By nature, all men are polygamous, and not everyone has the strength and desire to resist temptations. For this reason, many families experience difficulties in relationships and even break long-term family ties. Very many men, wittingly or unwittingly, become hostages of such a situation when they have decided to go to the left, and do not want to destroy their family. What should a wise wife do in this situation - create a scandal, remain silent offendedly, or pretend that she doesn’t know anything? But how can you overcome the bitter resentment within yourself or cross out with one emotional act all that strong and good that was built together for many years and was called family? In order to make any fateful decisions, apparently, you should first understand the reasons that prompted your husband to take such an offensive step for you. But how can you force your husband to admit to cheating if he stubbornly remains silent about it?
Finding out the reason
Family life is hard joint work, during which spouses painstakingly build their relationships every day, getting used to and adapting to each other. And if you managed to create a good family, do not rush to destroy it. After all, history already knows many examples when a wife, who rashly threw a scandal and defiantly slammed the door, thereby freed her husband’s hands and was left without him. You can regret it a hundred times, but you can’t take back what you’ve done. Therefore, before taking decisive measures, it is necessary to carefully find out why he did this. Maybe everything happened so unexpectedly that it took him by surprise and he was unable to stop in time? Perhaps he regrets that he cheated, maybe he doesn’t regret it, but the fact that he keeps his betrayal a secret still shows that he values his wife and her peace of mind is dear to him.
The spouse cheats, but does not admit it and lies
How to behave in order to find out the truth and is it worth doing?
You should not insist in conversations with your husband that he is cheating on you if you do not have any evidence. Suspicious behavior is not a sufficient argument in this case. If you know that in any case you want to save your marriage, then perhaps you need to stop searching for the truth, because if the husband is trying to hide an affair on the side, then he does not want to ruin the marriage. If it is important for you to find out the truth because... If you know that you do not intend to live with a person who is cheating on you, then there are some ways that will help you bring him out into the open.
Departure
Many cheaters prefer to invite their mistresses home when their wife is away. You can do this “trick” with a trip to another city. The reasons can be different - a business trip, a visit to relatives or an old friend. Perhaps it’s not worth mentioning that in this case you should return home a day or two earlier than the promised date. Very often this is how betrayals are revealed. You may not find another woman at home, but it is possible that the unfaithful husband will not have time to remove from sight many details indicating the recent presence of his mistress. It could be some personal items, remnants of a romantic dinner, or just someone else's hair on the pillow.
Telephone
If you do not show increased attention to your husband's phone, then he may lose his vigilance, leaving it in a visible place. Having chosen the right moment, you will have the opportunity to view photos, SMS or incoming/outgoing calls from your spouse, among which you may notice something suspicious. In addition, you can try to take a printout of your spouse’s calls from the service center if you are sure that you can do everything without him knowing about it.
Detective
Of course, this is the easiest way to find out with whom your husband is cheating on you and whether he is cheating on you at all. A professional will provide you with information about where your chosen one spends time, who he meets and communicates with. This method is not cheap, and is only advisable if you suspect that your husband’s meetings with his mistress occur quite often. Some men are very cautious and do not have any contact with their mistresses for several weeks, preferring to meet only once or twice a month. However, in this case, your marriage is unlikely to be threatened.
Do you need the truth?
How to get your husband to admit to cheating? More on this later. But, trying to “split” your spouse into confession, first decide whether you need it? Do you want to know for sure that the betrayal took place, and hear it from his lips? If so, will you have the strength to survive this, understand your husband and forgive, or are you categorically determined to break off the relationship? For the most part, random “leftist” sexual stories mean nothing to men precisely because of the polygamous nature inherent in them, while a woman, as the keeper of the family hearth, is always on guard for the family and has a sharply negative attitude towards infidelity.
Reasons for male infidelity
A family is a single organism. Responsibility for everything that happens in it lies on both sides - the man and the woman. No, this does not mean that the spouse is to blame for being cheated on, and yet has an indirect connection to it. At least by choosing just such a person as a partner.
