Parents often complain that a 9-year-old child does not obey, not wanting to admit that it is primarily their fault. Children can behave capriciously at 2 years old, 6 years old, and 9 years old, but each age has its own reasons, and you need to figure them out among your family. It is the parents, as the most loving and understanding people for the child, who must help him overcome this barrier and get rid of his disobedience. But not everyone has enough knowledge and patience, so such families often become patients of a psychologist. There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, it is a specialist who will help you quickly and correctly understand a difficult situation.
Disobedience must be fought
If a baby does not listen to his parents at the age of 2-3, this phenomenon is considered quite normal. Age allows such behavior, but it needs to be gradually corrected, otherwise it will be difficult for everyone later.
Parents sometimes do not understand that disobedient children suffer greatly. This is especially true for those for whom such behavior is a method of expressing protest. After another unpleasant situation, these children will be under severe stress, and a whole series of quarrels will drive them into depression. At the age of 9-10 years, this can leave a strong psychological trauma, which then develops into severe psychological trauma, which will certainly affect the person’s future life.
Therefore, you must definitely look for solutions, and there can be a lot of them. But the main thing is to determine the essence of the problem. There are a huge number of reasons why a child may behave disobediently, ignore requests, avoid communication and simply throw tantrums. Each situation has its own method of solving the problem.
Parenting style
All children react differently to certain psychological situations. And a lot depends not on character, but on acquired skills that are transmitted through parenting style.
Parents can make different demands on their child. Some people in the family don’t have them at all. But the result of upbringing can sometimes be very surprising when, at a certain point, adults begin to notice that their nine-year-old child has become simply uncontrollable.
Families that use an authoritarian parenting style often face the problem of disobedience. Mostly fathers resort to this method, but lately psychologists have often encountered excessive maternal authority in a child’s life. In this case, there is too much pressure on the fragile child’s psyche. The child is not raised, but trained. At the same time, he becomes not obedient, but depressed, without the opportunity to express his will. But one day such pressure must find a way out. And this can be expressed in the form of disobedience, hysterics, and most often simply ignoring members of your family.
It is much easier to raise your child in a democratic style. This means that all issues in the family that relate to behavior, learning and other important issues for the child will be related not to orders, but to a meeting. Here is a great method for building relationships with anyone, at any age. However, some parents give in here, which results in disobedience in the future. Some children too openly take advantage of a good attitude towards them, considering it permissiveness. But correcting this situation will be quite simple, because with a child who grows up in a democratic environment, it is always possible to reach an agreement. He will not withdraw into himself, like those children who were raised by authoritative parents.
The third parenting style, which experts identify as a separate category, is called mixed. This is a rather controversial situation that can either be an ideal solution or a complete failure. In this case, parents behave quite democratically, they always consult with their child on everything, but if the rules are violated, they begin to act harshly. In this case, the child either adapts to the situation and always tries to behave well, or tempts fate and lives only from one spanking to the next.
Physical development of children 8-10 years old
During this period, a change in body proportions occurs. The child no longer looks big-headed as at 6-7 years old - the ratio of arms, head and torso becomes the same as in adults. A certain stage of physical maturation of the body begins. The muscles of the trunk and limbs develop well and their ossification begins. B
Thanks to this, children are good at jumping, running, and roller skating. Girls and boys gain almost the same weight - about 2.5 kg per year. But boys still grow faster. Over the course of a year, a child gains 5-7 cm in height.
Reasons for disobedience
Each age has its own standards of behavior. But this does not mean that a child should be allowed everything from an early age just because he is still too young. The rules need to be explained right away. In this case, by the age of 9, parents will not have to deal with the whims of their precious child.
As for upbringing at an older age, that is, about 9-10 years, then everything is complicated. Much depends on the model of parental behavior that was used earlier. Families where an authoritarian style was used should somewhat reconsider their attitude to parenting. If a preschooler can still come to terms with the fact that he is constantly being ordered to do something, then by the third grade the child may no longer tolerate such an attitude towards himself. It is better to change the commanding tone to a discussion or request. There is nothing wrong with a parent asking their child for something. There is no need to be afraid that your authority will drop to zero; it is possible that it will even increase in the eyes of the child. In turn, a rude tone and orders are unpleasant for everyone, even those who have been accustomed to such treatment since childhood.
Parents who raise their children this way must be prepared for the fact that one day the cup of patience will be overflowing and then this will certainly result in a lot of troubles, and primarily in capriciousness. A child can begin to express his protest as early as 9 years old, but in adolescence the situation can become critical.
