some people, noticing all these negative signs of pride in themselves, begin to resist, while others become its victims.

You can deal with pride before it grows to gigantic proportions, figuratively speaking, before it takes power over your soul and mind. And we need to urgently get down to business, but how to deal with pride?

Signs of pride and arrogance

CONTENT:

The proud man is a prisoner of far-fetched principles:

• I am the best;
• do not admit your mistakes;
• to be a leader;
• ignore the opinions of others;
• remember other people's mistakes;
• taking help for granted;
• criticize other people unreasonably;
• put your interests above all else;
• to assert oneself at the expense of others.

People who have this unpleasant behavioral quality are loners. They are unable to find friends because they are not capable of making friends. Sacrificing oneself for someone is a quality that is completely alien to an arrogant person.

First you need to understand - do you have these qualities?

The presence of vanity and pride is manifested by the following signs:

• self-concentration and self-admiration. "I" and "Mine". Such a person divides the world into two unequal halves - “He” and everyone else. Moreover, other people are something insignificant;
• contempt of others . A proud person remembers others in pursuit of profit. He pleases his ego that there are weaklings and fools around, against whom he feels superior;
• confidence in one's rightness. A proud person perceives any situation with prejudice. He is sure that only his opinion is correct. Does not want to listen to other people's arguments;
• constant condemnation of people . A proud person concentrates on the negative qualities of other people, criticizing everyone for their appearance, behavior, and mistakes. Moreover, he puts himself in the best light, claiming that he himself is not like that;
• imposing your advice. An arrogant person is accustomed to giving recommendations and directions, even if people do not need them. “You’re doing it wrong! Why are you stupid? - a proud man mocks a person;
• inability to admit one's mistakes . The proud person transfers all the blame for his mistake to others, circumstances, etc. He does not admit that he himself is the culprit of the mistakes;
• inability to lose . A person with arrogance reacts painfully to the fact that someone is better than him. For this reason, he looks for shortcomings in rivals and competitors;
• commanding tone . An arrogant person does not know how to restrain negative emotions. He is selfish and extremely hot-tempered, shouts, orders, demands, communicating with others. He is capable of subtly humiliating a person in the presence of others;
• violent reaction to criticism. An arrogant person does not want to hear other people's opinions. He gets very irritated at the slightest remark that is addressed to him;
• boasting and arrogance . Struck by exorbitant pride, a person is accustomed to boasting about his achievements. He is confident that he lives and does the right thing.

Note! A vain man walks with his head raised. His facial expressions demonstrate disdain for society.

As a result, the vain person is left alone, as he causes hostility and bewilderment among those around him. No one wants to communicate with him and listen to endless complaints. Pride and arrogance destroy even the warmest relationships.

Fighting methods

1. No matter how high your achievements are, you should try to be interested in people who have achieved more, whom you should respect and learn from.
2. Learn humility, realize the greatness and infinite potential of every human soul. Accept your insignificance before God, the creator of all life on earth and in heaven.
3. Don't take credit for all the credit and achievements. Always thank the Lord for everything good and bad that happens to you, for various trials and lessons. The feeling of gratitude is always more pleasant to experience than the feeling of contempt for others.
4. Find an adequate, honest and good person so that he can constructively express his opinion about you; all noticed shortcomings must be worked out and eradicated. And this is the best cure for pride.
5. You need to pass on your best experience to people, try to help them selflessly with love. Showing true love will definitely cleanse your heart of pride. Anyone who does not start sharing their positive experiences with others in time will only increase the growth of pride and pseudo-greatness.
6. Try to be sincere and first of all to yourself. Look for kindness in yourself, so that you have the opportunity not to accumulate grievances, but to find the strength and courage to ask for forgiveness from those we have offended and learn to admit our mistakes.

Self-deprecation

Many are interested in another interesting question - how to get rid of pride and self-abasement. These are two extreme points, one concept implies high self-esteem, the other - low self-esteem. Let's talk about it a little.