What pushes a man to cheat, according to psychologists:
- a bad relationship is when, instead of support, mutual understanding, and the desire to compromise, a cold war reigns in the family. Frequent quarrels, mutual insults, humiliation, manipulation of feelings, etc.;
- infantilism, emotional immaturity of the spouse - lack of a built-in value system (marriage, family, as one of them), irresponsibility, impulsiveness, desire to assert oneself through a large number of sexual partners. In this case, the cheater does not even understand the cynicism of the current situation - for him there is no difference between an unfamiliar woman and his wife’s friend, it doesn’t matter who he sleeps with. On a psychological level, his age corresponds to adolescence;
- lack of sex or dissatisfaction with its quality, search for new sensations;
- pathological liar - such people need overprotection and increased control. If your husband cheated with his girlfriend, this may indicate his unconscious desire to be caught. Such an act is a demonstrative behavior aimed at attracting attention to one’s own person (“I’m doing this in front of your nose, watch me better, show that you need me”);
- thus, the husband increases his self-worth and importance in the eyes of his wife. This happens when a man is nothing of himself in terms of self-realization - there is no good job, income, authority in the family and society;
- getting pleasure from breaking the rules - the forbidden fruit is sweet.
Male betrayal also characterizes women. If you are being cheated on, it may mean that you have problems with boundaries - personal and family. For example, that same girlfriend had too much freedom inside your house - she behaved in a way that strangers do not behave (she can climb into your refrigerator, come and go when she wants, act “brotherly” with your man, etc.) d.). Too close communication, unfortunately, blurs the line between what is possible and what is unacceptable.
Passing fad
Let's try to impartially figure out why the husband does not admit to cheating. If some time has passed after you received a signal about your spouse’s infidelity, but your husband’s behavior remains exactly the same as always, this may indicate that this event did not leave a noticeable trace in his memory or that the event did not happen at all. There are many known cases when certain well-wishers interpret what they saw in their own way and present their conjectures as an already accomplished fact.
What not to do
In such a nervous situation, it is very easy to make common mistakes that you will later regret or be ashamed of. Millions of women step on the same rake, guided by emotions and anger. The consequences may not come immediately, but they will definitely come. So it's better to prevent them.
Pretend that nothing happened
The stupidest decision in such a situation is to pretend that nothing happened. Although there is an opinion that the husband will work up and return, and the relationship will only become stronger from this. But this has nothing to do with reality.
Having received permission to cheat, the husband will stop hiding.
With her silence, the wife gives permission for cheating. The husband will see that his adventures remain unpunished, and will no longer hide. He will stay late more often, spend weekends and holidays away from home, and stop coming up with good excuses. And at some point you may find someone else's hair on your pillow.
By turning a blind eye to betrayal, the wife loses respect from her husband. He will continue to cheat, but without feeling guilty - after all, he was allowed to.
Involving children
Involving children in your disputes is a terrible decision. No matter how bad a husband is, for children he is first and foremost a father, as beloved and dear as his mother. And when the wife deliberately turns the children against the father, their world collapses in two. Complexes or psychological problems may appear.
By turning children against their father, you punish them first.
There is no need to tell them all the nuances of what happened or demonize dad in their eyes. Allow the father to see and communicate with the children to minimize the consequences of your quarrel.
Be sure to make it clear that it is not their fault for what happened, and that you and dad still love them just the same.
Share details with family
You should not tell your parents that your husband is having an affair with another woman. Nobody knows how life will turn out. It is quite possible that you and your spouse will decide to start over with a clean slate and try to forget about the unpleasant incident. And relatives will not forget, which is fraught with discord in the family.
There is also no need to remain silent and experience all emotions alone. You can speak out, cry and ask for advice from a close friend whom you trust.
Edit in response
Revenge for betrayal by reciprocal betrayal is not the best option:
- having cheated with another man, the wife will become like her traitor husband;
- the woman will most likely be tormented by pangs of conscience for this trip to the side;
- this is cruel to another man, because few people want to be just an instrument of revenge;
- Later, you may feel ashamed and disgusted that you only slept with someone out of revenge.
Although there are exceptions. If you have long dreamed of spending the night with someone you know, but couldn’t decide to cheat, you can give yourself the green light. In some situations, this makes it easier to accept the husband’s betrayal and even save the family. As they say - in the calculation.
Dating my husband's mistress
Very often, deceived wives direct their anger towards their mistresses. Although this makes no sense, because she is an outsider. It is the husband who should be faithful to you, but betrayed your trust. He's the one you should be angry at.
There is no point in arguing with your mistress, because only your husband betrayed you.
A husband is an adult who must be accountable for his actions. If he does not want to cheat on his wife, no one can force or seduce him. Therefore, the answer must be held by the deceiving husband, and a conversation with his mistress will not lead to anything good.
