Why are people shy?
Shyness is a character trait that arises in people as a result of improper upbringing. Indifference on the part of parents or excessive care deforms the child’s psyche. Shyness can also develop in children whose parents, when raising them, constantly focused on their tendency to be shy in the company of other people. In the earliest years of development, behavioral patterns are formed, which can only be eliminated through persistent training. But life without shyness is worth it.
Tightness can only be overcome through communication. But the more shy a person is, the more difficult it is for him to do this. It becomes a vicious circle, which is difficult for those who have undergone improper socialization to get rid of.
Important! In extreme cases, shyness develops into full-fledged social phobia - the fear of social interactions. With social phobia, only long-term work with a psychotherapist helps; in advanced cases, you can get rid of shyness only in a few years.
Sometimes constraint in behavior arises from the desire to please all people at once. Shyness is instilled unconsciously. During the process of upbringing, a child may be taught that modesty is a good thing. What makes it difficult to get rid of shyness is the lack of awareness of what is its source. Shyness in this case is not even perceived negatively. Excessive politeness develops into shyness.
Manifestations of constraint often arise when communicating with the opposite sex. This comes from insufficient communication experience, as well as from incorrect socialization. Ideally, children at school age learn to interact with the other sex and build romantic relationships; they do not experience shyness in the future. But not everyone succeeds.
Girls especially often feel shy when communicating with a guy they like. The feeling of awkwardness when communicating is accompanied by stupid behavior that pushes away the person you like. The more negative experiences, the more shy a person experiences in the future, and the more difficult it is to get rid of it.
Embarrassment is almost always accompanied by low self-esteem. To overcome the first, you must get rid of the second. Incorrect self-perception develops in the process of parental upbringing. If a child is excessively scolded and reprimanded for every little thing, he develops a guilt complex that makes it difficult to get rid of shyness. In adulthood, he becomes excessively self-absorbed, thinking about every action to see whether other people will like it. There is no other way to get rid of being an understated person, but to become a non-shy person.
Login to the site
How to relieve tightness and nervous tension?
Almost everyone has constant internal tightness, background nervous tension, which most people don’t even notice in themselves! And such seemingly imperceptible tension can burn half of a person’s entire vital energy and cause constant discomfort.
How to relieve tightness and nervous tension?
Emotional tightness and nervous tension give us a lot of discomfort and problems. Most people, unfortunately, are not trained to remove tension, relieve tension using adequate methods and relax their mind, their consciousness, subconscious and body. Which almost always leads to stress, exhaustion, nervous breakdowns and various diseases.
Constriction and nervous tension:
- overloads the mind and body, causing fatigue and pain in the body
- wastes a lot of mental and physiological energy (takes a lot of energy)
- Blocks the normal flow of energy to the consciousness, body and organs. This disrupts the energy supply to all parts of the body and energy, blocks normal blood flow
- That. constant emotional stress, step by step, weakens the nervous system, destroys energy, the protective functions of the mind and body, destroys human health, depriving him of peace and emotional balance
What is needed to relieve nervous tension and tightness?
- It is necessary to recognize and remove the causes of this tension.
- Learn to do this technically - relieve tension and relax, achieving emotional peace
Essentially, this is the ability to control yourself!
Types of voltage (their differences)
1. Current or active voltage , which is a consequence of the included problem. When a person is, so to speak, “sausified” or stressed here and now. He is nervous, afraid or angry about something. Accordingly, these emotions create nervous tension and internal tightness.
2. Background internal voltage, usually constant. Even when a person seems to be calm, he still has this background tension. Most often, it can be noticed. feel in the lower part of the spine (lower back, sacrum, coccyx). Background tension is background problems that have not been resolved, but a person has already become accustomed to them.
You need to learn how to relieve both active and background tension.
What are the main causes of tightness and nervous (emotional) tension?
1. Subconscious Fears! You need to learn to control and eliminate fear, removing its cause, and replacing it with Peace and Fearlessness.
2. Any negative emotions, their suppression and accumulation in one’s subconscious , subsequently cause constant tension and tightness in the body. This could be: anger, resentment, envy, pride, etc.
Accordingly, in order to eliminate tightness and tension, it is necessary to remove the emotional cause.