If we already know about pride, then let’s dwell a little on such a property as self-abasement, which is based on incorrect self-esteem and negative self-analysis. A person begins to belittle himself and his merits in comparison with other people. He may not like his appearance and qualities, he constantly criticizes himself, saying, “I’m not handsome,” “I’m fat,” “I’m a slob,” “I’m a complete fool,” etc.

Don't be upset if you continue to believe in some absurdity

You should try not to let something like this affect your life, but if you can't shake the nagging feeling that something might go wrong, just give yourself time. Millions of people before you believed in superstitions.

Perhaps the habit of believing in omens is ingrained in your subconscious because you learned it from a person you respect or trust. Relax and soon you will feel that some things only affect you if you let them.

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Self-deprecation, like pride, can be used as a tool to influence how others evaluate and perceive you, so as not to take a painful blow to your self-esteem.

In a situation of belittling oneself, a person is the first to begin to criticize, scold and reproach himself, thereby preempting possible negative reactions to him from others. Such people truly believe that they are worse than those around them. Shyness also shows a developed inferiority complex in a person.

How to live with a “concerned” husband?3

Everything is clear with the undoubted signs of pathology. But even normally, male hyperactivity can cause disharmony in relationships.

What should couples with different needs for sex do? The husband “wants” everywhere, but the wife only needs a couple of times a month? Sexual incompatibility due to different levels of libido is a very common problem. Sexologists say that 10% of couples who seek help consider different libidos to be the main problem. And these are only those who turned to a specialist. In fact, there are, of course, more of them. How to proceed? Look for the “golden mean” and give in to each other’s needs. Of course, this is only possible if sex is not the only reason to be together.

Does a man constantly look at other women? And moves from views to actions? It is unlikely that it will be possible to “re-educate”. Conversations, scandals, sedative decoctions and appeals to psychics are unlikely to help. Cheating to get revenge is the worst decision. This will not solve the problem, but will negatively affect self-esteem.

It is impossible to change a person at will. Are you in a hurry to start a family with a “concerned” man? Unfortunately, there are only two options: come to terms with the situation or break up.

Causes of self-deprecation

Where does it come from? Usually this may be some negative experience from early childhood associated with the inability to evaluate oneself and others.

Self-deprecation becomes an inadequate way to protect against potential emotional threats. It can be used as a mask that a person puts on in adulthood in order to hide behind it.

Self-deprecation, as a rule, really appears from early childhood, often due to the child’s inability to meet all the high standards and expectations of the parents, especially if the parents are some outstanding people. They expect that their child must certainly meet their ideals, have talents and ambitious aspirations.

Mask of Powerlessness

But the child does not reach the bar set by his parents, then he blames himself, considers himself mediocre, and incorrect self-esteem comes to his mind, because his parents are unhappy with him.

When a child grows up, that’s when the fear appears that he will never be able to be as good as many people around him, that they cannot like him, and therefore success, happiness and love will never come to him. He begins to openly declare that he is a loser. A deep internal conflict is brewing and a chain of complexes is formed that hide under a mask that means “don’t pay any attention to me” and “don’t expect anything special from me.” He is not used to praise and does not accept it because he does not believe in himself.

How to distinguish where the norm ends and pathology begins?2

The main signs of nymphomania and satyriasis are similar. A sexually preoccupied man is not always a disease or pathology, of course. There are "macho men" who like to impress the ladies and keep a list of victories. There are representatives of the stronger sex who are simply not able to love one woman, because they love everyone. But it doesn’t hurt to know when it’s time to see a doctor so that the problem doesn’t get out of control. So, what should you be wary of?

Aggression, anger, and a tendency to assault are, of course, a very “wake-up call.” With satyriasis, a man, like a woman with nymphomania, is unable to satisfy the constant sexual “hunger.” Sexual intercourse, even if it ends in ejaculation, does not provide moral release.

There is no talk of any lasting relationships. A man is constantly looking for another partner. Moreover, the more the disease progresses, the less important the appearance, age, and social status of the partner become.