Give up on yourself
Under no circumstances should you give up on your personal life. There may be an opinion that all men on the planet cheat, but this is not so.
Of course, after such an unpleasant surprise, the deceived woman is unlikely to start a new romance or get married in the coming days, but recovering from the blow after a while is quite possible.
Say it all straight out!
There are many different ways to get your husband to admit to cheating. In reviews, women write that if you really want to make sure whether adultery has occurred, then use a sudden psychological attack. Its essence is as follows: reconnaissance in force. Tell him directly that he was seen with his mistress in a spicy situation, and carefully observe his reaction. The husband’s confusion and his feverish search for innocent excuses for this meeting will tell you that there was betrayal, but he does not attach any importance to it and does not want to ruin your relationship because of such an insignificant incident. If he did not lose his composure, remained calm and unperturbed, and was even surprised by your words, most likely your suspicions are unfounded or he is a deeply secret spy and well trained to manage feelings.
Should I forgive betrayal?
If you are thinking about forgiving betrayal and moving on with your life, then it is important not to make the same mistakes. Firstly, the partner himself will no longer value you, since he is not afraid of losing, after all, you forgave once. Secondly, the situation will repeat itself. If your spouse did not admit why he left for another woman, which did not suit him in your relationship, then he will cheat again.
READ How to get your husband away from his mistress and save your marriage
So, the woman decided to close her eyes to the betrayal and continue building her family. You can forgive betrayal if you have something to value, there is no dependence, you understand why you love this man, you just want to be with him, no matter what.
If he does not give you financial security, moral satisfaction, does not care about your family and children, then think carefully. Maybe he committed this betrayal much earlier?
When losing a loved one is worse for you than betrayal, then you should work on the problem. You need to let go of the resentment from your heart. This situation happens to show the girl how she does not value herself and how she treated herself incorrectly before. She needs to take time for herself, raise her self-esteem, learn to love herself. You need to sincerely thank your husband for showing her that she deserves more. You need to understand that you can just be a happy woman, and consider betrayal as a reason for decisive action.
A man must also realize what he has done. He needs to earn the trust of his wife, treat her with respect, and no longer allow delays or a disconnected phone. If unforeseen matters arise, the spouse should be warned. A man needs to show that he has sincerely repented and wants to make his other half happy. Then after a while everything will calm down.
What to do with recognition?
But it may also happen that the husband admitted to cheating. What to do now with your exact knowledge? Without having any secrets in this matter, some kind of decision will have to be made. How to do this if you love your husband and would like to preserve the relationship by any means? At the same time, you will have to swallow your resentment and, perhaps, give the go-ahead to his further affairs if he understands how dear you are. It should be borne in mind that even if you try to forget about this incident and continue to live amicably and happily, from time to time you will remember this situation when your husband is late at work or asks to go fishing with friends. This worm of doubt will always generate distrust in his words and promises. Is knowing about cheating worth it? Maybe it’s better to leave everything at the stage of doubt? It’s easier to experience it psychologically: either it happened or it didn’t.
How to react if you catch your husband with a friend: ways
How to react to betrayal?
- Dramatically
Everyone has seen such a scene in the movies when the wife comes early and sees her husband and her girlfriend in the bedroom. Of course, in life you rarely encounter this, because traitors try to be careful. Most likely, you can catch them by chance on the street.
What to do in this case? If a woman catches her husband with a friend, then it is likely that she will scream out of emotion, slap him in the face, and so on. Even without clarifying the circumstances. And this reaction is logical, because the emotional shock will be so strong that there will not even be enough time to take a breath and calm down.
- Tragic
Some women cry from resentment, lament that they believed him, but he is such a bastard and stuff like that. This is also understandable, but it’s still better to hold off on tears. When you expose pain in this way, you only humiliate yourself. After all, if your husband betrayed you, then there is definitely no need to shed tears for him. And you can talk to someone and cry with your loved ones.
- Spy style
You saw your husband and girlfriend together, but they don’t see you? You don’t have to arrange anything or even approach them, but just take a photo so that your husband can’t justify himself later.
- With humor
Husband with girlfriend
If your reaction is cynical, your husband will be confused and will be surprised by your fortitude.
- Rational
Think carefully about what happened and calmly propose a divorce. Also mention when he can come pick up his things or when you can pick up yours. It all depends on whose apartment you live in. This will be even more correct. Although, this requires a lot of endurance to refrain from shouting and litigation.