3. Unfulfilled desires and psychological prohibitions: “I have no right to...”, etc. Subconsciously, this can work in different ways, with different justifications: “I don’t have the right to relax...”, “I don’t have the right to feel happy, calm, etc.”
That is, there seems to be a desire, but it cannot be realized. This is either self-prohibition or a block (prohibition) formed in childhood, for example, imposed by parents.
All normal, positive aspirations of the soul must be unblocked and revealed. otherwise the desire is blocked (by prohibition) and emotional and energetic constriction forms in this place. Every suppressed aspiration is suffering of the soul and blocked joy, that is, killed Happiness.
To remove prohibition and tightness, you need to give yourself the right, especially if it is something natural and good. How to do it? It's best to do it in writing. Write for yourself a detailed justification of at least 10 reasons why you have the right to “this.”
4. Background tension and tightness, like a habit. Often, in order to remove one negative habit, you need to start forming another - positive (opposite): In this case, a positive habit will be a state of calm and relaxation.
Let me remind you that calmness and relaxation do not imply turning off activity, strength and vigor. Like, for example, a martial artist who achieves enormous speed and strength precisely through the ability to achieve maximum relaxation and lack of tightness.
5. More complex ones, the so-called, are not uncommon. karmic causes of tightness, causes of deep-seated negative emotions and problems that are punishment for a person. Such negative influences are best removed with the help of a professional Spiritual Healer.
How to effectively relieve tightness and tension?
1. Identify and remove the causes of tension: fear, sets. etc. See the previous section of the article.
2. Self-hypnosis.
Commands are direct programs for tuning your subconscious:
- I destroy tension and tightness
- I relieve tension and tightness
3. Learning to enter meditation. The entrance to meditation is described in detail in the article “The Path of the Warrior.” The very training of entering meditation on the chakras develops the skill of relieving tension and teaches relaxation.
4. Exercises to relieve tension. You need to learn to perceive tension and tightness in emotions and thoughts, track it in your body with your attention and remove it - release it, directing yellow warm light (energy) to this part of the body and consciousness.
This technique is well described in Dan Milman's books The Journey of Socrates and The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. I recommend!
5. The fastest method of eliminating a problem causing tension is individual work with a Spiritual Healer , who helps to quickly identify the root cause and remove it.
Also, let me remind you of traditional methods of relieving tension in the soul and body!
Physical exercise:
- Jogging and meditative running
- Gym
- Swimming
- Fitness and yoga
- Special breathing exercises (yogic breathing)
- Dancing
- Martial arts, etc.
In general, to relieve muscle and emotional tension, I recommend intensive training with intense load on all muscle groups, so to speak, for wear and tear :). Anyone who is seriously involved in sports will understand what I am talking about, and what kind of relaxation and peace a person achieves after a good four-hour workout.
Relaxing treatments:
- Bath and sauna
- Cold and hot shower
- Massage
- Music therapy
- Good sex with your loved one
But you need to understand that traditional methods of relaxation and stress relief are always a temporary effect. These methods do not remove the internal causes of tightness and tension. I'm not even talking about frankly harmful ways to quickly relieve tension, such as alcohol, smoking, etc.
Best regards, Vasily Vasilenko
View Source
How to stop being shy?
Every person has a certain image in his head, which is understood as a social shell perceived by others. People with normal self-esteem perceive this image rather positively, and it is easy for them to get rid of the fear of communication. They understand and accept their shortcomings, but are not overly critical of themselves. People with good self-esteem have an understanding that every person is imperfect in some way and it is impossible to get rid of all shortcomings, but they do not experience shyness like people with poor self-esteem.
The first most popular reason for self-doubt that you need to get rid of is a critical attitude towards your own appearance. The first impression of a person is formed from his external data. Getting rid of a bad first impression is almost impossible. Bad experiences in dating and communication aggravate shyness. It may change during communication, but it is much easier for good-looking people to win people over. Seeing a good attitude towards themselves, they get rid of shyness in advance and become more relaxed.
So take care of yourself:
- Pick up new clothes, find your style that suits you. Don't be too conservative in your dress so that people don't want to keep their distance from you;
- Go in for sports, physical activity has a good effect on mental health, and in gyms you can make new acquaintances and get rid of complexes regarding your appearance;
- Learn to accept your flaws. Some of them cannot be destroyed forever. Therefore, learn to perceive them as part of yourself to get rid of shyness.