Sociality, which often plays a decisive role in the life of a modern person, fades into the background. Work, family, hobbies cease to be significant. The primary role is played only by sexual desire and the opportunity to perform an intimate act.

So the line between increased sexual desire and painful manifestations is not so thin. With such symptoms, the only right decision is to seek help from a specialist.

Vanity

At the same time, another question arises - how to get rid of pride and vanity. And these are all links of one chain. Where there is pride, vanity appears. The meaning of this concept is that a person constantly wants to look better than he actually is, he feels a constant need to confirm his superiority, which means he surrounds himself with flattering friends.

Related concepts of vanity also include pride, pride, arrogance, arrogance and “star fever”. A vain person is only interested in his person.

Vanity is like a drug, without which, once you become addicted to it, you will no longer be able to live. And envy immediately settles in next to each other, and they go hand in hand. Since a vain person does not tolerate any competition, if someone is ahead of him, black envy begins to gnaw at him.

How to recognize the victim complex in yourself

Many people mistake something else for a victim complex. For example, psychological trauma received by real victims as a result of violence, military operations, and natural disasters.

Victim syndrome has nothing to do with such situations. This is a set of psychological characteristics that make a person feel extremely vulnerable and weak. Even the smallest troubles, which most people will not pay attention to, can traumatize him. Because of this, he is forced to constantly defend himself from non-existent threats.

I suggest you take a test to see if you have this complex. Read the following statements.

1. It's hard for you to say no.
2. You live with a constant feeling of danger.
3. You avoid responsibility in every possible way.
4. It is difficult for you to make independent decisions.
5. You feel uncomfortable in the company of strangers.
6. You often feel sorry for yourself.
7. You tend to blame others or circumstances for your failures.
8. You take criticism very sensitively.
9. It seems to you that they constantly want to hurt or humiliate you.
10. In the presence of people, your behavior may become fidgety and awkward.

If most of the points listed apply to you, then your victim complex is in full bloom. And it pretty much ruins your life. Therefore, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible. I don’t promise that it will be easy, but the result is definitely worth the effort.

Perishable glory

As mentioned above, vanity, along with pride, is one of the eight sinful passions in Orthodoxy.

I would also like to add to everything that vanity is when a person constantly strives for vain, that is, vain and empty glory. The word “vain,” in turn, means “quickly passing and perishable.”

Position, high position, fame - things on earth are short-lived and unreliable. Any earthly glory is ashes and dust, simply nothing compared to the glory that the Lord has prepared for His loving children.

Arrogance

Now we need to talk about how to get rid of pride and arrogance. You must immediately find out what arrogance is, then it will be easier to understand and cope with this passion. Arrogance is self-exaltation, arrogance and contempt for another person.

Summarizing the discussion of how to get rid of pride, arrogance and the like, it should be noted that the fight against them is possible only after a person takes strict control of his behavior and words, begins to do good deeds, and takes care of as much as possible people around you and don’t expect gratitude or payment for it.

We must try to get rid of the thought of our own importance, specialness and greatness. Look at yourself from the outside, listen to what you say, what you think, how you behave, put yourself in the shoes of others.

Pride, arrogance and vanity will prevent an individual from living an independent and fulfilling life. And before they destroy you, start fighting them. Only then will you be able to rejoice and live in peace with yourself and with the world around you. And you will no longer want to blame anyone for your sins, and you will have a desire to thank the Lord for everything.

The world will shine with different colors, only then can a person comprehend the main thing: the meaning of life is LOVE. And only for her should he strive.

How not to remember betrayal?

Let me tell you the parable of the White Monkey. Maybe you heard it. Then just remember and continue reading.

So, the Parable of the White Monkey.

One day, the greedy and cruel moneylender Jafar came to Khoja Nasreddin. He was hunchbacked and ugly, therefore, having heard enough stories about the wisdom of Nasreddin, he wanted him to turn him into a handsome man. It goes without saying that Nasreddin had nothing to do with witchcraft. Moreover, Hodja had no desire to help the evil moneylender. However, he listened to Jafar's request and promised to help. Nasreddin demanded that Jafar and all his relatives come to him at a certain hour, and when everyone had gathered, he began an intricate ritual.