- Criminal
This can be expressed in beatings and other acts that are prohibited by the criminal code. But such measures are something out of the ordinary, because you will take your soul away and take revenge on the traitor, but he can also write a statement against you.
In reality, only one solution is universal - behave in such a way that it does not hurt too much. If you want to say something to your face, then say it. And if you don’t want to see anyone, then just leave.
But you shouldn’t come up with different ways of revenge. In any case, it is better to find out the reasons first. Perhaps the man repents because he understands that now nothing will be the same. And often men begin to say that they feel nothing for their mistress. And it’s easier to accept betrayal when it’s a random affair.
My husband cheated - what should I do?
But it is much more difficult if the husband entered into a relationship with a girlfriend. Often situations swirl in my head that the two of them laugh at their shortcomings, consider her stupid, and so on. Then the negativity becomes even greater. The only way out in this case is divorce. But you need to carefully consider this decision and be more careful in the future.
As for relationships, sometimes they can be saved. The only question is: will there be sincerity in them? If the man did not offer divorce after the betrayal was revealed, then the wife will have to make the decision. And when they have children, the decision can be made in their favor and the divorce will not take place. But this alone does not guarantee that the relationship will be normal. To do this, you will have to drown out all the pain inside and move on, and also look into the face of the traitor every day.
When a woman gets married, she thinks that she will be behind a man, like behind a stone wall. But the relationship with a friend is ruined and the former trust is out of the question. And it’s good if you find the strength not to remember it. And if not?. How long do you think you can live together in such conditions?
In such cases, it is better to contact a psychologist and solve problems together with him. During the sessions, everyone will be able to speak out and understand what led to the betrayal, as well as solve this problem.
Signs
In this situation, psychologists advise not to act recklessly, but to pull yourself together and take a close look at how your husband behaves. There are some signs by which you can quite accurately understand whether your spouse is honest with you. For example, he began to stay late at work more often, explaining this as another emergency, he doesn’t have enough time for you - neither for affection, nor for simple attention, conversations with you on the phone have become shorter and drier, and there has been some cooling in the bedroom, or even complete calm - I’m tired at work, I just don’t have the strength.
Men with a different temperament, on the contrary, begin to pay increased attention to their spouse, bring her expensive gifts, pamper her in every possible way, or even present her with a long-term voucher to some prestigious resort. So they are trying, firstly, to make amends to you, and secondly, to avert any suspicion from themselves. But if the husband is silent and secretive all the time, often receives SMS messages and talks on the phone, while trying to be alone, this is a sufficient reason to be wary.
If you add to this constant dissatisfaction with your actions and questions, far-fetched reproaches begin, intensive updating of your wardrobe, self-admiration in the mirror, love for sports awakens, it’s time to ring the bell. Otherwise, traces of lipstick will soon appear on his clothes, the smell of someone else's perfume and lack of sex. And this is a reason to think about whether your family is so strong, whether it is worth continuing such a life together, full of omissions and lies. Maybe, instead of thinking about how to get your husband to admit to cheating, it’s better to let him go into a new relationship and part as good friends than to raise a scandal and tell your spouse about his meanness and your ruined life? And as a result, they still separate, but as enemies. Each such case is individual, and only you two can decide what to do in your situation.
What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave
If, nevertheless, a woman decides to save her family, then she needs to prepare for hard and painstaking daily work. To survive a painful situation and emerge victorious, first of all, you need to learn to take control of your emotions. You cannot constantly remind your spouse of his betrayal. Blackmail is also not the best way to keep your husband and revive your former passion. You shouldn't expect instant results. Therefore, you should be patient.
Psychologists say “no” to hysterics and screaming at home. If it becomes unbearable, then there are forests, parks and any other nature. You should also keep a diary, which will temporarily become the closest friend who knows all the woman’s pain. It can describe everything you have experienced, emotions and feelings, which helps you continue to live and smile. The problem will gradually go away with each subsequent reading of your notes.
Every time you feel the urge to yell at your spouse or insult him, you need to go to another room or do something to distract yourself. For example, you can meet with a close friend. Just don’t turn communication with her into an endless discussion of your husband.