Another problem is ignoring the child’s requests and needs. This is a very important point. When parents do not hear their child or deliberately ignore his wishes, believing that they know better what the child needs now, a feeling of uselessness begins to form. One of the forms of expression of such a state will necessarily be capriciousness. At school age, such situations are very dangerous. A child’s life can be quite difficult due to academic stress and preparation for adolescence. If added to this is the feeling that even his parents do not love him, this can become a very serious trauma.
One cannot help but consider a very typical situation when everything in a family is resolved from an early age. There are no barriers for a child either in communication or in actions. Such children will be very sociable and active, but uncontrollable. When a child is at a certain age, there must be people and norms of behavior that could influence him. Otherwise, the situation may get out of control and become critical. Such children, for whom there were no restrictions and laws in the family, may become criminals in the future, since generally accepted rules will not be important to them.
Parents who indulge their child in everything, just to make him happy, risk the fact that their 9-year-old child will grow up to be a real manipulator. In this case, any refusal of the child’s demands will be expressed in the form of disobedience and hysterics.
All this suggests that the main reasons for children's disobedience depend on the parents. There is no need to let the situation get out of control at an early age, then you won’t have to worry about your child’s capriciousness by the age of 10. If it was not possible to avoid problems, you need to learn to deal with whims, but do it correctly. Do not forget that the most difficult period, namely adolescence, is just around the corner. If by this time parents do not establish normal contact with their child, they will have to solve much bigger problems.
How to help an inert, slow child become fast: reviews
An inert, sluggish child needs to be helped to become fast.
Adults try to send their children to dozens of sections, just so that he can stay busy. It’s difficult for a child; he doesn’t have time to both study and study well, especially if he’s a pushover. Therefore, the best way would be to ask the child himself what he would like to do. After all, regardless of whether a child is a hoot or not, enthusiasm and effort are the most important thing in sports. Accordingly, torturing yourself and going to the “unloved” section is not the best option. Read the reviews below about how other parents helped their inert and slow children become fast:
Andrey, 33 years old
My Katyusha was very slow from early childhood. Each teeth cleaning took half an hour, and we usually did our homework for half a day. But since we started practicing correctional games as a family, which we learned about from the Internet, significant improvements have begun. My daughter began to get ready for school much faster; she no longer has to be rushed. Of course, the reaction is still a little slow, but the main thing is patience.
Victoria, 25 years old
When my husband suggested sending our slow Vanya to the martial arts section, I was very scared. But she didn’t argue. Now he is unrecognizable. Already a month later, changes in the reaction rate began to be observed. Moreover, he became more responsible. He already understands that he can’t dig around and tries to restore the “order of actions” as quickly as possible.
Antonina Vasilievna, 60 years old
Just recently, my granddaughter, Lenochka, was a terrible scoundrel. Our psychologist advised us to use corrective games. To be honest, we did not expect such radical changes. Six months later, she began to get ready for a walk faster than anyone else, and her school performance improved significantly. I will recommend this method to all my friends who believe that a “slow child” is a death sentence.
How to overcome disobedience?
If bad behavior, rude conversations with parents, teachers and just adults on the street have become the norm for a child by the age of 9, you need to understand the problem in detail. To begin with, you should pay attention to your own behavior model. Children follow the example of adults in everything. Therefore, it is very important to behave correctly ourselves. Without fulfilling this point, you should not count on success. If children see that their parents constantly quarrel, talk rudely to each other and have a negative attitude towards others, it is worth expecting that on the child’s part this will certainly manifest itself in the form of capriciousness and disobedience.
If parents are accustomed to an authoritarian style, it is necessary to make some adjustments in communication, since 9-10 years is already a fairly old age. The child will not simply tolerate orders; he needs respect, especially from his parents. If he constantly hears only instructions, a protest may arise. Therefore, adults need to explain their words so that it looks not like an order, but like a recommendation. For example, you can replace the phrase: “Clean your room immediately” with: “Please do the cleaning so that the room becomes more spacious and comfortable.”
If parents constantly talk, but do not hear their child’s answer, this is very bad. The child may not find another way to convey his words to adults and will simply begin to be capricious. The solution to the issue lies in ordinary dialogue.
Most of the reasons for disobedience and methods of dealing with them lie in parents. Excessive prohibitions or unlimited freedom - all this has a bad effect on education. In such a delicate moment, everything must be balanced. And it is important not to miss contact with the child at the stage when everything can still be corrected. If by the age of 9 a quiet and obedient child suddenly began to show his character, there is no need to be surprised, you need to find the reason and eliminate it. Many parents forget about the feelings of their children, simply acting according to the rules or according to a previously outlined plan. But every family and every situation is different. Therefore, it cannot be said that in a specific situation it is possible to solve a problem in one way or another without knowing its essence and all the details.