“Undress, Jafar, and walk around the fire three times,” said Khoja Nasreddin. He still had not come up with a decent way and was gaining time. His face was concerned.

The relatives watched in silence. The moneylender walked around the fire like a monkey on a chain, dangling his arms, hanging almost to his knees. Khoja Nasreddin's face suddenly cleared up. He sighed with relief and leaned back, straightening his shoulders.

- Give me a blanket! - he said in a sonorous voice. - Jafar and everyone else, come to me!

He lined up his relatives in a ring, and seated the moneylender in the middle on the ground. Then he addressed them with the following words:

“Now I’ll cover Jafar with this blanket and say a prayer.” And all of you, including Jafar, must close your eyes and repeat this prayer after me. And when I take off the blanket, Jafar will already be healed. But I must warn you about one extremely important condition, and if anyone violates this condition, then Jafar will remain unhealed. Listen carefully and remember.

The relatives were silent, ready to listen and remember.

“When you repeat the words of the prayer after me,” Khoja Nasreddin said separately and loudly, “not one of you, let alone Jafar himself, should NOT think about the white monkey!” If any of you begins to think about her or, even worse, imagine her in your imagination - with a tail, a red bottom, a disgusting muzzle and yellow fangs - then, of course, there will be no healing and there cannot be, for the accomplishment pious deeds are incompatible with thoughts of such a vile creature as a monkey. Did you understand me?

- Got it! - the relatives answered.

- Get ready, Jafar, close your eyes! - Khoja Nasreddin said solemnly, covering the moneylender with a blanket. “Now close your eyes,” he turned to his relatives. - And remember my condition; DO NOT think about the white monkey.

He chanted the first words of the prayer:

- Wise and omniscient Allah, by the power of the sacred signs Alif, Lam, Mim and Ra, sent down healing to your insignificant servant Jafar.

“Allah is wise and omniscient,” echoed the discordant chorus of relatives.

And on the face of one Khoja Nasreddin noticed anxiety and embarrassment; the second relative began to cough, the third began to confuse his words, and the fourth began to shake his head, as if trying to drive away the obsessive vision. And a minute later, Jafar himself tossed restlessly under the blanket: a white monkey, disgusting and inexpressibly vile, with a long tail and yellow fangs, persistently stood before his mental gaze and even teased him, alternately showing him his tongue, then his round red butt, that is, places the most indecent for a Muslim to contemplate.

Khoja Nasreddin continued to read the prayer loudly, and suddenly stopped, as if listening. His relatives fell silent behind him, some backed away. Jafar ground his teeth under the blanket, because his monkey began to do very obscene things.

- How! - Khoja Nasreddin exclaimed in a thunderous voice. - O wicked people and blasphemers! You violated my ban, you dared, while reading a prayer, to think about what I forbade you to think about! - He tore off the blanket and attacked the moneylender: - Why did you call me! Now I understand that you did not want to be healed! You wanted to humiliate my wisdom, my enemies taught you! But beware, Jafar! Tomorrow the emir will know about everything! I will tell him that while you were reading your prayer, you deliberately kept thinking about the white monkey for blasphemous purposes! Beware, Jafar, and you all beware: this will not be in vain for you, you know what the punishment for blasphemy is!

And since blasphemy actually entailed a very heavy punishment, all the relatives were numb from the sting, and the moneylender began to babble something, trying to justify himself. But Khoja Nasreddin did not listen; he turned sharply and left, slamming the gate...

Soon the moon rose and filled the whole of Bukhara with soft and warm light. And in the moneylender’s house, screams and swearing were heard until late at night: they were trying to figure out who was the first to think about the white monkey...

It's time to discuss morality.

It is impossible to stop yourself from thinking about something. Just as it is impossible to force yourself not to feel. You can switch attention, you can add stronger, overlapping emotions. But until the “charge” has passed, we will have to return to this.