In addition, it is recommended to revive a former hobby or come up with another exciting activity that will charge you with positive energy. In addition to this, you should come up with a punishment for yourself for any negativity. For example, you can build a piggy bank and throw a coin of a certain denomination into it with each outburst of anger. That is, I wanted to make a scandal, but I didn’t have the necessary coin. To find it, you need to go out into the street and exchange it. After this, you will no longer want to swear.
What to do and how to behave if your husband cheats? As you struggle with your own negative emotions, you need to direct your energy to changing yourself. It is necessary to engage not only in external transformation, but also in mental one. Updating your wardrobe, changing your hairstyle, looking for a new look will effectively distract you from sad thoughts, increase your self-esteem and give you confidence.
What should I do to prevent my husband from cheating? You should not deny your spouse intimate intimacy. A woman, thinking that she is punishing him with her refusal, actually makes it clear to her husband that she does not want to understand and forgive him.
Psychologists recommend becoming indispensable to your loved one. To this end, you should help him in everything, take an interest in various aspects of his life, and talk more often about your own feelings for him.
All of the above methods are suitable when a man has made a mistake and repents of it. But if there are serious reasons to believe that the spouse will dodge and cheat regularly, then what is the point in maintaining such a relationship?! For what? For the sake of the children? This will only make it worse for children in a family where there are no moral principles, all moral guidelines are trampled upon, where there is no mutual understanding and love between spouses, where there is no warmth. For the sake of an apartment or a family business? So this is also not an argument. The mental health of families and children does not cost any money.
There is no single answer to the question: what to do if your husband cheats and does not confess. After all, every woman is individual, just as betrayal itself has its own specific features. The only general advice that can be given to absolutely all ladies who have experienced the infidelity of their other half is that they should not perceive adultery as a personal tragedy, they should not blame themselves for the betrayal of their spouse and look for flaws in their own appearance or character. After all, any problems can be solved together, and taking the path of infidelity was entirely his choice.
And in general, if such a question has already arisen, it means that the girl who posed it is still more inclined to forgive the traitor; she does not want to present him to her mistress for eternal use. Because when a lady is self-sufficient and independent, such a question will not even arise in her head. After all, if infidelity was the result of a mistake, and a man still sincerely loves his wife, then he will do everything possible to return her favor. If he doesn’t love you, then there’s no point in saving your family.
Statistics say that out of ten, nine representatives of a strong part of the population were unfaithful to their spouses at least once during their family life. Of course, every young lady would like that one faithful “mammoth” to be her husband. But what if this is not so, what if I found out that my husband is cheating, what should I do in this case?
First of all, don't panic. After all, nine out of ten women I know have also experienced the infidelity of a dear person. And most of them live happier lives than before.
So, first of all, to overcome the emotional devastation from betrayal, you will need a cold mind. Therefore, you should try to calm down. There are no accidents in the lives of individuals. The purpose of any event is personal development. Therefore, you need to understand what good can be extracted from the current circumstances. You should not assume that if you close your eyes or forget, the problem will disappear by itself. It will not happen. It should be realized that after the fact of infidelity became known, the woman’s life changed. And it depends only on her whether such transformations will be positive or carry a negative connotation. For example, if a woman and a man are not connected by love, they live like strangers, connected by a common life, then the fact of betrayal should be perceived as a chance to start a new life filled with love and joy.
In addition, the infidelity of a spouse increases the young lady’s resistance to stress. It can teach a girl sincere forgiveness, as a result of which she will no longer be burdened by the overwhelming burden of grievances. Also, betrayal can become an incentive for personal growth, as well as direct a woman on the path of self-development.
Why does he hide the fact of betrayal?
However, first it is better to try to understand why the husband does not want to admit his infidelity. Psychologically, men hide this until the last moment, even if everything is already obvious. They staunchly defend themselves, preferring in this case to turn the arrows on their wife and make her a counter, even absurd, accusation of adultery. There have been many cases in the practice of psychologists when a husband forced his wife to confess to infidelity, trying to justify his infidelity and give it the status of revenge for his wife’s infidelity. This, as it were, reduces the degree of his guilt and shifts all responsibility for the current situation onto his wife as the source of the problem.