Social interactions require certain skills. This is most noticeable when communicating with strangers. You need to not only get rid of poor self-esteem, but also acquire communication skills. When a person communicates with a narrow circle of close people, social barriers are erased. Once you decide to put an end to shyness, communicate more. You can get rid of shyness in several stages. Don't pay attention to mistakes at first, they are necessary experience to get rid of social awkwardness.
Try to be an interesting person to your interlocutors, look for common ground to get rid of awkwardness. Shyness is dulled by the presence of common interests. If you are afraid to approach a stranger and start a dialogue, use platforms to find random interlocutors on the Internet to get rid of the fear of leaving a bad impression and shyness. You won’t feel embarrassed if you go into an anonymous chat where no one knows your identity, and you can get rid of an unpleasant interlocutor with one click.
Also, let me remind you of traditional methods of relieving tension in the soul and body!
Physical exercise:
- Jogging and meditative running
- Gym
- Swimming
- Fitness and yoga
- Special breathing exercises (yogic breathing)
- Dancing
- Martial arts, etc.
In general, to relieve muscle and emotional tension, I recommend intensive training with intense load on all muscle groups, so to speak, for wear and tear :). Anyone who is seriously involved in sports will understand what I am talking about, and what kind of relaxation and peace a person achieves after a good four-hour workout.
Relaxing treatments:
- Bath and sauna
- Cold and hot shower
- Massage
- Music therapy
- Good sex with your loved one
But you need to understand that traditional methods of relaxation and stress relief are always a temporary effect. These methods do not remove the internal causes of tightness and tension. I'm not even talking about frankly harmful ways to quickly relieve tension, such as alcohol, smoking, etc.
Exercises for shyness
The first exercise is to get rid of shyness when being in public places and briefly interacting with random passers-by. Walk in crowded places and ask random people for directions to a certain place. Or ask them similar questions that do not force you into further communication, this will help get rid of the fear of initiative in communication. It will be easier to overcome your fear of communication, since you know that the person will not remember you and will not insist on continuing communication, and it will be easy to get rid of intrusive people.
Improvise on your own to get rid of poor communication skills. The ability to unload a verbal stream on our interlocutor is not given to us from birth, just like shyness. When you're alone at home, try just saying out loud absolutely everything that comes to your mind. You need to get rid of shyness in front of yourself. By spending 15-20 minutes a day doing this type of training, be sure that after a few months it will not be difficult for you to choose a topic when communicating with someone. The conscious ability to speak beautifully will eliminate shyness, because you will be sure that you are interesting to your interlocutors.
Read more books to get rid of shyness. Developed speech attracts interlocutors. Fiction develops the ability to express one’s thoughts beautifully and concisely. Try to read books filled with humor to get rid of excessive dryness in communication. Jokes and laughter lighten the atmosphere of communication and help remove shyness.
To get rid of shyness and develop speech, watching other people's public crimes is perfect. Watching people, we involuntarily adopt their style of communication, this helps to get rid of poor speech. If you watch lectures and performances by charismatic people who are not shy, some of their charisma will rub off on you. To get rid of shyness, you need to watch performances of people who themselves make a strong impression on you.
There are a lot of shy people. And they also unite into communities. They can be found not only on the Internet, but also in real life. In most cities, these communities organize a training or meeting where you can practice communication skills with people who also suffer from embarrassment. They are also looking for a way to get rid of shyness; it will be easier to find a common language. Just don't think that attending such events will automatically make you a confident person. They get rid of shyness gradually. You will have to visit many public places before your fears finally dissipate.
Psychological stiffness and constriction
Stiffness and shyness are qualities that often hinder us in everyday life, not to mention the fact that a person who is constrained in communication will never be able to move up the career ladder. Where do these bad qualities come from? As a rule, their roots are in deep self-doubt stemming from childhood. Overly strict and authoritarian parents who suppressed the slightest manifestation of initiative, and not receiving timely help in communicating with peers - all this leads to the development of huge human complexes that actively interfere with success in adult life. However, for the sake of fairness, it must be said that sometimes even the most active and relaxed person can find himself in a situation where he feels out of place. But such a person always knows how to overcome shyness, which cannot be said about a person who is shy by nature.