Thus, if a child has stopped obeying and the parents are unable to establish contact with him, there is no need to be embarrassed to talk about your problem. But the listeners should not be friends and relatives, but professionals.
Child's activities at school and in free time
Younger schoolchildren, like any other, should engage in physical exercise. Physical education classes at school and sports sections, which children enjoy attending, make this task easier. However, it must be taken into account that excess workload beyond schoolwork is harmful, which is why visiting clubs and sections should bring joy and pleasure, and have a positive effect on evolution and mood, and not lead to stress. Psychological and mental development also requires serious attention during this period. Schoolchildren develop a large number of skills:
- they have the skills of reading, writing, and solving mathematical problems;
- take part in amateur performances;
- are able to assimilate the material covered, can retell it, translate it, explain it, draw a conclusion;
- have graphic memory, can reproduce an intricate drawing on paper, remembering the smallest details;
- are able to find out the principles of operation of a device, determine why it is intended, how it is used;
- looking at geometric shapes, they can classify them and arrange them on a plane in various ways;
- learn to model.
Younger schoolchildren are successfully studying foreign languages: at this time, the development of memory in 8-year-old children allows them to remember a large amount of new information. If your child is interested in history or geography, it is helpful to read additional material on these topics. Exercises with viewing audio and video recordings help develop logic in 8-year-old children. You should then ask the child to retell them or write an essay with a review of what he watched or read.
Children, mostly boys, find it interesting to work with large and quite complex construction sets and puzzles that develop attention. Most children like books about animals, adventures and discoveries. It is useful to play educational computer games with them and teach them some programs, show them spectacular chemical and physical experiments, give them excursions to museums, exhibitions, take them to concerts and theaters.
Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?
Many parents who carefully monitor not only the physical but also the emotional state of their children often begin to worry when they notice suspicious behavior. For example, some families have children who can be absent-minded, take a long time to get ready, sometimes even ignore the requests of adults or simply refuse contact with people. Adults sometimes perceive this situation as a serious deviation from the norm and the height of disobedience.
But in reality everything is much simpler. This is exactly how children with high intelligence often behave. They are simply bored of having conversations with ordinary people, and they cannot always listen to an adult’s request, since their brain at this moment may be busy solving other issues that are important in their opinion. In this case, parents have only one choice - to come to terms with the genius in the family. There is no need to put pressure on the child, as this can disrupt his psyche and have an extremely negative impact in the future.
A child who is overly obedient but has an unhappy look is a cause for concern. This is a sure sign that parents have gone overboard with educational measures.
Tags: Doesn't listen
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One answer
- Irina Please tell me how you can wean a child from whining, a 9 year old boy
Answer
Skills at 9 years old
Primary socialization has passed. With the help of communication skills, a developed social life is created. For 9-year-old children, a developmental feature is the transfer of values from the family to the team.
Schoolchildren are willing to make contacts, create interest groups, quickly find new friends, and communicate easily. Conversations become more meaningful: the student expresses his thoughts clearly.
To understand how your child is developing, it is necessary to assess the following abilities at this age.
- They love to be in a group and feel free in it.
- They understand and support compliance with the rules and necessary restrictions.
- They are able to independently monitor and maintain order in their own room.
- They willingly help parents with household chores, as well as in caring for the younger children in the family. They enjoy taking care of pets and caring for them.
- Self-care skills have been developed: children independently observe the rules of hygiene and take care of their appearance.
- They read a lot, like to retell the contents of books, and discuss what they read with peers and adults. They have their own opinion and defend it.
- They are distinguished by a heightened sense of justice.
- There are no problems with orientation in time and space.
- It is impossible to single out a particular area of interest. Children are interested in everything; they want to receive maximum information on any issue.
The workload at school increases, so schoolchildren spend more time doing homework and do not always have time to go out for a long time. The task of parents is to help organize the child’s routine so that there is always time for physical activity.
The formation and growth of bone and muscle tissue, which need load, occurs. It is necessary to support the child’s desire to play sports. Sign up for a section and take them to training.
A sedentary lifestyle is not conducive to the health of a growing body: it can lead to scoliosis, loss of vision, and weakened immunity. Children who move little often complain of general weakness and frequent headaches. You should definitely set aside time for a walk in your daily routine. This time should not be less than 2 hours a day.