But how can you force your husband to admit to cheating if he is silent, although this fact is already undeniable and he has been presented with enough strong evidence that does not give him room to maneuver? Here we should note the features of male psychology that prevent him from admitting the obvious:
- for him this is stress, he is afraid to admit that he is a traitor, because he will have to give explanations for his action, which, as a rule, he does not have;
- he does not want to lose his family, not attaching importance to a one-time clouding of his mind, therefore, in this way he protects his family from collapse;
- he does not consider relationships on the side to be serious or significant in any way, these relationships will not harm the family, therefore he is not going to talk about them;
- he may worry about his children's opinion of himself if he admits to what he did;
- the husband may be crystal clear, and all these warnings are the machinations of ill-wishers.
As we see, men have their reasons, and in some cases their reaction is completely justified, and their guilt is excusable. So if you value your family and husband, think about peacefully resolving the conflict.
I caught my husband with a friend - how to take revenge?
A friend stole her husband.
Is it really worth it? Do you need this revenge plan? Will it make you feel better? Now you probably think yes. But practice shows that it is definitely not getting better, but only worse. This makes you suffer even more, especially if nothing works out.
- sorry
Let this act remain on their conscience. At first, you will feel like everyone around you wants to deceive you. But these fears have no basis, because all people are different. And even if your loved ones could not control themselves, this does not mean that everyone is like that. It’s better to just separate from your husband on good terms, so as not to remain enemies.
Perhaps the man will be surprised by the calm reaction, but you will still accept him. No, it is not necessary to be friends with families, but there is no need to create conflicts either. After all, there will be a response to all the negativity, and then it will be difficult to stop fighting.
The best way to take revenge on a traitor is to simply move on with your head held high towards new love.
- Don't blame yourself
Yes, we are all not perfect and your husband might not be happy with something about you, but this does not give him the right to cheat. We are all flawed, and only mean people cheat. On the contrary, you are lucky that now you know what kind of person is in front of you. So let him find a woman just like him, and you just let him go and be happy.
- Cut off all contacts
How to behave after your husband cheats?
As soon as you catch your husband with someone else, it is best to stop communicating with both of them so that nothing can remind you of this horror. Give yourself time to process the situation. One day you will stop shedding tears and start over with a clean slate.
- Get ready for calm communication
Often it is simply necessary to talk with your husband and girlfriend to understand why they did this. If you really need this, then prepare yourself mentally for the conversation so as not to throw accusations and screams. Yes, if you shout, you will feel a little better, but you shouldn’t expect sincerity in response.
- Let your emotions out
When a woman finds out about cheating, she wants to share her pain. With such a problem, it is better to go to a psychologist who will help overcome all the difficulties. You can talk to a loved one you trust, or express your emotions on paper.
- Find something interesting to do
Sadness always comes very quickly and there is nothing you can do about it. The best way to distract yourself is to create an interesting environment around yourself. You can delve deeper into your studies or work, or find a new hobby.
- Change your scenery
How to survive betrayal?
It’s easy to fill a spiritual emptiness, and new emotions and impressions are a great help in this. So a great solution is to go on a trip or just to another city. Most importantly, you will have the opportunity to interact with other people and experience different environments.
- Take care of yourself
You can buy a couple of new things for yourself, change your hairstyle or go to the gym. This may not seem so significant to you, but it will definitely allow you to change your state of mind. When you are already calm, you will be able to adequately assess the situation and figure out what your fault is, whether it exists at all and what to do next.
CONSPIRACY
But if you are determined to find an effective way to extract a confession, pay attention to other ways to force your husband to admit to cheating. A conspiracy is an excellent folk remedy with which you can achieve success in this matter. In practical magic there are many conspiracies that correspond to this situation.
What is the conspiracy to make the husband admit to cheating? You need to pour water into a bowl, light a candle and, holding it over the water, say the words: “Candle, melt, strange woman, show yourself.” If the wax, frozen on water, takes on the outline of a female figure or head, it means that infidelity is taking place.
Provocation
What to do if, despite everything, the husband does not admit to cheating? Advice from experienced people who have walked this path before can help you. For example, some of them recommend provocation.
The surest way to snatch a confession is provocation, when you provoke your husband with your direct conversations to explain the meeting that took place with another woman, which took place before your eyes or your good friends/acquaintances. His reaction will tell you a lot. You can also put pressure on his conscience, if he is a conscientious person, by telling him what a wonderful husband he is, faithful and caring, in contrast to some mutual acquaintance or even a fictional character - the husband of a mythical friend, who allegedly secretly cheats on her, a scoundrel. sort of. Watch the reaction.
Should I keep my friendship?