However, a small child is not burdened with such qualities as stiffness or shyness, and, therefore, if desired, you can try to get rid of them.
How to learn not to hide your identity
Look at a sociable person who knows how to fit into any company. After observing him a little, you can describe him using a wide variety of epithets: smart, well-read, cheerful, lively, creative, romantic, whatever. After some time, you can form a very definite opinion about this person. It does not always turn out to be correct, but, nevertheless, you will have it, because you see the person in front of you.
A constrained person will not give you this opportunity. Perhaps the only thing you can say about him is that he is modest, and perhaps even too modest. And that is all. But a shy person can also have a bright and extraordinary personality, but, unfortunately, no one can notice this, because he simply does not allow it to manifest itself. Is this right? After all, he can also be smart and creative and cheerful and can have a whole series of absolutely priceless qualities, but he hides them behind his stiffness, like behind an impenetrable wall.
How to overcome constraint in communication
– First of all, you need to understand why it happens. In essence, this is ordinary fear, the fear of showing yourself to others and not being appreciated by them. This is the fear that they might laugh at you, that they will not understand what you wanted to say, or that they will misunderstand you.
– If you want to achieve something in this life, be able to be persistent. Of course, gaining confidence in your abilities is not so easy, but the road will be mastered by those who walk, and you need to start fighting with yourself with small steps. Your priority should be to achieve the goal you have set for yourself.
– You should not compare yourself with other people, assessing their achievements and telling yourself. That you will never succeed. If it doesn’t work out this way, it will turn out differently, and no worse. It is only important to understand that your only authority should be yourself. This will help you overcome excessive stiffness.
– If your constraint is caused by the fact that you are about to meet with a person who suppresses you with his position or with a woman who you like, and you are afraid to show yourself in a funny way, then try to turn the awkward situation into a joke, defuse the situation a little, be more open, and most importantly, natural. Tell yourself to pull yourself together, but avoid theatrical emotions or forced laughter. In order to relieve muscle spasm, you can take deep breaths and exhale several times and only then enter the room or office.
August 11, 2020 at 5:25 pm
Evgenia Streletskaya
How to get rid of love shyness?
It's one thing to overcome shyness to make friends. Another is to find a soul mate and start a romantic relationship. Many people have no fear when communicating with people of the same sex, but as soon as it comes to communicating with the opposite sex, shyness and fixation on their own fears begin. A psychological term has even been coined for shyness when communicating with the opposite sex - love shyness. The most effective way to get rid of it is psychotherapy.
The phenomenon of love shyness has deep causes in a person’s mental development and his genes. However, this does not mean that you cannot get rid of shyness in front of the person you like. It is advisable to visit a psychotherapist and perform the exercises given by him. But if you are not the owner of pathological modesty when communicating with the other sex, you can get rid of shyness on your own.
In front of a guy or girl, try to behave as naturally as possible, do not try to deliberately get rid of manifestations of shyness. Don't try to create a certain image to make someone fall in love with it. If you are facing a long-term relationship, the image will still be revealed, it is better to get rid of the desire to please at any cost. It’s best if the person falls in love with you. As the relationship develops, there will be less and less shyness. Good loving relationships help get rid of it.
Remember! Other people also have significant shortcomings. Dale Carnegie advised that when speaking in public, imagine that all the audiences you are speaking to owe you a large sum of money. Initially, having placed yourself a little higher than the other person, it will be much easier to communicate with him, shyness will disappear from the awareness of your own superiority. It also helps to overcome awkwardness at first, accompanied by inappropriate words and gestures.
There is a stereotype that a girl should be modest. From early childhood, girls are taught to feel ashamed of themselves when interacting with boys. As adults, it is very difficult for them to cope with shyness. Girls should remember that guys also worry when communicating with the person they like. Every guy worries about his appearance and manners when he starts a dialogue with a beautiful girl. Keep this in mind and it will be easier for you to cope with embarrassment.