Sometimes women, when their husband cheats with a friend, prefer to preserve the friendship rather than the marriage. In this case, they say that they grew up with her and she, “like a sister.” There are no right or wrong choices in this situation, but you should be aware that you may be in danger in the future if you do not break off your relationship with such a “girlfriend.”
She probably knew how much you loved your partner, as well as all your fears in relationships with men. And yet, knowing both, she did what she did. Is this the type of person you want to be around?
Social media
You can also check your fidelity through social networks by registering under a different name and with someone else’s beautiful photo, asking your husband to be your friend and starting a correspondence. You can learn a lot of interesting things about yourself, so think about it: do you need it? Organize a romantic dinner for him and carefully extract the information you are interested in. In any case, confession is not full-fledged evidence of betrayal; he may simply get angry and confirm your speculations or want to tease you and keep you on your toes. If you want to convict your husband, get ironclad evidence, otherwise he will lead you by the nose for a very long time.
Advice from psychologists
What to do if traces of betrayal are found, but the husband does not admit to treason? The psychologist's advice sounds like this: when the masks are torn off, invite your husband to have a serious conversation, without hysterics and mutual accusations. Men, firstly, do not like hysterics, and secondly, they have the moral right to respond with hysteria and accusations. While you have not yet lost a strong connection, talk confidentially and find out all the existing aspects, as well as the moments accompanying the husband’s crime of the fatal trait. Do not humiliate your rival under any circumstances - insults addressed to her can throw your husband off balance and your confidential conversation will not take place. In general, depersonalize this woman, take her out of the conversation, focus your attention only on your relationships, feelings and desires. Demonstrate your agreement to work on those issues that pushed your husband away from you into the arms of another woman, and calmly tell him about your complaints against him.
Maybe such a frank conversation will lead to separation. But it will be peaceful and will not infringe on anyone’s dignity. But, most likely, the ending will be positive, and you will be able to get out of this delicate situation with honor, preserving your family and wonderful mutual feelings.
Why does he do this?
First of all, you need to understand that men and women have different types of thinking. The woman believes that since her husband has a mistress, it means he loves her and nothing in the family holds him back.
A man thinks differently - he is calm and comfortable with his wife. She is a dear person who will always support and listen, feed and warm. And with his mistress, he asserts himself - he feels like a real man and a heartthrob.
The mistress satisfies physical needs, and the wife satisfies emotional and domestic needs.
If a husband cheats and does not leave the family, the reason for this is usually banal selfishness and reluctance to destroy comfortable conditions. A traitorous man lives well on two fronts:
- on the one hand, he has a reliable rear, home comfort, a roof over his head, a hot dinner and his own wife;
- on the other hand - romance, thrills, experiments and the company of a spectacular woman.
But the love of a double life is not the only thing that keeps a man in the family.
Reasons why it doesn't go away
Only 5% of traitors decide to leave their family; the rest have been torn between two women for years. Why a man is not going to leave his family:
- A sense of duty to the family. This is especially true if you have children. Perhaps, deep down, a man considers himself a family man and an exemplary father, so he does not want to leave his wife and children, but he also does not want to give up a relationship with another woman.
- Availability of common property, loans, mortgages. And also a reluctance to deal with the paperwork that accompanies the divorce process. Moreover, parting with things dear to the heart, for which I had to earn hard work. Men do not want to get involved in legal proceedings, division of property, registration of alimony for children, scheduled meetings, etc. It is much easier to lead a double life secretly and stay afloat than to announce your extramarital affair and earn a headache.
- Free service . Living alone is more difficult than living with a caring wife. She will cook a delicious dinner, clean the apartment, clean the clothes, take care of you during illness, listen and perform a million other household chores. Why go out and pay a housekeeper when you can get everything for free?
- Sports interest . A man clearly distinguishes between love and infatuation. He loves his wife, and his mistress is a game and new sensations. Some husbands in adulthood prove to themselves that they are still capable of something.
- Not sure about my mistress . Some women are great for an affair and rare love affairs, but are not suitable for everyday life and family. Perhaps the husband is dating just such a lady whom he does not see as a wife.
- Loves his wife. It’s hard to believe that a cheater and scoundrel could have feelings for his deceived wife, but it’s true. Perhaps he does not receive something important in the family, which he seeks to make up for with his mistress. But because of this shortcoming, he is not ready to destroy the family, because otherwise everything suits him. In such a situation, a serious, honest conversation would help, but men are afraid to have an open dialogue.