Muscle stiffness throughout the body
Lena
April 26, 2020
Good afternoon I really ask for help! I'm worried about 2 things. I don't know if they are related or not. 1. In November I already asked a question here about back pain. I went to see a neurologist. She prescribed Sirdalud and Cerebrex. She said that we need to do an MRI of the sacrolumbar region. I don’t have money for mtr((There one department costs 3 thousand. She offered acupuncture - I refused. I started taking pills, and they made me feel bad, palpitations, shortness of breath, in general I felt bad and I couldn’t take them any longer 3 days. At that time, I was worried about pain in the lower back. I tried to sit straight at my desk (I work from home), put a pillow under my lower back and it seemed to feel better. I did simple gymnastics. About a month ago I began to notice that it was a bit difficult to inhale, some kind of tightness in the chest, I can’t take a full breath. It was like this for a week, I did gymnastics, it didn’t help. Then it got worse. Stiffness in the entire chest, both in front and in the back. The muscles are all tense and painful. Starting from the neck to the lower back. The kind of stiffness that makes you feel hot, but the temperature was a maximum of 37.2. One night it became really bad. It’s hard to breathe; the muscles are stiff, aching. I can’t say that it’s the spine that hurts. It’s more like the muscles. I woke up with everything in Your chest is tight, it’s hard to breathe, your heart is pounding, your back muscles are sore, your palms and feet are sweating. In the morning I called a doctor to my house. She looked and listened to me, her lungs were clean. She probably said osteochondrosis. Prescribed Mydocalm and Airtal. (she said to go see a neurologist later, but our hospital is closed, only for emergencies) I started taking pills and it got better. She seemed to tolerate them normally, although Aertal felt like she was burning in her chest. I drank for 10 days. As soon as I finished, almost the same thing began. I was just in despair. I signed up for acupuncture, hoping that everything would go away right away. As a result, I was very afraid and the doctor simply put me on calming NS points, and not on my back. My body relaxed a little and I calmed down. But the next day everything is the same. I started drinking Mydocalm again. By the way, the dosage is small, 50 mg 3 times a day. And it became easier, just normal. The acupuncture doctor also showed me the exercises and told me to lie on the Kuznetsov iplicator. She said that it was more like it was a matter of muscles and ligaments, and not osteochondrosis. All last week I did exercises and lay on the mat 2-3 times a day, drinking Mydocalm. It was fine. That is, it became really better. I was breathing well, my muscles became softer. 2. About a month ago, or a little more, problems with the gastrointestinal tract appeared - constant rumbling, seething, loose stools. I couldn’t eat anything because I immediately ran to the toilet. I only drank tea with dry white bread. This happened for about 2 weeks. Then it seemed to go away. - Yesterday, I decided that I needed to take the pills away, I’m feeling better. And I didn’t drink during the day, only in the morning and wanted to in the evening. Towards evening, my back began to feel stiff, not at the top, as before, but at the bottom. I ate at 19 and drank Mydocalm. And immediately ran to the toilet. The stool is not just liquid, but almost like water. I ran several times. Moreover, it felt like a muscle spasm in the back. The lower back was “pulled” very strongly. I don’t understand how the lower back and stomach are connected. My general condition was poor. I started drinking water. I went to bed and couldn’t sleep. Muscle stiffness, weakness. I decided that the pill was passed out in the stool and at 12 am I took another pill. An hour later I felt that it became easier. I fell asleep. I woke up at 5 and felt bad again. The heart is pounding, the muscles are stiff, especially below the chest. And it’s like I feel all my ribs from top to bottom. The temperature is now 37.0. And the belching also bothered me. Probably because of the pills. I do not know what to do. Help me please!!! You probably need to donate blood. I can go to the paid office tomorrow to take it. And based on the results, you should probably go to the doctor. So as not to go without tests. What else can you do? And what about tests now to make it easier? I'm just desperate. I can’t stay on pills all the time. Moreover, now I still have problems with my stomach. And if you have any suspicions about serious illnesses, please report them carefully, otherwise I’m very suspicious and might get nervous. But I want to emphasize that the symptoms are real, not faked. Of course, I can get nervous and overthink it, but it goes away in 5 minutes. And then there are problems that last a month. The muscle stiffness is real, and so is the fact that I feel bad.
Age:
27
Chronic diseases:
Gastritis, spinal curvature, possible seochondrosis
The question is closed
rib cage
spin
cause of pain